Season 8

Fly through the SEASONS:

#'s 1 - 36
#'s 37 - 74
#'s 75 - 107
#'s 108 - 140
#'s 141 - 170
#'s 171 - 200
#'s 201- 228
#'s 229 - 254

This page contains the episodes:
229  230  233  234  239  240  241  242  246  251  252  253  254 

# 229, How Not to Lose Your Head to Henry the Eighth
[ Part 1 ]


Interior Drawing Room of London Hotel:

  • Script: Calls for a close shot of a wristwatch. Camera pulls back to show Darrin looking at his watch, irritated. Darrin crosses to bedroom.
  • Episode: This bit is cut.

  • Script: Calls for Samantha to be in front of a mirror putting finishing touches on her wardrobe.
  • Episode: Samantha is fully dressed. She only picks up her purse.

  • Script: Darrin's first line after the phone rings is: " If that's Larry asking me to come back, tell him I was lost at sea".
  • Episode: This line is reduced to: " If that's Larry, tell him I was lost". Lines are added about Larry knowing they are on vacation, but does not care.

  • Script: Endora's first lines in the telephone conversation are about everything being splendid, and asking if Samantha and Dum Dum are enjoying themselves. Darrin has a line: "I heard that!", to which Endora replies: "Good!".
  • Episode: These lines are cut.

  • Script: Calls for Tabitha to grab the phone away from Adam.
  • Episode: Endora hands the phone to Tabitha.

  • Script: As the conversation continues and Tabitha mentions the swimming pool, Darrin has a fit and reminds Endora that she promised no hocus-pocus in front of the children. Endora replies: " When the thermometer hit 98, my promise melted along with everything else".
  • Episode: Endora's line is cut.


Exterior, Tower of London:

  • Script: Calls for the Governor of the Tower to be reviewing the Yeomen Warders. As Darrin and Samantha watch, the Yeomen march off.
  • Episode: Only three Yeomen are being inspected by an officer. The scene is shortened and does not include the Yeomen marching off.

Interior, Tower of London:

  • Script: Uses the term "Hated witch".
  • Episode: Replaces "Hated" with "Hateful".

  • Script: Samantha has the line: "A thousand years".
  • Episode: The line:"That is a long time even in the life of a warlock" is added.

  • Script: The script does not call for the Yeoman Guard to come back in to the scene at this time.
  • Episode: The Yeoman guide comes into view again and has a line about everyone sticking together.

  • Script: Lord Herbert has a line about falling in love with a lady at the court of HenryVIII.
  • Episode: The word "Lady" is changed to "Witch".

  • Script: Calls for Malvina the Terrible to appear in rumble of thunder and flash of lightning.
  • Episode: No thunder, no lightning. She just pops in.

  • Script: After Malvina casts her spell, the script calls for Samantha to be engulfed by fire and disappear.
  • Episode: Samantha disappears after roll of thunder and flash of lightning.

Exterior, Hampton Court:

  • Script: Calls for the Friar to ride past Samantha, then turn his donkey, go back to her and ask if anything is wrong.
  • Episode: The Friar stops before he gets to Samantha. The lines about anything being wrong are cut.

  • Script: Calls for a cannon shot to be heard, with two or three shots following during Samantha's conversation with the Friar.
  • Episode: Only the one cannon shot is heard.

  • Script: After the line: "Less troublesome than divorce", the script calls for the Friar to ask Samantha if she is a stranger, has she lost her memory, and say the loss of memory can be a boon.
  • Episode: These lines, along with Samantha's replies, are cut.

Interior, Tower of London:

  • Script: [VERBATIM]:
    (ANGLED towards the portrait of the Nobleman. Darrin enters the SHOT furtively and crosses to the nitch.).
    DARRIN: Sam? (He looks around puzzled, then regards the portrait of the Nobleman speculatively).
    (ANOTHER ANGLE - TOUR. The guide is leading the tour toward the entrance hall)
    GUIDE: This ends our tour of the White Tower, ladies and gentlemen. I ope you've enjoyed it alf as much as I, and I wish you a - - - (He stops in shock as he looks o. s.)
    (ANGLE - DARRIN - GUIDE'S POV) (He is addressing the portrait.)
    DARRIN: Would you happen to notice where my wife went? (A beat) Look, I hope you're not sore because I made her put you back in . . . . . (He stops as he becomes aware of the Guide and the tour members staring at him. He grins foolishly).
    DARRIN: (to the group) It's my favorite painting. I was just sort of . . . saying goodby to it.
    TOURIST: Amerikanische naarishkeit (The wife giggles)
    GUIDE: I'll have to ask you to leave with us, sir. Your admission ticket only pays for one tour. Come along, now. (Darrin unwillingly falls in line with the others under the Guide's baleful stare).
  • Episode: This scene is cut in its entirety.

Exterior, Hampton Court:

  • Script: Calls for the players to approach the gate and knock. Shortly, the Chamberlain opens the gate.
  • Episode: The gate is open and the Chamberlain is waiting for the players.

  • Script: Calls for the Chamberlain to pinch Samantha as she passes him.
  • Episode: There is no pinch.


Exterior London Street, Interior Stephens' Living Room:

  • Script: Calls for the scene where Darrin phones Endora thru Endora's line:" I'll start without you", to be the first scene in act two.
  • Episode: The entire scene is moved to act one ahead of the previous scene where the Chamberlain is waiting for the players.

Interior, Dressing Room:

  • Script: After the First Player's line:" Mistress . . . .Can you do something to entertain?", the Second Player [the comedian] has a line;" She can do something to entertain me anytime!".
  • Episode: This line is cut, and Samantha's lines: I . . . .I don't know" are moved up.

  • Script: (VERBITUM):
    FIRST PLAYER: (to Samantha)Good. Then you will sing and play for his Majesty. (To the others) Now what turn shall we commence with? The playlet, perhaps?
    SECOND PLAYER: No, no. No one will hear us.
    FIRST PLAYER: Why not?
    SECOND PLAYER: Have you never heard the King eat? It was he who put the din in dinner!
  • Episode: After the line: "For his Majesty", the remainder of the lines are cut and replaced with:
    FIRST PLAYER (to Samantha): "And I will teach you some of his favorites".

Interior, Tower of London:

  • Script: After Endora's line about getting some information, the Guide comes thru with another group. He sees Endora in the painting, and in some shock says this is a painting of Sir Herbert and Lady Wellingford.
  • Episode: The bit with the guide is cut.

  • Script: Endora tells Darrin Samantha has been zapped back to the 16th century.
  • Episode: "In the year 1542" is added to Endora's lines.

Interior, Dining Hall:

  • Script: Script calls for Samantha to begin singing before Henry has his line about not being able to live with a wife.
  • Episode: Samantha begins to sing after these lines.

  • Script: As Samantha is seated by the King, the script calls for the Second Player to begin a magic act.
  • Episode: Two other players do a juggling act.

Exterior, Hampton Court:

  • Script: As Darrin pops in, the same Friar seen earlier rides by. He is dozing. He does a take, kicks the donkey into a trot.
  • Episode: The Friar has been drinking. When he sees Darrin he throws the bottle away.

TRAILER (or TAG, as it is referred to here)

Exterior, Hampton Court:

  • Script: This scene begins with a shot of Darrin wandering about.
  • Episode: This bit is cut.



# 230, How Not to Lose Your Head to Henry the Eighth
[ Part Two ]


NOTE: The entire teaser is a series of flashbacks to part one, summarizing what happened in that episode [# 229]. Also, there are wording changes in the script for the flashbacks. In the episodes, sections of part one are fitted into the flashbacks so that the wording and actions are the same in both episodes.

Interior, Tower of London:

  • Script: (The Nobleman in the painting addresses Samantha)
    Nobleman: Do you have any idea what it's like to be stuck in this painting? Not being able to budge for hundreds of years?
    Samantha: It must be terrible. Especially if you get an itch.
  • Episode: These lines are cut and are replaced with the scene from # 229 where the Nobleman asks Samantha if she has the power to release him.

  • Script: When Malvina appears, her lines are different from the same scene in part one.
  • Episode: The scene from part one is used

  • Script: Again the Guide is shown referring to the painting as being of "Sir Herbert and Lady Wellingford".
  • Episode: As in part one, this scene is cut.

  • Script: The scene where Darrin asks what is to stop Samantha from slapping him in the face, to which Endora replies: "Nothing", is repeated.
  • Episode: The scene is cut from part two.

  • Script: Endora repeats the spell used to send Darrin back the second time.
  • Episode: Endora does not use the spell, only an arm motion.

  • Script: Calls for a repeat of the scene where the Friar rides by as Darrin appears.
  • Episode: The Friar bit is not used.

Interior, Dressing Room:

  • Script: The TRAILER scene from Part One is repeated in it's entirety from the point where Henry catches Samantha.
  • Episode: More than half of the dialog is dropped.

  • Script: The announcer's last lines are: "Samantha had good reason to be alarmed. Women had a fatal attraction for Henry. And Samantha had no desire to be one of the fatalities".
  • Episode: These lines are cut.


Exterior Palace Courtyard:

  • Script: Calls for a typical courtyard, possibly near the kitchen, stables, etc., with people moving about doing routine work. Darrin wanders in and hears Samantha singing and tries to figure out where the sound is coming from.
  • Episode: This scene is moved to the middle of the following scene after Henry's line: "Come and sit beside us, my sweet".

Interior, Corridor:

  • Script: (Chamberlain and Courtier approach Henry's door and hear his laughter)
    Chamberlain: Do you think we should interrupt?
    Courtier: It all depends on what's tickling him. Or who.
  • Episode: These lines are cut.

  • Script: Calls for Darrin to hail the page with the pastry tray and tell him he is wanted downstairs. The page argues that he is supposed to take the tray to the King.
  • Episode: This dialog is cut following Darrin's line that the page is wanted downstairs.

Interior, Henry's Chamber:

  • Script: After Darrin enters with the pastry tray, the Chamberlain asks to speak to the King in private. They go to a far corner of the room.
  • Episode: The Chamberlain, Courtier, and Henry go into the next room.

  • Script: After Samantha's line: "Why? It sounds like a good thing to forget", the script continues:
    Darrin: Just pucker up and give me one little kiss.
    Samantha: You must be mad.
    Darrin: Yeah. And I'm getting madder by the minute. Come on, you've got to get out of here.
    Samantha: Why?
    Darrin: Why? That guy's the greatest widower in history. That's why! (Seizing her hand) Quick! While they're talking.
  • Episode: These lines are cut. NOTE: In this area of the script the use of the Royal plural is omitted several times. The episode corrects this oversight.

Interior, Dungeon:

  • Script: The Jailer hears Darrin quacking, stops grinding on the axe and moves to see what is going on with Darrin. When Darrin sees the Jailor watching him he stops quacking.
    Jailor: If it'll make you 'appy, after we chop off yer 'ead, we'll have you plucked.
    Darrin: Very funny.
    Jailor (shaking his head): Looney as a bed bug, he is . . .and that's a fact.
  • Episode: The Jailor is shown only briefly. He does not look up or stop his work. The lines are cut.

  • Script: As Endora hypnotizes the Jailor, her lines include: "A prisoner could take his own life with this". Continued by: (Sleep) I won't report you this time. (Sleep) But don't let it happen again".
  • Episode: After the "take his own life", the remainder is cut.

Interior, Ballroom:

  • Script: Calls for Endora and Darrin to enter and join in the dance.
  • Episode: They do not join in the dance.

  • Script: After Endora chokes when describing what a fine match Darrin would be, the dialog continues with Darrin urging Samantha to give him a kiss, saying it's for her own good, to hurry, and what has she got to lose? Endora backs up Darrin's request.
  • Episode: This section, down to where Darrin asks Samantha "For the sake of the children" is cut.

  • Script: Calls for Henry to strip to the waist as he prepares to wrestle Darrin.
  • Episode: Henry removes only his coat and hat.

  • Script: As Henry and Darrin wrestle, Endora and Samantha argue over Darrin being afraid, who is responsible for the match, and how Samantha should have given him a kiss.
  • Episode: These lines are cut.

  • Script: Calls for Henry to lift Darrin over his head, and after an airplane spin, crash him to the floor. To applause, Henry starts to lift Darrin for the final kill.
  • Episode: Henry does no more than squeeze Darrin so that Darrin slips to the floor. There is no attempt by Henry to lift Darrin again.


Interior, Tower of London:

  • Script: After the Guide and his group leave, Samantha and Endora exchange comments about what has happened.
  • Episode: Most of this conversation is cut.

  • Script: (After Endora brings Sir Herbert out of the painting)
    Samantha: But what about Malvina the Terrible?
    Darrin: Yeah, that's how this whole thing got started.
    Endora: I assure you that Malvina the Terrible is no match for Endora the Adorable.
  • Episode: These lines are cut.



# 233, Bewitched, Bothered, and Baldoni


Entrance Corridor of Museum:

  • Script: Samantha and Darrin stop to admire a display of dolls. One of the dolls is Endora.
    DARRIN: That’s what I call bad casting. Your mother as a doll. [Endora POPS out of the cabinet full size].
  • Episode: Endora does not POP out of the cabinet until her lines that begin with, “Speaking of promises - - -“.


Statuary Room of Museum:

  • Script: Endora stands in front of the statue of Venus while some tourists wander through the exhibit. After they leave, Endora ZAPS a velvet rope across the entrance with a large sign [in English, French, Italian, German, and Arabic] that reads, “Closed for repairs”. Endora then begins the incantation that brings Venus to life.
  • Episode: There are no visitors, no rope and no sign. The scene starts as Endora begins her incantation.

  • Script: As Endora and Venus start to leave the statuary room:
    VENUS: You said something about lighting a mortal man’s desire.
    ENDORA: Yes. You see, I have this clod of a son-in-law . . . .
  • Episode: These lines are cut.


  • Script: [Venus has joined Darrin at his table.]
    DARRIN: - - -You have the most remarkable eyes. Hazel aren’t they?
    VENUS: That is your favorite color? No?
    DARRIN: Yes!
    VENUS: [moving closer to him] Then they are hazel.
  • Episode: Darrin asks if her eyes are green. She says they are green. She does not move closer to him. NOTE: Throughout the episode the script calls for Darrin to say her eyes are hazel. In the episode he always says “green”.

  • Script: A waiter arrives, stands transfixed as he looks at Venus. Darrin tries to get the waiter’s attention to order wine. The waiter only looks at Venus and says her eyes are blue. Darrin says again her eyes are hazel, then says Samantha has hazel eyes.
  • Episode: This scene is completely cut. NOTE: Samantha has green eyes.

Living Room of Italian Villa:

  • Script: Calls for three maids to be working. One is vacuuming, one is polishing the furniture and the third is moving toward the front door to answer the doorbell. The cook brings in a dish for Samantha to sample. Samantha says it needs more oregano.
  • Episode: There are only two maids and both are working at the dining table. Samantha samples the cook’s dish and approves of it.

  • Script: Larry berates Darrin for missing the meeting with Baldoni. Darrin says they will make it up to Baldoni at dinner.
  • Episode: Darrin says that the Baldoni’s will be there for dinner and for the weekend.

  • Script: After Venus enters Larry stares at her with mouth agape.
    SAMANTHA: Close your mouth Larry, and say hello.
  • Episode: Samantha’s line is cut.

Dining Room of Villa:

  • Script: Calls for a long conversation between Larry and Darrin over Venus [now called Vanessa]. Larry is plainly jealous that Darrin saw her first. Larry tries to convince Darrin that taking Vanessa home with him will be a mistake, mainly because Larry wants that chance. Larry insists her eyes are brown. Darrin says they are hazel.
  • Episode: This scene is cut.

Samantha and Darrin’s Bedroom:

  • Script: Samantha knows that there is something weird about Vanessa and thinks her mother has something to do with it.
    SAMANTHA: - - - -And it’s just possible that mother’s weird sense of humor is hard at work.
    DARRIN: [disappointed] Sam, I’m surprised at you. I befriend a poor, lonely, desperate girl and you immediately start blaming your mother for some hanky-panky.
    SAMANTHA: Darrin, believe me, that girl is trouble. She has some power over you and you’re helpless and you are going to wind up making a fool of yourself, and what’s worse, sooner or later you’re going to apologize for not listening to me and I’m not too sure I’m going to forgive you.
  • Episode: The lines after, “ mother’s weird sense of humor is hard at work”, are cut.


Living Room of Villa:

  • Script: The Baldoni’s have arrived. He sees Vanessa [with the usual reaction] and says her eyes are green. NOTE: He says “green” throughout the script.
  • Episode: He says her eyes are hazel. [throughout the episode].

  • Script: [after Samantha has returned with Adonis]
    DARRIN: Sam, why don’t you take the lovebirds into the garden where they can have a little more privacy?
    SAMANTHA: Right! Come along you crazy kids.
    [Adonis picks Venus up in his arms and follows Samantha through the French doors. During the following scene, we hear in the background sounds of the Baldonis hurling insults at one another in Italian. Lecher . . .Battleaxe . . .Old goat . . .Granite face . . .Adulterer . . .etc.]
  • Episode: Adonis does not carry Venus. There is no argument heard between the Baldonis.

Garden of the Villa:

  • Script: After Samantha’s line, “Touch what and go where?”, the Baldonis are heard arguing.
  • Episode: No argument is heard.

Living Room of the Villa:

  • Script: The Baldonis continue their argument. He takes her cape and starts to the garden to give the cape to Vanessa. This starts another string of abuse. Samantha has the line, “Oh, brother - - -Love, Italian style."
  • Episode: The above scene is cut.


Statuary Room of Museum:

  • Script: Samantha, Darrin, Larry, and Mr. And Mrs. Baldoni enter. Baldoni is explaining - - -.
    BALDONI: The crime of the century has become the mystery of the century.
    DARRIN: Well, everybody loves a mystery.
    BALDONI: Except the curator of the museum. He has had a nervous breakdown.[They have arrived at the statues and they are revealed to be holding hands as we last saw them.]
    SAMANTHA: [innocently] I don’t know why all the fuss. They look just as good as the original.
    BALDONI: The fuss is they are the original. Everything’s the same. But a different position.
    LARRY: It’s probably the work of some hippy.
    BALDONI: Impossible. It’s a work of art.
    SAMANTHA: Mr. Baldoni, Rome has always been known as the Enchanted City where the magic of love can bring true the impossible dream.
    BALDONI: So?!
    SAMANTHA: So, why look for scientific explanations . . .what’s more important is these two lovers have joined hands through some sort of miracle.
  • Episode: The entire script trailer is not used. The last part of ACT II, beginning in the garden as Darrin enters [after Venus, Adonis and Endora have disappeared] is used as the episode trailer.



# 234, Paris, Witches Style


Taxi on Street in Paris Intercut with Tabitha’s Bedroom:

  • Script: Darrin and Samantha are seeing the sights in Paris. Samantha is sending mental postcards to Adam and Tabitha, describing the things they pass. Described are the Arc de Triomphe, Palais de I’Elysee, Place de la Concorde, Cleopatra's Needle, and the Cathedral of Notre Dame. Included are Darrin saying hello to the children, Tabitha waving Adam’s hand at the blackboard.
  • Episode: All but the Arc de Triomphe and the Obélisque de Luxor (which is what they meant by "Cleopatra's Needle") are deleted, as are most of the children’s comments. The Cathedral of Notre Dame is changed to the Louvre Museum.

End Episode TEASER

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: A driverless Rolls Royce comes through the wall and parks in the center of the living room. Maurice exits from the rear seat.
    MAURICE: He has come!
    ENDORA: [coming down the stairs] Hello, Maurice.
    MAURICE: He is going.
    ENDORA: If you ever said anything nice to me, I think I’d die.
    MAURICE: Is that a promise? [then] Where is everybody?
    ENDORA: The children are upstairs. Samantha and what’s-his-name are in Paris.
    MAURICE: [tensely] Which Paris?
    ENDORA: The one overseas.
    MAURICE: How long have they been there?
    ENDORA: [trying to make light of it] Not more than a week.
    MAURICE: [stunned] A whole week? And they didn’t hop over to London to pay their respects to me?
    ENDORA: Now, Maurice, don’t get upset.
    MAURICE: I am not upset – I am merely a little disappointed – no, disappointed is too strong a word - -peeved that our daughter would not have the courtesy to - -
    ENDORA: I can tell you’re overwrought.
    MAURICE: [low and menacing] I am not overwrought. If anything, I am underwrought.
    ENDORA: Don’t you lower your voice to me, Maurice.
    MAURICE: [Maurice studies her for a moment, walks back to his car, opens the door, turns to Endora, and declaims:] “She was not really bad at heart, but only rather rude and wild; she was an aggravating child”.
    ENDORA: Hillaire Belloc wrote that.
    MAURICE: Of course. I dictated it to him. [He gets into his car. We hear the roar of the motor and the Rolls drives through the wall].
    ENDORA: Methinks the “aggravating child” is going to need some help from her Mommy.
  • Episode: This scene is cut.

End Script TEASER


Paris Hotel Sitting Room:

  • Script: Endora pops in. Her first comment to Samantha is “not to worry, that Aunt Hagatha is with the children”.
  • Episode: It is Esmeralda who is with the children. All script references to Aunt Hagatha are changed to Esmeralda in the episode.

NOTE: Endora creates a double of Darrin to talk to Maurice, so that Maurice will not ZAP the real Darrin. All script cues for the created Darrin are: “ROBOT DARRIN”.

  • Script:
    ROBOT DARRIN: Hi, Sam. [to Endora] Endora, how magnificent you look. And how pleasant to see you.
    ENDORA: Thank you.
    ROBOT DARRIN: Maurice, is that you? [Maurice slowly turns, a look of pure malevolence on his face] Maurice, you look marvelous.
    MAURICE: Yes, I suppose I do. Now have you any final words before we pronounce - -
    ROBOT DARRIN: [interrupting] What a lovely surprise! [he shakes Maurice’s hand vigorously]
    MAURICE: Before we pronounce - -
    SAMANTHA: Daddy is very angry with you, Darrin.
  • Episode: Robot Darrin’s greeting to Endora is cut, as is her reply. Maurice’s first, “Before we pronounce - -“, line is changed to, “Before I ZAP you . . .” The rest of the lines before Samantha’s line are cut.

  • Script:
    MAURICE: Maybe those eyes. Not these. [bellowing] Duncan, I . . .
    ENDORA: [correcting] It’s Durwood.
    SAMANTHA: It’s Darrin.
    MAURICE: No matter. It’ll be “mud” when I get through with him.
  • Episode: The lines after, “Duncan, I . . .” are cut.

  • Script:
    MAURICE: Nonsense. The truth never sounds insincere.
    ROBOT DARRIN: I ordered a halo but Pablo must have forgotten.
  • Episode: Between the above two lines is added:
    ENDORA: I think it would look fantastic over there. [She ZAPS the painting to the wall over the fireplace].

  • Script:
    ENDORA: For as long as Maurice remains in residence.
    SAMANTHA: But he’ll get suspicious!
    ENDORA: I’ll try to turn the robot down a bit.
  • Episode: The last two lines are cut.

Hotel Sitting Room [later]:

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: [to Darrin] Sweetheart, please, I need your help.
    DARRIN: For what?
    SAMANTHA: You’ve got to help me get rid of you.
    DARRIN: What???
    SAMANTHA: Sweetheart, I haven’t got time to explain, but daddy’s in the bedroom and he’ll be out any second.
    DARRIN: What?
    SAMANTHA: There’s no time for “what’s”. Just go along with everything. [Darrin looks at her a beat and then bottoms the drink that he has made].
    DARRIN: That is the first of what I have a feeling is going to be several drinks. [Endora gestures toward the bedroom door]
  • Episode: After Darrin’s “What???”, the rest of the lines are cut.

Hotel Bedroom:

  • Script: [Robot Darrin suddenly clutches his head]
    MAURICE: What is it?
    ROBOT DARRIN: I’ve got this sudden headache. Would you be good enough to get me a glass of water?
    MAURICE: Certainly. [Maurice starts for the sitting room door]
    ROBOT DARRIN: The bathroom is closer. [Maurice reverses position and enters the bathroom. The moment he is out of sight, ZAP! – The Robot Darrin fades into thin air.]
  • Episode: The Robot Darrin does not complain about a headache. He gets the hic-cups. Maurice has the line added about burping him, and then says he will get a glass of water. When he turns his back, the Robot Darrin fades out. The bit about the Robot Darrin clutching his head, and his following lines are cut.

Hotel Sitting Room:

  • Script:
    ENDORA: Leave him alone, Maurice. He forgot.
    DARRIN: Yeah . . .well . . uh . . .so . . .been in Paris for long?
    MAURICE: One sip of the sauce has addled the man’s brain.
    SAMANTHA: He means are you staying in Paris for long?
    MAURICE: [with a touch of suspicion] Long enough to finish our chat.
    DARRIN: Yes, let’s finish our - -our what?
  • Episode: After Endora’s line, the rest of the lines are cut.

  • Script:
    MAURICE: I’ll do the jokes around here, young lady. [to Endora] Thou hast betrayed my credulous innocence with visor’d falsehood . . .
    SAMANTHA: What does that mean?
    MAURICE: She pulled a fast one
  • Episode: After, “I’ll do the jokes around here”, the rest is cut.


Paris Street – Taxi:

  • Script:
    DRIVER: [with a French accent] Marveilleux! Americans! What would Paris be without you?
    SAMANTHA: We give up. What?
    DRIVER: A civilized city. Forgive me, madam, I have nothing against Americans. Some of my best friends are Americans. There are beautiful Americans. There are ugly Americans. And then there are those crazy Americans …like the one who climbed the Eiffel Tower this afternoon. [Samantha winces]
    DARRIN: Did it ever occur to you that what the so-called crazy American did was beyond his control?
    DRIVER: Ah, yes, of course. L’amour will do this sometimes. Poor fellow. The woman she can drive the man up the wall. This one drove him up the Eiffel Tower.
    SAMANTHA: Wrong. I happen to know that particular gentleman is very happily married.
    DARRIN: Until recently, I hear. [Samantha reaches over and slides the window shut, separating the driver from the passengers]
    SAMANTHA: [quietly] Sweetheart, how can I apologize for daddy’s behavior?
    DARRIN: His behavior? What about you and your mother?
    SAMANTHA: Look at the bright side. Daddy’s had his revenge.
    DARRIN: That’s the bright side of him. What about me?
    SAMANTHA: I don’t think we’ll be seeing him for another year. Now, lets have a smile
    DARRIN: Make that two years and you’ve got a deal.
  • Episode: The above scene is entirely cut. Act II begins with Samantha and Darrin entering the hotel suite.

Hotel Sitting Room:

  • Script:
    ENDORA: Maurice, perhaps you frighten Samantha, but you don’t frighten me. [Maurice and Endora lock eyeballs]
    MAURICE: You are fighting me, Endora.
    ENDORA: Isn’t that why our marriage has endured?
    MAURICE: Foolish girl, are you going to match your powers against mine? [Maurice and Endora engage in another stare down. Finally:]
    ENDORA: [smiles] You’re getting older.
    MAURICE: Not at all. You’re just getting more obstinate. [looking around] I’ll find him. [He begins pacing around the room, finally stops by the coffee table and zeroes in on a bowl of fruit. Endora nods to Samantha to a statue of Napoleon that has appeared on the mantle] Of course, the man has obviously gone bananas. [he flicks his finger at the bowl and the banana peels itself, and then an invisible knife slices the banana.] Cowards die many times before their deaths. The valiant dies but once. No scream for mercy? You are a brave lad. It appears I have missed. [He turns from the banana and finally settles on a fluffy pillow] Of course, feather brain. Nice touch, Endora. [he waves his arm and the pillow explodes]
    SAMANTHA: Daddy, we’ll be thrown out of the hotel.
  • Episode: Everything between, “You don’t frighten me”, and, ”We’ll be thrown out of the hotel” is cut. The statue appears on a corner table, not the mantle.


Hotel Sitting Room:

  • Script: Calls for Maurice to suggest making a reservation for dinner and causing a telephone to appear.
  • Episode: This bit is cut.

  • Script: Maurice has lines for an advertisement about a tourist clinging to the top of the Eiffel tower, with a slogan beneath it that reads: “Don’t try to see Paris from the top of the Eiffel Tower. Let Europa Tours show it to you properly”.
  • Episode: The slogan is changed to: “Europa Tours towers above them all.”

  • Script: As Sagan returns he sees the group dressed for dinner. His line is, “Well, au re...”
  • Episode: A line is added for Sagan, “I don’t believe it.”

NOTE: There appears to be a script error here. In the script, the line, “What’s not to believe? We always dress for dinner”, is given to Sagan, which makes little sense. In the episode, the line is given to Samantha.



# 239, The Warlock in the Gray Flannel Suit


Stephens’ Kitchen:

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: I think I’m in a rut.
    ENDORA: [to Darrin] You certainly are sensitive . . .for a clod. {to Samantha] Have you told him?
  • Episode: The first part of Endora’s line is cut.

  • Script: Endora questions why Darrin has to tag along.
  • Episode: This line is cut.


Stephens’ Roof:

  • Script: Endora’s incantation to bring Alonzo to her:

Powers of day, powers of night
Bring me Alonzo . . .into my sight.
Powers of flight, powers of day,
Bring him beside me . . .right away.

  • Episode: The incantation is shortened and changed to:

Powers of day, powers of night,
Bring Alonzo here . . .into my sight.

  • Script:
    ENDORA: Have I told you about my daughter’s mortal marriage?
    ALONZO: Not more than a thousand times.
    ENDORA: Alonzo, I’ve come to a decision and I need your help.
    ALONZO: You . . .Endora, the incomparable, the all-powerful . . .super-witch herself . . .you need my help?
    ENDORA: I have to be able to give Samantha my witch’s honor I’m not meddling.
    ALONZO: But, you are!
    ENDORA: Don’t try to cloud the issue with facts.
  • Episode: The first line is changed from, ”my daughter’s mortal marriage”, to, ”Samantha’s mortal marriage”. With Endora’s line that she has come to a decision, the rest of the lines are cut.

Reception Room:

  • Script:
    DARRIN: That’s pretty insulting.
    LARRY: But somehow, it appeals to me. . . .
    ALONZO: For instance, that Crocker soup ad, a real burner.
    DARRIN: [indignant] That was my idea.
    LARRY: Right, a real bummer.
    DARRIN: Let me remind you Larry. You liked the idea.
    LARRY: I know. It shows you how wrong I can be sometimes.
    DARRIN: [indignant] Are we going to stand here and let this poor man’s “Easy Rider” . .
  • Episode: Beginning with Larry’s first line, the scene is cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: Samantha’s spell to summon Endora:

Humming bird and dragon fly wings,
Palm and Borrego Springs,
Rota-Roo . . .and Irish Stew,
Wherever you are, let’s hear from you.

  • Episode: “Rota-Roo” is changed to “Timbuktu”.

Tate’s Office:

  • Script:
    DARRIN: Larry, I’m not the office boy.
    ALONZO: [a friendly grin] Not yet!
    LARRY: [gleefully] Amazing, isn’t it! These ideas are so simple - -but they stimulate the urge to buy so strongly it’s almost sinful.
    DARRIN: [leveling] Larry, the ideas that this weirdo is coming up with are nothing!
    ALONZO: A typical reactionary comment.
    DARRIN: Believe me, I know.
    LARRY: More than I do, I take it?
    DARRIN: In this case, yes.
  • Episode: Larry’s line beginning with, “Amazing” is cut, along with the last three of the above lines.



  • Script: [ Darrin is talking to his buddy, Dave]
    DARRIN: I don’t know, Dave. . . .I love Sam and I know she loves me.
    DAVE: Two people, a fifty-fifty proposition . . .give and take . . .a beautiful union.
    DARRIN: Except for my mother-in-law.
    DAVE: Share and share alike. It’s the only way.
    DARRIN: I mean, putting a spell on Larry . . .sending that freak to the office . . .
    DAVE: It’s the little things that count. Candies, flowers, a new dress maybe.
    DARRIN: I guess a mother-in-law’s supposed to be a pain. I mean, after all, she is a mother-in-law.
    DAVE: Take my aunt and uncle. A mixed marriage. He’s good and she’s rotten . . .but they stay together.
    DARRIN: What I’ve got to realize and never forget is that I’m not married to my mother-in-law.
    DAVE: Forty years together . . .they hate each other but they stick it out. That’s love.
    DARRIN: And I love Sam. I’ve got to keep remembering that, too. I shouldn’t expect any thanks from Endora.
    DAVE: You don’t have to thank me, Darrin. I’m glad I could help.
  • Episode: The above scene is cut. ACT II begins with Samantha appearing beside Darrin in the bar.

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: She’s sort of got her phone off the hook . . .Naturally, you didn’t get anywhere with Larry.
    DARRIN: Sam, he practically dared me to start my own agency.
  • Episode: Between the above two lines is inserted:
    DARRIN: Nowhere. I’ve got a good mind to quit.
    SAMANTHA: Darrin, don’t do that. I’ve got a feeling that’s exactly what Mother is up to.
    DARRIN: What do you mean?
    SAMANTHA: If you’re out of a job, we can go to Panda’s wedding next week.
    DARRIN: You’re kidding.
    SAMANTHA: If I know my Mother . . .
    DARRIN: Sam, what amazes me, is a wonderful person like you could have such a monster for a mother.
    SAMANTHA: I’ll take that as a compliment.

Empty Office:

  • Script: Larry starts to open the door of the empty office. Behind him Samantha ZAPS reception room furnishings into the room before Larry can get the door open.
  • Episode: Added is Larry going into the office and going to the door to the inner office. Samantha ZAPS very fancy furniture into the inner office before Larry opens the door.

  • Script: The Name Montecarlo and Montecello are used interchangeably throughout the script.
  • Episode: Montecello is consistently used in the episode.

  • Script:
    ALONZO: It’s the seductive sound of bare feet on your carpets. Think about it. [He reaches for his ankh, and Samantha points a finger at it. He starts to rub it, and it sparks and he drops it in pain]. Ouch! [as Larry looks at him] A sharp point or something.
    CUSHMAN: Do you like it Larry?
    LARRY: I’m crazy about it!
    CUSHMAN: You must be . . .crazy that is. Let’s see what else you have.
    ALONZO: Mr. Cushman, keep in mind that white is the symbol of purity -- -tranquility – and peace. [he turns the card over. It’s apparently the blank one
    LARRY: Pure perfection . . .!
    CUSHMAN: Don’t look now, but there’s nothing on it.
    ALONZO: Read the fine print. [Alonzo holds the card as Cushman peers at it]. See? Notice how you’re focusing all your attention on it!
    CUSHMAN: [leaning back] Fantastic! [Samantha is a little surprised]
    LARRY: I knew you’d like it!
    CUSHMAN: I hate it! It’s fantastic you’d dare to present anything like this!
    ALONZO: Give it a moment. It’ll get to you. He reaches for the ankh again.
  • Episode: After Alonzo’s first line, the entire scene is cut. Where it says he reaches for the ankh again, it is the first time he reaches for it.

  • Script:
    CUSHMAN: What’s this guy on?
    ALONZO: I can feel it! I can sense it! I’m leaving! This place has bad vibes!
  • Episode: Alonzo’s lines are altered to: “ It’s a bummer! I can feel it! I can sense it! I’m leaving! This place has bad vibes.” [he removes the spell on Larry with]:

Tail of newt and eye of bat,
Take the spell off this here cat!


Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: [The scene opens with Darrin pouring champagne into three glasses for himself, Samantha, and Endora who is wearing automobile racing gear - - -coveralls with racing stripes and is carrying a crash helmet]
    ENDORA: I hope this is important! I was in the middle of winning the Kiwi 500 in New Zealand.
    SAMANTHA: Well, I thought you’d want to know that Darrin’s been practically forced to quit his job.
    ENDORA: [a secret smile] Oh, what a shame . . .now I suppose you can make Panda’s wedding.
    SAMANTHA: Not really, because . . . .
    DARRIN:[ continuing] I opened my own agency and my first client came over from Larry because he couldn’t stand some weird hippy that Larry hired.
    SAMANTHA: So we’re celebrating! Isn’t that good news? [they raise their glasses].
    ENDORA: It’s so good it’s revolting. Well, I better get back to the race before somebody starts wondering why there’s nobody in my car! [She POPS out].
    DARRIN: She’s a sore loser.
  • Episode: Darrin does pour three glasses of champagne. All of the lines in this scene are deleted. The scene begins with Samantha and Darrin deciding to let Larry stew for a while.

  • Script:
    LARRY: Well, one of these days, if you keep out of further trouble, that’s the way it’s going to read. [he extends his hand] It’s great to have you back Darrin. I think I’ll go home and celebrate with . . .
    SAMANTHA: Louise.
    LARRY: Oh. Yeah, Louise . . . .Ciao. [he exits]
  • Episode: Between Larry’s first line and his, “Ciao”, the lines are cut.



# 240, The Eight-Year Itch Witch (Aired as: The Eight-Year Witch)


Stephens’ Kitchen:

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: Okay, who’s the wise witch?
    DARRIN: What are these doing here?
  • Episode:
    SAMANTHA: Okay, who’s the wise witch?
    DARRIN: Sam, did you call me?
    DARRIN: What are these doing here?

  • Script:
    ENDORA: Is it wrong for a mother to try to protect her little girl?
    SAMANTHA: It’s wrong for a mother to go snooping into . . .
    ENDORA: [interrupting] I’m not snooping. Dobbin’s briefcase just happened to be in my landing pattern.
    DARRIN: Endora, I wish you’d hijack your self and land somewhere else . . .like Siberia.
  • Episode: After the first line, the rest is cut.

  • Script: [Darrin puts the pictures in his briefcase].
    DARRIN: Endora, I don’t have to explain this to you but these pictures happen to be of models . . .we’re trying to choose this year’s “Cat Girl” . . .for the Topcat Tractor account.
    ENDORA: If you don’t, why did you?
    DARRIN: Why did I what?
    ENDORA: Explain it to me.
    DARRIN: Honey, I think I’ll skip breakfast. [kisses her] Remember, dinner tonight at Casa d’Oro.
    SAMANTHA: Don’t worry, I won’t forget.
  • Episode: Other than Darrin’s line about skipping breakfast, this scene is cut.



  • Script: The scene opens with light fluffy clouds in a blue sky. Endora POPS in sitting on a cloud.
  • Episode: The scene opens with Endora seated on a cloud.

Darrin’s Office:

  • Script:
    BURKEHOLDER: I must admit we’ve seen a lot of gorgeous creatures but I haven’t seen that special quality we had in last year’s cat lady.
    DARRIN: I think the best thing to do is stay with the girl we have.
    BURKEHOLDER: Never! We’ve got to find a new cat girl.
    LARRY: If last year’s girl was so great, why don’t we use her again?
    BURKFHOLDER: Believe me . . .I’m all for that . . .but Mrs. Burkeholder doesn’t share my enthusiasm.
  • Episode: After Burkeholder’s first line, the rest is deleted.

  • Script:
    DARRIN I admit she looks good, but shouldn’t we check her . . .
    LARRY: Darrin, we don’t have much time and Mr. Burkeholder likes what he sees.
    BURKEHOLDER: Stephens, we’ve been looking at girls for weeks, and believe me, this one is it.
  • Episode: After Darrin’s first line, the rest is cut.

Photo Lab:

  • Script:
    OPHELIA: . . .his very presence is all I need to overcome any stage fright I might have.
    LARRY: Stage fright?
    Ophelia: Yes . . .you see I’ve only had experience as a model . . .I’ve never had to appear before large groups or make personal appearances or anything like that.
    BURKHOLDER: Why didn’t you tell us.
    Ophelia: [innocently] No one asked me.
  • Episode: After Ophelia’s lead in line, the rest is cut.

  • Script:
    DARRIN: You’ll be in the very capable hands of Mr. Tate and Mr. Burkholder.
    OPHELIA: [crestfallen] Oh. [she sits down] Now isn’t that silly of me. I just had a terrible attack of panic. You see, Mr. Burkeholder, I never dreamed I’d have to do anything but sit, stand, and pose.
    LARRY: But Darrin briefed you.
    OPHELIA: Yes, but I thought he was going to be there. I mean walking out on that stage in front of hundreds of total strangers [laughs nervously].
  • Episode: Other than the lead in line, the lines are cut.

  • Script:
    OPHELIA: I’ll try not to give him any trouble at all.
    LARRY: [smiling] Excuse us a moment, Mr. Burkeholder, Ophelia. [He indicates for Darrin to come with him. They cross out of the picture. The camera stays on Burkeholder and Ophelia]
    BURKEHOLDER: Tell me something about yourself, Ophelia.
    OPHELIA: Well, I’m an outdoor girl. I like to hunt and fish and chase birds . . .that is . . .I enjoy bird watching.
    BURKEHOLDER: Really. [Camera cuts to Darrin and Larry]
    LARRY: It’s all your fault! You’ve given Ophelia so much help, encouragement, and bravado that she’s afraid to clear her throat without your blessings.
    DARRIN: Well she can take my blessings with her to Albany . . .with my blessings.
    LARRY: But why can’t you go?
    DARRIN: Because I have a very important dinner date tonight.
    LARRY: With who?
    DARRIN: Samantha.
    LARRY: What could be important about a dinner date with your wife?
    DARRIN: We’re celebrating the anniversary of our first date.
    LARRY: Big deal. Send her a box of candy.
    DARRIN: I’m sorry Larry. I promised.
    LARRY: So what? Take it from an older and wiser head. It won’t be the last promise you’ll break. [Darrin glances at Ophelia]
    DARRIN: Besides, there’s something about her that bothers me.
    LARRY: Me, too, but I’m not lucky enough to have given her all that confidence. [a beat] You sure that’s all you gave her?
    DARRIN: Larry, will you stop!
    LARRY: Okay, you have a choice. [points to open door] There’s the door . . .open . . .unobstructed. Go.
    DARRIN: Go where?
    LARRY: To Albany tonight . . or up and down Madison Avenue tomorrow . . .looking for another job. And if your decision is to go to Albany, I’d like to say one thing. I hate you.
  • Episode: After Ophelia’s first line, the rest of the scene is cut.

Darrin’s Hotel Room intercut with Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: [Samantha and Darrin are on the phone]
    SAMANTHA: Well, don’t worry about it, Sweetheart. There’s nothing you can do about the weather.
    DARRIN: There’s nothing I can do about it . . .but are you sure your mother hasn’t been messing around with the weather?
    SAMANTHA: Sweetheart, you’re over-reacting.
    DARRIN: [disappointed] I guess so. . . .and I had everything timed perfectly. I was set to leave at eleven, I’d have been home easily by midnight.
    SAMANTHA: Don’t worry about it.
  • Episode: Except for Samantha’s, “Don’t worry about it” line, this is cut.


Hotel Hallway:

  • Script: Calls for Ophelia to be dressed in a hot-pants outfit.
  • Episode: She is dressed in a shorty gown and robe combination.

  • Script: [The waiter exits]
    OPHELIA: Mr. Stephens, as long as you’re not leaving tonight, would you mind if I came in and talked to you for a few minutes?
    DARRIN: Well, I’m really kind of . . .
    OPHELIA: I’d like your advice about tomorrow. You know, I have those television interviews and . . .
    DARRIN: Okay, come on in. [They enter Darrin’s room]
    OPHELIA: Some of the questions that I’m supposed to answer I think are too personal and I wish I could . .
    DARRIN: I’ll ask Larry to come over because if we make any changes, we’ll need his approval.
  • Episode: [The above is cut and replaced with]:
    OPHELIA: Mr. Stephens, I can’t tell you how relieved I am.
    DARRIN: About what?
    OPHELIA: I’m sorry that your flight was cancelled, but it’s comforting to know you’ll be here for tomorrow’s television interview.
    DARRIN: I’m afraid I won’t be here. I’ll be flying back first thing in the morning.
    OPHELIA: Well then, maybe we can discuss the questions tonight. There are a few questions I would like to scratch . . .I mean cut.

Darrin’s Hotel Room:

  • Script:
    LARRY: If they need a little fixing, who am I to argue?
    DARRIN: Here are the questions we prepared, Ophelia. Let’s go over them. [they sit on the couch with Ophelia in the middle]
    Ophelia: Well, here where they talk about hobbies . . .it says I enjoy swimming. And I’m supposed to say yes. [smiles] Well, it would be a big fat lie.
    DARRIN: We can cut that question, huh, Larry?
    LARRY: Sure.
    OPHELIA: Now here is another problem . . .
  • Episode: After Larry’s first line, the rest is cut.

  • Script:
    OPHELIA:[to Samantha] Your husband??? I knew you’d done something foolish . . .[indicating Darrin] but that’s ridiculous.
    SAMANTHA: Knock it off, Ophelia. I want to know what this is all about.
  • Episode: The above is cut.

  • Script:
    DARRIN: That’s the strangest thing I’ve ever seen. He keeps wanting to . . .[Ophelia tugs her ear lobe, we hear the chime, Darrin reacts] . . .kiss you. [he starts to kiss Ophelia . . .Samantha, still transparent, gestures, and a white mouse POPS in. Just as they are kissing, Ophelia’s eyes widen. She leaps up in pursuit of the mouse who scoots under a chair. Darrin looks on, stunned.] What . . .what are you doing? [She gestures at Darrin who freezes. Samantha POPs in].
    OPHELIA: Samantha, that was not funny.
    SAMANTHA: You knock it off with the tricks and I’ll knock it off with the tricks.
  • Episode: This scene is cut.

  • Script:
    LARRY: . . .Can I fix you something to drink?
    OPHELIA: Yes, please. [Larry Freezes] Now What? [Samantha FADES in]
    SAMANTHA: Ophelia, I realize this is none of my business but Louise Tate is a good friend.
  • Episode: The above is cut.


Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script:
    DARRIN: Somebody’s been horsing around with our evening.
    SAMANTHA: Well, Sweetheart, the truth of it is, Mother wanted to prove to me how faithful you are. And you passed with flying colors.
    DARRIN: [reacts] Honey, you may find this hard to understand, but a man can’t live his life under a magnifying glass . . .especially if that magnifying glass is in the hands of his mother-in-law.
  • Episode: After Darrin’s lead in, the rest of the lines are cut.



# 241, Three Men and a Witch on a Horse


Stephens’ Den:

  • Script: [ Near the end of the teaser]:
    SAMANTHA: - - - -I’ve got lots of things to do. The children are upstairs if you want to say hello. [Samantha exits]
    ENDORA: Oh, Samantha, why did you inherit your father’s stubbornness instead of your mother’s wisdom? [with sigh] Once again I must prove that mother knows best!
  • Episode: Endora’s lines are cut and replaced with her single disgusted “OH!”


Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: Darrin enters, his manner abnormally eager. He finds the sports section of the newspaper and turns to the race entries. Quickly he creeps up the stairs to Tabitha’s room.
  • Episode: This scene is cut. The episode picks up with Darrin entering Tabitha’s room.

Tabitha’s Room:

  • Script: The hobby horse gives Darrin the winners of the first two races, “Precarious” and “Spanish Don”.
  • Episode: The horses’ names are changed to “Baleful Bob” and “Don’s Pawn”.


  • Script:
    SPENGLER: Thank you, but I’m not a betting man.
    DARRIN: What about you Larry?
    LARRY: Darrin, will you kindly knock it off? Mr. Spengler has been very patient.
    SPENGLER: Up to now.
    LARRY: So while we still have his attention, suppose you unplug and let’s tell Mr. Spengler about the campaign we had in mind.
  • Episode: After Spengler’s first line, the rest is cut.

  • Script:
    LARRY: We’re going to lose more than that if we don’t get down to business.
    DARRIN: Okay. Okay. [to Spengler] It’s my idea to do a series of ads painted by the top artists in the country depicting . . . .
  • Episode: Darrin’s lines are cut.

  • Script:
    DARRIN: Let’s go back to my house.
    LARRY: What for?
    DARRIN: Well, that’s where my source is. [a] I’ll dope the rest of the races and we can all put some bets down.
  • Episode: The line after [a] is cut. Added is:
    LARRY: I think we would be better off if we went to the nearest psychiatrist.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: [Samantha answers the door to reveal Gladys]
    SAMANTHA: Oh, hi Mrs. Kravitz.
    GLADYS: Isn’t it exciting?
    SAMANTHA: Uh . . .you mean about your ring?
    GLADYS: No, about the daily double!
    SAMANTHA: I’m afraid I don’t follow you.
    GLADYS: I saw Mr. Stephens when he was leaving earlier and he told me he had a hot tip on the daily double and he put five dollars down for me and it won and I got back two hundred twenty-two fifty.
    SAMANTHA: Hold it! Where did Mr. Stephens get this hot tip?
    GLADYS: He said he got it right from the horse’s mouth! [Samantha’s eyes travel upward as she remembers the hobby horse incident] Of course, that’s just an expression.
    SAMANTHA: Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t.
    GLADYS: What?
    SAMANTHA: Nothing.
    GLADYS: Oh [ecstatic] Can you imagine? I won the daily double twice in one week! Twice! That’s two times!
    SAMANTHA: It usually is.
    GLADYS: Well, I just came over to say thanks. [Gladys exits; Samantha crosses to the patio and exits]
  • Episode: The entire above scene is cut.

Stephens’ Patio:

  • Script: [Samantha crosses to Tabitha who is on roller skates] The script then repeats, word-for-word the earlier scene in Tabitha’s room where Samantha asks Tabitha if Grandmama had been in her room. Tabitha replies that Grandmama made her hobby horse talk. Samantha has Tabitha call Endora. The reply is the balloon coming down with the note.
  • Episode: The scene is not used the second time.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: [Darrin, Larry and Spengler enter] Samantha has the line [to Endora], “What’s he doing home so early?”.
  • Episode: Before Samantha’s line, lines are added for Larry and Darrin about, “with nine horses in the race, the odds are nine-to-one”.

  • Script: [Darrin introduces Samantha to Spengler]
    DARRIN: Sam, I won the daily double.
    SAMANTHA: [a] That’s nice.
    LARRY: Nice? Winning eight hundred ninety dollars is closer to beautiful.
    SAMANTHA: [b] Darrin, can I talk to you for a moment?
    DARRIN: We’re in kind of a rush.
    LARRY: [c] We’re trying to get a bet down on the sixth race.
    SAMANTHA: [d] I’ve got to talk to you.
    DARRIN: [e] Not now.
    SAMANTHA: [in desperation] Darrin, I’ll bet you a dollar you don’t have time to talk to me.
    DARRIN: You owe me a dollar! Let’s talk.
    SAMANTHA: Okay.
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut. Line [c] is cut, line [d] is left in. The lines after [e] are cut.

Stephens’ Upstairs Hallway:

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: Don’t you realize what Mother’s done? She’s put a gambling spell on you!
    DARRIN: No, she hasn’t. I just never realized how much fun it is to gamble.
    SAMANTHA: I’m telling you, it’s a spell.
    DARRIN: Wanta bet? [as Samantha reacts] Sam, excuse me, I’ve got to talk to that horse.
    SAMANTHA: Darrin, doesn’t that convince you you’re not in your right mind? You don’t usually talk to hobby horses.
    DARRIN: I know. Isn’t it wonderful?
    SAMANTHA: Darrin, stop and think.
    DARRIN: If I stop and think, we’ll never get a bet down on the next race.
    SAMANTHA: Oh, brother!
  • Episode: The above scene is entirely cut.

Tabitha’s Room:

  • Script: The hobby horse gives Darrin the name “Fancy Dancer” as the winner of the seventh race.
  • Episode: The horse’s name is changed to “Count of Valor” and remains so throughout the rest of the episode.


Stephens’ Den:

  • Script:
    DARRIN: [into phone] Hello, I’d like to place a bet. My account is A231-450-67.
    SAMANTHA: Here’s another comment: “Looks like a horse - -runs like an armadillo”.
    DARRIN: [gets newspaper] I think they broadcast the feature race on TV on Saturday’s . . .maybe we can watch it. Yeah . . . .here it is. Let’s drive down to the Off-Track betting station and watch the race. . . that way we’ll be closer to our money. [Larry and Spengler nod agreement].
  • Episode: Darrin’s account number is A231. Samantha’s line is cut. Darrin’s lines about watching the race and going downtown are moved to after the next scene where Darrin has told each how much he has bet.

Race Track, Barn Area:

  • Script: SAMANTHA: Now calm down, Dancer, old girl. [The horse neighs angrily. Samantha takes a closer look] Now calm down, Dancer, old boy. I’d like to have a little talk with you. [the horse neighs] And I guess I’d better fix it so you can have a little talk with me. [She TWITCHES, and the horse turns into a man]
  • Episode: The line and bit about “old girl” are cut. Samantha does not TWITCH, but uses a two arm motion. “Dancer” is changed to “Count”.

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: - - -You haven’t won a race in over a year.
    DANCER: [annoyed] Who needs you to remind me? [a]
    SAMANTHA: Well, why is it that you never win?
    DANCER: I don’t know. I guess I’m a born loser.
    SAMANTHA: That’s no way for a race horse to talk
    DANCER: Look at it this way. If there weren’t losers, you wouldn’t have winners.
    SAMANTHA: That’s a good point of view if you’re a philosopher. But not if you’re a horse. You used to win a lot of races.
    DANCER: That’s just the problem. The more I win, the more I run. The more I run, the more beat I am, and I mean beat.
    SAMANTHA: I don’t blame you for wanting to retire, but wouldn’t it be nice if you could sort of get an honorable discharge? I mean, go out in a blaze of glory?
    DANCER: Glory is for jockies, not horses. Reviewer’s Note: “Jockies” is the script spelling.
  • Episode: The above scene is cut after [a].

Building Entrance:

  • Script: Establishing an Off-Track betting station. Samantha POPS in, startling a passerby, who stares at her but keeps walking and runs right into another pedestrian.
  • Episode: Samantha appears in front of the door to the betting station. The bit with the passerby is omitted.

Betting Station:

  • Script:
    DARRIN: Give him time.
    LARRY: He’s only got what’s left of a minute and thirty seconds.
  • Episode: Larry’s line is cut.

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: [indicating screen] Look, Dancer’s making his move . . .I knew it. [TV screen shows Dancer moving up] Go, Dancer, go.
    DARRIN: Come on, old girl, we’re with you.
    SAMANTHA: That’s “old boy”. [Darrin reacts] Just a guess.
  • Episode: The above is cut.


Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: SAMANTHA: Sweetheart, I don’t blame you for being angry at my mother, but after all, you did win a lot of money.
  • Episode: Added is the line, “And she did take the spell off”.

  • Script:
    DARRIN: Sure you don’t mind?
    SAMANTHA: I’d mind if you kept it.
  • Episode: Samantha’s line is changed to, “Uh, uh. But mother will.”

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: That’s what I thought you were trying to say. [a]
    DARRIN: You’re asking me to hand over a thousand dollars?
    LARRY: That’s what I’m asking.
    SAMANTHA: Darrin was considering giving all that money to a worthy charity.
  • Episode: All of the lines after [a] are cut.



# 242, Adam, Warlock or Washout


Stephens’ Kitchen:

  • Script and Episode: The script and the episode agree.


Stephens’ Kitchen:

  • Script:
    DARRIN: I can’t get angry . . .I already am.
    SAMANTHA: Darrin, please go and play golf and before you come home, give me a call.
    DARRIN: Why?
    SAMANTHA: So I can have a martini in the window, why else?
    DARRIN: [annoyed] Come on, Sam.
  • Episode: After Darrin’s first line, the remainder is cut.

  • Script: The sound of a flute is heard announcing the arrival of Maurice.
  • Episode: The sound that is heard is that of an English Horn [alto Oboe] or an Oboe, not a flute.
    REVIEWER’S NOTE: The instrument that Maurice is holding when he enters has the proper shape for an English Horn, but not for an Oboe. However, the length is too short for either. We can assume that the horn is probably a prop.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: [Maurice enters born on a litter chair, carried by four girls in harem costumes].
    SAMANTHA: [indicating entourage] What is all this?
    MAURICE: A bon voyage gift from the Maharaja of Manipur. [to the bearers] Girls, wait in the litter.
  • Episode: Samantha’s line is cut. Maurice’s lines are reduced to, “Tinker Bell, park the litter”.

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: Well . . .It all depends on what they ask him to do.
    MAURICE: I’m sure it’s bound to be elementary stuff . . .simple levitation, a little transformation, nothing more. Eh, Endora?
    ENDORA: [uneasily] Something like that.
  • Episode: The lines by Maurice and Endora are cut.


  • Script: The scene opens with Adam seated on the floor a few feet from Maurice.
  • Episode: The scene opens with Adam sitting on Maurice’s knee. Maurice is trying to get him to listen to the sounds of a seashell. Maurice puts Adam on the floor and the episode follows the script for the rest of the scene.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: [Samantha and Endora are seated, waiting for the rest of the committee to test Adam to arrive.
    SAMANTHA: What’s going to happen if daddy finds out Adam has no witchcraft? He’ll explode.
    ENDORA: That might be just what Adam needs. His dormant witchcraft might be stimulated by some shock treatment.
  • Episode: The above lines are cut.

  • Script: [Grimalda and Enchantra arrive in an antique car, with chauffeur].
    GRIMALDA: [to the chauffeur] You may go now Rasputin. [The car POPS out.]
    ENCHANTRA: [to Samantha] I hope the husband isn’t home.
    SAMANTHA: He’s playing golf.
    GRIMALDA: Good. Mortals emit a low-grade frequency that could affect our instruments.
  • Episode: The car backs out of the room. It does not POP out. All lines except Grimalda’s line to the chauffeur are cut.

  • Script: [Endora helps Adam into the chair]
    SAMANTHA: Please be very gentle with him. I don’t want to frighten him.
    GRIMALDA: You have no concern.
    ENCHANTRA: Absolutely none.
    MAURICE: [smiling] None whatever.
  • Episode: All of the above lines are cut.

  • Script: [Maurice waves and disappears in a puff of smoke]
    ENDORA: [crossing to Samantha] What a ham!
    ADAM: Mommy, where’s Daddy?
    SAMANTHA: He’s playing golf.
    ADAM: [a] I want Daddy to see me fly. [b] I wish he were here.
  • Episode: No smoke when Maurice POPS out. Endora’s line is cut. Adam’s lines are cut between [a] and [b].

Golf Course:

  • Script: [Two golfers stand behind Darrin. Darrin starts his back-swing and disappears].
    GOLFER ONE: [finally] Where did he go?
    GOLFER TWO: Where did Who go?
    GOLFER ONE: Let me wear your hat. I must be getting sunstroke. [He grabs the other man’s hat and approaches the tee.]
  • Episode: The line and bit about wearing the hat are omitted.


Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: [Darrin POPS into the living room. He finally gets his bearings].
    DARRIN: What . . .what is this?
    ADAM: Daddy, do you want to see what I can do?
    SAMANTHA: [hurriedly] Not now Adam.
  • Episode: These lines are cut.

  • Script: Samantha takes Darrin by the hand and leads him to the den.
  • Episode: Added is Endora apologizing to Enchantra and Grimalda for Darrin’s behavior.

  • Script:
    ENCHANTRA: Yes, but that was before we discovered what a prodigy he is.
    SAMANTHA: Mother, are you going to permit this?
    ENDORA: You know very well I’m bound by the committee’s decision.
  • Episode: Samantha and Endora’s lines are cut.

  • Script:
    MAURICE: [to Darrin] Who asked your opinion? [a]
    SAMANTHA: Enchantra, if Darrin promises to restrain himself, will you restore his voice?
    ENCHANTRA: Very well. [The two witches gesture in unison at Darrin]
    DARRIN: Thank you. [b]
    ENDORA: [to Samantha] Why didn’t you leave him the way he was? It could have made life a lot simpler for you. [c]
    ENCHANTRA: Maurice, you saw the child fly. [d] You saw him disappear.[e] It was remarkable.[f]
    MAURICE: Perhaps, but I’d hardly say that makes him a genius.
    DARRIN: Right!
    MAURICE: Kindly stay off my side.
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are moved to later in the script to just after the announcement that Samantha’s marriage must be dissolved. The lines between [b] and [c], and [d] and [e], and after [f] are cut.

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: What do you mean?
    MAURICE: Well, my dear, when you have somebody as dynamic, as captivating, as overpowering . . .
    ENDORA: And as modest.
    MAURICE: . . .as myself, the vibrations which emanate from my aura can penetrate the subconscious level of the cerebellum and free the latent impulses which otherwise would remain dormant.
    DARRIN: Would you care to repeat that?
    MAURICE: Not especially.
    ENCHANTRA: I’m afraid we’re wasting time. Get the boy.
    SAMANTHA: Please, Daddy, you can’t let this happen!
    MAURICE: I can’t, and I won’t. [to the ladies] I order you to cease and desist.
    ENDORA: On what grounds?
  • Episode: After Samantha’s first line, the rest is cut.

  • Script:
    MAURICE: I . . .I gave him a little help. [gasps of disapproval]
    ENCHANTRA: You didn’t! That’s illegal!
    GRIMALDA: And dishonest!
    ENCHANTRA: Very!
  • Episode: Enchantra and Grimalda’s lines are cut.

  • Script: ENDORA: See? Every cloud has a silver lining.
  • Episode: [It is at this point the lines about giving Darrin his voice back are inserted].

  • Script: MAURICE: Just calm down my sweet. Ladies, as I once said to Will Shakespeare, and later gave him permission to quote me . . .the quality of mercy is not strained; [a] It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven on the place beneath: it is twice blest; It blesseth him that gives and him that takes: ‘Tis mightiest in the mightiest . . .
  • Episode: “My sweet” is changed to “My dear”. The lines after [a] are cut.

  • Script:
    DARRIN: Now just a minute, Sam! I’ve got something to say about this!
    MAURICE: Silence!
    ENDORA: Why don’t we just turn him into a doormat?
    MAURICE: And that includes you!
  • Episode: After Darrin’s line, the rest is cut.

  • Script:
    MAURICE: Now the little rascal is on his own.
    SAMANTHA: Adam, Granddaddy told us he did a little witchcraft so you could fly.
    ADAM: It was fun.
    SAMANTHA: Well, the next time you’ll have to do it on your own.
    ADAM: Won’t Daddy be angry?
  • Episode: After Maurice’s line, the rest is cut.

  • Script: DARRIN: [smiles] If you’re married to a witch . . .I guess it’s logical. [a] [stooping - -to Adam] No, Adam, I won’t be angry. As long as you don’t do any witchcraft when there are people around who are normal . .uh . .regular . . .that is . . .well, you know what I mean.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

  • Script: Calls for Samantha to make the shell come to her and sends it back once before she asks Adam to do it.
  • Episode: Samantha sends the shell back and forth several times before asking Adam to do it.


Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: The two witches are seated in the car ready to leave. Everyone waves and the car POPS out.
  • Episode: The car backs out through the wall instead of POPPING out.

  • Script: [Samantha enters from the kitchen holding Adam by the hand]
    SAMANTHA: I’m sorry Darrin. I guess I’ll have to have that little talk with him right now. [a]
    DARRIN: [b] Good!
    SAMANTHA: And then you and I can continue our little . . .talk [c] [she smiles and exits]
  • Episode: Added at [a] is Darrin’s line, “Did you POP mommy into the kitchen”. Adam replies, “Yes”.. “Good” after [b] is deleted. After [c], Darrin has the line added, “Good idea”. FADE OUT



# 246, Samantha On Thin Ice

NOTE: It was fairly common for all or parts of the script TEASER to be cut in the Episode. However, in this script, the script TRAILER is cut in its entirety from the Episode.


Stephens' Kitchen:

  • Script: Endora has a line about Samantha qualifying for the Cosmic Ice Capades, after which Darrin says she learned to skate by Witchcraft.
  • Episode: The episode follows the script up to this point. In the episode, between the two above lines, Samantha has a line added: "Blabbermouth".

  • Script: After Darrin's line about Tabitha learning to skate the mortal way, the conversation between Samantha, Darrin, and Endora continues with Darrin and Samantha trying to convince Endora that Tabitha will gain more by doing it the "hard" way so she will learn and build more character. Endora rejects the idea and screens a scene on the refrigerator in which Samantha, as a three year old, gives a dazzling performance, and wins a huge silver trophy.
  • Episode: This part is cut entirely, and the episode continues at Samantha's line about not having skated since then.


Skating Rink:

  • Script: Calls for the instructor to put his arm around Samantha and swoop her up the ice.
  • Episode: The instructor picks her up, and Samantha has the line added, "Put me down". This line is repeated later.

  • Script: Calls for a medium shot of Tabitha sitting alone and discouraged. The action moves to Samantha and the instructor, with the line, "If you don't mind my saying so------".
  • Episode: The section where Endora appears and consoles Tabitha is moved from after the skating exhibition by the Old Hag up to this point. At Endora's line, "Your Grandmama on your good side won't permit it", the episode returns to the script pattern.

  • Script: Calls for Samantha to turn into the Old Hag. The Old Hag does a series of exotic skating maneuvers.
  • Episode: The skating exhibition by the Old Hag is extended beyond what is called for in the script. After the Old Hag finishes her performance, the line by the extra, "Right on, Granny", is added. The Old Hag changes back to Samantha who then does another skating exhibition, mostly spins so that the use of a double is not easy to see.

  • Script: Calls for Samantha to help the instructor over the rail and back onto the ice.
  • Episode: The scene begins with the instructor already on the ice. Following Tabitha's return to the ice, the episode cuts to her skating more times than the script calls for.

Neighborhood Street and Interior of Stephens' car:

NOTE: This scene is verbatum from the script.

  • Script: Calls for Samantha to be driving with Tabitha beside her.
    TABITHA: Mommy, I couldn't help it, honest.
    SAMANTHA: What did you say to Grandmama?
    TABITHA: I just said everyone at Janice's party would laugh at me.
    SAMANTHA: And that was all she needed.
    TABITHA: [after a pause] What'll we tell daddy?
    SAMANTHA: I've been asking myself the same thing.
    TABITHA: We can tell him I kept my promise. And you kept yours.
    SAMANTHA: That's true. Technically.
    TABITHA: The only reason Grandmama didn't keep her promise is that Daddy forgot to ask her to make one.
    SAMANTHA: Tabitha, I think Daddy may not like that.
    TABITHA: Then what can we say.
    SAMANTHA: Well . . . .we can say we hired a teacher . . .and he taught us . . .And neither of us used any Witchcraft . . .and it wasn't easy . . .and the part about Grandmama we'll leave out.
  • Episode: This scene is entirely omitted.

Stephens' Living Room:

  • Script: [doorbell rings]
    DARRIN: Are we expecting company?
    SAMANTHA: Not that I know of.
  • Episode: [doorbell rings]
    SAMANTHA: Saved by the bell.

  • Script: After Blades' line, "If my information is right . . we have an Olympic Games prospect." the script calls for Blades to rise and move to the Entry Hall, followed by Samantha and Darrin.
  • Episode: Blades stays in the Living Room, and continues his conversation. Blades does not go to the door until after Samantha's line, "Tabitha's natural talent isn't ice skating."

  • Script: Blades exits after his line, "I'll never let up on you".
  • Episode: Blades lines about haunting this threshold, following you, and haunting you, are added.


Stephens' Dining Room:

  • Script: After Darrin's line about who knows what else is beyond Tabitha's control, he asks if the spell was permanent or temporary. Samantha goes into a long technical explanation about the spell. Samantha decides to create an ice rink in the Living Room to see if the spell is still on.
  • Episode: This section is cut.

Stephens' Living Room:

  • Script: The script calls for Samantha to warm up her powers by flexing her wrists, use a finger flick to slide the furniture out of the way, wave her arms to create a circle of ice on the Living Room floor, and a gesture [?] to zap skates onto Tabitha's feet. Samantha gets Tabitha to skate, which she does poorly. After proving that the spell is gone Darrin helps Tabitha off the ice and Samantha restores the room to its normal condition. Tabitha asks if she can go to Janice's party, Darrin replies that she may.
  • Episode: The entire above scene is cut and the episode takes up with Samantha's line about going to see Blades.

Skating Rink:

  • Script: Calls for Adam to be included in those present.
  • Episode: Adam is not present

  • Script: After Samantha's line, "Mother, come here", the script calls for Endora to glide across the ice without skates and not moving her feet.
  • Episode: Endora pops out and reappears next to Samantha.

  • Script: As Tabitha skates gracefully by, Samantha and Endora have a conversation about Endora's lack of love for "Durwood".
  • Episode: These lines are cut.

  • Script: Samantha continues her plea to Endora after the line about Tabitha winning in the Olympics with further arguments that Tabitha will be on television, specials, agents, contracts, and other mortal pressures that will make her miserable.
  • Episode: These lines are cut.

  • Script: Endora's spell to remove the spell on Tabitha ends with the line, "You don't know how to skate".
  • Episode: The line, "It's done because I love you" is added".

  • Script: Calls for the action to continue as Blades appears.
  • Episode: There is a break before Blades arrives, and the episode continues with the...


  • Script: The script has Endora's line, "What does he mean . . .klutz?", after the instructor tells Blades that, "That kid can really skate".
  • Episode: Endora's line is moved to before the instructor's line.

  • Script: Act II ends with Samantha's line to Darrin, "You asked for it".
  • Episode: The episode ends.


Exterior Stephens' House:

Darrin arrives home from a Saturday golf game, and carries his clubs to the front door.

Stephens' Kitchen:

NOTE: This scene is verbatum from the script.

[SAMANTHA is setting a table for two]
DARRIN: Well, how'd it go?
SAMANTHA: Janice London's birthday party?
DARRIN: I hope it went better than my golf game.
SAMANTHA: Didn't you play well?
DARRIN: I played great. Until the eleventh tee. Then Larry said, "Let's bet five bucks a hole", and I said, "No" and he said, "Don't be a cheapskate."
SAMANTHA: And "cheapskate" made you think of "ice skate".
DARRIN: [nodding] I hit the next three balls into the lake.
SAMANTHA: Well, Tabitha went out into the mortal world . . . .and she got along beautifully.
DARRIN: She did?
SAMANTHA: Tabitha was the only beginner, so it was hard to keep up, but she tried her best.
DARRIN: That's good.
SAMANTHA: But she's going to have to eat dinner standing up. [Darrin reacts] It was hard to keep up, but it was easy to keep down.


End of episode



# 251, School Days, School Daze


Stephens’ Kitchen:

  • Script: ENDORA: I was not eavesdropping. [a] Your conversation drifted into the atmospheric continuum, as I was drifting over it.
  • Episode: The line after [a] is cut.

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: Tabitha has started school.
    ENDORA: Where?
    SAMANTHA: Westport Elementary.
  • Episode: “Westport” is changed to “Towners”.

  • Script:
    ENDORA: How can you deprive Tabitha of the superior training that only a proper witch’s finishing school can give her? [a] Where else is she going to learn the grace - - -[makes a gesture] - - with which to cast a proper spell?
    SAMANTHA: Tabitha lives in a mortal world and she’s going to learn the ABC’s of the mortal world.
    ENDORA: At Witch’s Elementary, she would learn that the first day and then go on to more important subjects.
    DARRIN: Sure. Like being a thorn in the side of the human race.
    ENDORA: I think I had better remove myself before I do something you deserve . . .like changing you into the stubborn mule you are.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.


Counseling Room:

  • Script: The Counseling Room is described as having only two or three desks, but with testing paraphernalia, visual aids, etc. On the blackboard are a series of simple arithmetic problems, and the door has a window for viewing those in the room.
  • Episode: The room is more like a classroom. Several desks, but no testing equipment, and the blackboard is clean. The door is solid.

Outer Room:

  • Script: [Mrs. Peabody takes Samantha into the outer room for coffee]
    SAMANTHA: It’s her first test. I hate to leave her alone.
    MRS. PEABODY: Sorry. It must be taken in private.
  • Episode: [To the above is added]:
    MRS. PEABODY: Would you care for cream and sugar?
    SAMANTHA: No, no coffee. I’m nervous enough.
    MRS. PEABODY: There’s no reason to be nervous. I’m sure Tabitha will do very well.

Counseling Room:

  • Script:
    MRS. PEABODY: Can you do long division?
    TABITHA: I can try [Mrs. Peabody writes a long division problem on the board. Six thousand four hundred thirty two divided by twenty three. The moment she has the problem written, Tabitha pipes up] - - Two hundred seventy nine decimal point sixty five. [Mrs. Peabody does a double take, then figures out the problem on the blackboard and comes up with the same answer.]
  • Episode: Mrs. Peabody takes a problem from a book. The problem is three thousand two hundred eleven divided by twelve. Tabitha’s answer is “two hundred sixty seven decimal nine, eight, three, ad infinitum”. Mrs. Peabody looks up the answer in the book.

  • Script:
    MRS. PEABODY: . . .I want you to meet Mr. Roland, our principal. [a]
    SAMANTHA: I’d rather we didn’t make a fuss over this, Mrs. Peabody.
    MRS. PEABODY: [coyly, interrupting] Mrs. Stephens, Teacher will give a demerit for talking back. Come along now.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

Principal’s Office:

  • Script: [Mr. Roland is talking to an eight-year-old boy as Samantha, Tabitha, and Mrs. Peabody enter.]
    SAMANTHA: I see he’s busy. We’ll come back another time.[a]
    MRS. PEABODY: Mr. Roland is a great educator. He is worth waiting two minutes for.
    ROLAND: [to pupil] You will write one thousand times, I will not pass mash notes to girls during the singing of the Star Spangled Banner . . .Now, out! [the boy leaves] [to no one in particular] Kids. They can’t wait to grow up. [then to Tabitha] All right, what did you do? Never mind. Whatever you did, write a thousand times that you won’t do it again.
    MRS. PEABODY: Mr. Roland, this is not a disciplinary case. [b] This is my pupil, Tabitha, and her mother, Mrs. Stephens.
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut.

  • Script: SAMANTHA: . . . .This excitement has been a little too much for her.
  • Episode: The line becomes: “This excitement has been too much for me - -, for her - -, for us”.

  • Script:
    MRS. PEABODY: That’s an unnatural mother. Tabitha should be at a university - - -teaching.
    ROLAND: We must respect the mother’s wishes.
    MRS. PEABODY: That child belongs not only to the mother, she belongs to the world.
    ROLAND: What did you have in mind?
    MRS. PEABODY: For starters, an article in the Scholastic Monthly, and with your permission, I’d like to do the research on it.
    ROLAND: You can start with me. Roland is spelled with one “L”. And he is the man who discovered the child’s genius.
  • Episode: The entire scene is cut.

Stephens’ Bedroom:

  • Script:
    ENDORA: ….Although to Grandmama, it is a blow. [She waves in the direction of the door] Well, I’ll be going now. [a]
    SAMANTHA: Just a minute, Mother. [calls] Tabitha! [Tabitha enters] Yes, Mommy?
    SAMANTHA: Sweetheart, what is the square root of fifty-nine?
    TABITHA: What’s a square root, Mommy?
    SAMANTHA: Now you can go, Mother!
  • Episode: At [a], Samantha’s line is changed to “Good!”. The remainder of the scene is cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: [Mrs. Peabody has arrived]
    MRS. PEABODY . . .I want to talk to you about your daughter. [a]
    SAMANTHA: I thought we’d had out talk and agreed that we weren’t going to talk about Tabitha anymore.
    MRS. PEABODY: I want you to reconsider. Your daughter is in a class with Michelangelo, Socrates, and da Vinci.
  • Episode: After [a], the remainder are cut.

  • Script:
    MRS. PEABODY: Forgive me, Mrs. Stephens, this is a once in a lifetime thing. [a]
    SAMANTHA: You don’t know how close you are to the truth. [Mrs. Peabody continues to look around the room].
    MRS. PEABODY: Middle class. Furnished so . . .so. . .not too many books , , , I’ll be ready for the interview in just a moment. [b] Where is the little genius.
  • Episode: At [a], Samantha’s line is changed to, “I certainly hope so.” The remainder of the lines to [b] are cut.


Stephens’ Back Yard:

  • Script:
    MRS. PEABODY: I’ve stumbled onto something a lot bigger than a child’s IQ.[a]
    SAMANTHA: I’m happy for you, Mrs. Peabody. But it’s too bad you can’t tell anybody about it.
    MRS. PEABODY: I’m going to tell someone. [b] I’m going straight to the authorities...
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut.

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: One pencil coming up. [Samantha TWITCHES and a pencil materializes in Mrs. Peabody’s hand].
    MRS. PEABODY: How . . .how did you do that? [a]
    SAMANTHA: You mean this? [She TWITCHES and there are pencils between all of Mrs. Peabody’s fingers].
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: You look pale, Mrs. Peabody. Would you care for some water?
    MRS. PEABODY: Desperately. [Samantha flicks her fingers and a glass of water materializes in her hand]. Th . . .tha . . .thank you.[a]
    SAMANTHA: I’m married to a mortal which makes Tabitha and Adam half witch - -half mortal, We have a mixed marriage. And the reason we “pass” as mortals is because, as you can imagine, it’s less complicated that way.
    MRS. PEABODY: Tell me about this witch world. How long has it existed?
    SAMANTHA: Since the beginning of time.
    MRS. PEABODY: It’s giving me goose bumps.
  • Episode: Everything after [a] is cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: [The doorbell rings]
    SAMANTHA: I’ll get it. She hands Darrin his drink as she crosses to the door.
  • Episode: [She puts the bottle down after the doorbell rings and doesn’t finish making Darrin’s drink].

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: [to Darrin] Sweetheart, would you like another drink?
    DARRIN: Yes. Thank you.
  • Episode: [Since Samantha never actually made the first drink, the “another” is dropped from her line.

  • Script: The trunk is labeled “The Witches – America’s Premier Prestidigitators”.
  • Episode: The trunk is labeled “The Witches – America’s Foremost Magicians”.

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: . . . .she got what people get when they snoop.
    ROLAND: [after a beat] Do you want her apology in writing?[a]
    SAMANTHA: A simple “I’m sorry” will do.
    ROLAND: Mrs. Peabody, say you’re sorry.
    MRS. PEABODY: Mr. Roland, I was in that tree. [b]
    ROLAND: Just say you’re sorry, Mrs. Peabody.
  • Episode: After [a] is added “maybe 50 times”. After [b] is added:
    DARRIN: Sam, how many times have I told you not to do that tree bit.
    SAMANTHA: Sorry, I just blew my cool.

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: [to Darrin] Are you going to spread the word?[a]
    DARRIN: What? And have everybody think I’m crazy?
  • Episode: After [a], the lines are changed to:
    DARRIN: What? And wind up in a padded cell?
    SAMANTHA: If it’s a padded cell for two, who cares.

REVIEWER’S NOTE: The script trailer is completely discarded for the episode and an entirely different trailer is used in the episode.


Stephens’ Living Room:

[Darrin and Samantha are cuddled up, reading]
DARRIN: You know something, Sam. The world would be a nice place to visit if people were able to accept others for what they are regardless of race, color, or witchiness.
SAMANTHA: I don’t think the world is quite ready for the last one. The truth is, this part of the world isn’t ready for the other two either. [They hear a clatter outside] Here we go again. Somebody’s snooping around.

Patio side of Stephens’ House:

[Mr. Roland and Mrs. Peabody are tiptoeing toward the patio]
ROLAND: This is ridiculous, Mrs. Peabody.
MRS. PEABODY: Mr. Roland, before you send me into enforced retirement, you owe me one last chance to prove myself to you.
SAMANTHA: [whispered exchange] Mrs. Peabody dies hard doesn’t she?
MRS. PEABODY: That ball went straight up in the air and flew over to Tabitha like magic.
ROLAND: Wind currents, Mrs. Peabody.
MRS. PEABODY: You’re afraid to face the truth. You know what’s wrong with you, Mr. Roland? You’re an ostrich with it’s head in the sand.
SAMANTHA: Good idea. [She waves in their direction and ZAP, Mr. Roland is now an ostrich. Mrs. Peabody gasps in fright].
OSTRICH/ROLAND: What’s the matter?
MRS. PEABODY: You’re an ostrich.
OSTRICH/ROLAND: The same to you, Mrs. Peabody.
SAMANTHA: Why not? [She waves toward Mrs. Peabody who becomes an ostrich also]
OSTRICH/ROLAND: Your craziness is contagious. Now you’ve got me seeing things.
OSTRICH/PEABODY: What do you see?
OSTRICH/ROLAND: Birds of a feather, Mrs. Peabody. [Mrs. Peabody looks down at herself and gasps in horror]
OSTRICH/PEABODY: What am I going to do?
OSTRICH/ROLAND: You can at least lay eggs.
DARRIN: I think you’ve made your point.
SAMANTHA: Okay. [She waves and Mr. Roland and Mrs. Peabody change back to themselves].
MRS. PEABODY: You’re not an ostrich anymore.
ROLAND: I never was, Mrs. Peabody. Neither were you. Let’s get out of here.
MRS. PEABODY: Yes. Take me home, Mr. Roland. And please promise me one thing. Don’t turn yourself into an ostrich again.
ROLAND: I won’t, if you won’t..
DARRIN: Was that really necessary, Sam?
SAMANTHA: You don’t want Mrs. Peabody or Mr. Roland snooping around again, do you?
DARRIN: Of course not.
SAMANTHA: Then it was necessary. [A quick kiss to the FADE OUT].


Stephens’ Living Room:

[Darrin enters and asks Samantha how things went at school].
SAMANTHA: Fine enough. Mrs. Peabody is taking a little vacation. Well, she was due a sabbatical. They just moved the date a bit.
DARRIN: I could use a little sabbatical myself; from your mother and her interference.
SAMANTHA: Sweetheart, I have a surprise for you. I had a long talk with mother and she agreed she shouldn’t have interfered.
DARRIN: Hard-Hearted-Hannah actually admitted she was wrong?
SAMANTHA: I told her you wouldn’t believe it, so she agreed to write it 500 times. [they go to blackboard in dining room] How about that?
DARRIN: Are you sure it’s 500 times? [The blackboard turns and on the back side is written “DITTO”]. Terrific!
SAMANTHA: Well, the first 250 promises are the toughest. FADE OUT



# 252, A Good Deed Never Goes Unpunished
[Aired as "A Good Turn Never Goes Unpunished"]

REVIEWER’S NOTE: This episode is a remake of # 5, “Help, Help, Don’t Save Me.” Although the client and product are different, the main theme is the same, as are most of the scenes, and many of the lines from # 5 are reused word-for-word.


Stephens’ Den:

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: You look exhausted. [a] Your eyes are bloodshot. You have dark circles . . .[b]. Is working this hard worth it?
    DARRIN: [c] I don’t think so, but Larry does. For some reason, he sleeps better when I don’t.
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut. The lines after [c] are replaced with:
    DARRIN: Larry promised me a healthy bonus if I land this account. And we’re going to spend a carefree week in Bermuda.

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: You’ll come up with something. I know you will.[a]
    DARRIN: [suspicious] What do you mean by that?
    SAMANTHA: Nothing. Just wifely encouragement.
    DARRIN: Okay, but leave it with that, hmmm?
    SAMANTHA: Of course.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: Did I what?[a]
    DARRIN: [suspicious] Honey, I’ve been working on these ideas for days and suddenly you come roaring through with the solution.
    SAMANTHA: [warily] Just a simple thank you would suffice. [b]
    DARRIN: Honey, it’s sweet and generous of you but I don’t want that kind of help. [c]
    SAMANTHA: [edgy] What kind of help did you have on mind?
    DARRIN: We’ll get to Bermuda on my ideas and not on something you zap up.
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut as well as the lines after [c]

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: Mother, this is one time I could do without your eavesdropping. [a]
    ENDORA: It wasn’t my intention to listen in. It’s just that I find Durwood’s voice so irritating it reaches me no matter where I am.
    SAMANTHA: Well, Mother, you’re not reaching me and I’m busy. So, if you don’t mind . . . .[She does a thumb gesture which says “out” [b] Endora POPS out]
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut.


Darrin’s Office:

  • Script: [Larry is examining Darrin’s layouts] [a]
    LARRY: [reading] “You’ll sleep tight as a drum on a Benson Sleep-Ezy Mattress”. [mildly pleased] I like it. Not too tricky. . . . .simple. . . .direct. I think Benson’ll go for it.
    DARRIN: [enthused] I certainly hope so.[b] [the intercom buzzes, Darrin answers] [c] Fine, fine, send him in. [to Larry] That’s Benson. [d] [Benson enters] [e]
    LARRY: Mr. Benson, I promised you the best ideas the business could deliver . . . .
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut. The lines between [c] and [d] are changed to:
    DARRIN: It’s Benson. [after [e], the following lines are added:]
    LARRY: Come in, come in Mr. Benson. You know Stephens.
    DARRIN: Hello, Mr. Benson.

  • Script:
    LARRY: . . . .We are on the 32nd floor.
    DARRIN: Sorry, Larry. Mr. Benson’s right. [a] It was a yawn on his behalf. I was up most of the night thinking out this campaign.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

  • Script:
    BENSON: . . . .Feel free to nod off any time. [Benson exits] [a]
    LARRY: [turning sourly to Darrin] Would you mind telling me the variation of the idea.
    DARRIN: [sluffing it off] It’s nothing, Larry. It’s no good.
    LARRY: I’ll be the judge of that. Let me hear it.
    DARRIN: If I do it once, I’ll do it again . . .and the first thing you know, I won’t be able to do anything myself.
    LARRY: [considers this a bear] Well, it’s an interesting philosophy but I fail to see how it applies to Benson’s Mattresses.
  • Episode: At [a], Larry has the line added “Mr. Benson, I’ll call you later” as Benson exits. The remainder of the scene is cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script:
    DARRIN: Wrong. I presented my own ideas and I bombed out. [a]
    SAMANTHA: Then how come you’re smiling?
    DARRIN: It isn’t easy.
    SAMANTHA: [disappointed] Why didn’t you at least try one of my ideas . . . .it couldn’t hurt.
    DARRIN Oh, I considered spreading your hocus-pocus out in front of the client . . .but I bit my tongue.[sticks out his tongue as if to show her]. See that? [b]
    SAMANTHA: Sweetheart, I told you there was no witchcraft in my ideas. Just because blondes have more fun doesn’t make them brainless, you know.
    DARRIN: [smiles] I know, honey, but when you’re married to a witch, there’s always that possible possibility and that’s enough. [c]
    SAMANTHA: [sharp] Darrin, you are living proof that a good deed never goes unpunished.
    DARRIN: Who said that? Socrates? I’m sure you knew him well.
    SAMANTHA: There you do again, insinuating about my age.
    DARRIN: How friendly were you with Socrates?
    SAMANTHA: Not half as friendly as I was with Plato . . .Now there was a brain.
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut as are the lines after [c]. Samantha has the line “Darrin, I’d like to make a statement”, added.

REVIEWER’S NOTE: The bit with Darrin sticking out his tongue to show Samantha that he bit it, though cut from this episode, was used in # 5.


Stephens’ Kitchen:

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: Mother, Darrin’s right. I shouldn’t butt in. And I don’t want to discuss it. [a]
    ENDORA: Well, I do. I’d turn him into a toad except it would be an improvement.
    SAMANTHA: Mother, please. We’ll work it out. Just leave him alone.
    ENDORA: I’d like to leave him alone . . . .on the moon.
    SAMANTHA: I wish you’d stop harping, Mother. In a mixed marriage these little differences are bound to come up. You’ll see, before the day is out, it’ll be forgotten.
    ENDORA: And before the month is out, the same thing’ll happen again. Samantha, I’ve arranged for space on Cloud Nine. . . . .family plan. Why don’t you pack everybody up and come with me.
  • Episode: All lines after [a] are cut.

Darrin’s Office:

  • Script: [Larry paces as he waits impatiently for Darrin. He flicks on the intercom]
    SECRETARY’S VOICE: Yes, Mr. Tate.
    LARRY: Has Mr. Stephens come in yet?
    SECRETARY’S VOICE: Not yet, sir.
  • Episode: [The above is cut. The scene begins with Larry looking at Darrin’s sketches as Darrin comes in].

  • Script:
    DARRIN: Because it wouldn’t be fair. [a]
    LARRY: To whom?
    DARRIN: It would be cheating.
    LARRY: Darrin, I don’t understand.
    DARRIN: That’s right. You wouldn’t understand.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script:
    ENDORA: Where are the children?
    SAMANTHA: [a] In the park with Esmeralda.[b]
    ENDORA: Perfect. There’s nothing to keep you here.
    SAMANTHA: Okay, Mother. I guess maybe the change of atmosphere might help. [Endora smiles, gestures, and the two POP out]
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are changed to:
    SAMANTHA: Tabitha is in school. Adam is in the park with Esmeralda. [Samantha and Endora hold hands, and each using one hand for a finger snap, they POP out].

Cloud Nine:

  • Script: [Calls for Samantha to be in a bathing suit, and Endora in a robe.]
    ENDORA: Like it?
    SAMANTHA: It’s heavenly. I’d almost forgotten what smog free air was like. [a]
    ENDORA: I think you need, my dear, is to meet someone new . . .take your mind off Dumb-Dumb.
    SAMANTHA: Mother, I hope you’re joking. [Endora Shrugs]
  • Episode: Samantha and Endora both wear their flying suits. The lines after [a] are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: DARRIN: Sam, I was wrong not to believe you. I know that you didn’t use witchcraft. [a] My attitude was unforgivable . . .well . . .almost unforgivable . . .I was standing on principle and [b] all I proved is that I have pride and integrity and that I’m stupid.
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut.

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: . . . .and proves to me that you thought I was guilty until proven innocent. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? [a]
    DARRIN: Sam, what can I say . . . . .except that this is no time to start an argument.
    SAMANTHA: When is a good time? [b]
    DARRIN: I know I was wrong but the only thing that’s important is that I love you.
    SAMANTHA: [smiles] And I love you. [Darrin stifles a yawn]. Thanks a lot.
    DARRIN: I’m sorry, honey. [c] But I haven’t had much sleep for the last couple of days.
    SAMANTHA: I know. I haven’t been sleeping too good myself . . .I’ve been worried about you.
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] and after [c] are cut.


Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script and Episode agree.

REVIEWER’S NOTE: In the middle of the trailer, Darrin asks Samantha if she really knew Plato and Socrates, and she replies that she wasn’t even born when they were alive. These lines make little sense unless you go back to the scene in the Den where Darrin’s lines about her knowing Plato and Socrates were cut from the script. This appears to be a case of trimming the episode to length, and the film editor forgetting about the lines in the Trailer.



# 253, Sam’s Witchcraft Blows A Fuse
[Aired as "Samantha’s Witchcraft Blows a Fuse"]


Ah Fong’s Restaurant:

  • Script: [Darrin and Samantha are seated at a table for four in Ah Fong’s Restaurant. Mr. Benson Fong, the owner approaches]
    DARRIN: Mr. Fong
    FONG: I am honored to have you in my humble place, Mr. Stephens, and . . .
  • Episode: [Before Darrin’s opening line, and just before Mr. Fong arrives at their table, the following lines are inserted]
    SAMANTHA: I think I’m going to have the beef shu chow.
    DARRIN: I hear that’s more . . . .[Mr. Fong arrives at the table and the episode follows the script from that point].

Stephens’ Entryway:

  • Script: [Darrin practically carries a drunken Samantha into the house. Endora comes down the stairs]
    ENDORA: What’s wrong?
    DARRIN: I wish I knew.
    SAMANTHA: Where am I?
    DARRIN: You’re home.
    ENDORA: Samantha, what’s wrong?
    SAMANTHA: Who’s she?
    DARRIN: It’s your Mother.
  • Episode: [Endora does not appear in the episode. Throughout the script, Endora has numerous lines in many scenes. In the episode, all of these lines, with minor changes, are given to Aunt Hagatha]. [It is Aunt Hagatha, not Endora who comes down the stairs]
    AUNT HAGATHA: Mr. Stephens, what’s wrong?
    DARRIN: I wish I knew.
    SAMANTHA: Where am I?
    DARRIN: You’re home.
    AUNT HAGATHA: Samantha, what’s wrong?
    SAMANTHA: Who’s she?
    DARRIN: Sam, it’s your Aunt Hagatha.

  • Script:
    ENDORA: She’s really sick.[a] Durwood, what on earth have you done to my daughter?[b]
    DARRIN: I didn’t do anything. She had one sip of a drink and got looped.
    ENDORA: Ridiculous! Witches are not subject to such mortal frailties. Something is radically wrong. [c]We’d better get in touch with Dr. Bombay.[d]
    DARRIN: That quack? Absolutely not.
    ENDORA: [e]Now, look here, Durwood.[f]
    SAMANTHA: Wait a minute you two. There’s no point arguing. I’m beginning to feel better. At least I don’t feel dizzy anymore.
    ENDORA: [g] Just to be sure, suppose you try your powers.[h]
    SAMANTHA: Sweetheart, do you mind?
  • Episode: All of Endora’s lines are read by Aunt Hagatha. The lines between [a] and [b] are cut. The line between [c] and [d] is changed to “Samantha, should I get in touch with Dr. Bombay?” The line between [e] and [f] is changed to “Samantha, is he always this difficult?” The line between [g] and [h] is cut. The line after [h] is changed to “Sweetheart, do you mind if I try out my witchcraft?”.

  • Script: [The lamp rises and starts to Samantha, but halfway there crashes to the floor]
    SAMANTHA: Uh-oh [a]
    ENDORA: Just what I was afraid of.
    SAMANTHA: One more time. Window, window, please be kind. Close yourself if you don’t mind. [The window glass shatters] Oh, dear.
    DARRIN: Don’t worry about it, honey. The house could use a little air.
  • Episode: All lines after [a] are cut.


Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script:
    DARRIN: Among your friends and relatives, I have no favorites.[a]
    ENDORA: And the feeling is mutual.
  • Episode: After [a] the line is changed to:
    AUNT HAGATHA: Everything your mother says about him is true.

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: Dr. Bombay . . .[a]
    BOMBAY: Wrestling is not only a hobby, but an art. That’s why I’d like to get her on canvas. Art – canvas, get it?
    ENDORA: We got it. But we don’t want it.
    BOMBAY: Peachy. Then I can use it again.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

  • Script:
    BOMBAY: . . . .You haven’t been mixing eye of newt with oysters, have you?
    SAMANTHA: No. [a]
    BOMBAY: Did you fly backwards with one eye shut past a warlock with six warts on his nose?
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

  • Script:
    BOMBAY: . . . .With, of course, the super-pooper diagnostic predictor attachment. [a] My diagnostic predictor also tells me how my Amalgamated Astral stock is doing. [He peers at the television monitor] Hmmm. Like your witchcraft, Samantha, it’s gone to pot.
    SAMANTHA: Dr. Bombay, I’m in trouble.
    BOMBAY: Last week I caught a soap opera on this. And you think you’ve got troubles!?
    ENDORA: [angrily] Get on with it.
    BOMBAY: Yes, ma’am. [to Samantha] I’d hate to run into her in a dark asteroid.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

  • Script:
    BOMBAY: That’s for me. I’m starved. [a] [The phone rings. Darrin answers it]
    DARRIN: Hello . . .Oh, yes, Larry . . . Sam’s feeling much better. [listens] Just assure Mr. Fong it wasn’t his drink that caused it. . . what caused it? [pause] Larry, the doctor is here now. Enjoy your dinner and I’ll talk to you in the morning.
  • Episode: The entire above scene after [a] is cut.

Apothecary Shop:

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: What’s that you’re brewing? [a]
    APOTHECARY: It’s a special formula of horn of unicorn . . .gizzard of lizard . . tail of snail . . .caboose of moose . . .and chicken fat.[b]
    SAMANTHA: What is it?
    APOTHECARY: It’s a love potion, tootles. Care to share a jigger or two with me?
    SAMANTHA: No thanks. [c] What does it do?
    APOTHECARY: Everything. It changes your mood, it changes your attitude, it changes your mind. It even changes your wardrobe.
    SAMANTHA: My wardrobe?
    APOTHECARY: Yup. It puts you in hot pants.
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut, along with the lines after [c].

  • Script: The Apothecary begins to chase Samantha around his shop.
  • Episode: [The scene is switched to the Stephens’ Living Room before the Apothecary gets to chase Samantha very much.]
    DARRIN: I need a little potion of my own . . on the rocks. [Dr. Bombay POPS in]
    BOMBAY: I wish you’d look where you’re going.
    DARRIN: I wish you’d watch where you’re popping.
    BOMBAY: No need to get huffy. I only came back because my trusty computer overlooked one ingredient.
    DARRIN: But, Sam’s already gone to the Apothecary.
    BOMBAY: No need to worry. The Apothecary does not carry the necessary ingredient.
    AUNT HAGATHA: Why? What is it?
    BOMBAY: The tail feather of a do-do bird.
    AUNT HAGATHA: A do-do bird. They’re extinct.
    BOMBAY: Not only that, there haven’t been any around for millions of years.
    DARRIN: Then how do you expect us to get a do-do bird’s tail feather?
    BOMBAY: How should I know? I’m a doctor, not a bird watcher. I will say, however, a bird in the hand is worth two in the Australian bush. [He laughs and POPS out]
    [The scene shifts back to the Apothecary shop where the chase continues]

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: But are my stripes gone?
    APOTHECARY: Nope: [a] I tell you, Bombay Duck will do it every time.
    SAMANTHA: Bombay Duck.
    APOTHECARY: Quack! Quack!
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: [Samantha POPS in]
    DARRIN: Did you get the potion?
    SAMANTHA: Uh huh.
    DARRIN: Why didn’t you take it.
    SAMANTHA: I did. Any more questions.
    DARRIN: Yeah. Why did I ask?
  • Episode:
    DARRIN: Did you get the potion?
    SAMANTHA: Yes, and it didn’t work.
    DARRIN: That’s because Bombay left out one ingredient.
    SAMANTHA: Oh, terrific. I know I’ll be sorry I asked, but what is it?
    DARRIN: The tail feather of a do-do bird.
    SAMANTHA: I’m sorry I asked. [Red cross stripes appear on Samantha’s face]

  • Script:
    DARRIN: Well, it happened.
    SAMANTHA: Oh, my stars! [a]
    DARRIN: That quack Bombay has done it again.
    SAMANTHA: Where’s mother?
    DARRIN: Upstairs checking on Adam.
    SAMANTHA: We’ve got to get Dr. Bombay back.
    DARRIN: I’d like to get him back - - -into his tree.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.


Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script:
    ENDORA: Well, here we go again. Root of gensen . . .Leaf of Bay . . .Come with haste . . .Dr. Bombay [a] [Nurse Hazel POPS in. She is all body, no brain].
    HAZEL: You called?
    SAMANTHA: What happened to the other one. . . Miss Often.
    HAZEL: Who?
    ENDORA: The one who works with you . . .your cohort.
    HAZEL: I didn’t come here to be insulted!
    DARRIN: Where is Dr. Bombay?
    HAZEL: He’ll be along shortly. He’s an honorary official at an Australian race track. He’s the man who says: “Gentlemen, start your kangaroos.”
    SAMANTHA: Terrific. [Dr. Bombay POPS in]
    BOMBAY: I’d like to introduce my other nurse, Hazel. As you see, I’ve switched witches. This is Samantha . . .This is Endora . . .and this is Darby.
    ENDORA: Durwood.
    SAMANTHA: Darrin.
    DARRIN: Yes?
    SAMANTHA: Yes what?
    DARRIN: I’m cracking up.
    SAMANTHA: Dr. Bombay, don’t you notice anything? Maybe even something different?
    BOMBAY: Yes, that’s the second part of the disease. I suggest you hurry on to the Apothecary and get the potion.
    SAMANTHA: I’ve already taken the potion, And if you don’t do something quickly, we’ll have the first malpractice suit in the cosmos.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

  • Script:
    BOMBAY: Now I know what’s wrong.
    DARRIN: What? [a]
    BOMBAY: It’s obvious . . .my trusty computer can’t be trusted.
    ENDORA: Samantha, I’m going to go in the other room. I can’t stand any more of this.
    BOMBAY: No need to get huffy. I suppose You’ve never made a mistake?
    ENDORA: On the contrary. I made a beaut when I called you.
    BOMBAY: Hazel, this patient has the red stripes disease. I prescribed eye of condor, powered snake skin, fig of newt, and a pint of unicorn milk, non-fat, and . . .Where’s my toasted cheese sandwich?
    SAMANTHA: Sorry, the Apothecary forgot it.
    BOMBAY: I knew that Apothecary was not to be trusted. [to Hazel] Now, can you think of anything I’ve left out?
    DARRIN: You’re asking your nurse?
    BOMBAY: She’s highly qualified. [to Hazel] Well?
    HAZEL: How would I know. I’ve never even heard of the red stripes disease.
    BOMBAY: Don’t know what I’d do without you, Hazel.
    SAMANTHA: I thought you said she was qualified.
    BOMBAY: Exactly. Would you like to take a wild guess at what she’s qualified in.
    SAMANTHA: No thanks.
    BOMBAY: Well, back to the computer.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

  • Script: The script continues the scene with Dr. Bombay finally admitting that the missing ingredient is a tail feather from a do-do bird. The lines in the script are similar to the lines that appeared earlier in the episode where Dr. Bombay adds the tail feather of a do-do bird to the list of ingredients.
  • Episode: This version of the do-do bird tail feather is not used.

Police Station:

  • Script:
    SERGEANT: Mr. Fong, do you want to press charges?
    FONG: I don’t know.
    SERGEANT: Breaking and entering is a serious offense.
    DARRIN: Sergeant, I’ve got an explanation.
    SERGEANT: Okay, lets hear it.
    DARRIN: I just had to have this cinnamon stick
    SERGEANT: That’s an explanation?
    DARRIN: It isn’t?
    FONG: Mr. Stephens, why did you have to have the cinnamon stick?
    DARRIN: Well, I’ll tell you . . .Ever since you served us that drink last night, I’ve had a terrific urge to have another one . . .and you were closed and . . .so, I figured you wouldn’t mind if I broke in and . . .[Fong stares at him in disbelief] I get the feeling you don’t believe me.
    FONG: Mr. Stephens, for the first time, you’re making sense.
  • Episode: [The above scene is cut and replaced with:]
    DARRIN: What about bail?
    SERGEANT: $150.00. Pay the clerk.


Stephens’ Entry Hall:

  • Script: Samantha and Darrin are standing at the door talking to the officers.
  • Episode: They are seated, but rise and go to the door.

  • Script: The two officers, glazed, back out the door. Samantha and Darrin sigh in relief to the fadeout.
  • Episode: Samantha takes Darrin’s tie and uses it to wipe a spot on his cheek clean. She then kisses the spot at the fadeout.



# 254, The Truth and Nothing but the Truth, So Help Me Sam

REVIEWER’S NOTE: It is often quoted that # 254 was a remake of # 50, “ Speak the Truth”. In reviewing the “Final Draft” of the script dated December 8, 1971, # 254 is not a remake but almost a word-for-word copy of # 50. There are two major changes between the aired # 50 and the 12-8-71 script for # 254. The scene in the episode where Darrin is stopped by a policeman for running a red light is cut from the script and is replaced by a scene where a vacuum cleaner salesman tries to sell Samantha a poor quality vacuum. A minor change is the last name of the client, though he and his wife retain the same first names as were used in # 50. Other than that, the # 50 episode and the # 254 script are almost identical, including at least 75% of the actors lines being the same in both.
A “Revised Final Draft” script, dated December 13, 1971, shows more changes, primarily in the area of the client now being a woman with a long suffering husband, and the “Truth God” being replaced with a pin that Darrin gives Samantha after Endora has put a truth spell on it. Even with these revisions, at least one-half of the spoken lines from # 50 are heard in # 254.
Although Ed Jurist is given screen credit for having written the script, his name does not appear on the cover of either version of the script, something that is totally out of character for all other reviewed scripts.


Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: DARRIN: - - - -Larry and the Franklin’s are coming over for dinner tonight. I’ll be home early. [a]
  • Episode: At [a] , “I still say you’re a beautiful mess” is added to Darrin’s lines.

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: Mother, if you don’t like it, why don’t you go someplace where the eavesdropping is better. [Samantha goes to the hall mirror and looks at herself] [a]
    ENDORA: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the most gullible of all?
    SAMANTHA: What do you mean “gullible”?
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: No, I’m not! Besides, Darrin isn’t your average mortal.
    ENDORA: Nonsense! They’re all the same - - -every one of them, including your precious Durwood [a] Their lives are built on falsehoods. They’d fall apart if they ever had to tell the truth, the whole truth, and etcetera [b] Why, I wager - - -
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut.


Stephens’ Entry:

  • Script: [A vacuum cleaner salesman has arrived at the front door. Samantha meets him.]
    SALESMAN: - - -anything that makes housecleaning a pleasure has to be magical.
    SAMANTHA: I’m terribly sorry, but - - - [a]
    SALESMAN: Of course you’re sorry! And I’m sorry for any woman who has to do housework the old-fashioned way.
    SAMANTHA: No, what I meant is, I’m too busy to - - -
    SALESMAN: I know you’re too busy! And that’s because you don’t own a Mindmaster Vacuum Cleaner. With this miracle of a machine - - -
    SAMANTHA: I don’t want to be rude, but I’ve got to prepare a dinner for five people and I haven’t got time to - -
    SALESMAN: Ah-hah! No time! But with the Mindmaster you’ll have time and time to spare.
    SAMANTHA: [starting to close the door] I have a vacuum cleaner, so - - -
    SALESMAN: Correction. You have a monster that you have to get behind and shove around. But this amazing new machine can actually be programmed to run by itself - - -thus leaving you free to do whatever you choose. That’s a wonderful advantage, you know.
    SAMANTHA: I know. I mean, I’m sure it is, but - - -[b]
    SALESMAN: Think of what you can do with the time you save! I’ll tell you, the Mindmaster vacuum cleaner is sweeping the country. Sweeping the country. Get it?
    SAMANTHA: I got it. [Darrin approaches]
    SALESMAN: [to Darrin] Just a minute buddy, I was here first.
    SAMANTHA: It’s my husband!
    SALESMAN: How do you do, sir? I was just telling the little woman what a great little - - -[the salesman is now within the range of the truth pin] - - -what a dog this vacuum cleaner is. I mean that’s what I should have been telling her. [c] I mean the truth is she’s a very nice lady and I wouldn’t want her to buy one of these things because it’s supposed to be a time saver so the little woman will be able to do other things . . .one of the other things she’ll be doing is bringing it down to be repaired [d] I take it you’re not interested?
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut as well as the lines between [c] and [d].

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: Mother, do you still find his honesty refreshing? [a]
    DARRIN: Honey, I was being honest . . .you didn’t let me finish. What I was going to say is that you’re the only woman in the world who can actually get away with curlers! Even if you tried - - -you couldn’t make yourself not beautiful.
    ENDORA: [disgusted] Why, that’s one of the sweetest whitest little lies I ever heard! [b]
    DARRIN: Honey, here’s that surprise I told you about this morning.
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut.

  • Script:
    ENDORA: Now, don’t worry about your mother. I’ll find something to eat - - -someplace . . .
    DARRIN: Okay - - -fine.[a]
    ENDORA: By myself . . . .somewhere. Maybe I won’t bother. When I’m all alone, I don’t have much appetite.
    SAMANTHA: Why don’t you stay and have dinner with us, Mother?
    ENDORA: Darling, it’s very nice of you to think of me, but are you sure I won’t be in the way?
    DARRIN: I’m sure. [b]
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut.

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: Sweetheart, when are you going to learn that mother knows best?
    DARRIN: Hmmm?
    SAMANTHA: [a] And what she knows best is how to be a pain in the ass.
  • Episode: At [a], Samantha’s line is changed to: "And what she knows best is how to be difficult."


Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: WALTER: You didn’t work your way into the dress business - - You got kicked into it . . .by your father, who gave you twenty-five thousand dollars to [a] get started.
  • Episode: After [a], the line is changed to “leave home”.

  • Script: SAMANTHA: Excuse me while I check my roast and Darrin changes the subject. [Samantha exits]
  • Episode: [As Samantha exits, the following line is added:]
    DARRIN: Hasn’t it been warm lately?

  • Script: [As Samantha returns from the kitchen, [a] Larry is sounding off:]
    LARRY: . . .and we consider Stephens our number one creative man at McMann and Tate.
    WALTER: I like him Cora May. He’s charming and he’s bright.
    CORA MAY: I’ll buy charming but the rest he’ll have to prove.
  • Episode: The bit after [a] is cut. The scene begins with Darrin telling Cora May that he respects her judgment - - -

  • Script:
    CORA MAY: [to Walter] You never talked to me like this in your whole life! [a]
    LARRY: You know, they say this kind of constructive argument is very good for a marriage.
  • Episode: [At [a] the following is inserted:]
    WALTER: You never shut up long enough for me to.

  • Script:
    DARRIN: Sweetheart, would you mind butting out? [a]
    WALTER: Darrin, stop picking on your wife. She’s a lovely, charming lady.
    CORA MAY: For heavens sake, Walther, turn it off! Where are your manners?! You’re a guest in this house! [b]
    SAMANTHA: That’s perfectly all right, really, but couldn’t we please go in the dining room and fight this out over dinner?
  • Episode: [At [a] is inserted]
    SAMANTHA: Well!!!
    [The lines after [b] are cut.]


Stephens’ Bedroom:

  • Script: [Darrin is in bed with the covers over his head when Samantha enters with the pin.]
    SAMANTHA: [a] Darrin . . . ? It’s time to get up. [b] What would like for breakfast?
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut. The scene begins with Darrin coming down the stairs and Samantha meeting him in the entry.

  • Script:
    DARRIN: This mortal can stand telling someone the truth. Your mother pulled a low, mean, sneaky, underhanded trick. How’s that for the truth. [a]
    SAMANTHA: Exactly what I told her.
    DARRIN: What did she say?
    SAMANTHA: She thanked me.
    DARRIN: Figures. [he starts to get out of bed] All I have to do is go to the office and explain to Larry that we were all under the influence of a magic pin . . .And I’m sure he’ll forgive and forget. Especially my next raise.
    SAMANTHA: Or you could just tell him your mother-in-law is a witch.
    DARRIN: That he’d believe.
  • Episode: The scene takes place in the entry. The lines after [a] are cut.

Stephens’ Entry:

  • Script: When Larry enters, the script calls for Darrin to have the pin behind his back. Samantha later takes the pin, puts it on, and crosses to put Larry in the “truth zone”.
  • Episode: Samantha has the pin the entire time. She does not put it on, but leaves it in the box.

  • Script:
    LARRY: . . . .it seems they cleared up a lot of old misunderstandings. They’re happy as larks! [a]
    SAMANTHA: How sweet! Go on Larry . . .did she say anything about Darrin?
    LARRY: Yes she did. She said Darrin was right about the slogan, and that we know more about advertising than she does. She thinks Darrin’s quite a guy! It’s the first time anybody’s leveled with her . . .And I frankly don’t understand why I’m leveling with you.
    SAMANTHA: It’s your inate [script spelling] honesty, Larry.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

  • Script:
    LARRY: [to Darrin] I’ll see you at the office later. [a]
    DARRIN: Maybe and maybe not. Now that you’ve confessed, I have a confession to make. As long as you can’t get along without me, I’ll be at the office only if there’s a nice bonus coming to me.
    LARRY: There is! There is!
    DARRIN: I’d like it in writing. [Larry writes on the back of an envelope]
    LARRY: Okay, there it is in writing.
    SAMANTHA: What does it say?
    LARRY: This is between Darrin and me and I’ll tell him about it when he comes down to the office.
    DARRIN: Tell me about it now, Larry.
    LARRY: Okay, I’ve written down the bonus for Darrin Stephens will be . . .[Samantha slides up to put Larry in the “truth zone” of the pin] . . .quote, two dinners at the restaurant of his choice. Signed Gratefully, Larry Tate. . . .Now why did I say that?
    SAMANTHA: Because it’s the truth.
    LARRY: No, no. I was joking really! There’s a very substantial bonus for you, Darrin, believe me. . . And we’ll discuss it when you come down to the office. [b]
    SAMANTHA: This little fellow really works, doesn’t he?
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut.

Fly through the SEASONS:

#'s 1 - 36
#'s 37 - 74
#'s 75 - 107
#'s 108 - 140
#'s 141 - 170
#'s 171 - 200
#'s 201- 228
#'s 229 - 254