# 141, Samantha's Wedding Present

This script has a larger than usual number of productions notes concerning the props and the blue screen.

TEASER

Stephens Kitchen:

• Script: Calls for Samantha to be basting a roast in the oven, close the door and cross to the sink.
• Episode: The scene begins as Samantha is crossing to the sink.
  
  
• Script: Endora has the line," Stop talking like a dreary housewife and give your mother a kiss".
• Episode: "Mother" is replaced with " Ma-Ma".
  
  
• Script: Endora [offers a box]," This is for you darling. It's a wedding present".
• Episode: After the line, " This is for you, darling" the line, "I brought it from Paris, fighting headwinds all the way", is added.
  
  
• Episode: Just before Darrin enters, Endora has a line added, " Wait till you see the rest of them. I brought a dozen."
  
  
• Script: Darrin has a line about being married four and one half years.
  
• Episode: The line is changed to "five years."
  
  
• Episode: After Endora's line, " Bat's wings?", Samantha has a line added, "Eel's eyes?"

END OF TEASER

Stephens Bedroom:

• Script: Calls for Samantha to be sitting on the bed sipping a cup of coffee.
  
• Episode: Samantha sits on the bench at the foot of the bed. There is no coffee.

Darrin's Office:

• Script: Larry has a line, So, why does your head only come up to my nose?"
• Episode: "Nose" is replaced with "Eyes".

Kravitz Living Room:

NOTE: For this episode it is necessary for the Kravitz's to have a dog. This scene is used to establish that they now have a dog.

The following is verbatim from the script, but cut from the episode.

An enormous Great Dane [St. Bernard or any large dog ] sits with his haunches on the floor, and two huge paws on Abner's chest. Abner is prone on the sofa.
GLADYS: I think he likes you Abner. Just don't make any sudden movement. ABNER: [dryly] It's not easy to do that, with two hundred pounds on your chest, Gladys.
GLADYS: Well, you'll just have to teach him who's boss.
ABNER: I have a feeling he already knows.
GLADYS: You said I could have a dog.
ABNER: I said a dog - - not a live-in donkey. Something catches Gladys' eye and she moves to her usual place at the open window. Episode: This scene is cut entirely.

Stephens' Driveway:

• Script and Episode: Darrin arrives home
  

Kravitz Living Room:

• Script: The previous scene at the Kravitz's continues:

  GLADYS: [reacting] That's peculiar - - Mr. Stephens is home early and . . . .
  ABNER: [ interrupting - - the dog still sits on his chest] Mr. Stephens coming home to Mrs. Stephens is not peculiar - - Me coming home to you . . . . that's peculiar.
  GLADYS: [ignoring him] Abner, come here.
  ABNBER: Not while he's staring at my jugular, Gladys.
  GLADYS: There's something weird going on over there. Gladys peers out the window.

• Episode: This entire scene is cut.

Stephens Driveway:

• Script: PRODUCTION NOTE: A midget double is to be used for the four foot tall Darrin.

Stephens Living Room:

• Script: Calls for Samantha to be arranging flowers with her back to the hall as Darrin comes in.
• Episode: Samantha comes from the kitchen to the entry after Darrin comes in.
  
  
• Script: PRODUCTION NOTE: Calls for an oversize door and knob [NEW], and an oversize set of golf clubs and a tennis racket [EXISTING PROPS].
• Episode: The tennis racket is not used.

Stephens Kitchen:

• Script: Calls for a nine-inch tall Darrin, dressed in a handkerchief, a la Tarzan, to be standing by an enormous cup and saucer. PRODUCTION NOTE calls these EXISTING PROPS. Also calls for a plain white table top, oversized chair, oversized scissors, oversized pencil, and fruit and flowers. NOTE that ALL THESE PROPS EXIST.
• Episode: The props used are a checkered tablecloth, telephone, and coffee mug.
  
  
• Script: After Darrin's line, " I'm on a diet", the script calls for Samantha to sit on a small stool and sip coffee and for Darrin to sit on an upturned cup. PRODUCTION NOTE calls for this to be the first of two scenes filmed in blue. [Reviewer's note: Filmed in blue refers to a technique where one person is filmed in a normal manner while the other person is filmed against a blue background. The two images are then combined into one film so that both appear in the scene.]
• Episode: Samantha sits in a kitchen chair and Darrin stands next to the mug. Darrin is dressed in a handkerchief, but as a robe, not "a la Tarzan".
  
  
• Script: Calls for Samantha to say she tried to get her mother, and ask Darrin what is wrong with his back. Darrin replies that he never slept in a shoe box before.
• Episode: These lines are cut.

Stephens Driveway:

• Script: Calls for Abner and Gladys [carrying a ball] to approach the Stephens' house with the dog. Gladys shows the ball to the dog [that she calls Clive], then throws the ball into the Stephens' back yard. The dog goes after the ball.
• Episode: The part about the ball and Gladys throwing it are deleted. The scene is moved forward to just before the first scene filmed in blue.

Stephens Kitchen:

• Script: Calls for Darrin to be in the cup listening to the conversation in the living room when he sees the dog looking at him.
• Episode: Darrin stands beside the mug, climbs into it when he sees the dog.
  
  
• Script: Calls for the dog to nudge the cup off the table where it breaks when it hits the floor.
• Episode: The mug does not break when it hits the floor.

Alley:

• Script: Calls for a trash pile consisting of an arm chair, a bird cage, an old ink well, and barrel. The NOTE says all these PROPS EXIST. Also called for is a half pint size liquor bottle noted as NEW.
• Episode: The props used are a crate, a drum, toy chair, picture frame, coke bottle, and a mayonnaise jar that Darrin crawls into instead of the liquor bottle that the script calls for.

Stephens Living Room:

• Script: As Samantha tells the Kravitz's she can't invite them for coffee, the conversation continues between Gladys and Abner about her being satisfied about Darrin.
• Episode: This section is cut.

Stephens Living Room [later]:

• Script: Samantha says her mother makes the wicked witch of the "East" look like Cinderella.
• Episode: "East" is corrected to "West".

Garbage Dump:

• Script: Calls for Darrin to tell the drunk to take him to Morning Glory Circle.
• Episode: Darrin says, "1164 Morning Glory Circle."

Stephens Entry:

• Script: NOTE: Calls for the set with Darrin in the bottle to CONSIST OF A DRAPERY MATERIAL TO MATCH THE MATERIAL INSIDE THE DRUNK'S COAT, INCLUDING PART OF A LABEL.

TRAILER

Stephens' Living Room:

• Script: NOTE: As Samantha sets Darrin (still in the bottle) on the table, the PRODUCTION NOTE says: THE BALANCE OF THIS SEQUENCE IS THE SECOND TO BE SHOT IN BLUE.

END

# 143, Samantha On the Keyboard

TEASER

Exterior Stephens’ Home:

• Script: Darrin arrives in his car, parks, and crosses to the back door.
• Episode: The scene is cut. The episode starts with the kitchen scene that follows this scene.

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: Samantha and Darrin enter from the kitchen to find Tabatha seated at a toy piano playing Bach, with Endora conducting.
  DARRIN: And by witchcraft!
  ENDORA: Oh, how utterly clever of you to figure that out.
  SAMANTHA: **All right, Tabatha, that’s enough piano for the moment. [Tabatha stops playing. Endora lowers her arms].
  ENDORA: **You could at least let her finish the First Movement.
  SAMANTHA: [to Tabatha] Sweetheart, will you please go to your room? Mommy and Daddy want to speak to Grandma.
  TABATHA: Okay, Mommy. [Tabatha rises from the bench and exits upstairs].
  DARRIN: [to Endora] When did you swoop in?
  ENDORA: Two minutes ago, to give my grandchild a little present. [Points to piano] Isn’t it cute?
  SAMANTHA: ** [dryly] It’s adorable ,but . . .
  ENDORA: ** And, doesn’t it have a brilliant tone?
  DARRIN: ** Very. And we’ll thank you not to give Tabatha presents . . .that are . . .funny.
  ENDORA: **There’s nothing “Funny” about that piano! [Darrin fingers the piano’s keyboard. We hear the normal tinny sounds of a toy instrument].
  DARRIN: ** [facetiously] How come it doesn’t come out BACH when I play?
  SAMANTHA: ** Because she wasn’t conducting.
• Episode: The lines marked ** are cut from the episode.
  
  
• Script:
  ENDORA: I refuse to stay here another moment and be compared to an amateur. [She makes a face at Darrin and POPS out].
  SAMANTHA: Three to one she takes back the piano. [The prediction proves correct. The piano and the bench POP out].
  DARRIN: That’s fine. I can buy my child all the toys she needs.
  SAMANTHA: Yes, dear. Now I’ll go hurry up dinner.
  DARRIN: I’m not hungry anymore. I’m full. I’m full up to here . . . [hand to throat] of living in a house of voodoo.
  SAMANTHA: [bridling] Voodoo?!
• Episode: After the piano POPS out, the last four lines are cut.
  
  
• Script:
  SAMANTHA: You think I’ll fail. You think witches need witchcraft for everything.
  DARRIN: Not for everything. Just for everything difficult.
  SAMANTHA: Well, you’re wrong. [hedging again] if pianos weren’t so expensive, I’d prove it to you.
  DARRIN: We can rent a piano.
  SAMANTHA: Where would we put it? It’s a big piece of furniture and . . . .
  DARRIN: Aha! You’re trying to get out of it.
• Episode: After Samantha’s line, “You think witches need witchcraft for everything”, the rest of the lines are cut.

ACT I

Stephens’ Living Room: [Later]

• Script:
  SAMANTHA: [to Endora] I didn’t whip it up; we rented it. And I’m about to take my first lesson.
  ENDORA: A lesson? From whom?
  SAMANTHA: From Johann Sebastian Monroe.
  ENDORA: Why don’t you take from Johann Sebastian Bach?
  SAMANTHA: Because he isn’t listed in the Yellow Pages.
  ENDORA: Samantha, a well-bred witch never uses the Yellow Pages.
• Episode: The lines following, “I’m about to take my first lesson”, are deleted.
  
  
• Script: Monroe has arrived. He strides to the piano with Samantha following. Before Samantha begins playing, Monroe puts on earmuffs to “protect his ear drums”.
• Episode: Monroe lowers the piano top, places his hand on the piano, and has the line, “For what we are about to do to you, I apologize”, added. The earmuffs that Monroe puts on are the type that keeps your ears warm, they have no sound deadening qualities. [Abner does a similar bit in # 34, “Remember The Main”].

Stephens’ Living Room: [Later]

• Script: Samantha has now had three lessons. She is at the piano reading from instructions and practicing an exercise. Darrin sits nearby, reading a newspaper. Samantha asks Darrin how she sounds. Plainly lying, Darrin tells her she sounds great; that is, for only three lessons. Samantha goes back to her practicing. She makes a mistake. She starts over and makes mistakes twice again. In a moment of impulsiveness, she flexes her wrists and by witchcraft she plays some flawless TCHAIKOVSKY. Darrin is furious. Samantha apologizes and resumes her exercises, being very careful not to make a mistake.
• Episode: This scene is entirely cut.

Stephens’ Living Room: [Later]

• Script:
  MONROE: Mrs. Stephens, this child is a genius!
  SAMANTHA: She is?
  MONROE: How many lessons has she had?
  ENDORA: None!
  MONROE: [astounded] No lessons?
• Episode: The last four lines are cut.

Exterior Stephens’ House:

• Script: Darrin drives up, parks his car in the driveway, and walks to the front door.
• Episode: This scene is cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script:
  MONROE: How about thirty?
  SAMANTHA: We don’t want her away from us for one week.
  DARRIN: Not even for a day.
  MONROE: Are you serious? That’s the most selfish attitude I ever heard of.
  SAMANTHA: But she’s only four years old. She needs us.
  MONROE: And the world needs her. You can’t keep this child hidden. You have to learn to share!
• Episode: All lines after the first line are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room: [Later]

• Script: Samantha is searching for a child prodigy. She hears music, a version of DEBUSSY’S “CLAIR DE LUNE”. She tells Darrin that she hears FRANZ LISZT’S “LIEBESTRAUM”.
• Episode: The only music that is heard is “LIEBESTRAUM”.

High School Music Room:

• Script:
  WILLIAMS: ...let him come to work with me and practice here.
  MATTHEW: When I’m old enough to go to high school, I can practice here in the daytime.
  SAMANTHA: In the meantime would you like to study with a professional teacher?
  MATTHEW: Yes, M’am - - -and in a year or so I will.
  WILLIAMS: We’re saving up for it.
• Episode: All lines are cut, except Williams’ first line.

TRAILER

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script and Episode agree.

# 144, Darrin Gone! and Forgotten?

TEASER

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: As Darrin reaches for the bottle he says, [calling] “I think I’ll make mine a double”.
• Episode: This line is cut here and moved to the scene near the end where he re-appears.
  
  
• Script: [Original script] Samantha calls for Endora. She POPS in wearing a very chic beach robe.
  ENDORA: I hope you have good news. You’ve practically plucked me off my surfboard.
  SAMANTHA: Mother, what did you do with Darrin?
  ENDORA: You mean what did I do, or what would I like to do?
  SAMANRHA: Don’t be cute.
  ENDORA: I’m not being cute. I was about to shoot Australia’s Bonzai Pipeline with Murph the Surf. Now if you will excuse me . . .
  SAMANTHA: Darrin’s gone and you know it.
  ENDORA: Oh, you do have good news.
• Revised Script: There is a page added to the script that offers an alternative scene. In this script page, Endora has been skin diving with Jacques Cousteau instead of surfing.
• Episode: The revised script page is used as written.

ACT I

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script:
  SAMANTHA: Mother, let’s be calm about this.
  ENDORA: I am calm, darling. I’m positively serene. You’re the one who is all stoked up.
  SAMANTHA: Darrin’s gone and somebody’s got him . . .Now if it’s not you, who could ….[snapping her fingers] Aunt Clara!
  ENDORA: Nonsense! Why would Clara do a thing like that?
  SAMANTHA: Well, her witchcraft is a little wobbly. Maybe she . . .[Suddenly we hear a long, naughty laugh; Samantha stops in her tracks. Endora is immediately alert and suspicious] That wasn’t Aunt Clara.
  ENDORA: It certainly wasn’t.
  The script has hand-written- in changes where Uncle Arthur replaces Aunt Clara. Samantha’s line about, “Her witchcraft is a little wobbly” is replaced with, “His bad idea of a practical joke”.
• Episode: The hand written corrections are used.
  
  
• Script: Endora defends her actions in promising Samantha in marriage: ENDORA: [defensively] It was eons ago . . .at a party. We got a little squiggly from too much ambrosia. Who knew she would take it seriously?
• Episode: The last two sentences are cut.

Juke’s Cloud Room:

• Script: Juke’s room has no walls. Puffs of clouds abound. There’s a bed, dresser, and a desk. School pennants from WARLOCK TECH and SALEM U are hung on convenient ends of clouds. It’s a boy’s room . . .too young for a grown man. Pin-ups hang on other puffs.
• Episode: There are no pennants. The only decorations are pin-ups.
  
  
• Script:
  CARLOTTA: [to Juke] Shake her hand, dear. [he does, obediently] That’s enough. [He lets her hand go] [to Juke] Now then, dear, who always keeps her word? [Samantha watches this next sequences like a tennis match]
  JUKE: [like a robot] You do, Mother.
  CARLOTTA: And who promised that someday you would have Samantha as a wife?
  JUKE: You did, Mother.
  CARLOTTA [smiling and bursting] And now who’s practically walking down the aisle with her?
  JUKE: You are, Mother.
  CARLOTTA: Juke!
  JUKE: [catching himself] I mean I am.
• Episode: The lines about walking down the aisle are cut.
  
  
• Script: Carlotta POPS out. Juke stares at Samantha.
  JUKE: Mother said we had er . . .a lot to talk about. You talk first.
  SAMANTHA: Juke, you seem like a nice fellow. I’m going to level with you.
  JUKE: Since we’re going to be husband and wife, you might as well.
  SAMANTHA: Juke, I’m already married.
  JUKE: [flatly] Uh huh.
  SAMANTHA: You know those animal sounds you heard? Well my husband is running from those sounds scared to death. Your mother put him there. It’s called blackmail.
  JUKE: [again flatly, not at all surprised] Uh huh.
  SAMANTHA: [very upset] I mean, nothing personal Juke, but I just can’t marry you.
  JUKE: Uh huh.
  SAMANTHA: It’s not that I don’t like you.
  JUKE: [very simply] I don’t want to marry you either.
  SAMANTHA: [on her own tack] It’s just that I’m [beat] Did you say what I hope you said?
  JUKE: I don’t want to marry anybody. That’s all I need. Another witch running my life.
  SAMANTHA: [recovering and zeroing in on what might save her] Another mother telling you what to do?
  JUKE: Exactly.
  SAMANTHA: Telling you when to fly, when not to fly . . when to walk through walls, when not to walk through walls?
  JUKE: How did you know???
  SAMANTHA: [she’s won] Juke, you talked me into it. I release you from our engagement.
  JUKE: Swell. Just as long as we get married.
  SAMANTHA: [instantly upset] But you just said you don’t want to marry me.
  JUKE: Oh, sure I said it and I meant it. But what difference does that make?
  SAMANTHA: You mean that whatever mother wants, mother gets? [Juke nods] You just tell your mother what you told me - -that you don’t want to marry me - -that you don’t like me.
  JUKE: Think of it this way, Samantha. If I refuse to marry you, my mother will probably put real animals behind those sounds. That’ll really fix your husband.
  SAMANTHA: [horrified] She wouldn’t!
  JUKE: Oh, yes she would. She’s a very mean witch. One of the meanest.
  SAMANTHA: There must be something we can do. [Juke extends his arm]
  JUKE: We can practice the wedding march. Mother will be very angry if I fall out of step.
• Episode: The entire above scene is eliminated from the episode.

ACT II

Juke’s Cloud Room – later:

• Script: Juke has just finished explaining how he talks back to his mother.
  SAMANTHA: [flatly] Groovy.
  JUKE: My Mother’s been jamming you down my throat ever since I was a little Warlock.
  SAMANTHA: But, why me? There are plenty of other witches in the sky.
  JUKE: It’s simple. Your father happens to be a royal Warlock, and my father is, well, what you’d call a white-collar warlock.
  SAMANTHA: I can’t believe your mother would put you through all this just for social position.
• Episode: The above lines are cut. However, the reference to Maurice having royal blood does a lot to explain why Carlotta was so anxious to get Samantha into the family. It could also help explain why Samantha was chosen queen [# 108].
  REVIEWER’S NOTE: Nowhere in any episode does it ever mention that Maurice, and therefore Samantha, is of Royal blood.

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script:
  SAMANTHA: Carlotta, you just don’t have enough faith in your own son.
  CARLOTTA: [to Juke impatiently] What is she talking about? Do you happen to know?
  JUKE: [nervous] I think she saying she likes me.
  CARLOTTA: Nonsense.
• Episode: After Samantha’s line, the rest of the lines are cut.
  
  
• Script:
  SAMANTHA: Surely you don’t think we’re going to live with you?
  CARLOTTA: But of course. Juke needs me.
  SAMANTHA: Not if he has me.
  CARLOTTA: But we have never been separated.
  SAMANTHA: Well, I’m afraid you’re about to be.
  JUKE: [joyous] Atta witch, Samantha!
• Episode: Except for Samantha’s first line, the lines are cut.
  
  
• Script:
  JUKE: I’ve been thinking . . .a deal is a deal, and I’m going to marry Samantha.
  SAMANTHA: Juke, please let me handle this.
  JUKE: I’ve made up my mind. I’d rather be dominated by you than my mother.
  CARLOTTA: [pleading] Juke, just come back with me, and I won’t ever tell you what to do again.
• Episode: After Juke’s first line, the rest of the lines are cut.

TRAILER

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script: Samantha reads Juke’s letter, which ends with, “That is, if my wife will allow it”. Endora and Samantha laugh into the fadeout.
• Episode: Juke signs the letter, “Love, Juke”.
  SAMANTHA: Oh, Mother, you are such a naughty witch. [referring to Endora having read the letter before she gave it to Samantha]

# 145, It's So Nice To Have A Spouse Around The House

TEASER

Stephens Kitchen:

• Script: After Samantha and Endora exchange greetings, there are additional lines about Samantha being needed at the Witches' Council, and that she should "fly this domestic coop."
• Episode: These lines are cut.
  
  
• Script: After Samantha says, "All right Mother, what's the problem?", Endora's lines include: "The problem is that during your reign as Queen, you've made but two appearances before the Witches' Council".
• Episode: This line is changed to: The problem is that after your marriage to that mortal, you've made but two appearances before the Witches' Council."
  
  
• Script: The discussion between Samantha and Endora continues as follows:
  
  SAMANTHA: [firm] Mother, you tell them that the queen chooses not to oblige. Besides, my term is almost over. It's been a year.
  ENDORA: A human year. You agreed to serve three hundred and sixty five days.
  SAMANTHA: That's the same as a human year.
  ENDORA: Samantha, you know very well on Council matters we only count Saturdays.
  SAMANTHA: Three hundred and sixty five Saturdays ???!!
  ENDORA: Heavy is the head that wears the crown. But remember, my dear, "noblesse oblige."
  
  
• Episode: The above lines are cut and the scene continues with Samantha's line, "I've got too much to do around here today."

Stephens Front Yard:

• Script: Samantha has the line, "Mother - - -pop out!!!"
• Episode: After the above line, the episode adds the well known line by Samantha, " Darrin, are you in there?"

ACT I

Stephens Kitchen:

• Script: At the breakfast table there is a long conversation between Samantha and Darrin about what is going on, what did Endora want, and that Samantha is needed at the Witches' Council. Included is Samantha referring to herself as Queen. The last line in this sequence is Darrin saying," Samantha, let's get something straight. First you're my wife - - - then you're a Queen."
• Episode: About half of these lines are cut, including all references to Samantha being Queen, and the sequence ends with Darrin's line altered to." First you're my wife - - then you're a witch.

Stephens Living Room:

• Script: Serena appears. The script calls for her to give her lines in a high pitched singsong voice, "a la Mahareeshi".
• Episode: Follows the script.
  
  
• Script: Calls for Serena to land gracefully and make a salaam bow. Serena then has the line [ n a singsong voice], "For those you love , you climb the highest mountain. . . ." When Serena finds that Samantha wants her to act as a housewife for the afternoon, Serena has the line, " I'd rather climb Mt. Everest."
• Episode: The bow and these lines are cut.

Stephens Kitchen:

• Script: When Serena changes into a double for Samantha her script cues become, SERENA/SAM. Tabatha enters and Greets Endora as Grandma Endora, and Serena as Auntie Serena.
• Episode: Tabatha does not greet Endora, only Serena.
  
  
• Script: As Endora pops out with Tabatha, Darrin enters, There is a long conversation between Darrin and SERENA/SAM [ Darrin thinks it is Samantha ] about Endora taking Tabatha to the zoo, how he is against it, and that Samantha is bugging him because he wouldn't, "Let her fly to the moon and play with her friends."
• Episode: This entire sequence is cut.

Clubhouse Bar:

• Script: Darrin and Larry enter. Darrin is in a foul mood, and Larry kids him about shooting a poor round.
• Episode: The section of the teasing is cut and the episode concentrates on the conversation with the drunk. After Larry's line about his famous "tete a tete" lines about how long Darrin has been married are cut.

ACT II

Stephens Living Room:

• Script: After Darrin's line, "I'll tell you in the car", the script calls for him to cross to SERENA/SAM and try to put his arms around her. She stiffens and doesn't allow it.
• Episode: This bit is cut.
  
  
• Script: At Darrin's line, "We're free as the birds", he starts up the stairs.
• Episode: Darrin pauses and adds," and the bees."
  
  
• Script: SERENA/SAM calls for Endora who pops in with a box of crackerjacks and a balloon. SERENA/SAM wants to know where Tabitha is. Endora replies that she is with the guard at the zoo having a marvelous time.
• Episode: Endora appears without the crackerjacks and the balloon. The lines are cut.
  
  
• Script: After Endora's line, "Anything he says", the script calls for a fade out.
• Episode: The whispering sequence between Endora and Serena/Sam with SERENA/SAM mugging is added.

ROAD SCENE

• Script: Calls for a stock shot of an upstate New York road and scenery. Early in the road scene the script calls for Darrin to have lines about this road reminding him of a road they got lost on once during their honeymoon, and wants to know if Samantha remembers a little old man. SERENA/SAM has no idea what Darrin is talking about and hedges her answers as if she remembered. This continues to what happened between Samantha and the old man, and what Samantha said to answer his question.
• Episode: Beginning after SERENA/SAM'S line, " Boy, that's some threesome" up to her line "Isn't there something else on the radio" the scene is cut.

Room at Moon Thatch Inn:

• Script: After Darrin exits to go back to the car SERENA/SAM looks at the bed in panic, makes a gesture, and the bed is swathed in barbed wire. Not satisfied she tries again and gets a bed covered with grass and a sign, "Keep off the grass". She tries again and gets a bed of nails.
• Episode: No barbed wire and no grass. Only the "closed for repairs" sign and a bed of nails.
  
  
• Script: SERENA/SAM tells Darrin, " Not now, later."
• Episode: The bit with SERENA/SAM'S hand on Darrin's chest holding him away is added.

Tabatha's Room:

• Script: Calls for Tabatha to refer to Endora as " Grandma."
• Episode: Tabatha uses the term " Grandmama."

# 146, Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

TEASER

Stephens’ Entry:

• Script: Samantha has the line, “‘Furthermore’ will have to wait.”[she exits]
• Episode: Samantha has the line, “Tabatha and I are going to the park”, added before she exits.

ACT I

Darrin in His Car on the Street:

• Script: [Darrin stops at a stop light]. A miniature Endora appears in the back seat and casts a spell:

Vanish all self control, and now let us see…
Just how vain you mortals can be.

[Darrin catches sight of himself in the side mirror and turns it so he can see himself better.]
Endora completes her spell:

Seas churn and winds blow!
Watch his vanity grow and grow!

[He is so absorbed in admiring himself that he doesn’t notice the light has changed. Honking horns behind him bring him back to reality, and he drives on].

• Episode: The spell is changed to:

Vanish all self control, and now you will see
just how vain you mortals can be.

[The remainder of the spell is not used]. A bit is added where the guy behind Darrin who has been honking and yelling stalls his car after Darrin drives off, leading to more honking and name calling.]

Darrin’s Office:

• Script: The script calls for Hascomb to have red pills for nerves, blue for indigestion, and yellow for neuralgia and neuritis.
• Episode: The blue pills are changed to white, and the yellow pills are changed to pink.
  
  
• Script: Larry introduces Darrin to Mr. Hascomb, “Darrin, this is Mr. Hascomb of Hascomb Drug Co., the conservative, 93 year old company with a nice solid conservative image”.
• Episode: The introduction is cut to, “Darrin, this in Mr. Hascomb of Hascomb Drug Co.” The remainder of the introduction is moved to after Darrin’s line, ”There’s no mirror in this room”.
  
  
• Script: [Hascomb is ready to leave]
  HASCOMB: All right. Five it is. Goodbye Tate. Goodbye Stephens.
  LARRY: Darrin, [who is otherwise occupied looking at his reflection] Mr. Hascomb is leaving.
  DARRIN: [looking up] Oh, yes, Goodbye, Mr. Hascomb.
• Episode: Hascomb does not say goodbye to Darrin. Larry and Darrin’s lines are cut.
  
  
• Script:
  LARRY: Hascomb drops a $ 500,000 account right in our laps. A no-sweat simple campaign. You almost blow it and all you can do is stand there and smile.
  DARRIN: Larry, can I talk to you seriously for a minute?
  LARRY: Oh, Darrin, if only you would.
  DARRIN: I was noticing your paunch. If I were you, I’d lay off desserts.
  LARRY: I’ll lay off desserts if you’ll lay off whatever you’re on. And when you show up for cocktails this afternoon, make sure you’re wearing a shirt and tie and no beads.
• Episode: All but Larry’s first lines are cut.

Stephens’ Bedroom:

• Script: Calls for Darrin’s new outfit to include a Nehru suit, a turtleneck shirt, beads and boots.
• Episode: The turtleneck shirt is deleted and the boots are replaced with white shoes.

Stephens’ Entry Hall:

• Script:
  DARRIN: You leave me no choice. I’ll use the mirror in the car.
  SAMANTHA: Mother! Of all the low down spiteful tricks. I insist you pop in here and zap that vanity spell off Darrin. [nothing, she softens] All right, I request you pop in this instant. [nothing] He’s got an important meeting with a client . . . .Mother. Please...
• Episode: Samantha’s last two lines are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: [Samantha has moved to the living room, still trying to contact Endora] Mother, for the last time, I demand that you appear before me!
• Episode: The line is cut.
  
  
• Script: Samantha casts spells to remove Darrin’s beads, put his shoes back on him, and dress him in his suit.
• Episode: The spells to remove the beads and replace the suit are as in the script. The spell to replace the shoes is not used, but goes as follows:

Protons and neutrons, it’s you that I choose . . .
To take off his boots and put back his shoes.

ACT II

Stephens’ Kitchen and Entry:

• Script: Darrin enters and first shouts and then screams for Samantha. Samantha gets icing all over her after the first call for her.
• Episode: Darrin’s second scream for Samantha is deleted.

Stephens’ Bedroom:

• Script: Darrin is in front of the mirror in trousers and a ruffled shirt, pasting on sideburns. Not satisfied, he changes the sideburns for longer mutton chops. He loves it.
• Episode: Darrin wears a pleated shirt. He is shown with only the longer sideburns.
  
  
• Script: [Samantha has ZAPPED herself into a long shimmering gown of silver sequins, each the size of a half dollar coin. Around the very low cut neck and the hem are white feathers. It’s the epitome of too much].
  DARRIN: Sam, how dare you use witchcraft to dress?
  SAMANTHA: If you can dare gold lame, I can dare anything.
  DARRIN: Oh no you can’t. And besides that dress is terrible. We can’t possibly go like this.
  SAMANTHA: [delighted] Darling, I’m so relieved. I knew you’d see the light.
  DARRIN: Of course I see the light. Your silver outshines my gold.
  SAMANTHA: [destroyed] Oh, my stars!
• Episode: [The neckline on Samantha’s dress is rather modest. There are no white feathers, but she does have a boa to carry]. Beginning with Darrin’s, “Oh no you can’t” through Samantha’s, “Oh my stars”, the lines are cut.

Tate’s Front Door:

• Script: Larry opens the front door, sees how Samantha and Darrin are dressed and tries to close the door on them. Darrin has put his foot in the door and pushes it open.
• Episode: Samantha is in front of Darrin. She is the one who squeezes in so they can both enter.

Tate’s Living Room:

• Script: Mrs. Hascomb: [to Samantha] My dear, where did you get that dress? It’s a heavenly creation.
  SAMANTHA: [brightly] How did you know?
  DARRIN: How about me? This is 14 carat gold lame you know.
  HASCOMB: Really? I hope you have it insured.
• Episode: Darrin and Hascomb’s lines are cut.

TRAILER

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script and Episode agree.

# 153, Instant Courtesy

The script always refers to Mrs. Sebastian as "Sabrina" when using her given name. A page is added before the Teaser that states that her name should be changed to Adrienne Sebastian.

TEASER

Stephens Kitchen:

• Script: Calls for Samantha to come in through the Kitchen door carrying a large basket of clothes and linens. She is to kick the door shut with her foot and place the basket on the sink, then cross to the broom closet.
• Episode: Begins with the basket in place and Samantha closing the door with her hand. She then crosses to the broom closet and takes out an ironing board.
  
  
• Script: Calls for Samantha's clothing to become that of an Arabian nights slave girl complete with harem pants, bracelets on both arms, and shackles on her legs.
• Episode: The costume is a short ragged burlap type dress with no bracelets on her arms. She has shackles on both her arms and legs which tie together at her waist.
  
  
• Script: Endora has the line: "Courtesy? You could give rudeness lessons to an New York cab driver!"
• Episode: The line is changed to: "You could make a fortune giving rudeness lessons!"
  
  
• Script: After Samantha's lines about Darrin being courteous, she and Endora have words about Darrin being a boor.
• Episode: These lines are cut.

ACT I

McMann & Tate Outer Office:

• Script: Refers to Darrin's secretary as "Miss Wilson."
• Episode: She is referred to as "Betty".

Darrin's Office:

• Script: Calls for Darrin to light Larry's cigarette and then place an ashtray in a convenient spot.
• Episode: Darrin holds the ashtray right in front of Larry.

Larry's Office:

• Script: Calls for the scene to open with Larry on the phone to Louise complaining about Darrin's behavior and asking Louise to "cozy up to Samantha" and find out what is going on. Louise refuses to be a spy and Larry threatens to cut off her credit cards. Larry's secretary interrupts to tell Larry that Mrs. Sebastian is there.
• Episode: All of the telephone call is cut and the scene begins with the Secretary on the intercom.
  
  
• Script: Larry refers to Adrienne Sebastian's firm as one of the three or four great cosmetic firms.
• Episode: The line is changed to: "One of the truly great cosmetic firms".
  
  
• Script: Calls for Darrin to pull over a chair for Mrs. Sebastian and hold it for her.
• Episode: Darrin guides Mrs. Sebastian to the sofa.
  
  
• Script: Mrs. Sebastian says she respects Mr. Traynor's opinion. Then Darrin and Traynor argue over which advertising plan to use. During this, Traynor puts an ashtray in his lap. Darrin offers to get him a clean one. Darrin pulls on the ashtray as Traynor pulls the other way and the ashtray spills ashes all over Traynor's lap.
• Episode: This entire bit is cut.
  
  
• Script: Larry has lines about Darrin being right back, Traynor saying that he is not really happy with what he sees, but it is a hard sell. Mrs. Sebastian says she wants to look at the soft sell approach.
• Episode: Larry and Traynor's lines are cut. Mrs. Sebastian's line is moved to the last of the scene.

ACT II

Stephens' Living Room:

• Script: Calls for Darrin to hold a chair for Samantha.
• Episode: Darrin leads Samantha to the sofa.
  
  
• Script: After Darrin's line about "is he having a nervous breakdown", the script reads as follows:
  
  SAMANTHA: [surprised, rising] One of us is because I don't follow you. [As she rises, Darrin rises politely] You are acting a little strange.
  DARRIN: That's what Larry said. [She sits down again, slightly relieved]
  SAMANTHA: What did Larry say?
  DARRIN: He suggested that I get a little therapy and take a long vacation - - like two or three years. [thinks this over] I think he fired me.
  SAMANTHA: [rising - - testing] Why I think that's the most--- [Darrin rises with her, and Samantha nods. She sinks back into the chair, and he sinks back, too]. Were you getting up to get something?
  DARRIN: No, but I didn't want to be sitting while you were standing.
  SAMANTHA: [flat] Really.
  DARRIN: It's customary - - - -
  SAMANTHA: Not at home, sweetheart. You're popping up and down like a jack-in-the-box . [fishing] Darrin, what went wrong today? Precisely?
  
  
• Episode: All of the above is cut up to the line: "Darrin, what went wrong today?"
  
  
• Script: After Mrs. Sebastian arrives at the Stephens' house she and Darrin have a conversation about how well he treated her, how she called his office only to find he had been fired, and saying she wanted to have lunch with him to talk about the account.
• Episode: These lines are cut.
  
  
• Script: Darrin opens the door for Mrs. Sebastian to leave.
  
  DARRIN: May I walk you to your car?
  Mrs. SEBASTIAN: [with a smile] Not yet.
  
  
• Episode: Her line is cut and Darrin sees her out.
  
  
• Script: After Mrs. Sabastian leaves, Samantha enters the Living Room. Darrin tells Samantha about opening his own agency, and waves off Samantha's concerns about Larry. Samantha tells Darrin he is being too sensitive and to sit down and think it over.
• Episode: These lines are cut.

Tate's Living Room:

• Script: Larry is pouring another drink. Louise is giving him a hard time about the way he treated Darrin. Larry finally agrees that she might be right.
• Episode: This scene is cut.

Stephens' Entry Hall:

• Script: The scene opens with Samantha's line about the amount of traffic they have is as much as Kennedy International.
• Episode: Samantha's line is moved to after Mrs. Sebastian arrives. The scene opens with Larry's arrival.

TRAILER [or TAG]

        The episode follows the script.

# 154, Samantha’s Super Maid

[Reviewer’s Note: This episode was filmed entirely on the studio set of 1164. The two front outdoor scenes are plainly set backdrops, and the patio does not exist at the façade]

TEASER

Stephens’ Entrance hall:

• Script: [where Darrin is about to leave]
  DARRIN: You sure you don’t want me to stay?
  SAMANTHA: [urging him] I want you to go and enjoy your game. Your mother and I will have a very nice afternoon . . . .Everything will be just fine.
• Episode: These lines are cut.

END TEASER

ACT I

Stephens’ Entry:

• Script: Calls for Endora to POP into the entry mirror wearing an exotic sari and carrying a hookah.
• Episode: Endora POPS into the entry itself wearing a long witch’s gown and the hookah floating beside her.
  
  
• Script: Samantha asks Endora to POP out of the mirror and hide the hookah.
• Episode: These lines are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: [Mrs. Stephens is telling Samantha that if she hade not done charity work she would never have met Mrs. Endicott Otis]
  SAMANTHA: [still puzzled] I’m all for charity, but . . .
  MRS. STEPHENS: Samantha, you don’t understand. It’s the social contacts you’ll make through charities that will pay off for Darrin. They all take time, and that’s why you need a maid.
• Episode: These lines are cut.
  
  
• Script: Amelia has arrived. Although there is no need to, she wipes her feet on the welcome mat outside before entering.
• Episode: No welcome mat is shown. Amelia does not wipe her feet.
  
  
• Script: [After Amelia goes to get her things, Mrs. Stephens comes back into the living room from the kitchen carrying cookies]
  MRS. STEPHENS: Where’s Amelia? You didn’t let that treasure get away, did you?
  SAMANTHA: [wryly] No, Mrs. Stephens, it’s all settled. She hired me on the spot. [a beat] She’s out in the car getting her things.
  MRS. STEPHENS: Good. I’ll stay and help you break her in.
  SAMANTHA: Oh, that won’t be necessary. I can . . . .
  MRS. STEPHENS: [holding up her hand] Say no more, child. I’m happy to give up the rest of my day for you.
  SAMANTHA: Mrs. Stephens, you’re a mother-in-law in a million . . .and you’re mine.
• Episode: This scene is cut.

END ACT I

ACT II

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: [Samantha stands with a cup of coffee as Darrin comes downstairs, dressed for work].
  DARRIN: Thanks, Sam. [a quick sip, then] Why don’t you call Amelia in here and I’ll do the honorable thing. We’ll fire her together.
  SAMANTHA: [takes a note from her pocket] Miss “Home Sweet Home” isn’t here.
  DARRIN: It’s too much to hope that she’s quit.
  SAMANTHA: [reads note] Dear Mrs. Stephens . . .I’ve gone to the market. I like to get to the vegetables first thing before they’re all picked over. Yours truly Amelia. [Endora suddenly POPS in] Mother! Have you ever thought of using the front door?
  ENDORA: Whatever for?
  SAMANTHA: Is there something special you wanted?
  ENDORA: I’m curious. I popped in earlier to say hello and saw a stranger bustling around the kitchen.
  DARRIN: [urgently] Did she see you?
  ENDORA: [to Samantha] Oh, has Durwood been here all the time? I hadn’t noticed him.
  SAMANTHA: Mother!
  ENDORA: Two-dimensional objects do have a way of fading into the background.
  DARRIN: [to Endora] It’s a good trick. Why don’t you try it sometime. ALL the time?
  SAMANTHA: Darrin!
  DARRIN: Sorry to leave you with our problem, Sam . . .but I’m going to be late for the office. [He gives her a quick kiss and goes out the door. Endora raises her hand as if to cast a spell]
  SAMANTHA: Mother!
  ENDORA: [she lowers her hand] Oh well, it’s the thought that counts.
• Episode: The above scene is cut.

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script: Amelia is shown loading dishes into the dishwasher.
• Episode: No dishwasher is shown.

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script:
  AMELIA: I always say, when things are going well, don’t ask questions.
  SAMANTHA: That’s what I always say. Now about lunch . . .
• Episode: [added are the following lines]
  AMELIA: Excuse me. Before we get into that, may I say something?
  SAMANTHA: Of course, Amelia. Tell me whatever is on your mind.
  AMELIA: Mrs. Stephens, I’ve never been as happy in my entire career as a maid. I’m looking forward to a long and perhaps permanent relationship with your little family.

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script: Calls for Amelia to say she is putting her son through college.
• Episode: “Son” is changed to “Nephew”.

END ACT II

TRAILER

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: [Amelia has changed back into the clothes she wore when she arrived. She has her suitcase].
  AMELIA: Working here has certainly been a rewarding experience.
  SAMANTHA: For us, too, Amelia
  AMELIA: I hope leaving you isn’t a mistake.
  DARRIN: Don’t forget how financially rewarding it will be working for Mrs. Otis.
  AMELIA: [shaking her head] I still don’t know why I agreed to that.
  SAMANTHA: You remembered you were putting your son through college.
  AMELIA: [brightly] Tabitha, I’ll come and visit you on all my days off.
  TABITHA: [to Amelia] We can play with my airplane. [Tabitha wiggles her nose and the airplane does miraculous tricks. Samantha makes a circular motion and the airplane begins to fly circles around Amelia. She hurriedly picks up her suitcase]
  AMELIA: On second thought, I think it will be easier if I make a clean break.
  SAMANTHA: I always say, the best way is just to go. [The airplane’s flight is getting to Amelia. She starts for the door]. [Samantha calls after her] And not look back. . . . .That’s a relief.
  DARRIN: [wise, whispers] Did you ah . . .?
  SAMANTHA: [innocently] What? [Darrin makes a motion with his hand. Samantha smiles] Cute, huh? [The airplane still flies in circles]
  DARRIN: Would you mind . . .? [Samantha makes a gesture and the airplane disappears]
  TABITHA: What did mommy do to my airplane?
  SAMANTHA: Never mind, young lady. We’ll talk about that later.
• Episode: There is no TRAILER in the episode. The episode ends where the script ends ACT II.

# 157, One Touch of Midas

Reviewer’s Note: Normally scenes cut from a script do not have a strong effect on the episode. Here, however, there are several actions that take place that are not explained in the episode, but are fully explained in the scenes cut from the script. For example: What is the purpose of the doll theme?; Why is Darrin suddenly so generous when he is described as something of a tight-wad?; Why is Miss Wilson being given 10% of the profits? What are the gifts Darrin has to return that he is never shown giving to Samantha?

TEASER

Stephens’ Dining Room:

• Script:
  SAMANTHA: . . . .then we pin it together . . . .then try it on to see if it fits . . .
  [a] TABITHA: Then is it I dress?
  [b] SAMANTHA: Almost. It takes a long time and a lot of work.
  [c] TABITHA: I know how to do it quick [starts to bring her finger to her nose]
  [d] SAMANTHA [admonishing] Now, Tabitha, you know daddy doesn’t like for us to use witchcraft.
  [e] TABITHA: [trying to understand] And he wants you to do it this way.
  [f] SAMANTHA: Sweetheart, making this dress for you was my idea. When you’re older, you’ll see how much fun it is to do things for other people.
• Episode: Lines [a] and [b] are cut. Lines [c] and [d] are in the episode. Lines [e] and [f] are replaced with:
  TABITHA: Silly Mommy!
  SAMANTHA: Good grief! You sound just like my mother.
  
  
• Script:
  DARRIN . . . .My wife, the dressmaker.
  SAMANTHA: Thank you, Sweetheart.
  DARRIN: See, there’s no end to the fun you can have working with your hands . . .instead of your . . .[wiggles his nose].
  SAMANTHA: [smiling] Oh, I’m a believer.
• Episode: The last two lines are cut.
  
  
• Script: [Endora POPS in and begins to examine the music box. She snaps her fingers and a jeweler’s loupe appears. She screws it into her eye:]
  ENDORA: Colored glass and rhinestones. “Made in occupied Italy”. Three dollars and ninety-eight cents - - -and from your hero. [sighs] You poor darling!
  SAMANTHA: I love it.
  ENDORA: Sentimental piffle!
  SAMANTHA: It’s the thought that counts.
  ENDORA: That’s a very convenient set of middle-class values you have - - -especially since you’re stuck with a middle class income.
• Episode: [Endora does not use an eye loop, nor does she closely inspect the music box. The above lines are cut and replaced with:]
  ENDORA: Look at you. Making Tabitha’s clothes. You’ve been reduced to a slave in Durwood’s sweatshop. You are just too starry-eyed to realize what’s happening to you.
  
  
• Script: [Samantha exits. Endora makes a gesture and MAC ALLISTER, a distinguished and white haired Warlock appears. He wears a smoking jacket, velvet slippers, and has a martini in his hand:]
  MAC: Endora! This is a pleasant surprise! [Endora gestures for quiet, and they talk in low tones:]
  ENDORA: Mac, I’ve come to a decision and I need your help.
  MAC: [surprised] You - -Endora the incomparable, the all powerful - - -you need my help? Reviewer’s note: These lines may be found repeated in episode # 239.
  ENDORA: I have a rather devious scheme that will save my daughter from being stuck for life in this suburban cracker box.
  MAC: It’s a pretty attractive cracker box, I would say.
  ENDORA: It’s not attractive enough for my daughter. What I want you to do is to provide Durwood with vast wealth. And make sure it looks legitimate. He’s the suspicious type.
  MAC: Why don’t you do that?
  ENDORA: Because if Samantha gets suspicious, I can truthfully say I haven’t cast a spell.
  MAC: [grins] Endora, you’re the soul of integrity - - and a sneak of the first water!
  ENDORA: I always go first cabin. Perhaps you’d better hit him with a generosity spell later on, too. He’s a bit of a tight-wad . . . .over-do it a lot.
  MAC: Leave everything to me. I’ll get busy on it tomorrow.
  ENDORA: Thank you. And let’s forget we had this conversation. [Mac POPS out, Endora smiles smugly].
• Episode: The above scene is entirely deleted.

ACT I

Darrin’s Outer Office:

• Script: The fuzz doll is described as having no eyes.
• Episode: The fuzz has two eyes and a nose showing.

Darrin’s Office:

• Script:
  MISS WILSON: Mr. Stephens, do I bother you very often?
  DARRIN: All right, send him in. What’s he got - -a perpetual motion machine?
  MISS WILSON: It’s a doll.
  DARIN: A doll!
• Episode: After “Send him in”, the rest of the lines are cut.
  
  
• Script: [The Professor starts out of the office; turns back to Darrin:]
  PROFESSOR: By the way, Mr. Stephens, I’d like to tell you the real reason that I came to you.
  DARRIN: Oh . . .?
  PROFESSOR: The truth is I tried three other advertising agencies first, and I couldn’t get past the person who brushes off the crackpots.
  DARRIN: Well, Miss Wilson, I think that makes you deserving of ten percent of the profits as a finders fee.
  MISS WILSON: Why, thank you, Mr. Stephens. [Larry’s voice over the intercom:]
  LARRY: Darrin, will you knock it off with those dolls and get in here. Henderson and I are waiting.
• Episode: This part of the scene is cut.

Larry’s Office:

• Script: [Just before Darrin asks Larry if it is all right if he goes home early; he has some shopping to do; there is a flash of light, Larry and Darrin freeze, the Professor fades in with his hand over Darrin’s head and incants:]
  PROFESSOR: Root of jinseng, pinch of salt! Note: Not the usual spelling for ginseng, but this is the script spelling.

Be Thou generous to a fault!
Be thou utterly beguile,
Indulging you, your wife and child.

• Episode: The above is cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script:
  SAMANTHA: [suspicious] Darrin, there’s something very strange about all this, if you know what I mean.
  DARRIN: I thought about that, but the man who brought the dolls to me tried three other agencies first and they chased him out . . .Honey, every once in a while, these silly little things hit. And I just got lucky.
  SAMANTHA: [nods] Well, I guess maybe it’s okay.
• Episode: After Samantha’s lead in line, the rest is cut.

ACT II

Stephens’ Bedroom:

• Script: [Samantha calls Endora, who POPS in wearing a skin diver’s wet suit. She carries a spear fishing trident]
  ENDORA: Isn’t it obvious? I’ve been spear fishing . . . [a beat] . . .with Prince Cellini in the Adriatic . . .what a soggy bore. [a]
  SAMANTHA: Mother, you know what I mean . [b]. .Did you put a spell on some little doll and get someone to bring it to Darrin . . . and then . . . .
  ENDORA: [interrupting] Child, are you all right?
  SAMANTHA: Don’t evade the issue. Darrin is involved with some little doll that everyone wants to buy. He’s earning a fortune and it’s my guess that it’s no fluke.
  ENDORA: Oh . . .It’s probably one of those fads that keep happening to mortals. Well, well! Durwood finally tripped into something good all by himself.
  SAMANTHA: I just don’t understand it. You wouldn’t believe what’s going on down stairs. Darrin’s gone beserk. [Note: Script spelling error] It’s not like him.
  ENDORA: Oh, yes it is my dear. He’s a mortal, isn’t he? They get their hands on a little money and they run amuck.
  SAMANTHA: Maybe some mortals . . .but not Darrin.
  ENDORA: [the wise mother] Well, you’ll find out that “Mother told you so”. Show me Durwood with a fat bank account and I’ll show you a well-heeled heel. But enjoy it sweetheart. Maybe you’ll finally get out of this domestic coop.
• Episode: [Endora wears a parka. She has been spear fishing in the Artic sea. Added after [a] is the line, “But he does have a fascinating igloo.” After [b] the rest of these lines are cut and replaced with:]
  SAMANTHA: Did you put a spell on a dumb little doll?
  ENDORA: Oh, my dear child, are you all right?
  SAMANTHA: Don’t evade the issue. Darrin’s involved with some little doll….
  ENDORA: Oh, you poor darling. What’s her name? Oh, never mind her name. Get Tabitha and let’s leave. Don’t bother to pack.
  SAMANTHA: Mother, really, it’s a toy doll that everyone wants to buy. Darrin’s making a fortune. But it’s my guess that it’s your spell.
  ENDORA: Oh, it’s probably one of those fads that keep happening to mortals.

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script:
  DARRIN: . . . .when we were married you made a great sacrifice for me. You gave up the use of your powers
  SAMANTHA: What does that have to do with anything?
  DARRIN: Now that we have all this money and power, I realize how much it must have meant to you, and I’ve made a decision.
  SAMANTHA: Oh, really?
  DARRIN: [magnanimously] From now on you can use all the witchcraft you want. [he gives her a peck on the cheek] I think I’ll get myself a cup of coffee.
  SAMANTHA: Mother . . .one of these days . . .Pow!!
• Episode: After Darrin’s lead-in line, the remainder is cut.

Stephens’ Living Room – later:

• Script: [The Tate’s have come over for dinner. After dinner, Louise is holding one of the dolls:]
  LOUISE: There is a good feeling to them, isn’t there?
  SAMANTHA: [shrugs] Apparently they make lots of people feel better than having an extra dollar bill.
  DARRIN: And oh how the money keeps rolling in! [He takes a little jewelry box from his pocket and hands it to Samantha]. Don’t say I never gave you anything.
  SAMANTHA: [helplessly] He just won’t quit.
  LOUISE: Larry won’t even start. [They exchange glances as Samantha opens the box, revealing a diamond brooch. Louise gasps]
  SAMANTHA: It’s lovely, but Darrin. I don’t really . . .don’t you think it’s a little ostentatious?
  LOUISE: I’ve never seen anything so gorgeous in my life, and I’m not likely to.
• Episode: The entire above scene is deleted.

Stephens’ Bedroom:

• Script:
  ENDORA: I’ll take care of it right away.
  SAMANTHA: And the dolls too.
  ENDORA: In a way, it’s a shame . . .those dolls were kind of cute.
  SAMANTHA: Yes, adorable.
• Episode: After Endora’s first line, the rest is cut.

TRAILER

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script and Episode agree.

# 158, Samantha, the Bard

TEASER

Stephens’ Bedroom:

• Script:
  SAMANTHA: I can try . . .you handsome guy. [she giggles, embarrassed]
  DARRIN: Say “testing: one, two, three, four.”
  SAMANTHA: Testing: one, two, three, four. [a beat] Should I say more?
  DARRIN: That’s enough. Sam, this is fantastic! You’re compelled to talk in rhyme.
• Episode: After Samantha’s first line, the rest is cut.
  
  
• Script: There has to be a logical answer. . .or else my name is not Samanther.
• Episode: ”Samanther” is changed to “Samanswer”.

ACT I

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script:
  DARRIN: - - - -Maybe Endora knows where he is. [Samantha shrugs, as if to say, “She might”.] Or maybe she knows what’s wrong. [a]
  SAMANTHA: [nodding] It’s worth a pitch, she’s a talented witch.
  DARRIN: [a tiny bit edgy] Samantha, call your mother. [b]
  SAMANTHA: [calling] Mother dear, please heed my call, your daughter’s back is to the wall. [c] [a pause and Samantha continues] Tweedy-tweedy, of thee I’m needy.
  DARRIN: Sam, that’s terrible.
  SAMANTHA: Fiddly-dee-doo - -it’s the best I can do. [Endora POPS in]
  ENDORA: [cordially] Good morning, Samantha, Tabitha.
  TABITHA: [d] Good morning, Grandmama
  ENDORA: [nodding to Darrin] Durwood.
  DARRIN: [forced warmth] Good morning Endora.
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut. The line after [c] is cut. The lines after [d] are cut.
  
  
• Script:
  ENDORA: She can’t? How peculiar? [a]
  SAMANTHA: Do you have a theory of why I’m eerie?
  ENDORA: Did you read “The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam” while flying over Corsica eating cheesecake?
  SAMANTHA: [shakes her head] Mother, I haven’t been flying, and believe me . . .I’m not lying.
  ENDORA: I see. Did you accidentally conjure up a gifted poetess like Gertrude Stein and drink champagne with her?
  SAMANTHA: No Stein, no wine.
  ENDORA: In that case, I can’t imagine what caused it.
  DARRIN: [facetiously] But you had some great theories.
• Episode: After [a], the remainder is cut.
  
  
• Script:
  ENDORA: Samantha, rhymes yes, puns no. [a]
  SAMANTHA: For that bomb, I’m sorry, mom.
  ENDORA: You know what you might have? A Venetian verbal virus!
  DARRIN: What’s that?
  ENDORA: A Venetian verbal virus is a virus transmitted by gamma rays from Venus.
  DARRIN: I’m sorry I asked.
  ENDORA: It disappears in 24 hours.
  SAMANTHA: It goes away in just one day?
  ENDORA: Completely. However, just to be safe, since the mountain climber won’t come to Mohammed, [b] I’ll find Dr. Bombay and have him give me a potion for you.
• Episode: All lines between [a] and [b] are cut.

Darrin’s Office:

• Script:
  DARRIN: Frankly Larry, I find your making social engagements for Samantha and myself without consulting me is in bad character.
  LARRY: Darrin, this dinner is not social. - - - -
• Episode: Before Larry’s first line, he has a line added, “That’s not bad character. That’s my character.”

Stephens’ Living Room intercut with Darrin’s Office:

• Script: [Samantha and Darrin are on the phone]
  DARRIN: We’re very close to landing the Durfee Dog Food account and Mr. And Mrs. Durfee have invited us and Larry to dinner tomorrow night. [a]
  SAMANTHA: Tomorrow night we have a date? With Mr. And Mrs. Durfee and Larry Tate?
  DARRIN: [concerned] . . . Sam, are you sure that’s a twenty-four hour virus?
  SAMANTHA: Sweetheart, don’t get up-tight. I’ll be fine by tonight.
  DARRIN: I sure hope your mother knows what she’s talking about.
  SAMANTHA: Fiddly-doo, I do too. [b] Goodbye, Darrin, I think I “oughter” put these flowers in some water. [she exits toward the kitchen]
• Episode: All lines between [a] and [b] are cut.

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script: [a] [Gladys and Abner are heard approaching the kitchen door, which is open]
  ABNER: [o.s] Gladys, why are barging in? Why didn’t we just phone for an appointment?
  GLADYS: Abner, don’t be so formal. It’s for a good cause, isn’t it? [b]
  GLADYS: Look, the door is open!
  ABNER: That’s snooping.
  GLADYS: It is not. [c] It’s scientific research.
  ABNER: Into what?
  GLADYS: Into all the weird things that go on in there. As long as it’s empty, I’ll just mosey inside.
  ABNER: Okay, nosey, you mosey - -alone. I’m waiting for an invitation. [d] [Gladys enters the kitchen].
• Episode: All lines between [a] and [b], and between [c] and [d] are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script:
  GLADYS: Abner, stop it! [a]
  ABNER: Why? It’s fun.
  GLADYS: It’s sick! Normal people don’t talk that way. [darkly] There’s something going on here. I don’t know what it is . . .but I’m getting out. [b] Mrs. Stephens’ may I have my petition?
• Episode: All lines between [a] and [b] are cut.

Stephens’ House:

• Script: Darrin drives home, parks his car, gets out and walks to the front door.
• Episode: This scene is cut.

ACT II

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: [Dr. Bombay POPS out]
  SAMANTHA: There goes a great doctor and a great warlock. [The front doorbell rings, Larry is standing there]
  DARRIN: [a] And here comes a great advertising man.
  SAMANTHA: [to Endora] Mother, Tabitha’s in her room. She can play until eight o’clock, then put her to bed.
  ENDORA: Yes, dear. Have fun. [to Darrin] See Darwin, you got all excited about nothing. [the doorbell rings again] I think I’ll pop up and see Tabitha. [Samantha puts on her coat, Darrin opens the door].
  LARRY: Darrin, you kept me waiting.
  DARRIN: Sorry. [lightly] You know how women are getting dressed.
  SAMANTHA: Hi, Larry!
  LARRY: Hi, Sam. How’s your virus?
  SAMANTHA: It’s gone. It disappeared as if by magic.
• Episode: All lines after [a] are cut.

Restaurant:

• Script: [Durfee quotes his 50 year old slogan]
  DARRIN: But Mr. Durfee, you asked us to come up with a fresh approach to your advertising.
  DURFEE: That’s true Stephens. I merely said that I’m not sure there is anything better than the slogan that has served us so well for the last 50 years.
• Episode: Darrin and Mr. Durfee’s lines are cut.
  
  
• Script: [Samantha stands near the entrance area and waits for a drunk who has been eying her to take a sip of his drink; then she POPS out. When he turns back, she has vanished].
  BARTENDER Another, sir?
  DRUNK: Another what?
• Episode: The lines are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: [Endora plays an elaborate game of solitaire. If she doesn’t get the card she wants, it turns into the wanted card.] [Samantha POPS in]
  SAMANTHA: [urgently] Mother, the rhymes are flowing like a fountain. Tell me the name of Bombay’s mountain.
  ENDORA: Mount Everest. South slope.
  SAMANTHA: The south slope. He’s still there, I hope. [She changes into a parka and mountain climbing pants and POPS out]
• Episode: [Endora is reading, not playing solitaire. Samantha POPS in. After Samantha’s first line, the lines are rewritten as:]
  ENDORA: Mount Everest. He’s probably at the top by now.
  SAMANTHA: Top of Mount Everest. It’s now or neverest. [She POPS out without changing clothes]

Restaurant:

• Script: [The same customer still sits at the bar staring at the spot where Samantha disappeared. He glances away, looks back to see her standing there. He calls the bartender]
  DRUNK: Bartender, I changed my mind. Make it a double . . .it’s too late to quit.
• Episode: The above scene is cut.
  
  
• Script:
  DARRIN: I think jingles have become outmoded. [a]
  SAMANTHA: So do I.
  EDNA: So do I.
  DURFEE: Edna, nobody asked you. [b]
  SAMANTHA: [to Durfee] And I just proved it to you. By talking in poetry until all of you were irritated. Larry, weren’t you irritated?
  LARRY: [hedging] No, not exactly.
  EDNA. I was [c] Now that you mention it.
  DURFEE: So was I. [d] Especially that Mr. Durfee purfee-wurfee.
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are deleted, as are the lines immediately after [c] and [d].
  
  
• Script:
  LARRY: [hollowly] Thank you.
  DARRIN: [a] [He sees some chalky dust on the sleeve of Samantha’s dress] What’s that?
  SAMANTHA: Rock dust from Mount Everest. [b]
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut. [Added are the lines:]
  SAMANTHA: Just Larry’s luck. With the check he got stuck.
  DARRIN: Sam!
  SAMANTHA: Just kidding.

TRAILER

• Script and Episode agree.

# 159, Samantha the Sculptress

NOTE: Scripts seldom have notation for ad lib greetings, farewells, etc. This script is unique in that it calls for ad libs in five places.

TEASER

Tabitha's Room:

• Script: After Tabitha's line," You're a good yeller Daddy", there is a dialog between Darrin and Tabitha as follows:
  
  DARRIN: [patiently] Tabitha, there are some things you should know about modeling clay.
  TABITHA: What things?
  DARRIN: You're supposed to use your hands.
  TABITHA: How come, Daddy?
  DARRIN: Well, modeling clay was made to be molded by hands . . .I mean sculpting with your nose isn't... [can't answer]... Excuse me, Tabitha, but I need to have a few words with your mommy.
  TABITHA: Say goodbye to Cynthia and Country Cousin or their feelings will be hurt.
  DARRIN: Goodbye, Cynthia . . .Goodbye, Country Cousin.
  [Darrin exits]
  
  
• Episode: This scene is cut. Darrin exits after the line, "You're a good yeller, Daddy."

Stephens Living Room:

• Script: As Samantha follows after the bouncing ball, Darrin crosses over to stand next to her.
• Episode: Darrin remains seated on the couch.

ACT I

Stephens Living Room:

• Script: Samantha's first lines end with, " No pun intended."
• Episode: The line, "Mother, you come here this instant" is added.
  
  
• Script: After Darrin's line, "the wicked witch spoiled my appetite." The script continues:
  
  SAMANTHA: [tentatively] How about a drink?
  DARRIN: That's better.
  SAMANTHA: [crossing to the bar] Four Roses? [she giggles, Darrin glares]
  
  
• Episode: The lines beginning with, "How about a drink" are cut.

Darrin's Office:

• Script: Darrin enters carrying a series of layouts. He crosses to the desk and displays a card reading: PLAY BALL WITH W. R. CAMPBELL - FIRST IN SPORTING GOODS. Darrin and Larry look at the cards with comments about how good they are, they will cinch the account, ending with Larry saying, "I've got the contract right here" as he taps his coat pocket. The intercom buzzes.
• Episode: The scene begins at the point where the intercom buzzes.
  
  
• Script: As Waldon R. Campbell enters, the script calls for ad lib introductions. After Campbell's line about the secretary having nicely stacked chips the script calls for more ad lib comments, "Right, that's right, etc".
• Episode: Very little ad libbing is done.
  
  
• Script: Darrin has the lines," Shall we send for ice? I like my medicine cold."
• Episode: These lines are cut. The bit with Campbell making himself another drink with the lines about something being missing are added.

The Golden Spoon Restaurant:

• Script: After Campbell's lines, " how do you think you can help my company's public image?" Darrin starts to speak but realizes he is in no shape to make a sales pitch.
• Episode: Darrin has a line added, " Mr. campaign, our Campbell . . ."
  
  
• Script: Campbell has the lines: " You guys already ate. I'm the one that didn't have lunch. Now let's get down to business . . ."
• Episode: The lines are changed to: "You guys already had ten or twelve olives. That's enough lunch for anyone. Now let's get down to business . . .
  
  
• Script: After Larry's line, "I think we are going down hill", Campbell has lines beginning with "Okay, fellas . . .
• Episode: After Larry's "down hill" line, the episode adds:
  
  Darrin: I think it's too late for lunch. We had better get back to the office.
  Larry: Right, right, good thinking.
  
  
• Script: Campbell's next lines include: "I'll order a sandwich."
• Episode: This line is cut.

ACT II

Stephens Dining Room:

• Script: Calls for a conversation between Samantha and Darrin about how his nap went, what is being served for dinner, how she managed such a feast in such a short time with no warning and Samantha's comment about using witchcraft to make dinner since Darrin did not call her.
• Episode: This scene is cut.
  

Stephens Den:

• Script: After Endora pops out with the clay bust, Samantha has the line, "Darrin, I think this is going to be a very interesting evening" followed by a fade out.
• Episode: Darrin has the line, "Boy, am I asking for it" added before Samantha's line, and "Stay with me" after it.
  

Stephens Entry Area:

• Script: Again calls for ad lib greetings, and for Larry to remove his top coat.
• Episode: Greetings between Darrin, Samantha, and Larry are ad libbed. Larry does not wear a top coat.

Stephens Living Room:

• Script: Calls for Darrin to say "I'll get it" and the scene to switch to the clay bust.
• Episode: Campbell has the line"Them! You can put it all in one glass" added.

Stephens Dining Room:

• Script: Calls for Campbell to complement Samantha on the dinner, calling her a magician. Campbell pours more drinks, Larry wants to get down to business, but Campbell does not talk business till after the brandy course.
• Episode: This scene is cut.
  

Stephens Living Room:

• Script: Calls for the clay busts of Darrin and Larry to have a conversation about how it is to live here.
• Episode: This scene is cut.

Stephens Dining Room:

• Script: Calls for a conversation between Darrin and Samantha about how Endora has done it again, there are four people and six heads in the house and all of them talk, Samantha is concerned that Darrin has been too rude to Endora, and Darrin agrees to apologize.
• Episode: This scene is cut.

Stephens Den:

• Script: Darrin, Larry, and Campbell enter. They sit.
• Episode: Darrin offers Larry and Campbell drinks. Both decline.
  
  
• Script: Larry's statue sneezes. Darrin's statue says, "You ought to see an allergist." Both Campbell and Larry react. The scene switches back to Darrin's sales pitch.
• Episode: After Larry and Campbell react, Larry has a line added, " Lifelike, aren't they". Darrin offers Larry another drink.

Stephens Kitchen:

• Script: Samantha: Mother, Darrin's suffered enough! [ a beat] Mother . . .?
• Episode: Samantha: Mother, Darrin's suffered enough! [a beat] Mother, one of these days POW!!

Stephens Den:

• Script: As Campbell gets ready to sign the contract he has the line, "When you go from pink elephants to talking rocks, you're in trouble."
• Episode: The line is changed to, " When you go from pink elephants to talking rocks, it's time to quit." Campbell also has the line, "How do you spell Campbell?" added.

TRAILER

NOTE: In this script the TRAILER is called the TAG.

• Script: Calls for ad lib farewells as Larry and Campbell are leaving.
• Episode: Ad lib farewells are added.
  
  
• Script: After Larry's bust says, "Heavy on the mayo", the script calls for Darrin and Samantha to react, followed by a fade out.
• Episode: Before the fade out Samantha is given the line, "Mother - Mother dear, I think you forgot something."

END

# 162, Going Ape

REVIEWER’S NOTE: This is a non-Darrin episode.

TEASER

Park Playground:

• Script and Episode Agree.

ACT I

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script: [Samantha looks at the chimp’s collar. There is no tag]
  SAMANTHA: [flatly] A collar with no name tag. What will they think of next?
• Episode: The above is cut.

Stephens’ Patio:

• Script: [Calls for the chimp to carry on fitfully, doing frenetically whatever the chimp can do, as flips, squeals, running around in circles, etc.]
  SAMANTHA: There’s no doubt about it . . .you are a monkey with a problem. [The chimp nods yes]. [a] Okay. You go play on the swings while I put Tabitha down for her nap, then we’ll see . . . .[curiously] what we shall see.
• Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

REVIEWER’S NOTE: In the next scene Samantha changes the chimp into a man. The script notes that he is in jeans and a tee shirt with a lot of hair hanging down. The script also notes that, “It would be nice if he had long hairy arms”.

• Script:
  SAMANTHA: . . . .And you can’t remain a man, not even for one day. [a]
  HARRY: I’ll make a deal with you.
  SAMANTHA: [incredulous] Deal!!!?
  HARRY: Yeah . . .if I don’t make it as a man in one day, I promise I’ll go back to being a chimp quietly.
  SAMANTHA: This is ridiculous.
• Episode: All lines after [a] are cut.
  
  
• Script:
  HARRY: . . .How many people in that park today knew you were a witch?
  SAMANTHA: Oh my stars . . .
  HARRY: Don’t be stubborn about this. [a] All I want is to remain a man, for one measly day. Just to see if I can make it. What could be simpler?
  SAMANTHA: Turning you back into a chimp and taking you home would be a lot simpler. [He makes a face at Samantha and jumps up on the bars and does a giant swing].
• Episode: Everything after [a] is cut.

Larry’s Office:

• Script:
  LARRY: [fighting for control] Mister Stephens and I will give this some thought [a] and tomorrow we’ll uh . . .put this idea up against uh . . .
  EVELYN: I like this idea. [turns to Bobby] Give it to him again.
  BOBBY: “To bring out the best of your beast, give him Brawn Cologne” [b]
  EVELYN: [intrigued] Remarkable, the way they get those things to pop.
  BOBBY: [definitely] Those things are [c] latisimus dorsi.
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut, and the term after [c] is changed to “pectorals”.
  
  
• Script:
  LARRY: . . .We don’t want to rush into anything. [a]
  EVELYN: [archly] Mr. Tate, I’m looking for a model for Brawn Cologne. A model that will rock the women of this country. If you don’t like my muscle-men, come up with a better idea.
  LARRY: We will. We will, Just as soon as Darrin gets back.
• Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

Stephens’ Patio:

• Script:
  HARRY: [brightly] Two funny witches. [a]
  SAMANTHA: Mother, this chimp followed me home today. I changed him into a man to find out who he belongs to and now he wants to remain a human.
  ENDORA: Why in the world would any self respecting chimp want to be a human?
  SAMANTHA: Exactly! [to Harry] If you were meant to be human, you would have been born human.
  HARRY: Then I suppose if a man were meant to fly, he would have been born with wings?
  ENDORA: Touche’d by a chimp. [Harry smiles victoriously. Samantha shoots him a look, then to Endora]
  SAMANTHA: Mother, whose side are you on, his or mine?
  ENDORA: Neither, I’m on the side of fun and games.
• Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script:
  ENDORA: His name? It’s uh . . .Harry . . .Harry Simian. Divine, isn’t he?
  EVELYN: [really taken with him] He certainly is. [a] Is he a friend?
  ENDORA: No, a relative. You might say he’s a cousin of Darby’s.
  LARRY: You mean Darrin.
  ENDORA: [coo] If you insist.
• Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.
  
  
• Script: SAMANTHA [on phone to Darrin] Oh, things are fine - -sort of . . . [a] [beat] Well I mean we miss you, that’s all. [she kisses into the phone]
• Episode: The line after [a] is cut.

ACT II

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script:
  SAMANTHA: . . . He can ruin everything and Larry will find some way to blame Darrin.