Season 5

Fly through the SEASONS:

1
#'s 1 - 36
2
#'s 37 - 74
3
#'s 75 - 107
4
#'s 108 - 140
5
#'s 141 - 170
6
#'s 171 - 200
7
#'s 201- 228
8
#'s 229 - 254

This page contains the episodes:
 141  143  144  145  146  153  154  157  158  159
 162  163  164  165  166  167  168  169  170


# 141, Samantha's Wedding Present

This script has a larger than usual number of productions notes concerning the props and the blue screen.

TEASER

Stephens Kitchen:

  • Script: Calls for Samantha to be basting a roast in the oven, close the door and cross to the sink.
  • Episode: The scene begins as Samantha is crossing to the sink.

  • Script: Endora has the line," Stop talking like a dreary housewife and give your mother a kiss".
  • Episode: "Mother" is replaced with " Ma-Ma".

  • Script: Endora [offers a box]," This is for you darling. It's a wedding present".
  • Episode: After the line, " This is for you, darling" the line, "I brought it from Paris, fighting headwinds all the way", is added.

  • Episode: Just before Darrin enters, Endora has a line added, " Wait till you see the rest of them. I brought a dozen."

  • Script: Darrin has a line about being married four and one half years.
  • Episode: The line is changed to "five years."

  • Episode: After Endora's line, " Bat's wings?", Samantha has a line added, "Eel's eyes?"

END OF TEASER

Stephens Bedroom:

  • Script: Calls for Samantha to be sitting on the bed sipping a cup of coffee.
  • Episode: Samantha sits on the bench at the foot of the bed. There is no coffee.

Darrin's Office:

  • Script: Larry has a line, So, why does your head only come up to my nose?"
  • Episode: "Nose" is replaced with "Eyes".

Kravitz Living Room:

NOTE: For this episode it is necessary for the Kravitz's to have a dog. This scene is used to establish that they now have a dog.

The following is verbatim from the script, but cut from the episode.

An enormous Great Dane [St. Bernard or any large dog ] sits with his haunches on the floor, and two huge paws on Abner's chest. Abner is prone on the sofa.
GLADYS: I think he likes you Abner. Just don't make any sudden movement. ABNER: [dryly] It's not easy to do that, with two hundred pounds on your chest, Gladys.
GLADYS: Well, you'll just have to teach him who's boss.
ABNER: I have a feeling he already knows.
GLADYS: You said I could have a dog.
ABNER: I said a dog - - not a live-in donkey. Something catches Gladys' eye and she moves to her usual place at the open window. Episode: This scene is cut entirely.

Stephens' Driveway:

  • Script and Episode: Darrin arrives home

Kravitz Living Room:

  • Script: The previous scene at the Kravitz's continues:

    GLADYS: [reacting] That's peculiar - - Mr. Stephens is home early and . . . .
    ABNER: [ interrupting - - the dog still sits on his chest] Mr. Stephens coming home to Mrs. Stephens is not peculiar - - Me coming home to you . . . . that's peculiar.
    GLADYS: [ignoring him] Abner, come here.
    ABNBER: Not while he's staring at my jugular, Gladys.
    GLADYS: There's something weird going on over there. Gladys peers out the window.

  • Episode: This entire scene is cut.

Stephens Driveway:

  • Script: PRODUCTION NOTE: A midget double is to be used for the four foot tall Darrin.

Stephens Living Room:

  • Script: Calls for Samantha to be arranging flowers with her back to the hall as Darrin comes in.
  • Episode: Samantha comes from the kitchen to the entry after Darrin comes in.

  • Script: PRODUCTION NOTE: Calls for an oversize door and knob [NEW], and an oversize set of golf clubs and a tennis racket [EXISTING PROPS].
  • Episode: The tennis racket is not used.

Stephens Kitchen:

  • Script: Calls for a nine-inch tall Darrin, dressed in a handkerchief, a la Tarzan, to be standing by an enormous cup and saucer. PRODUCTION NOTE calls these EXISTING PROPS. Also calls for a plain white table top, oversized chair, oversized scissors, oversized pencil, and fruit and flowers. NOTE that ALL THESE PROPS EXIST.
  • Episode: The props used are a checkered tablecloth, telephone, and coffee mug.

  • Script: After Darrin's line, " I'm on a diet", the script calls for Samantha to sit on a small stool and sip coffee and for Darrin to sit on an upturned cup. PRODUCTION NOTE calls for this to be the first of two scenes filmed in blue. [Reviewer's note: Filmed in blue refers to a technique where one person is filmed in a normal manner while the other person is filmed against a blue background. The two images are then combined into one film so that both appear in the scene.]
  • Episode: Samantha sits in a kitchen chair and Darrin stands next to the mug. Darrin is dressed in a handkerchief, but as a robe, not "a la Tarzan".

  • Script: Calls for Samantha to say she tried to get her mother, and ask Darrin what is wrong with his back. Darrin replies that he never slept in a shoe box before.
  • Episode: These lines are cut.

Stephens Driveway:

  • Script: Calls for Abner and Gladys [carrying a ball] to approach the Stephens' house with the dog. Gladys shows the ball to the dog [that she calls Clive], then throws the ball into the Stephens' back yard. The dog goes after the ball.
  • Episode: The part about the ball and Gladys throwing it are deleted. The scene is moved forward to just before the first scene filmed in blue.

Stephens Kitchen:

  • Script: Calls for Darrin to be in the cup listening to the conversation in the living room when he sees the dog looking at him.
  • Episode: Darrin stands beside the mug, climbs into it when he sees the dog.

  • Script: Calls for the dog to nudge the cup off the table where it breaks when it hits the floor.
  • Episode: The mug does not break when it hits the floor.

Alley:

  • Script: Calls for a trash pile consisting of an arm chair, a bird cage, an old ink well, and barrel. The NOTE says all these PROPS EXIST. Also called for is a half pint size liquor bottle noted as NEW.
  • Episode: The props used are a crate, a drum, toy chair, picture frame, coke bottle, and a mayonnaise jar that Darrin crawls into instead of the liquor bottle that the script calls for.

Stephens Living Room:

  • Script: As Samantha tells the Kravitz's she can't invite them for coffee, the conversation continues between Gladys and Abner about her being satisfied about Darrin.
  • Episode: This section is cut.

Stephens Living Room [later]:

  • Script: Samantha says her mother makes the wicked witch of the "East" look like Cinderella.
  • Episode: "East" is corrected to "West".

Garbage Dump:

  • Script: Calls for Darrin to tell the drunk to take him to Morning Glory Circle.
  • Episode: Darrin says, "1164 Morning Glory Circle."

Stephens Entry:

  • Script: NOTE: Calls for the set with Darrin in the bottle to CONSIST OF A DRAPERY MATERIAL TO MATCH THE MATERIAL INSIDE THE DRUNK'S COAT, INCLUDING PART OF A LABEL.


TRAILER

Stephens' Living Room:

  • Script: NOTE: As Samantha sets Darrin (still in the bottle) on the table, the PRODUCTION NOTE says: THE BALANCE OF THIS SEQUENCE IS THE SECOND TO BE SHOT IN BLUE.

END

 

 

# 143, Samantha On the Keyboard

TEASER

Exterior Stephens’ Home:

  • Script: Darrin arrives in his car, parks, and crosses to the back door.
  • Episode: The scene is cut. The episode starts with the kitchen scene that follows this scene.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: Samantha and Darrin enter from the kitchen to find Tabatha seated at a toy piano playing Bach, with Endora conducting.
    DARRIN: And by witchcraft!
    ENDORA: Oh, how utterly clever of you to figure that out.
    SAMANTHA: **All right, Tabatha, that’s enough piano for the moment. [Tabatha stops playing. Endora lowers her arms].
    ENDORA: **You could at least let her finish the First Movement.
    SAMANTHA: [to Tabatha] Sweetheart, will you please go to your room? Mommy and Daddy want to speak to Grandma.
    TABATHA: Okay, Mommy. [Tabatha rises from the bench and exits upstairs].
    DARRIN: [to Endora] When did you swoop in?
    ENDORA: Two minutes ago, to give my grandchild a little present. [Points to piano] Isn’t it cute?
    SAMANTHA: ** [dryly] It’s adorable ,but . . .
    ENDORA: ** And, doesn’t it have a brilliant tone?
    DARRIN: ** Very. And we’ll thank you not to give Tabatha presents . . .that are . . .funny.
    ENDORA: **There’s nothing “Funny” about that piano! [Darrin fingers the piano’s keyboard. We hear the normal tinny sounds of a toy instrument].
    DARRIN: ** [facetiously] How come it doesn’t come out BACH when I play?
    SAMANTHA: ** Because she wasn’t conducting.
  • Episode: The lines marked ** are cut from the episode.

  • Script:
    ENDORA: I refuse to stay here another moment and be compared to an amateur. [She makes a face at Darrin and POPS out].
    SAMANTHA: Three to one she takes back the piano. [The prediction proves correct. The piano and the bench POP out].
    DARRIN: That’s fine. I can buy my child all the toys she needs.
    SAMANTHA: Yes, dear. Now I’ll go hurry up dinner.
    DARRIN: I’m not hungry anymore. I’m full. I’m full up to here . . . [hand to throat] of living in a house of voodoo.
    SAMANTHA: [bridling] Voodoo?!
  • Episode: After the piano POPS out, the last four lines are cut.

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: You think I’ll fail. You think witches need witchcraft for everything.
    DARRIN: Not for everything. Just for everything difficult.
    SAMANTHA: Well, you’re wrong. [hedging again] if pianos weren’t so expensive, I’d prove it to you.
    DARRIN: We can rent a piano.
    SAMANTHA: Where would we put it? It’s a big piece of furniture and . . . .
    DARRIN: Aha! You’re trying to get out of it.
  • Episode: After Samantha’s line, “You think witches need witchcraft for everything”, the rest of the lines are cut.


ACT I

Stephens’ Living Room: [Later]

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: [to Endora] I didn’t whip it up; we rented it. And I’m about to take my first lesson.
    ENDORA: A lesson? From whom?
    SAMANTHA: From Johann Sebastian Monroe.
    ENDORA: Why don’t you take from Johann Sebastian Bach?
    SAMANTHA: Because he isn’t listed in the Yellow Pages.
    ENDORA: Samantha, a well-bred witch never uses the Yellow Pages.
  • Episode: The lines following, “I’m about to take my first lesson”, are deleted.

  • Script: Monroe has arrived. He strides to the piano with Samantha following. Before Samantha begins playing, Monroe puts on earmuffs to “protect his ear drums”.
  • Episode: Monroe lowers the piano top, places his hand on the piano, and has the line, “For what we are about to do to you, I apologize”, added. The earmuffs that Monroe puts on are the type that keeps your ears warm, they have no sound deadening qualities. [Abner does a similar bit in # 34, “Remember The Main”].

Stephens’ Living Room: [Later]

  • Script: Samantha has now had three lessons. She is at the piano reading from instructions and practicing an exercise. Darrin sits nearby, reading a newspaper. Samantha asks Darrin how she sounds. Plainly lying, Darrin tells her she sounds great; that is, for only three lessons. Samantha goes back to her practicing. She makes a mistake. She starts over and makes mistakes twice again. In a moment of impulsiveness, she flexes her wrists and by witchcraft she plays some flawless TCHAIKOVSKY. Darrin is furious. Samantha apologizes and resumes her exercises, being very careful not to make a mistake.
  • Episode: This scene is entirely cut.

Stephens’ Living Room: [Later]

  • Script:
    MONROE: Mrs. Stephens, this child is a genius!
    SAMANTHA: She is?
    MONROE: How many lessons has she had?
    ENDORA: None!
    MONROE: [astounded] No lessons?
  • Episode: The last four lines are cut.

Exterior Stephens’ House:

  • Script: Darrin drives up, parks his car in the driveway, and walks to the front door.
  • Episode: This scene is cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script:
    MONROE: How about thirty?
    SAMANTHA: We don’t want her away from us for one week.
    DARRIN: Not even for a day.
    MONROE: Are you serious? That’s the most selfish attitude I ever heard of.
    SAMANTHA: But she’s only four years old. She needs us.
    MONROE: And the world needs her. You can’t keep this child hidden. You have to learn to share!
  • Episode: All lines after the first line are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room: [Later]

  • Script: Samantha is searching for a child prodigy. She hears music, a version of DEBUSSY’S “CLAIR DE LUNE”. She tells Darrin that she hears FRANZ LISZT’S “LIEBESTRAUM”.
  • Episode: The only music that is heard is “LIEBESTRAUM”.

High School Music Room:

  • Script:
    WILLIAMS: ...let him come to work with me and practice here.
    MATTHEW: When I’m old enough to go to high school, I can practice here in the daytime.
    SAMANTHA: In the meantime would you like to study with a professional teacher?
    MATTHEW: Yes, M’am - - -and in a year or so I will.
    WILLIAMS: We’re saving up for it.
  • Episode: All lines are cut, except Williams’ first line.


TRAILER

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script and Episode agree.

 

 

# 144, Darrin Gone! and Forgotten?

TEASER

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: As Darrin reaches for the bottle he says, [calling] “I think I’ll make mine a double”.
  • Episode: This line is cut here and moved to the scene near the end where he re-appears.

  • Script: [Original script] Samantha calls for Endora. She POPS in wearing a very chic beach robe.
    ENDORA: I hope you have good news. You’ve practically plucked me off my surfboard.
    SAMANTHA: Mother, what did you do with Darrin?
    ENDORA: You mean what did I do, or what would I like to do?
    SAMANRHA: Don’t be cute.
    ENDORA: I’m not being cute. I was about to shoot Australia’s Bonzai Pipeline with Murph the Surf. Now if you will excuse me . . .
    SAMANTHA: Darrin’s gone and you know it.
    ENDORA: Oh, you do have good news.
  • Revised Script: There is a page added to the script that offers an alternative scene. In this script page, Endora has been skin diving with Jacques Cousteau instead of surfing.
  • Episode: The revised script page is used as written.


ACT I

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: Mother, let’s be calm about this.
    ENDORA: I am calm, darling. I’m positively serene. You’re the one who is all stoked up.
    SAMANTHA: Darrin’s gone and somebody’s got him . . .Now if it’s not you, who could ….[snapping her fingers] Aunt Clara!
    ENDORA: Nonsense! Why would Clara do a thing like that?
    SAMANTHA: Well, her witchcraft is a little wobbly. Maybe she . . .[Suddenly we hear a long, naughty laugh; Samantha stops in her tracks. Endora is immediately alert and suspicious] That wasn’t Aunt Clara.
    ENDORA: It certainly wasn’t.
    The script has hand-written- in changes where Uncle Arthur replaces Aunt Clara. Samantha’s line about, “Her witchcraft is a little wobbly” is replaced with, “His bad idea of a practical joke”.
  • Episode: The hand written corrections are used.

  • Script: Endora defends her actions in promising Samantha in marriage: ENDORA: [defensively] It was eons ago . . .at a party. We got a little squiggly from too much ambrosia. Who knew she would take it seriously?
  • Episode: The last two sentences are cut.

Juke’s Cloud Room:

  • Script: Juke’s room has no walls. Puffs of clouds abound. There’s a bed, dresser, and a desk. School pennants from WARLOCK TECH and SALEM U are hung on convenient ends of clouds. It’s a boy’s room . . .too young for a grown man. Pin-ups hang on other puffs.
  • Episode: There are no pennants. The only decorations are pin-ups.

  • Script:
    CARLOTTA: [to Juke] Shake her hand, dear. [he does, obediently] That’s enough. [He lets her hand go] [to Juke] Now then, dear, who always keeps her word? [Samantha watches this next sequences like a tennis match]
    JUKE: [like a robot] You do, Mother.
    CARLOTTA: And who promised that someday you would have Samantha as a wife?
    JUKE: You did, Mother.
    CARLOTTA [smiling and bursting] And now who’s practically walking down the aisle with her?
    JUKE: You are, Mother.
    CARLOTTA: Juke!
    JUKE: [catching himself] I mean I am.
  • Episode: The lines about walking down the aisle are cut.

  • Script: Carlotta POPS out. Juke stares at Samantha.
    JUKE: Mother said we had er . . .a lot to talk about. You talk first.
    SAMANTHA: Juke, you seem like a nice fellow. I’m going to level with you.
    JUKE: Since we’re going to be husband and wife, you might as well.
    SAMANTHA: Juke, I’m already married.
    JUKE: [flatly] Uh huh.
    SAMANTHA: You know those animal sounds you heard? Well my husband is running from those sounds scared to death. Your mother put him there. It’s called blackmail.
    JUKE: [again flatly, not at all surprised] Uh huh.
    SAMANTHA: [very upset] I mean, nothing personal Juke, but I just can’t marry you.
    JUKE: Uh huh.
    SAMANTHA: It’s not that I don’t like you.
    JUKE: [very simply] I don’t want to marry you either.
    SAMANTHA: [on her own tack] It’s just that I’m [beat] Did you say what I hope you said?
    JUKE: I don’t want to marry anybody. That’s all I need. Another witch running my life.
    SAMANTHA: [recovering and zeroing in on what might save her] Another mother telling you what to do?
    JUKE: Exactly.
    SAMANTHA: Telling you when to fly, when not to fly . . when to walk through walls, when not to walk through walls?
    JUKE: How did you know???
    SAMANTHA: [she’s won] Juke, you talked me into it. I release you from our engagement.
    JUKE: Swell. Just as long as we get married.
    SAMANTHA: [instantly upset] But you just said you don’t want to marry me.
    JUKE: Oh, sure I said it and I meant it. But what difference does that make?
    SAMANTHA: You mean that whatever mother wants, mother gets? [Juke nods] You just tell your mother what you told me - -that you don’t want to marry me - -that you don’t like me.
    JUKE: Think of it this way, Samantha. If I refuse to marry you, my mother will probably put real animals behind those sounds. That’ll really fix your husband.
    SAMANTHA: [horrified] She wouldn’t!
    JUKE: Oh, yes she would. She’s a very mean witch. One of the meanest.
    SAMANTHA: There must be something we can do. [Juke extends his arm]
    JUKE: We can practice the wedding march. Mother will be very angry if I fall out of step.
  • Episode: The entire above scene is eliminated from the episode.


ACT II

Juke’s Cloud Room – later:

  • Script: Juke has just finished explaining how he talks back to his mother.
    SAMANTHA: [flatly] Groovy.
    JUKE: My Mother’s been jamming you down my throat ever since I was a little Warlock.
    SAMANTHA: But, why me? There are plenty of other witches in the sky.
    JUKE: It’s simple. Your father happens to be a royal Warlock, and my father is, well, what you’d call a white-collar warlock.
    SAMANTHA: I can’t believe your mother would put you through all this just for social position.
  • Episode: The above lines are cut. However, the reference to Maurice having royal blood does a lot to explain why Carlotta was so anxious to get Samantha into the family. It could also help explain why Samantha was chosen queen [# 108].
    REVIEWER’S NOTE: Nowhere in any episode does it ever mention that Maurice, and therefore Samantha, is of Royal blood.


Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: Carlotta, you just don’t have enough faith in your own son.
    CARLOTTA: [to Juke impatiently] What is she talking about? Do you happen to know?
    JUKE: [nervous] I think she saying she likes me.
    CARLOTTA: Nonsense.
  • Episode: After Samantha’s line, the rest of the lines are cut.

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: Surely you don’t think we’re going to live with you?
    CARLOTTA: But of course. Juke needs me.
    SAMANTHA: Not if he has me.
    CARLOTTA: But we have never been separated.
    SAMANTHA: Well, I’m afraid you’re about to be.
    JUKE: [joyous] Atta witch, Samantha!
  • Episode: Except for Samantha’s first line, the lines are cut.

  • Script:
    JUKE: I’ve been thinking . . .a deal is a deal, and I’m going to marry Samantha.
    SAMANTHA: Juke, please let me handle this.
    JUKE: I’ve made up my mind. I’d rather be dominated by you than my mother.
    CARLOTTA: [pleading] Juke, just come back with me, and I won’t ever tell you what to do again.
  • Episode: After Juke’s first line, the rest of the lines are cut.


TRAILER

Stephens’ Kitchen:

  • Script: Samantha reads Juke’s letter, which ends with, “That is, if my wife will allow it”. Endora and Samantha laugh into the fadeout.
  • Episode: Juke signs the letter, “Love, Juke”.
    SAMANTHA: Oh, Mother, you are such a naughty witch. [referring to Endora having read the letter before she gave it to Samantha]

 

 

# 145, It's So Nice To Have A Spouse Around The House

TEASER

Stephens Kitchen:

  • Script: After Samantha and Endora exchange greetings, there are additional lines about Samantha being needed at the Witches' Council, and that she should "fly this domestic coop."
  • Episode: These lines are cut.

  • Script: After Samantha says, "All right Mother, what's the problem?", Endora's lines include: "The problem is that during your reign as Queen, you've made but two appearances before the Witches' Council".
  • Episode: This line is changed to: The problem is that after your marriage to that mortal, you've made but two appearances before the Witches' Council."

  • Script: The discussion between Samantha and Endora continues as follows:

    SAMANTHA: [firm] Mother, you tell them that the queen chooses not to oblige. Besides, my term is almost over. It's been a year.
    ENDORA: A human year. You agreed to serve three hundred and sixty five days.
    SAMANTHA: That's the same as a human year.
    ENDORA: Samantha, you know very well on Council matters we only count Saturdays.
    SAMANTHA: Three hundred and sixty five Saturdays ???!!
    ENDORA: Heavy is the head that wears the crown. But remember, my dear, "noblesse oblige."

  • Episode: The above lines are cut and the scene continues with Samantha's line, "I've got too much to do around here today."

Stephens Front Yard:

  • Script: Samantha has the line, "Mother - - -pop out!!!"
  • Episode: After the above line, the episode adds the well known line by Samantha, " Darrin, are you in there?"


ACT I

Stephens Kitchen:

  • Script: At the breakfast table there is a long conversation between Samantha and Darrin about what is going on, what did Endora want, and that Samantha is needed at the Witches' Council. Included is Samantha referring to herself as Queen. The last line in this sequence is Darrin saying," Samantha, let's get something straight. First you're my wife - - - then you're a Queen."
  • Episode: About half of these lines are cut, including all references to Samantha being Queen, and the sequence ends with Darrin's line altered to." First you're my wife - - then you're a witch.

Stephens Living Room:

  • Script: Serena appears. The script calls for her to give her lines in a high pitched singsong voice, "a la Mahareeshi".
  • Episode: Follows the script.

  • Script: Calls for Serena to land gracefully and make a salaam bow. Serena then has the line [ n a singsong voice], "For those you love , you climb the highest mountain. . . ." When Serena finds that Samantha wants her to act as a housewife for the afternoon, Serena has the line, " I'd rather climb Mt. Everest."
  • Episode: The bow and these lines are cut.

Stephens Kitchen:

  • Script: When Serena changes into a double for Samantha her script cues become, SERENA/SAM. Tabatha enters and Greets Endora as Grandma Endora, and Serena as Auntie Serena.
  • Episode: Tabatha does not greet Endora, only Serena.

  • Script: As Endora pops out with Tabatha, Darrin enters, There is a long conversation between Darrin and SERENA/SAM [ Darrin thinks it is Samantha ] about Endora taking Tabatha to the zoo, how he is against it, and that Samantha is bugging him because he wouldn't, "Let her fly to the moon and play with her friends."
  • Episode: This entire sequence is cut.

Clubhouse Bar:

  • Script: Darrin and Larry enter. Darrin is in a foul mood, and Larry kids him about shooting a poor round.
  • Episode: The section of the teasing is cut and the episode concentrates on the conversation with the drunk. After Larry's line about his famous "tete a tete" lines about how long Darrin has been married are cut.


ACT II

Stephens Living Room:

  • Script: After Darrin's line, "I'll tell you in the car", the script calls for him to cross to SERENA/SAM and try to put his arms around her. She stiffens and doesn't allow it.
  • Episode: This bit is cut.

  • Script: At Darrin's line, "We're free as the birds", he starts up the stairs.
  • Episode: Darrin pauses and adds," and the bees."

  • Script: SERENA/SAM calls for Endora who pops in with a box of crackerjacks and a balloon. SERENA/SAM wants to know where Tabitha is. Endora replies that she is with the guard at the zoo having a marvelous time.
  • Episode: Endora appears without the crackerjacks and the balloon. The lines are cut.

  • Script: After Endora's line, "Anything he says", the script calls for a fade out.
  • Episode: The whispering sequence between Endora and Serena/Sam with SERENA/SAM mugging is added.


ROAD SCENE

  • Script: Calls for a stock shot of an upstate New York road and scenery. Early in the road scene the script calls for Darrin to have lines about this road reminding him of a road they got lost on once during their honeymoon, and wants to know if Samantha remembers a little old man. SERENA/SAM has no idea what Darrin is talking about and hedges her answers as if she remembered. This continues to what happened between Samantha and the old man, and what Samantha said to answer his question.
  • Episode: Beginning after SERENA/SAM'S line, " Boy, that's some threesome" up to her line "Isn't there something else on the radio" the scene is cut.

Room at Moon Thatch Inn:

  • Script: After Darrin exits to go back to the car SERENA/SAM looks at the bed in panic, makes a gesture, and the bed is swathed in barbed wire. Not satisfied she tries again and gets a bed covered with grass and a sign, "Keep off the grass". She tries again and gets a bed of nails.
  • Episode: No barbed wire and no grass. Only the "closed for repairs" sign and a bed of nails.

  • Script: SERENA/SAM tells Darrin, " Not now, later."
  • Episode: The bit with SERENA/SAM'S hand on Darrin's chest holding him away is added.

Tabatha's Room:

  • Script: Calls for Tabatha to refer to Endora as " Grandma."
  • Episode: Tabatha uses the term " Grandmama."

 

 

# 146, Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

TEASER

Stephens’ Entry:

  • Script: Samantha has the line, “‘Furthermore’ will have to wait.”[she exits]
  • Episode: Samantha has the line, “Tabatha and I are going to the park”, added before she exits.


ACT I

Darrin in His Car on the Street:

  • Script: [Darrin stops at a stop light]. A miniature Endora appears in the back seat and casts a spell:

Vanish all self control, and now let us see…
Just how vain you mortals can be.

[Darrin catches sight of himself in the side mirror and turns it so he can see himself better.]
Endora completes her spell:

Seas churn and winds blow!
Watch his vanity grow and grow!

[He is so absorbed in admiring himself that he doesn’t notice the light has changed. Honking horns behind him bring him back to reality, and he drives on].

  • Episode: The spell is changed to:

Vanish all self control, and now you will see
just how vain you mortals can be.

[The remainder of the spell is not used]. A bit is added where the guy behind Darrin who has been honking and yelling stalls his car after Darrin drives off, leading to more honking and name calling.]

Darrin’s Office:

  • Script: The script calls for Hascomb to have red pills for nerves, blue for indigestion, and yellow for neuralgia and neuritis.
  • Episode: The blue pills are changed to white, and the yellow pills are changed to pink.

  • Script: Larry introduces Darrin to Mr. Hascomb, “Darrin, this is Mr. Hascomb of Hascomb Drug Co., the conservative, 93 year old company with a nice solid conservative image”.
  • Episode: The introduction is cut to, “Darrin, this in Mr. Hascomb of Hascomb Drug Co.” The remainder of the introduction is moved to after Darrin’s line, ”There’s no mirror in this room”.

  • Script: [Hascomb is ready to leave]
    HASCOMB: All right. Five it is. Goodbye Tate. Goodbye Stephens.
    LARRY: Darrin, [who is otherwise occupied looking at his reflection] Mr. Hascomb is leaving.
    DARRIN: [looking up] Oh, yes, Goodbye, Mr. Hascomb.
  • Episode: Hascomb does not say goodbye to Darrin. Larry and Darrin’s lines are cut.

  • Script:
    LARRY: Hascomb drops a $ 500,000 account right in our laps. A no-sweat simple campaign. You almost blow it and all you can do is stand there and smile.
    DARRIN: Larry, can I talk to you seriously for a minute?
    LARRY: Oh, Darrin, if only you would.
    DARRIN: I was noticing your paunch. If I were you, I’d lay off desserts.
    LARRY: I’ll lay off desserts if you’ll lay off whatever you’re on. And when you show up for cocktails this afternoon, make sure you’re wearing a shirt and tie and no beads.
  • Episode: All but Larry’s first lines are cut.

Stephens’ Bedroom:

  • Script: Calls for Darrin’s new outfit to include a Nehru suit, a turtleneck shirt, beads and boots.
  • Episode: The turtleneck shirt is deleted and the boots are replaced with white shoes.

Stephens’ Entry Hall:

  • Script:
    DARRIN: You leave me no choice. I’ll use the mirror in the car.
    SAMANTHA: Mother! Of all the low down spiteful tricks. I insist you pop in here and zap that vanity spell off Darrin. [nothing, she softens] All right, I request you pop in this instant. [nothing] He’s got an important meeting with a client . . . .Mother. Please...
  • Episode: Samantha’s last two lines are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: [Samantha has moved to the living room, still trying to contact Endora] Mother, for the last time, I demand that you appear before me!
  • Episode: The line is cut.

  • Script: Samantha casts spells to remove Darrin’s beads, put his shoes back on him, and dress him in his suit.
  • Episode: The spells to remove the beads and replace the suit are as in the script. The spell to replace the shoes is not used, but goes as follows:

Protons and neutrons, it’s you that I choose . . .
To take off his boots and put back his shoes.


ACT II

Stephens’ Kitchen and Entry:

  • Script: Darrin enters and first shouts and then screams for Samantha. Samantha gets icing all over her after the first call for her.
  • Episode: Darrin’s second scream for Samantha is deleted.

Stephens’ Bedroom:

  • Script: Darrin is in front of the mirror in trousers and a ruffled shirt, pasting on sideburns. Not satisfied, he changes the sideburns for longer mutton chops. He loves it.
  • Episode: Darrin wears a pleated shirt. He is shown with only the longer sideburns.

  • Script: [Samantha has ZAPPED herself into a long shimmering gown of silver sequins, each the size of a half dollar coin. Around the very low cut neck and the hem are white feathers. It’s the epitome of too much].
    DARRIN: Sam, how dare you use witchcraft to dress?
    SAMANTHA: If you can dare gold lame, I can dare anything.
    DARRIN: Oh no you can’t. And besides that dress is terrible. We can’t possibly go like this.
    SAMANTHA: [delighted] Darling, I’m so relieved. I knew you’d see the light.
    DARRIN: Of course I see the light. Your silver outshines my gold.
    SAMANTHA: [destroyed] Oh, my stars!
  • Episode: [The neckline on Samantha’s dress is rather modest. There are no white feathers, but she does have a boa to carry]. Beginning with Darrin’s, “Oh no you can’t” through Samantha’s, “Oh my stars”, the lines are cut.

Tate’s Front Door:

  • Script: Larry opens the front door, sees how Samantha and Darrin are dressed and tries to close the door on them. Darrin has put his foot in the door and pushes it open.
  • Episode: Samantha is in front of Darrin. She is the one who squeezes in so they can both enter.

Tate’s Living Room:

  • Script: Mrs. Hascomb: [to Samantha] My dear, where did you get that dress? It’s a heavenly creation.
    SAMANTHA: [brightly] How did you know?
    DARRIN: How about me? This is 14 carat gold lame you know.
    HASCOMB: Really? I hope you have it insured.
  • Episode: Darrin and Hascomb’s lines are cut.


TRAILER

Stephens’ Kitchen:

  • Script and Episode agree.

 

 

# 153, Instant Courtesy

The script always refers to Mrs. Sebastian as "Sabrina" when using her given name. A page is added before the Teaser that states that her name should be changed to Adrienne Sebastian.

TEASER

Stephens Kitchen:

  • Script: Calls for Samantha to come in through the Kitchen door carrying a large basket of clothes and linens. She is to kick the door shut with her foot and place the basket on the sink, then cross to the broom closet.
  • Episode: Begins with the basket in place and Samantha closing the door with her hand. She then crosses to the broom closet and takes out an ironing board.

  • Script: Calls for Samantha's clothing to become that of an Arabian nights slave girl complete with harem pants, bracelets on both arms, and shackles on her legs.
  • Episode: The costume is a short ragged burlap type dress with no bracelets on her arms. She has shackles on both her arms and legs which tie together at her waist.

  • Script: Endora has the line: "Courtesy? You could give rudeness lessons to an New York cab driver!"
  • Episode: The line is changed to: "You could make a fortune giving rudeness lessons!"

  • Script: After Samantha's lines about Darrin being courteous, she and Endora have words about Darrin being a boor.
  • Episode: These lines are cut.


ACT I

McMann & Tate Outer Office:

  • Script: Refers to Darrin's secretary as "Miss Wilson."
  • Episode: She is referred to as "Betty".

Darrin's Office:

  • Script: Calls for Darrin to light Larry's cigarette and then place an ashtray in a convenient spot.
  • Episode: Darrin holds the ashtray right in front of Larry.

Larry's Office:

  • Script: Calls for the scene to open with Larry on the phone to Louise complaining about Darrin's behavior and asking Louise to "cozy up to Samantha" and find out what is going on. Louise refuses to be a spy and Larry threatens to cut off her credit cards. Larry's secretary interrupts to tell Larry that Mrs. Sebastian is there.
  • Episode: All of the telephone call is cut and the scene begins with the Secretary on the intercom.

  • Script: Larry refers to Adrienne Sebastian's firm as one of the three or four great cosmetic firms.
  • Episode: The line is changed to: "One of the truly great cosmetic firms".

  • Script: Calls for Darrin to pull over a chair for Mrs. Sebastian and hold it for her.
  • Episode: Darrin guides Mrs. Sebastian to the sofa.

  • Script: Mrs. Sebastian says she respects Mr. Traynor's opinion. Then Darrin and Traynor argue over which advertising plan to use. During this, Traynor puts an ashtray in his lap. Darrin offers to get him a clean one. Darrin pulls on the ashtray as Traynor pulls the other way and the ashtray spills ashes all over Traynor's lap.
  • Episode: This entire bit is cut.

  • Script: Larry has lines about Darrin being right back, Traynor saying that he is not really happy with what he sees, but it is a hard sell. Mrs. Sebastian says she wants to look at the soft sell approach.
  • Episode: Larry and Traynor's lines are cut. Mrs. Sebastian's line is moved to the last of the scene.


ACT II

Stephens' Living Room:

  • Script: Calls for Darrin to hold a chair for Samantha.
  • Episode: Darrin leads Samantha to the sofa.

  • Script: After Darrin's line about "is he having a nervous breakdown", the script reads as follows:

    SAMANTHA: [surprised, rising] One of us is because I don't follow you. [As she rises, Darrin rises politely] You are acting a little strange.
    DARRIN: That's what Larry said. [She sits down again, slightly relieved]
    SAMANTHA: What did Larry say?
    DARRIN: He suggested that I get a little therapy and take a long vacation - - like two or three years. [thinks this over] I think he fired me.
    SAMANTHA: [rising - - testing] Why I think that's the most--- [Darrin rises with her, and Samantha nods. She sinks back into the chair, and he sinks back, too]. Were you getting up to get something?
    DARRIN: No, but I didn't want to be sitting while you were standing.
    SAMANTHA: [flat] Really.
    DARRIN: It's customary - - - -
    SAMANTHA: Not at home, sweetheart. You're popping up and down like a jack-in-the-box . [fishing] Darrin, what went wrong today? Precisely?

  • Episode: All of the above is cut up to the line: "Darrin, what went wrong today?"

  • Script: After Mrs. Sebastian arrives at the Stephens' house she and Darrin have a conversation about how well he treated her, how she called his office only to find he had been fired, and saying she wanted to have lunch with him to talk about the account.
  • Episode: These lines are cut.

  • Script: Darrin opens the door for Mrs. Sebastian to leave.

    DARRIN: May I walk you to your car?
    Mrs. SEBASTIAN: [with a smile] Not yet.

  • Episode: Her line is cut and Darrin sees her out.

  • Script: After Mrs. Sabastian leaves, Samantha enters the Living Room. Darrin tells Samantha about opening his own agency, and waves off Samantha's concerns about Larry. Samantha tells Darrin he is being too sensitive and to sit down and think it over.
  • Episode: These lines are cut.

Tate's Living Room:

  • Script: Larry is pouring another drink. Louise is giving him a hard time about the way he treated Darrin. Larry finally agrees that she might be right.
  • Episode: This scene is cut.

Stephens' Entry Hall:

  • Script: The scene opens with Samantha's line about the amount of traffic they have is as much as Kennedy International.
  • Episode: Samantha's line is moved to after Mrs. Sebastian arrives. The scene opens with Larry's arrival.


TRAILER
[or TAG]

        The episode follows the script.

 

 

# 154, Samantha’s Super Maid

[Reviewer’s Note: This episode was filmed entirely on the studio set of 1164. The two front outdoor scenes are plainly set backdrops, and the patio does not exist at the façade]

TEASER

Stephens’ Entrance hall:

  • Script: [where Darrin is about to leave]
    DARRIN: You sure you don’t want me to stay?
    SAMANTHA: [urging him] I want you to go and enjoy your game. Your mother and I will have a very nice afternoon . . . .Everything will be just fine.
  • Episode: These lines are cut.

END TEASER


ACT I

Stephens’ Entry:

  • Script: Calls for Endora to POP into the entry mirror wearing an exotic sari and carrying a hookah.
  • Episode: Endora POPS into the entry itself wearing a long witch’s gown and the hookah floating beside her.

  • Script: Samantha asks Endora to POP out of the mirror and hide the hookah.
  • Episode: These lines are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: [Mrs. Stephens is telling Samantha that if she hade not done charity work she would never have met Mrs. Endicott Otis]
    SAMANTHA: [still puzzled] I’m all for charity, but . . .
    MRS. STEPHENS: Samantha, you don’t understand. It’s the social contacts you’ll make through charities that will pay off for Darrin. They all take time, and that’s why you need a maid.
  • Episode: These lines are cut.

  • Script: Amelia has arrived. Although there is no need to, she wipes her feet on the welcome mat outside before entering.
  • Episode: No welcome mat is shown. Amelia does not wipe her feet.

  • Script: [After Amelia goes to get her things, Mrs. Stephens comes back into the living room from the kitchen carrying cookies]
    MRS. STEPHENS: Where’s Amelia? You didn’t let that treasure get away, did you?
    SAMANTHA: [wryly] No, Mrs. Stephens, it’s all settled. She hired me on the spot. [a beat] She’s out in the car getting her things.
    MRS. STEPHENS: Good. I’ll stay and help you break her in.
    SAMANTHA: Oh, that won’t be necessary. I can . . . .
    MRS. STEPHENS: [holding up her hand] Say no more, child. I’m happy to give up the rest of my day for you.
    SAMANTHA: Mrs. Stephens, you’re a mother-in-law in a million . . .and you’re mine.
  • Episode: This scene is cut.

END ACT I


ACT II

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: [Samantha stands with a cup of coffee as Darrin comes downstairs, dressed for work].
    DARRIN: Thanks, Sam. [a quick sip, then] Why don’t you call Amelia in here and I’ll do the honorable thing. We’ll fire her together.
    SAMANTHA: [takes a note from her pocket] Miss “Home Sweet Home” isn’t here.
    DARRIN: It’s too much to hope that she’s quit.
    SAMANTHA: [reads note] Dear Mrs. Stephens . . .I’ve gone to the market. I like to get to the vegetables first thing before they’re all picked over. Yours truly Amelia. [Endora suddenly POPS in] Mother! Have you ever thought of using the front door?
    ENDORA: Whatever for?
    SAMANTHA: Is there something special you wanted?
    ENDORA: I’m curious. I popped in earlier to say hello and saw a stranger bustling around the kitchen.
    DARRIN: [urgently] Did she see you?
    ENDORA: [to Samantha] Oh, has Durwood been here all the time? I hadn’t noticed him.
    SAMANTHA: Mother!
    ENDORA: Two-dimensional objects do have a way of fading into the background.
    DARRIN: [to Endora] It’s a good trick. Why don’t you try it sometime. ALL the time?
    SAMANTHA: Darrin!
    DARRIN: Sorry to leave you with our problem, Sam . . .but I’m going to be late for the office. [He gives her a quick kiss and goes out the door. Endora raises her hand as if to cast a spell]
    SAMANTHA: Mother!
    ENDORA: [she lowers her hand] Oh well, it’s the thought that counts.
  • Episode: The above scene is cut.

Stephens’ Kitchen:

  • Script: Amelia is shown loading dishes into the dishwasher.
  • Episode: No dishwasher is shown.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script:
    AMELIA: I always say, when things are going well, don’t ask questions.
    SAMANTHA: That’s what I always say. Now about lunch . . .
  • Episode: [added are the following lines]
    AMELIA: Excuse me. Before we get into that, may I say something?
    SAMANTHA: Of course, Amelia. Tell me whatever is on your mind.
    AMELIA: Mrs. Stephens, I’ve never been as happy in my entire career as a maid. I’m looking forward to a long and perhaps permanent relationship with your little family.

Stephens’ Kitchen:

  • Script: Calls for Amelia to say she is putting her son through college.
  • Episode: “Son” is changed to “Nephew”.

END ACT II


TRAILER

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: [Amelia has changed back into the clothes she wore when she arrived. She has her suitcase].
    AMELIA: Working here has certainly been a rewarding experience.
    SAMANTHA: For us, too, Amelia
    AMELIA: I hope leaving you isn’t a mistake.
    DARRIN: Don’t forget how financially rewarding it will be working for Mrs. Otis.
    AMELIA: [shaking her head] I still don’t know why I agreed to that.
    SAMANTHA: You remembered you were putting your son through college.
    AMELIA: [brightly] Tabitha, I’ll come and visit you on all my days off.
    TABITHA: [to Amelia] We can play with my airplane. [Tabitha wiggles her nose and the airplane does miraculous tricks. Samantha makes a circular motion and the airplane begins to fly circles around Amelia. She hurriedly picks up her suitcase]
    AMELIA: On second thought, I think it will be easier if I make a clean break.
    SAMANTHA: I always say, the best way is just to go. [The airplane’s flight is getting to Amelia. She starts for the door]. [Samantha calls after her] And not look back. . . . .That’s a relief.
    DARRIN: [wise, whispers] Did you ah . . .?
    SAMANTHA: [innocently] What? [Darrin makes a motion with his hand. Samantha smiles] Cute, huh? [The airplane still flies in circles]
    DARRIN: Would you mind . . .? [Samantha makes a gesture and the airplane disappears]
    TABITHA: What did mommy do to my airplane?
    SAMANTHA: Never mind, young lady. We’ll talk about that later.
  • Episode: There is no TRAILER in the episode. The episode ends where the script ends ACT II.

 

 

# 157, One Touch of Midas

Reviewer’s Note: Normally scenes cut from a script do not have a strong effect on the episode. Here, however, there are several actions that take place that are not explained in the episode, but are fully explained in the scenes cut from the script. For example: What is the purpose of the doll theme?; Why is Darrin suddenly so generous when he is described as something of a tight-wad?; Why is Miss Wilson being given 10% of the profits? What are the gifts Darrin has to return that he is never shown giving to Samantha?

TEASER

Stephens’ Dining Room:

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: . . . .then we pin it together . . . .then try it on to see if it fits . . .
    [a] TABITHA: Then is it I dress?
    [b] SAMANTHA: Almost. It takes a long time and a lot of work.
    [c] TABITHA: I know how to do it quick [starts to bring her finger to her nose]
    [d] SAMANTHA [admonishing] Now, Tabitha, you know daddy doesn’t like for us to use witchcraft.
    [e] TABITHA: [trying to understand] And he wants you to do it this way.
    [f] SAMANTHA: Sweetheart, making this dress for you was my idea. When you’re older, you’ll see how much fun it is to do things for other people.
  • Episode: Lines [a] and [b] are cut. Lines [c] and [d] are in the episode. Lines [e] and [f] are replaced with:
    TABITHA: Silly Mommy!
    SAMANTHA: Good grief! You sound just like my mother.

  • Script:
    DARRIN . . . .My wife, the dressmaker.
    SAMANTHA: Thank you, Sweetheart.
    DARRIN: See, there’s no end to the fun you can have working with your hands . . .instead of your . . .[wiggles his nose].
    SAMANTHA: [smiling] Oh, I’m a believer.
  • Episode: The last two lines are cut.

  • Script: [Endora POPS in and begins to examine the music box. She snaps her fingers and a jeweler’s loupe appears. She screws it into her eye:]
    ENDORA: Colored glass and rhinestones. “Made in occupied Italy”. Three dollars and ninety-eight cents - - -and from your hero. [sighs] You poor darling!
    SAMANTHA: I love it.
    ENDORA: Sentimental piffle!
    SAMANTHA: It’s the thought that counts.
    ENDORA: That’s a very convenient set of middle-class values you have - - -especially since you’re stuck with a middle class income.
  • Episode: [Endora does not use an eye loop, nor does she closely inspect the music box. The above lines are cut and replaced with:]
    ENDORA: Look at you. Making Tabitha’s clothes. You’ve been reduced to a slave in Durwood’s sweatshop. You are just too starry-eyed to realize what’s happening to you.

  • Script: [Samantha exits. Endora makes a gesture and MAC ALLISTER, a distinguished and white haired Warlock appears. He wears a smoking jacket, velvet slippers, and has a martini in his hand:]
    MAC: Endora! This is a pleasant surprise! [Endora gestures for quiet, and they talk in low tones:]
    ENDORA: Mac, I’ve come to a decision and I need your help.
    MAC: [surprised] You - -Endora the incomparable, the all powerful - - -you need my help? Reviewer’s note: These lines may be found repeated in episode # 239.
    ENDORA: I have a rather devious scheme that will save my daughter from being stuck for life in this suburban cracker box.
    MAC: It’s a pretty attractive cracker box, I would say.
    ENDORA: It’s not attractive enough for my daughter. What I want you to do is to provide Durwood with vast wealth. And make sure it looks legitimate. He’s the suspicious type.
    MAC: Why don’t you do that?
    ENDORA: Because if Samantha gets suspicious, I can truthfully say I haven’t cast a spell.
    MAC: [grins] Endora, you’re the soul of integrity - - and a sneak of the first water!
    ENDORA: I always go first cabin. Perhaps you’d better hit him with a generosity spell later on, too. He’s a bit of a tight-wad . . . .over-do it a lot.
    MAC: Leave everything to me. I’ll get busy on it tomorrow.
    ENDORA: Thank you. And let’s forget we had this conversation. [Mac POPS out, Endora smiles smugly].
  • Episode: The above scene is entirely deleted.


ACT I

Darrin’s Outer Office:

  • Script: The fuzz doll is described as having no eyes.
  • Episode: The fuzz has two eyes and a nose showing.

Darrin’s Office:

  • Script:
    MISS WILSON: Mr. Stephens, do I bother you very often?
    DARRIN: All right, send him in. What’s he got - -a perpetual motion machine?
    MISS WILSON: It’s a doll.
    DARIN: A doll!
  • Episode: After “Send him in”, the rest of the lines are cut.

  • Script: [The Professor starts out of the office; turns back to Darrin:]
    PROFESSOR: By the way, Mr. Stephens, I’d like to tell you the real reason that I came to you.
    DARRIN: Oh . . .?
    PROFESSOR: The truth is I tried three other advertising agencies first, and I couldn’t get past the person who brushes off the crackpots.
    DARRIN: Well, Miss Wilson, I think that makes you deserving of ten percent of the profits as a finders fee.
    MISS WILSON: Why, thank you, Mr. Stephens. [Larry’s voice over the intercom:]
    LARRY: Darrin, will you knock it off with those dolls and get in here. Henderson and I are waiting.
  • Episode: This part of the scene is cut.

Larry’s Office:

  • Script: [Just before Darrin asks Larry if it is all right if he goes home early; he has some shopping to do; there is a flash of light, Larry and Darrin freeze, the Professor fades in with his hand over Darrin’s head and incants:]
    PROFESSOR: Root of jinseng, pinch of salt! Note: Not the usual spelling for ginseng, but this is the script spelling.

Be Thou generous to a fault!
Be thou utterly beguile,
Indulging you, your wife and child.

  • Episode: The above is cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: [suspicious] Darrin, there’s something very strange about all this, if you know what I mean.
    DARRIN: I thought about that, but the man who brought the dolls to me tried three other agencies first and they chased him out . . .Honey, every once in a while, these silly little things hit. And I just got lucky.
    SAMANTHA: [nods] Well, I guess maybe it’s okay.
  • Episode: After Samantha’s lead in line, the rest is cut.


ACT II

Stephens’ Bedroom:

  • Script: [Samantha calls Endora, who POPS in wearing a skin diver’s wet suit. She carries a spear fishing trident]
    ENDORA: Isn’t it obvious? I’ve been spear fishing . . . [a beat] . . .with Prince Cellini in the Adriatic . . .what a soggy bore. [a]
    SAMANTHA: Mother, you know what I mean . [b]. .Did you put a spell on some little doll and get someone to bring it to Darrin . . . and then . . . .
    ENDORA: [interrupting] Child, are you all right?
    SAMANTHA: Don’t evade the issue. Darrin is involved with some little doll that everyone wants to buy. He’s earning a fortune and it’s my guess that it’s no fluke.
    ENDORA: Oh . . .It’s probably one of those fads that keep happening to mortals. Well, well! Durwood finally tripped into something good all by himself.
    SAMANTHA: I just don’t understand it. You wouldn’t believe what’s going on down stairs. Darrin’s gone beserk. [Note: Script spelling error] It’s not like him.
    ENDORA: Oh, yes it is my dear. He’s a mortal, isn’t he? They get their hands on a little money and they run amuck.
    SAMANTHA: Maybe some mortals . . .but not Darrin.
    ENDORA: [the wise mother] Well, you’ll find out that “Mother told you so”. Show me Durwood with a fat bank account and I’ll show you a well-heeled heel. But enjoy it sweetheart. Maybe you’ll finally get out of this domestic coop.
  • Episode: [Endora wears a parka. She has been spear fishing in the Artic sea. Added after [a] is the line, “But he does have a fascinating igloo.” After [b] the rest of these lines are cut and replaced with:]
    SAMANTHA: Did you put a spell on a dumb little doll?
    ENDORA: Oh, my dear child, are you all right?
    SAMANTHA: Don’t evade the issue. Darrin’s involved with some little doll….
    ENDORA: Oh, you poor darling. What’s her name? Oh, never mind her name. Get Tabitha and let’s leave. Don’t bother to pack.
    SAMANTHA: Mother, really, it’s a toy doll that everyone wants to buy. Darrin’s making a fortune. But it’s my guess that it’s your spell.
    ENDORA: Oh, it’s probably one of those fads that keep happening to mortals.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script:
    DARRIN: . . . .when we were married you made a great sacrifice for me. You gave up the use of your powers
    SAMANTHA: What does that have to do with anything?
    DARRIN: Now that we have all this money and power, I realize how much it must have meant to you, and I’ve made a decision.
    SAMANTHA: Oh, really?
    DARRIN: [magnanimously] From now on you can use all the witchcraft you want. [he gives her a peck on the cheek] I think I’ll get myself a cup of coffee.
    SAMANTHA: Mother . . .one of these days . . .Pow!!
  • Episode: After Darrin’s lead-in line, the remainder is cut.

Stephens’ Living Room – later:

  • Script: [The Tate’s have come over for dinner. After dinner, Louise is holding one of the dolls:]
    LOUISE: There is a good feeling to them, isn’t there?
    SAMANTHA: [shrugs] Apparently they make lots of people feel better than having an extra dollar bill.
    DARRIN: And oh how the money keeps rolling in! [He takes a little jewelry box from his pocket and hands it to Samantha]. Don’t say I never gave you anything.
    SAMANTHA: [helplessly] He just won’t quit.
    LOUISE: Larry won’t even start. [They exchange glances as Samantha opens the box, revealing a diamond brooch. Louise gasps]
    SAMANTHA: It’s lovely, but Darrin. I don’t really . . .don’t you think it’s a little ostentatious?
    LOUISE: I’ve never seen anything so gorgeous in my life, and I’m not likely to.
  • Episode: The entire above scene is deleted.

Stephens’ Bedroom:

  • Script:
    ENDORA: I’ll take care of it right away.
    SAMANTHA: And the dolls too.
    ENDORA: In a way, it’s a shame . . .those dolls were kind of cute.
    SAMANTHA: Yes, adorable.
  • Episode: After Endora’s first line, the rest is cut.


TRAILER

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script and Episode agree.

 

 

# 158, Samantha, the Bard

TEASER

Stephens’ Bedroom:

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: I can try . . .you handsome guy. [she giggles, embarrassed]
    DARRIN: Say “testing: one, two, three, four.”
    SAMANTHA: Testing: one, two, three, four. [a beat] Should I say more?
    DARRIN: That’s enough. Sam, this is fantastic! You’re compelled to talk in rhyme.
  • Episode: After Samantha’s first line, the rest is cut.

  • Script: There has to be a logical answer. . .or else my name is not Samanther.
  • Episode: ”Samanther” is changed to “Samanswer”.


ACT I

Stephens’ Kitchen:

  • Script:
    DARRIN: - - - -Maybe Endora knows where he is. [Samantha shrugs, as if to say, “She might”.] Or maybe she knows what’s wrong. [a]
    SAMANTHA: [nodding] It’s worth a pitch, she’s a talented witch.
    DARRIN: [a tiny bit edgy] Samantha, call your mother. [b]
    SAMANTHA: [calling] Mother dear, please heed my call, your daughter’s back is to the wall. [c] [a pause and Samantha continues] Tweedy-tweedy, of thee I’m needy.
    DARRIN: Sam, that’s terrible.
    SAMANTHA: Fiddly-dee-doo - -it’s the best I can do. [Endora POPS in]
    ENDORA: [cordially] Good morning, Samantha, Tabitha.
    TABITHA: [d] Good morning, Grandmama
    ENDORA: [nodding to Darrin] Durwood.
    DARRIN: [forced warmth] Good morning Endora.
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut. The line after [c] is cut. The lines after [d] are cut.

  • Script:
    ENDORA: She can’t? How peculiar? [a]
    SAMANTHA: Do you have a theory of why I’m eerie?
    ENDORA: Did you read “The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam” while flying over Corsica eating cheesecake?
    SAMANTHA: [shakes her head] Mother, I haven’t been flying, and believe me . . .I’m not lying.
    ENDORA: I see. Did you accidentally conjure up a gifted poetess like Gertrude Stein and drink champagne with her?
    SAMANTHA: No Stein, no wine.
    ENDORA: In that case, I can’t imagine what caused it.
    DARRIN: [facetiously] But you had some great theories.
  • Episode: After [a], the remainder is cut.

  • Script:
    ENDORA: Samantha, rhymes yes, puns no. [a]
    SAMANTHA: For that bomb, I’m sorry, mom.
    ENDORA: You know what you might have? A Venetian verbal virus!
    DARRIN: What’s that?
    ENDORA: A Venetian verbal virus is a virus transmitted by gamma rays from Venus.
    DARRIN: I’m sorry I asked.
    ENDORA: It disappears in 24 hours.
    SAMANTHA: It goes away in just one day?
    ENDORA: Completely. However, just to be safe, since the mountain climber won’t come to Mohammed, [b] I’ll find Dr. Bombay and have him give me a potion for you.
  • Episode: All lines between [a] and [b] are cut.

Darrin’s Office:

  • Script:
    DARRIN: Frankly Larry, I find your making social engagements for Samantha and myself without consulting me is in bad character.
    LARRY: Darrin, this dinner is not social. - - - -
  • Episode: Before Larry’s first line, he has a line added, “That’s not bad character. That’s my character.”

Stephens’ Living Room intercut with Darrin’s Office:

  • Script: [Samantha and Darrin are on the phone]
    DARRIN: We’re very close to landing the Durfee Dog Food account and Mr. And Mrs. Durfee have invited us and Larry to dinner tomorrow night. [a]
    SAMANTHA: Tomorrow night we have a date? With Mr. And Mrs. Durfee and Larry Tate?
    DARRIN: [concerned] . . . Sam, are you sure that’s a twenty-four hour virus?
    SAMANTHA: Sweetheart, don’t get up-tight. I’ll be fine by tonight.
    DARRIN: I sure hope your mother knows what she’s talking about.
    SAMANTHA: Fiddly-doo, I do too. [b] Goodbye, Darrin, I think I “oughter” put these flowers in some water. [she exits toward the kitchen]
  • Episode: All lines between [a] and [b] are cut.

Stephens’ Kitchen:

  • Script: [a] [Gladys and Abner are heard approaching the kitchen door, which is open]
    ABNER: [o.s] Gladys, why are barging in? Why didn’t we just phone for an appointment?
    GLADYS: Abner, don’t be so formal. It’s for a good cause, isn’t it? [b]
    GLADYS: Look, the door is open!
    ABNER: That’s snooping.
    GLADYS: It is not. [c] It’s scientific research.
    ABNER: Into what?
    GLADYS: Into all the weird things that go on in there. As long as it’s empty, I’ll just mosey inside.
    ABNER: Okay, nosey, you mosey - -alone. I’m waiting for an invitation. [d] [Gladys enters the kitchen].
  • Episode: All lines between [a] and [b], and between [c] and [d] are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script:
    GLADYS: Abner, stop it! [a]
    ABNER: Why? It’s fun.
    GLADYS: It’s sick! Normal people don’t talk that way. [darkly] There’s something going on here. I don’t know what it is . . .but I’m getting out. [b] Mrs. Stephens’ may I have my petition?
  • Episode: All lines between [a] and [b] are cut.

Stephens’ House:

  • Script: Darrin drives home, parks his car, gets out and walks to the front door.
  • Episode: This scene is cut.


ACT II

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: [Dr. Bombay POPS out]
    SAMANTHA: There goes a great doctor and a great warlock. [The front doorbell rings, Larry is standing there]
    DARRIN: [a] And here comes a great advertising man.
    SAMANTHA: [to Endora] Mother, Tabitha’s in her room. She can play until eight o’clock, then put her to bed.
    ENDORA: Yes, dear. Have fun. [to Darrin] See Darwin, you got all excited about nothing. [the doorbell rings again] I think I’ll pop up and see Tabitha. [Samantha puts on her coat, Darrin opens the door].
    LARRY: Darrin, you kept me waiting.
    DARRIN: Sorry. [lightly] You know how women are getting dressed.
    SAMANTHA: Hi, Larry!
    LARRY: Hi, Sam. How’s your virus?
    SAMANTHA: It’s gone. It disappeared as if by magic.
  • Episode: All lines after [a] are cut.

Restaurant:

  • Script: [Durfee quotes his 50 year old slogan]
    DARRIN: But Mr. Durfee, you asked us to come up with a fresh approach to your advertising.
    DURFEE: That’s true Stephens. I merely said that I’m not sure there is anything better than the slogan that has served us so well for the last 50 years.
  • Episode: Darrin and Mr. Durfee’s lines are cut.

  • Script: [Samantha stands near the entrance area and waits for a drunk who has been eying her to take a sip of his drink; then she POPS out. When he turns back, she has vanished].
    BARTENDER Another, sir?
    DRUNK: Another what?
  • Episode: The lines are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: [Endora plays an elaborate game of solitaire. If she doesn’t get the card she wants, it turns into the wanted card.] [Samantha POPS in]
    SAMANTHA: [urgently] Mother, the rhymes are flowing like a fountain. Tell me the name of Bombay’s mountain.
    ENDORA: Mount Everest. South slope.
    SAMANTHA: The south slope. He’s still there, I hope. [She changes into a parka and mountain climbing pants and POPS out]
  • Episode: [Endora is reading, not playing solitaire. Samantha POPS in. After Samantha’s first line, the lines are rewritten as:]
    ENDORA: Mount Everest. He’s probably at the top by now.
    SAMANTHA: Top of Mount Everest. It’s now or neverest. [She POPS out without changing clothes]

Restaurant:

  • Script: [The same customer still sits at the bar staring at the spot where Samantha disappeared. He glances away, looks back to see her standing there. He calls the bartender]
    DRUNK: Bartender, I changed my mind. Make it a double . . .it’s too late to quit.
  • Episode: The above scene is cut.

  • Script:
    DARRIN: I think jingles have become outmoded. [a]
    SAMANTHA: So do I.
    EDNA: So do I.
    DURFEE: Edna, nobody asked you. [b]
    SAMANTHA: [to Durfee] And I just proved it to you. By talking in poetry until all of you were irritated. Larry, weren’t you irritated?
    LARRY: [hedging] No, not exactly.
    EDNA. I was [c] Now that you mention it.
    DURFEE: So was I. [d] Especially that Mr. Durfee purfee-wurfee.
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are deleted, as are the lines immediately after [c] and [d].

  • Script:
    LARRY: [hollowly] Thank you.
    DARRIN: [a] [He sees some chalky dust on the sleeve of Samantha’s dress] What’s that?
    SAMANTHA: Rock dust from Mount Everest. [b]
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut. [Added are the lines:]
    SAMANTHA: Just Larry’s luck. With the check he got stuck.
    DARRIN: Sam!
    SAMANTHA: Just kidding.


TRAILER

  • Script and Episode agree.

 

 

# 159, Samantha the Sculptress

NOTE: Scripts seldom have notation for ad lib greetings, farewells, etc. This script is unique in that it calls for ad libs in five places.

TEASER

Tabitha's Room:

  • Script: After Tabitha's line," You're a good yeller Daddy", there is a dialog between Darrin and Tabitha as follows:

    DARRIN: [patiently] Tabitha, there are some things you should know about modeling clay.
    TABITHA: What things?
    DARRIN: You're supposed to use your hands.
    TABITHA: How come, Daddy?
    DARRIN: Well, modeling clay was made to be molded by hands . . .I mean sculpting with your nose isn't... [can't answer]... Excuse me, Tabitha, but I need to have a few words with your mommy.
    TABITHA: Say goodbye to Cynthia and Country Cousin or their feelings will be hurt.
    DARRIN: Goodbye, Cynthia . . .Goodbye, Country Cousin.
    [Darrin exits]

  • Episode: This scene is cut. Darrin exits after the line, "You're a good yeller, Daddy."

Stephens Living Room:

  • Script: As Samantha follows after the bouncing ball, Darrin crosses over to stand next to her.
  • Episode: Darrin remains seated on the couch.


ACT I

Stephens Living Room:

  • Script: Samantha's first lines end with, " No pun intended."
  • Episode: The line, "Mother, you come here this instant" is added.

  • Script: After Darrin's line, "the wicked witch spoiled my appetite." The script continues:

    SAMANTHA: [tentatively] How about a drink?
    DARRIN: That's better.
    SAMANTHA: [crossing to the bar] Four Roses? [she giggles, Darrin glares]

  • Episode: The lines beginning with, "How about a drink" are cut.

Darrin's Office:

  • Script: Darrin enters carrying a series of layouts. He crosses to the desk and displays a card reading: PLAY BALL WITH W. R. CAMPBELL - FIRST IN SPORTING GOODS. Darrin and Larry look at the cards with comments about how good they are, they will cinch the account, ending with Larry saying, "I've got the contract right here" as he taps his coat pocket. The intercom buzzes.
  • Episode: The scene begins at the point where the intercom buzzes.

  • Script: As Waldon R. Campbell enters, the script calls for ad lib introductions. After Campbell's line about the secretary having nicely stacked chips the script calls for more ad lib comments, "Right, that's right, etc".
  • Episode: Very little ad libbing is done.

  • Script: Darrin has the lines," Shall we send for ice? I like my medicine cold."
  • Episode: These lines are cut. The bit with Campbell making himself another drink with the lines about something being missing are added.

The Golden Spoon Restaurant:

  • Script: After Campbell's lines, " how do you think you can help my company's public image?" Darrin starts to speak but realizes he is in no shape to make a sales pitch.
  • Episode: Darrin has a line added, " Mr. campaign, our Campbell . . ."

  • Script: Campbell has the lines: " You guys already ate. I'm the one that didn't have lunch. Now let's get down to business . . ."
  • Episode: The lines are changed to: "You guys already had ten or twelve olives. That's enough lunch for anyone. Now let's get down to business . . .

  • Script: After Larry's line, "I think we are going down hill", Campbell has lines beginning with "Okay, fellas . . .
  • Episode: After Larry's "down hill" line, the episode adds:

    Darrin: I think it's too late for lunch. We had better get back to the office.
    Larry: Right, right, good thinking.


  • Script: Campbell's next lines include: "I'll order a sandwich."
  • Episode: This line is cut.


ACT II

Stephens Dining Room:

  • Script: Calls for a conversation between Samantha and Darrin about how his nap went, what is being served for dinner, how she managed such a feast in such a short time with no warning and Samantha's comment about using witchcraft to make dinner since Darrin did not call her.
  • Episode: This scene is cut.

Stephens Den:

  • Script: After Endora pops out with the clay bust, Samantha has the line, "Darrin, I think this is going to be a very interesting evening" followed by a fade out.
  • Episode: Darrin has the line, "Boy, am I asking for it" added before Samantha's line, and "Stay with me" after it.

Stephens Entry Area:

  • Script: Again calls for ad lib greetings, and for Larry to remove his top coat.
  • Episode: Greetings between Darrin, Samantha, and Larry are ad libbed. Larry does not wear a top coat.

Stephens Living Room:

  • Script: Calls for Darrin to say "I'll get it" and the scene to switch to the clay bust.
  • Episode: Campbell has the line"Them! You can put it all in one glass" added.

Stephens Dining Room:

  • Script: Calls for Campbell to complement Samantha on the dinner, calling her a magician. Campbell pours more drinks, Larry wants to get down to business, but Campbell does not talk business till after the brandy course.
  • Episode: This scene is cut.

Stephens Living Room:

  • Script: Calls for the clay busts of Darrin and Larry to have a conversation about how it is to live here.
  • Episode: This scene is cut.

Stephens Dining Room:

  • Script: Calls for a conversation between Darrin and Samantha about how Endora has done it again, there are four people and six heads in the house and all of them talk, Samantha is concerned that Darrin has been too rude to Endora, and Darrin agrees to apologize.
  • Episode: This scene is cut.

Stephens Den:

  • Script: Darrin, Larry, and Campbell enter. They sit.
  • Episode: Darrin offers Larry and Campbell drinks. Both decline.

  • Script: Larry's statue sneezes. Darrin's statue says, "You ought to see an allergist." Both Campbell and Larry react. The scene switches back to Darrin's sales pitch.
  • Episode: After Larry and Campbell react, Larry has a line added, " Lifelike, aren't they". Darrin offers Larry another drink.

Stephens Kitchen:

  • Script: Samantha: Mother, Darrin's suffered enough! [ a beat] Mother . . .?
  • Episode: Samantha: Mother, Darrin's suffered enough! [a beat] Mother, one of these days POW!!

Stephens Den:

  • Script: As Campbell gets ready to sign the contract he has the line, "When you go from pink elephants to talking rocks, you're in trouble."
  • Episode: The line is changed to, " When you go from pink elephants to talking rocks, it's time to quit." Campbell also has the line, "How do you spell Campbell?" added.


TRAILER

NOTE: In this script the TRAILER is called the TAG.

  • Script: Calls for ad lib farewells as Larry and Campbell are leaving.
  • Episode: Ad lib farewells are added.

  • Script: After Larry's bust says, "Heavy on the mayo", the script calls for Darrin and Samantha to react, followed by a fade out.
  • Episode: Before the fade out Samantha is given the line, "Mother - Mother dear, I think you forgot something."

END

 

 

# 162, Going Ape

REVIEWER’S NOTE: This is a non-Darrin episode.

TEASER

Park Playground:

  • Script and Episode Agree.


ACT I

Stephens’ Kitchen:

  • Script: [Samantha looks at the chimp’s collar. There is no tag]
    SAMANTHA: [flatly] A collar with no name tag. What will they think of next?
  • Episode: The above is cut.

Stephens’ Patio:

  • Script: [Calls for the chimp to carry on fitfully, doing frenetically whatever the chimp can do, as flips, squeals, running around in circles, etc.]
    SAMANTHA: There’s no doubt about it . . .you are a monkey with a problem. [The chimp nods yes]. [a] Okay. You go play on the swings while I put Tabitha down for her nap, then we’ll see . . . .[curiously] what we shall see.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

REVIEWER’S NOTE: In the next scene Samantha changes the chimp into a man. The script notes that he is in jeans and a tee shirt with a lot of hair hanging down. The script also notes that, “It would be nice if he had long hairy arms”.

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: . . . .And you can’t remain a man, not even for one day. [a]
    HARRY: I’ll make a deal with you.
    SAMANTHA: [incredulous] Deal!!!?
    HARRY: Yeah . . .if I don’t make it as a man in one day, I promise I’ll go back to being a chimp quietly.
    SAMANTHA: This is ridiculous.
  • Episode: All lines after [a] are cut.

  • Script:
    HARRY: . . .How many people in that park today knew you were a witch?
    SAMANTHA: Oh my stars . . .
    HARRY: Don’t be stubborn about this. [a] All I want is to remain a man, for one measly day. Just to see if I can make it. What could be simpler?
    SAMANTHA: Turning you back into a chimp and taking you home would be a lot simpler. [He makes a face at Samantha and jumps up on the bars and does a giant swing].
  • Episode: Everything after [a] is cut.

Larry’s Office:

  • Script:
    LARRY: [fighting for control] Mister Stephens and I will give this some thought [a] and tomorrow we’ll uh . . .put this idea up against uh . . .
    EVELYN: I like this idea. [turns to Bobby] Give it to him again.
    BOBBY: “To bring out the best of your beast, give him Brawn Cologne” [b]
    EVELYN: [intrigued] Remarkable, the way they get those things to pop.
    BOBBY: [definitely] Those things are [c] latisimus dorsi.
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut, and the term after [c] is changed to “pectorals”.

  • Script:
    LARRY: . . .We don’t want to rush into anything. [a]
    EVELYN: [archly] Mr. Tate, I’m looking for a model for Brawn Cologne. A model that will rock the women of this country. If you don’t like my muscle-men, come up with a better idea.
    LARRY: We will. We will, Just as soon as Darrin gets back.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

Stephens’ Patio:

  • Script:
    HARRY: [brightly] Two funny witches. [a]
    SAMANTHA: Mother, this chimp followed me home today. I changed him into a man to find out who he belongs to and now he wants to remain a human.
    ENDORA: Why in the world would any self respecting chimp want to be a human?
    SAMANTHA: Exactly! [to Harry] If you were meant to be human, you would have been born human.
    HARRY: Then I suppose if a man were meant to fly, he would have been born with wings?
    ENDORA: Touche’d by a chimp. [Harry smiles victoriously. Samantha shoots him a look, then to Endora]
    SAMANTHA: Mother, whose side are you on, his or mine?
    ENDORA: Neither, I’m on the side of fun and games.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script:
    ENDORA: His name? It’s uh . . .Harry . . .Harry Simian. Divine, isn’t he?
    EVELYN: [really taken with him] He certainly is. [a] Is he a friend?
    ENDORA: No, a relative. You might say he’s a cousin of Darby’s.
    LARRY: You mean Darrin.
    ENDORA: [coo] If you insist.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

  • Script: SAMANTHA [on phone to Darrin] Oh, things are fine - -sort of . . . [a] [beat] Well I mean we miss you, that’s all. [she kisses into the phone]
  • Episode: The line after [a] is cut.


ACT II

Stephens’ Kitchen:

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: . . . He can ruin everything and Larry will find some way to blame Darrin. [a]
    ENDORA: Oh relax, Samantha. It’s only one day’s posing for pictures.
    SAMANTHA: One day is plenty. Look what King Kong did in one hour! [b] [The scene shifts to the patio where an alarm clock has just gone off]. [calling] Wake up, Bonzo.
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut. Added is Samantha’s line:

A monkey you are,
a monkey you’ll be,
but in human form,
when I count to three.
One, two, three.

Photographer’s Studio:

  • Script: The script has an extensive scene with the photographer and Harry with instructions to pick up the drink, look sexy, hold it, with the photographer flitting around and twice calling for make-up to get the shine off Harry’s nose. Harry reacts strongly to being hit in the face with a powder-puff.
  • Episode: The scene is simplified to what is shown in the episode with most of the lines and action eliminated, including the powder-puff bits.

Larry’s Office intercut with the Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script:
    LARRY: [on the phone to Samantha]. . . .Evelyn and I have just mapped out a whole campaign . . .personal appearances around the country . . .the works. [a]
    SAMANTHA: But that’s impossible. Harry’s planned another kind of trip.
    LARRY: Well, cancel it! And tell him we need him down at the studio at five o’clock this afternoon. We’ve arranged an important press conference to kick off the campaign. Also we want to get a few more pictures.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

Photography Studio:

  • Script: [Evelyn turns, with as much dignity as she can muster, and walks out of the scene [a]]
    CHARLES: [to Larry] Tate, that was a rather daring stunt. [Larry struts as the reporters walk out of the shot with him, his arm around them].
    LARRY: They don’t call me the “Wizard of Madison Avenue” for nothing. [Samantha, smiling is alone. Harry joins her].
    SAMANTHA: Let’s go Harry. You still have one more costume change to make. A monkey suit . . .about a size three, I would say. [They laugh together at the fade out.]
  • Episode: All lines after [a] are cut.


TRAILER

Park:

  • Script and Episode agree.

 

 

# 163, Tabitha’s Weekend with Grandma
[Aired as: “Tabitha’s Weekend”]

REVIEWER’S NOTE: This is a non-Darrin episode.

TEASER

Stephens’ Patio:

  • Script: ENDORA: Not bad. I won the palace. Of course, I won’t hold the prince to it. [a] After all, it’s his only palace.
  • Episode: “Not bad” is changed to “Not Badly”. The line after [a] is cut.

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: [hands Phyllis her gloves and purse] I’m sorry you have to leave. [a]
    PHYLLIS: Before you hustle me off, may I make an observation?
    SAMANTHA: Of course, Mother Stephens.
    PHYLLIS: Where Tabitha’s old enough to go seems to depend on which grandmother wants to take her.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

  • Script: ENDORA: Maybe I can lose her. [Samantha gives Endora a disgusted look.]
  • Episode: [Samantha look is more of a smirk, hiding and giggling behind her hand]


ACT I

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script:
    ENDORA: . . .Besides she seemed a little unstrung when she left.
    FRANK: That’s what I want to talk about.
  • Episode: [Inserted before Frank’s line is:]
    FRANK: She had a sick headache on the way home.

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: I hate to hog all the credit, but if you insist. [they ad-lib good-byes. Frank exits. Samantha comes back to Endora].
    SAMANTHA: Now all I have to do is figure a way out.
  • Episode: [At “they ad-lib good-byes”, the following lines are added:]
    FRANK: [to Endora] So nice to see you again. [to Samantha] Don’t bother to see me out. [Frank exits]
    SAMANTHA: [to Endora} Boy, some help you are! Now all I have to do is figure a way out.

Stephens’ Living Room – Later:

  • Script:
    PHYLLIS [a cold look] You’re coming, too?
    SAMANTHA: If you don’t mind.
    PHYLLIS: [with a big fake smile] Of course not. [a] And how about your mother. Is she coming, too?
    SAMANTHA: Uh . . .no. . . no
    PHYLLIS: [huge false regrets] Ahhh . . .well, maybe I’ll be luckier next time.
    SAMANTHA: Mrs. Stephens, I don’t mean to impose. It’s just that . . .
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

Phyllis and Frank’s Living Room:

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: [smiling] That’s certainly progress all right. No home should be without one.[a]
    FRANK: It’ll make millions. [Samantha is trying to see into the kitchen]
  • Episode: Frank’s line after [a] is cut.

Phyllis and Frank’s Kitchen:

  • Script: [Phyllis gives Tabitha a glass of milk] [a]
    PHYLLIS: That’s what grandmothers are for, to spoil little granddaughters. [b] [She offers Tabitha a plate of cookies. Tabitha eagerly takes one.].[c]
    TABITHA: Thank you! [Phyllis opens a door to the patio].
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut, as well as the line and action after [c].

Phyllis and Frank’s Patio:

  • Script:
    FRANK: . . . .Isn’t that why you taught the bird to talk?
    PHYLLIS: [cracking] Frank, I didn’t teach him to talk conversation.
  • Episode: The line by Phyllis is cut.


ACT II

Phyllis and Frank’s Kitchen:

  • Script: [Endora has popped in]
    PHYLLIS: Now that we’re all here . . .I have an idea.
    ENDORA: Beginner’s luck.
    FRANK: Samantha, you’re mother’s a card.
    PHYLLIS: [surly - -to Samantha] My idea was that since everyone is here, why don’t I take Tabitha to your house for the weekend?
  • Episode: Phyllis’ last line is cut.

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: I’ll bring Tabitha over another time.
    ENDORA: When she’s older. [a]
    PHYLLIS: [archly] Let’s just hope I’m still around.
    FRANK: Now, Phyllis.
    PHYLLIS: With someone as senile as I am, you never know.
    FRANK: Phyllis, that’s enough.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

Phyllis and Frank’s Living Room:

  • Script: [Samantha is looking in a desk drawer for Tabitha]
    SAMANTHA: Tabitha, if you’re in there I want you to come out at once. [Frank and Phyllis exchange fishy looks]
    FRANK: [sotto to Phyllis] I thought you were upset, but if Samantha thinks Tabitha’s in that little drawer, this has really gotten to her.
  • Episode: Frank’s line is cut.

Phyllis and Frank’s Dining Room:

  • Script:
    ENDORA: [to flower bowl] Flower bowl, are you grandmama’s pretty little princess? [Franks’ eyes pop. He and Phyllis speak in whispers] [a]
    FRANK: Did you hear that?
    PHYLLIS: Did I hear what?
    FRANK: If I think I heard what I think I heard, I’m the one we should be worrying about.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

REVIEWER’S NOTE: The script describes the cookie plate as having cookies with raisins randomly placed on it, except for one cookie that makes a plain face which changes to a smiley face. There is a sketch of the cookie in the script showing how the smiley face raisins should be placed.

Phyllis and Frank’s Living Room:

  • Script: [Samantha holds the cookie that is Tabitha. She and Endora talk in whispers]
    ENDORA: But why should she turn herself into a common raisin cookie?
    SAMANTHA: I think Mrs. Stephens accidentally put the idea into her head.
    ENDORA: If you ask me, Mrs. Stephens is one big accident from beginning to end.
  • Episode: The entire above scene is cut.


TRAILER

Stephens’ Hallway, Tabitha’s Room:

  • Script and Episode agree.

 

 

# 164, The Battle of Burning Tree
(Aired as: “The Battle of Burning Oak”)

REVIEWER’S NOTE: Throughout the script the country club is referred to as “Burning Tree Country Club”. In the aired episode, “Tree” is replaced with “Oak”.

TEASER

Stephens’ Kitchen:

  • Script: The script calls for elaborate party favors to be prepared. Bubbling casseroles, a fish shaped salmon mousse, and canapés. Endora POPS in, tries one of the canapés.
  • Episode: The menu is simplified. The canapés are absent, so Endora does not sample one.

  • Script: ENDORA: It becomes you dear. After all if you’re going to work like a slave you might as well look like one. [Endora tries a canapé] Not bad. Of course it’s not ambrosia, but quite good enough for mortals. What’s the occasion? [a]
  • Episode: After [a], Samantha has the lines added, “I am not a slave. I enjoy cooking dinner for my husband and his guests”. Endora’s “good enough for mortals” is replaced with “good enough for Durwood”.


ACT I

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: Calls for Samantha to stand at a cart that carries an espresso setup. She serves Larry and Louise Tate, and the guests, J. Earle Rockeford and his wife Hortense.
    SAMANTHA: Mrs. Rockeford, do you care for sugar?
    HORTENSE: Yes, please.
    SAMANTHA: Mr. Rockeford . . .?
    ROCKEFORD: Please.
  • Episode: The bit with the espresso serving cart and all of the above lines are cut. Also, Louise is not present.

  • Script:
    ROCKEFORD: First rate, I’d call it.
    SAMANTHA: Thank you.[a]
    HORTENSE: You must have a marvelous cook.
    DARRIN: [b][proudly] We do. Sam’s it.
    HORETENSE: You poor dear. How long have you been without help?
    SAMANTHA: [passing it off] Oh . . . .quite some time now. [c]
    HORTENSE: I don’t know what things are coming to.
    ROCKEFORD: It’s a do-it-yourself world. Not like the old days.
    HORTENSE: We look and look for competent help, and then when you find them, they’re so - - -so independent.
    ROCKEFORD: Just don’t know their place, is what I always say. [Samantha and Darrin exchange reactions to this]
    HORTENSE: It’s really quite frightening.
    SAMANTHA: [a little edgy] It certainly is.
  • Episode: After [a], Hortense’s line is changed to, “And you did it all by yourself?” Darrin’s line at [b] is cut. All of the lines after [c] are cut.

  • Script: Rockeford lights up a cigar.
  • Episode: Rockeford does not light a cigar. Though the script makes frequent reference to the cigar in the following scene, no cigar is ever shown.

  • Script:
    ROCKEFORD: No use putting things off, I always say.
    LARRY: I always say that, too. [a] Don’t I Louise?
    LOUISE: [not too sure, but loyal] Always.
    ROCKEFORD: Stephens, I’ve been thinking - - -You’re an up and coming young man. The kind that’s going places.
    LARRY: [pleased] I’ve told him that often.
    ROCKEFORD: [displeased] I’m telling him now.
    LARRY: [knows his place] Sorry.
    ROCKEFORD: [to Darrin] Like your ideas about the account, young man.
    LARRY: Exactly what I told him. [Rockeford gives Larry a look. Larry subsides].
    DARRIN: Thanks a lot Mr. Rockeford. I must confess that I did a lot of research before I started work on the project.
    ROCKEFORD: Good thinking, Stephens. The way I operate.
    LARRY: He always does that. I insist on it.
  • Episode: All of the lines after [a] are cut. The scene picks up where Rockeford invites Darrin to join the club.

  • Script:
    DARRIN: If I’d known my turning down Burning Tree would blow the deal . . .
    LARRY: [interrupting] Well it has. And speaking of blowing . . .[to Louise] It’s time to go. It’s late.
    LOUISE: Nine-thirty?
    LARRY: I said it’s late. Louise.
    LOUISE: Yes, dear.
    LARRY: [to Darrin] It’s later than you think.
    LOUISE: [as they go] Thank you for the dinner, Samantha.
  • Episode: All of the lines directed to Louise are cut. Louise’s line “nine-thirty?” is given to Darrin, and the line “Thank you for the dinner, Samantha” is given to Larry.

Stephens’ Bedroom:

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: That sounds like something they do to keep the flies out.
    DARRIN: Sam, it’s nothing. They’ll love you. And besides, they know you’re my wife.
  • Episode: That sounds like something they do to keep the flies out. Who are they trying to keep out?
    DARRIN: Sam, it’s nothing. You’re being oversensitive.
    SAMANTHA: If they don’t like flies, they won’t like witches.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: SAMANTHA: Darrin doesn’t like the idea any more than I do - -It’s just good business practice.
  • Episode: Added to Samantha’s line is “Besides he feels badly about being rude to Mr. Rockeford last night”.


ACT II

Country Club Tee:

  • Script: [Darrin and Rockeford have just finished their discussion on improvements to the golf when a foursome arrives. They all greet Rockeford.]
    ROCKEFORD: Want you to meet our prospective member, Darrin Stephens. [Rockeford makes introductions of the foursome. Darrin, after only a brief nod studies the group critically]. And our guest, Larry Tate. [As they acknowledge Larry’s introduction, Larry waves to them]
    LARRY: Hiya, gang. [the foursome moves off]
    DARRIN: [sotto] Larry, I don’t think the phrase “Hiya, gang” is quite Burning Tree.
    [Larry reacts . . . .Darrin turns to Rockeford and says:]
    DARRIN: That foursome . . .How did they get into Burning Tree?
    ROCKEFORD: [after a beat] I recommended them.
    DARRIN: [thoughtfully] Hmmmmmm?
    ROCKEFORD: [concerned] What’s wrong with that foursome, young man?
    DARRIN: I don’t know - - I just have the feeling they’re not our kind .
    LARRY: [approaching panic] Darrin doesn’t mean that, Mr. Rockeford. [to Darrin] You don’t mean that, do you Darrin?
    ROCKEFORD: Shut up Tate. Darrin may have a point. Our screening board could use a young man with a critical eye.
    DARRIN: Good thinking, Earle.
  • Episode: The entire above scene is cut.

Burning Tree Lounge:

  • Script:
    HORTENSE: It’s just, dear, that at Burning Tree most of our husbands ARE the company. [a] You and Darrin are on the way up [to the others] Mrs. Stephens’ husband is a very talented young man. My husband says so.
    SAMANTHA: Oh, he is. And you’ll get to meet him.
    CYNTHIA: [not too heartily] Yes . . . .
    JESSICA: [dubiously] When you’re members.
  • Episode: After [a] the above lines are cut and replaced with:
    SAMANTHA: I guess that’s what makes Burning Oak so exclusive – and empty.
    HORTENSE: We like it that way.
    CYNTHIA: Yes, we try not to let any undesirables slip in. Do you know Dr. Haftner?
    SAMANTHA: Who?
    CYNTHIA: Dr. Haftner. The plastic surgeon. He does beautiful nose work.
    SAMANTHA: No, I don’t know him.

REVIEWER’S NOTE: This is the third episode in which the “Do you know Dr. Haftner” lines are used. They are also used in episode #’s 1 and 64.

Stephens’ Car:

  • Script: [Darrin is driving, Samantha beside him, still upset about the lunch ordeal. Darrin is still full of himself and his new life]
    DARRIN: How’d you do with the ladies, dear? Sorry I didn’t get to meet them.
    SAMANTHA: I’m sorry I did.
  • Episode: The lines remain the same in the episode as in the script, except that Samantha’s last script line in the car is “We can talk about that when we get home”. This line is cut. The entire scene takes place in the Stephens’ Living Room and continues with the lines about moving to a house closer to the club.

Burning Tree Lounge:

  • Script: [Present are the Stephens’, The Rockeford’s, Jessica Morton and Cynthia Monteagle and their husbands. Darrin is the center of attention, the Super-Snob in person].
    DARRIN: [to Rockeford] About memberships, Earle, how far back do you go? I mean in screening.
    ROCKEFORD: We look a man up, check his background and his immediate family.[a] We don’t want any undesirables slipping through.
    SAMANTHA: Do you think that’s enough . . .I mean wouldn’t it be better to go back at least three or four generations?
    CYNTHIA: [interested] Do tell.
    DARRIN: Good thinking, Sam. Never know what you might find in a person’s background. [b]
    JESSICA: Perish the thought.
    DARRIN: I mean. . . . .
    JESSICA: Heavens!
  • Episode: [Rockeford’s line beginning at [a] given to Mr. Morton]. The lines after [b] are cut.

  • Script: [Endora has brought the scroll of all the members’ hidden secrets to Samantha, and removed the spell from Darrin].
    DARRIN: The membership needs a thorough shakedown and after that, well - -there’ll be elbow room for a lot more of the common people. [The group reacts in astonishment].
    JESSICA: I beg your pardon.
    CYNTHIA: [to someone beside her] What did he say?
    [Darrin is confused by his sudden change in attitude. He’s not sure exactly what he said.] [a]
    DARRIN: Uh . . .uh . . .what I mean is . . . [Samantha jumps into the breech].
    SAMANTHA: What he said is “the membership needs a thorough-going shakedown to make room for just ordinary people”.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

  • Script:
    ROCKEFORD: [reliever] Oh, you gave me quite a start there.[a]
    DARRIN: [confused] Sorry . .I didn’t mean to do that.
    SAMANTHA: By the way, Mr. Rockeford… it is Mr. Rockeford, isn’t it?
    ROCKEFORD: Of course.
    SAMANTHA: [smiling] Oh, then your name was legally changed.
    HORTENSE: [to Rockeford] Earle, what does she mean by that?
    SAMANTHA: Shame on you, Mr. Rockeford . . .I thought surely you would have told Hortense.
    ROCKEFORD: [rising]Young lady, I don’t know what you’re up to, but I don’t find it amusing and . . .
    SAMANTHA: [interrupting] Maybe not amusing but interesting. Wasn’t your great great grandfather a Hungarian Gypsy named Rocknotovitch?
    ROCKEFORS: [taken aback] Well, I . . .[self consciously] How did you know that? [The room has quieted to a standstill.]
    JESSICA: I think this is in extremely bad taste.
    SAMANTHA: [to Jessica] Oh? Isn’t it true that three generations back your husband’s ancestors were rag pickers in Poland? [Jessica is stunned. Cynthia Monteagle, seated next to Jessica, discretely moves away from her]. Don’t move too far Cynthia. You may not know this but when your grandfather came to this country from Czechoslovakia, he carried a forged passport . . .He was deported; otherwise your father would have been born in this country. [There is a very uncomfortable silence in the room]. And isn’t it true your husband’s real name isn’t Monteagle? Does Moishnev ring a bell with you? Didn’t his people flee Russia when the Czar started persecuting Jews? [The club members are embarrassed, not knowing what to say lest someone else has a skeleton in his closet. A number of the waiters and staff have come to the kitchen door and along the back wall listening to what is going on].
    ROCKEFORD: [tries to regain his composure by coming to the defense] I think that is quite enough, young lady. We don’t have to stand here and listen to your insults.
    SAMANTHA: That’s very interesting, Mr. Rockeford - -that you think being confronted with your true background to be an insult. I don’t think it’s anything to be ashamed of. My people were from Salem and were once tried as witches. They had to use their “witchcraft” to escape being burned at the stake. [Darrin looks proudly at Samantha . . .beginning to realize what’s happening] You’re just embarrassed at facing up to the fact that we all have roots somewhere outside the aristocracy you’re trying to protect here. I think you know there’s no such thing as a pure-blooded American, unless it’s an Indian—and an American Indian could never get in here. [The kitchen help laugh. Rockeford turns as if to dismiss them . . .but thinks better of it], It’s not an insult to be Hungarian or Polish or Jewish. All our ancestors came from different countries and races and religions - - -and most of them came to America to escape what you’re struggling to preserve at Burning Tree. They came to take part in the world’s greatest melting pot, where an individual can find equal opportunity without fear or prejudice. You’re not preserving the true American here - -you’re destroying what he really stands for. You’ve taken an attitude of superiority by trying to make others seem inferior. But we’re really all in the same boat. If you want Burning Tree to represent the true American, you’ve got to recognize that people are people no matter where they come from or what they look like, and should be judged for themselves, not their heritage. Just remember, there are no little people. They are as big as you are, whoever you are. [there is silence in the room as Darrin starts to applaud.]
  • Episode: This entire scene after [a] is cut. It is rewritten in a simpler and much shorter form. Beginning at [a], the episode scene is as follows:
    SAMANTHA:.. The truth is screens work both ways. They keep things in and out. And Darrin and I have decided to stay out of Burning Oak.
    ROCKEFORD: Young lady, I don’t know what you’re up to, but I don’t find it amusing.
    SAMANTHA: I do. Mr. Rockeford. It’s true that your heritage does go back to the Mayflower. An Irishman named Toodles Rockne was a stowaway on the Mayflower. Illegally in this country.
    ROCKEFORD: Well, you see, with Toodles . . . . .How did you know that?
    SAMANTHA: I belong to the greatest minority there is . . . .I’m a witch.
    MORTON: I think this is in extremely bad taste.
    SAMANTHA: Mr. Morton, Your grandfather came here from Poland. And spent a good deal of his time in jail. He couldn’t even make it as a horse thief. . . [Cynthia stands and starts to move away] Don’t go too far Cynthia. Does the name Moishnev ring a bell with you?
    HORTENSE: Oyo vey, whatever that means.
    SAMANTHA. I think we all know that there is no such thing as a pure bred American, unless it’s an American Indian, and an Indian could never get in here. . . .Is there anything you’d like to add Darrin? [the script picks up here with Samantha declining membership and she and Darrin leaving]
    DARRIN: Yes, there is. It’s late.
    SAMANTHA: You’re right. It’s nine thirty. [Samantha and Darrin exit]

TRAILER

Stephens’ Kitchen:

  • Script and Episode agree.

 

 

# 165, Samantha’s Power Failure

REVIEWER’S NOTE: Though listed as a non-Darrin episode [there are actually lines in the script that say Darrin is away and Samantha is alone], Darrin is visible in bed in the very opening of the show. This “Bouncing Ball” scene was used as the opening in two other episodes, #’s 77 and 95, and a different version [though probably filmed at the same time] was seen briefly the middle of # 199. However, since the opening bedroom scene is the only time he appears, and he has no lines, this is considered to be a non-Darrin episode.

TEASER

Stephens’ Bedroom:

  • Script: The ball of light bounces into the bedroom where Samantha is sleeping alone. The light taps her three times on the shoulder.
  • Episode: Darrin can be seen sleeping next to Samantha. The re-use of the bouncing ball scene from episode # 77 is the cause of this script/episode difference. The ball only taps Samantha twice before she wakes up.

  • Script: The ball leads Samantha into the Living Room, where in a burst of light Endora appears.
  • Episode: [The light stops in the entry hall at the foot of the stairs].
    SAMANTHA: Mother, will you stop bouncing around like Tinker Bell and tell me what this is all about. [The ball disappears and Endora appears in its place].

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: . . .I could hardly hear the wedding bells there was so much thunder. [a]
    ENDORA: Well, they’ve decreed that the marriage will end right now. And right now is the perfect time while Dumb Dumb is out of town . . .No fuss, no mess, no sad sentimental goodbyes. Just pack your bags and let’s go.
    SAMANTHA: [wearily] I am going . . . .back to bed.
    ENDORA: [stopping her] Samantha, the Witches’ Council means business. They let it go on this long because they thought it was just a whim . . .a vignette.
    SAMANTHA: But instead it’s a success . . . .Where did I go wrong?
    ENDORA: Very funny. In any case your marriage to a mortal is setting a bad example for other witches and warlocks.
    SAMANTHA: You mean, “witchee” see; “witchee” do?
    ENDORA: This is no time for jokes. The council sent this message: either disavow your marriage and return to the fold, or you’re through . . .drummed out of the corps.
    SAMANTHA: [melodramatically] My medals ripped off my chest; my epaulettes torn from my shoulders; my swagger stick . . .
    ENDORA: Samantha, be serious. The Witches’ Council has the power to eliminate power. And unless you do as they command, they’re going to strip you of yours.
    SAMANTHA: Let them.
    ENDORA: [upset] Not just yours, but Tabitha’s, too. And they mean it.
  • Episode: All lines after [a] are cut.

  • Script:
    ENDORA: I’d say they just got your message. [a]
    SAMANTHA: [stunned but determined] Then there’s nothing more to say. Good night, Mother.
    ENDORA: Think it over, Samantha. You’re neither witch nor mortal. The one thing you are, is in big trouble.[b] [Endora POPS out. Thunder and lightning continue and Samantha mugs through it all]
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut


ACT I

Stephens’ Kitchen:

  • Script: [Samantha is on the phone with Darrin]
    SAMANTHA: Of course we miss you, Sweetheart. Two days seems like two weeks with you away. . . . What was that, Sweetheart? Speak up! It sounds like you’re a thousand miles away. [a beat] That’s right, Detroit is a thousand miles away. [she laughs] Don’t worry about a thing. We’re all fine. Everything around here is the same, sort of. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, and good luck with the account. Goodbye. [she blows him a kiss]
  • Episode: All of the above lines are cut. ACT I begins with Samantha facing a vase of flowers.

  • Script:
    UNCLE ARTHUR: . . .I just break you up, don’t I? [a]
    ENDORA: I find your humor quite resistible.
    UNCLE ARTHUR: I’ll forget you said that. As a matter of fact Endora, you’re the most forgettable person I know.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script:
    SERENA: Sorry about that. I’ll fix it. [she makes a gesture and the table is repaired. [a] [she notices Endora and Uncle Arthur] Hi, Endora . . .well, well. If it isn’t Unkie-poo.
    ENDORA: [sighs] It’s a regular invasion.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

  • Script: UNCLE ARTHUR: Sammy, check one thing . . .is it true that . . .[sings]
    ...the foot bone’s connected to the ankle bone; the ankle bone’s connected to the leg bone; the leg bone’s connected to the knee bone; the knee bone’s connected to the thigh bone; the thigh bone’s connected to the hip bone; the hip bone’s connected to the back bone; the back bone’s connected to the shoulder bone; the shoulder bone’s connected to the neck bone; the neck bone’s connected to the head bone . . .
  • Episode: [the song is shortened and altered]:
    ...the foot bone’s connected to the leg bone; the leg bone’s connected to the knee bone; the knee bone’s connected to the thigh bone; now hear the word of the Lord; the thigh bone’s connected to the back bone; the back bone’s connected to the neck bone; the neck bone’s connected to the head bone; now hear the word of the Lord.

  • Script: [Endora has buttoned Arthur’s mouth]
    ENDORA: For once he can’t put his foot in his mouth.
  • Episode: This line is cut.

  • Script:
    UNCLE ARTHUR: No matter what, we’re on your side. [a]
    ENDORA: [laughing scoffingly] Ha! A minute ago they were behind you. Now they’re at your side. Watch it, they’ll soon be ahead of you and out the door.
    SERENA: Endora, are you calling us cop-outs?
    ENDORA: Of course I am. You two can’t stand up to the Witches’ Council. You haven’t got the stamina and he hasn’t got the character.
    UNCLE ARTHUR: Who hasn’t got the character? Come on Serena, let’s show her. We’ll pledge our loyalty.
    ENDORA: [warningly] Arthur, Serena, you underestimate the determination of the Council.
    UNCLE ARTHUR: We know all about those old hags.
    UNCLE ARTHUR and SERENA: [in unison] We hereby pledge our everlasting loyalty to Samantha no matter what those biddies on the council do.
  • Episode: All lines after [a] are cut.

  • Script: [Serena tries her karate on the table. Nothing happens, she winces in pain].
    SERENA: Ow [a] [her platinum belt POPS out] Well, back to the old brown belt.
  • Episode: The line after [a] is cut.

  • Script:
    SERENA: Thanks for the groovy threads, Endora [a].
    ENDORA: Now tell me. Are you still one hundred percent behind Samantha?
    SERENA: [weakly] Give or take a percent.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

  • Script:
    UNCLE ARTHUR: [alluding to Endora] Make that four thousand. [a]
    ENDORA: . . .here you are, powerless. Not only at the mercy of the Witches’ Council, but at the mercy of mortals as well. And the mortal responsible for your plight couldn’t care less.
    SAMANTHA: Mother, that’s unfair. Darrin doesn’t even know about this.
    ENDORA: Hector’s ghost knows I’ve tried.
    UNCLE ARTHUR: Watch, she’s going to get sticky about this.
    ENDORA: Heavy is the heart of a mother with an ungrateful child. After all I’ve done for you; all I’ve endured; all the personal sacrifices I’ve made.
    UNCLE ARTHUR: Real sticky.
    ENDORA: [to Arthur] And you, you call yourself my brother.
    UNCLE ARTHUR: Not in front of open food.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

Stephens’ Dining Room:

  • Script: [The table is fully set. Arthur and Serena stand around waiting to sit. Samantha enters from the kitchen and places a pot of coffee on the table].
    SAMANTHA: And so the condemned ate a hearty lunch.
    UNCLE ARTHUR: [looking over the table] Let’s see . . .we’ve got cold cuts, the bread, the mustard, the coffee . . .there’s just one thing missing.
    SAMANTHA: What’s that?
    UNCLE ARTHUR: A little fun in this party. [Serena quickly sits, and grabs some cold cuts and bread].
    SERENA: Eat fast, Sam, he’s going to try the table cloth trick again .
    SAMANTHA: Uncle Arthur . . .not without your powers.
    UNCLE ARTHUR: Who needs powers? Even mortals can do it. . . I can do it with my eyes closed.
    SAMANTHA: And why not? Once you’ve seen one set of dishes smashed to pieces, you’ve seen them all. [Arthur yanks the table cloth. Everything . . .but everything smashes to the floor.
    UNCLE ARTHUR: Hmm . . . I’ll have to work on that. [On Samantha’s frustrated expression, the scene fades].
  • Episode: This entire scene is cut.


ACT II

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script:
    UNCLE ARTHUR: . . .Your mouth wasn’t zipped at the time.. [a]
    SERENA: Do you really think we can get a job?
    UNCLE ARTHUR: Sure.
    SERENA: But we don’t know how to do anything.
    UNCLE ARTHUR: We’ll find something. Keep reading.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

Samantha’s Car:

  • Script:
    UNCLE ARTHUR: It looks like a nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to work there. [a]
    SERENA: You wouldn’t want to work anywhere.
    SAMANTHA: Think positively. Remember, you’re just as good as anybody else with no skill.
    UNCLE ARTHUR: That’s encouraging. Let’s go, Serena, the sooner we get hired, the sooner we get fired. [Arthur and Serena laugh. Samantha gives them a scathing look. They stop laughing]
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

  • Script: SAMANTHA: That’s better. Now I’ll do a little shopping with Tabitha. [a] I’ll come back in half an hour, just to see how beautifully you’re doing. [b] Good Luck.
  • Episode: The line between [a] and [b] is changed to: “I’ll come back and pick you up”.

Ice Cream Store – Front:

  • Script:
    UNCLE ARTHUR: I do. Her jacket is a perfect fit. [a]
    BUCK: You’re a real wise guy . . .aren’t ya? How come at your age you never worked before?
    UNCLE ARTHUR: I never had to.
    BUCK: I get it. You were one of those rich kids who got everything he wanted just by snapping his fingers.
    UNCLE ARTHUR: Sometimes by snapping, sometimes by zapping.
  • Episode: All of the lines after [a] are cut.

Work Room of Ice Cream Shop:

  • Script: BUCK: Anyway, you take the banana like this and you dip it in the chocolate like this, and then you hand it to wise guy like this.
  • Episode: Added by BUCK is: “Who rolls it in the nuts and puts it in the tray”.

  • Script:
    BUCK: Okay, professor. So you got it. [to Serena] How about you, gorgeous? [a]
    SERENA: [demonstrating] I take a banana, dip it in the chocolate, hand it to Unkie-poo
    BUCK: [incredulous] Unkie-poo?
    UNCLE ARTHUR: Yeah . . .wanna’ make something out of it?
    BUCK: Okay, okay, relax, Unkie-poo . . .so you take the banana [Arthur takes the banana]
    UNCLE ARTHUR: And I put it in the tray . . .like this.
    BUCK: Not bad. Now let’s try it once more.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

Outside the Window:

  • Script: [Two kids, a man and a woman, stop and watch them. One of the kids knocks at the window and waves to them].
  • Episode: The people watching are not shown. ARTHUR has the line added: “We’re drawing a crowd out there”.

  • Script: A large crowd has formed and is pointing and laughing hysterically at the frantic action within. Samantha, with Tabitha in her arms, pushes her way to the front and is shocked at what she sees.
  • Episode: The crowd is not shown.

REVIEWER’S NOTE: The script calls for sections of the banana and chocolate throwing scene to be shot in speeded up motion. Also there is another call for a view of the crowd which is not shown.

Stephens’ Dining Room:

  • Script:
    UNCLE ARTHUR: Oh, for the good old days. [a]
    SAMANTHA: Uncle Arthur, remember the time I dropped my sunglasses in the Alps and we melted the snow on the Matterhorn to find it?
    UNCLE ARTHUR: Yeah . . . .boy! Were those skiers surprised! [they all laugh, remembering] It was June in January. Gee, we had fun [he laughs again]
    SERENA: It just shows, you never appreciate a good thing until it’s gone. [to Samantha] Sammy, how could you have given it all up voluntarily?
    SAMANTHA: I guess it’s one thing to give something up . . .and another thing to lose it. The only thing I really regret is you two.
    UNCLE ARTHUR: Me, too
    SERENA: Uncle A doesn’t mean that. You hang in there. We’ll make out. [b]
    SAMANTHA: [whistles] What a mess. [Endora POPS in].
    ENDORA: You whistled? [c]
    SAMANTHA Yes, Mother, but not for you. . . .just out of frustration.
    UNCLE ARTHUR: Oh, they’re not making witches like they used to.
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut as are the lines after [c].


TRAILER

Stephens’ Dining Room:

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: Uncle Arthur, hand me that table cloth [She takes it from him and twitches. The cloth slides back under all the dishes. The group is laughing and clapping. Endora is astounded][a]
    ENDORA: They’re back. Your powers are back! [b]
    SERENA: Oh, it’s so good to be whole again.
    UNCLE ARTHUR: When I think of all the nasty things I said about the Witches’ Council . . .[c]
    ENDORA: Don’t apologize . . .they’re all true. It’s just Samantha’s silver tongue that got them to reverse their decision.
    SAMANTHA: [laughing] It just shows you. Never underestimate the power of a witch in love.
  • Episode: The line between [a] and [b] is cut. The lines and action after [c] are replaced with:
    ENDORA: Oh, I can’t stand all this gaiety. [she POPS out]
    UNCLE ARTHUR The big bad witch is gone. I could hardly eat while she was here. [He begins stuffing himself with food as fast as he can. Samantha mimics him mugging for the camera with her cheeks puffed out].

 

 

# 166, Twitching for UNICEF
[Aired as: "Samantha Twitches for UNICEF"]

REVIEWER’S NOTE: This is a non-Darrin episode.

TEASER

Stephens’ Patio:

  • Script: The script calls for Samantha to be painting the patio chairs orange.
  • Episode: Samantha is painting the chairs green.

  • Script: ENDORA: He’s gone? Oh, what delightful news! It isn’t anything permanent is it?
  • Episode: He’s gone? Oh, what delightful news. Permanently, I hope!

  • Script:
    ENDORA: And if I’m lucky, he’ll fall into Lake Michigan. [a]
    SAMANTHA: Mother, really. When are you going to stop abusing Darrin?
    ENDORA: When [beep-beep] freezes over.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script:
    MRS. WEHMEYER: . . .I’m sure you know how important it is.
    SAMANTHA: Oh, sure.
    MRS WEHMEYER: Food and medical supplies for children of underprivileged countries - -educational aids - -all that.
  • Episode: The above is cut.

  • Script:
    MRS WEHMEYER: . . . .Some one to inspire us to an all out effort.
    SAMANTHA: Me? [a]
    MRS. WEHMEYER: [patting her hand] You’re a very admirable person, Mrs. Stephens and I’m proud to know you. [opening door] [b] One o’clock then.
    SAMANTHA: One o’clock. [Mrs. Wehmeyer exits. A beat and Endora POPS in]. [c]
    ENDORA: Samantha, I have a perfectly splendid idea. Why don’t we hop a cloud and fly off somewhere? I mean, as long as Darwood’s away . . .
    SAMANTHA: Darrin. Why can’t you try to remember his name.
    ENDORA: It’ll be such fun, just the two of us. Oh, say you’ll come and I’ll promise to never again forget what’s-his-name again.
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut along with the lines after [c].


ACT I

Parking Lot:

  • Script:
    THIRD WOMAN: . . . .we haven’t been able to get near him.
    SAMANTHA: [a] [crossing to her] But what about all the kids who need milk and food and medicine and . . [b] . .
    MRS. WEHMYER: We did have one thought . . .[Samantha crosses to her] and that’s to select one member to concentrate on Mr. Haskell for the next forty-eight hours.
    SAMANTHA: Good idea [c] Sometimes one person can accomplish a lot more than a committee.
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut as is the line after [c].

Larry’s Office:

  • Script:
    LARRY: Well, this is a pleasant surprise, Sam. What can I do for you?
    SAMANTHA: I’m sorry to bother you Larry, but I can’t seem to get in touch with Darrin and I just happened to be downtown and . . .
    LARRY: [interrupting] Anything wrong?
    SAMANTHA: I have a little problem and I need his advice. But he wasn’t at the hotel in Chicago. I thought you might know where he’d be.
    LARRY: Sam, he’s in a very important meeting. Rather than disturb him, why don’t you disturb me? I mean, what’s the problem?
    SAMANTHA: Well……
    LARRY: Sit down, sit down.
    SAMANTHA: Do you happen to know E. J. Haskell?
    LARRY: The builder? We’ve been trying to get a piece of his advertising account for years.
    SAMANTHA: Then you do know him?
    LARRY: Just to say goodbye to.
    SAMANTHA: Well, I have to collect a ten thousand dollar pledge he made to UNICEF.
    LARRY: That’s the problem?
    SAMANTHA: Uh huh.
    LARRY: Here’s the advice – forget it!
    SAMANTHA: Not till I get a reasonable explanation from him as to why he cancelled his donation.
    LARRY: Don’t you read the papers? He’s getting married in a few weeks to a very expensive young lady named Lila Layton. She’s going to need every cent he’s got.
    SAMANTHA: Lila Layton . . .She’s the singer who was married to a Maharajah, isn’t she?
    LARRY: Right. And when she was through with him, he didn’t have an elephant to his name.
    SAMANTHA: [rising] Whoops, I’d better get cracking and make sure there’s an elephant left for UNICEF.
  • Episode: The entire above scene is cut.

Haskell Mansion:

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: Why did you go back on your pledge to UNICEF?[a]
    HASKELL: Oh. . . .that’s what all this is about, huh?[b]
    SAMANTHA: Mr. Haskell . . .what good is wealth if you don’t share it?
    HASKELL: I expect to be sharing quite a bit of it. Look, Miss . . .whatever your name is - - I got where I am all by my lonesome. I’ve never asked for a handout. In my opinion, people should help themselves.
    SAMANTHA: But that’s exactly what UNICEF does! It helps people help themselves.
  • Episode: The line between [a] and [b] is changed to:
    HASKELL: Who are you? [added is Samantha’s line}
    SAMANTHA: I’m one of the housewives for UNICEF. After Samantha’s added line, the rest of the lines are cut.

Office Building:

  • Script: [Haskell entering elevator] [Samantha’s voice]
    SAMANTHA: Floor please? [Haskell reacts]
  • Episode: The elevator scene is cut.

Reception Room:

  • Script: [Haskell enters and heads for his office]
    SAMANTHA’S VOICE: Good morning Mr. Haskell. [He sees Samantha at a desk marked “Receptionist”.]
  • Episode:
    RECEPTIONIST: Here are your calls, Mr. Haskell. [he heads for his office]
    SAMANTHA’S VOICE: Oh, Mr. Haskell, don’t you want your mail? [he rushes into his office.]

Corridor:

  • Script: Samantha stops outside the door marked Dr. M. Chomsky, Psychiatry. She POPS out.
  • Episode: This scene is cut.


ACT II

Dr. Chomsky’s Office:

  • Script:
    DR. CHOMSKY: . . . .The reason for your delusion is obvious.
    HASKELL: What is it? [a]
    DR. CHOMSKY: You describe her as young and pretty. Which also happens to fit your fiancée. You get the picture?
    HASKELL: No.
  • Episode: The above after [a] is cut.

Lila’s Dressing Room:

  • Script:
    LILA: I’d love to sit and chat, but if I’m late for dinner, Haskell gets very uptight.
    SAMANTHA: Isn’t it possible that - - -[a]
    LILA: Honey, you asked me and I gave you my answer!
    SAMANTHA: [soberly] That’s right, you did. [Samantha starts for the door].
    LILA: Wait a second. I didn’t mean to be rough. You married?
    SAMANTHA: Yes.
    LILA: Maybe you and your husband would like to come and see the show some night.
    SAMANTHA: That might be very nice
    LILA: What does your husband do?
    SAMANTHA: He’s an advertising director.
    LILA: Oh? I should think a girl with your looks could do better than that.
    SAMANTHA: I happen to think I’m doing fine.
    LILA: Well, that’s what makes horse races, right?
    SAMANTHA: That’s right. Except if you’re in love you don’t care about finishing in the money. [opening door] Thank you very much for your time.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

Corridor Outside Dressing Room:

  • Script: [Endora has POPPED in]
    SAMANTHA: I’m afraid I was right. [a] Mr. Haskell will wind up without an elephant to his name.
    ENDORA: What?
    SAMANTHA: [curiously] She certainly was anxious to get rid of me. . .
    ENDORA: I wonder who she’s expecting?
    SAMANTHA: Or who’s already there.
    ENDORA: You don’t say. Let’s take a look. [She raises her hands to cast a spell]
    SAMANTHA: Mother! That’s not decent!
    ENDORA: Too late! [The wall becomes transparent so the inside of the dressing room can be seen. Lila is in a hot embrace with her boy friend, Bruce.]
    LILA: Cut it out. Anybody could walk in here!
    BRUCE: So what?
    LILA: Sure, you’d love to ruin my chances with Haskell, wouldn’t you?
    BRUCE: If I knew how, I’d be thrilled to do it.
    LILA: You just try, Brucey boy, and we’re through.
    BRUCE: [sarcastically] And if you marry him, we’re not?
    LILA: Not necessarily.
    SAMANTHA: [shocked] Mother, really! [Endora waves and the wall closes]
  • Episode: The entire scene after [a] is cut.

Restaurant:

  • Script:
    HASKELL: What is this? Some kind of a game? [a]
    LILA: [a forced laugh] That’s right, I’m just putting you on. Don’t pay any attention to me. [to change the subject] Oh, I just love this pin.
    HASKELL: I’m glad you like it.
    LILA: It’s beautiful. [another bite, another chime] Where’d you get it, at the five and ten? [again, both react in shock]
    HASKELL: Are you trying to make me sore?
  • Episode: After [a], the rest of the lines are cut.


TRAILER

Stephens’ Patio:

  • Script:
    ENDORA: Guess who just lost her appetite. [The doorbell rings o. s. Samantha hands the brush to Endora]
    SAMANTHA: Here, paint the clouds with sunshine. [She exits. [a] Endora levitates the brush and it starts painting the chair by itself. She sits and reclines in a metal lounge chair.]
  • Episode: The action after [a] is cut.

  • Script: [Samantha enters]
    SAMANTHA: Mother, you shouldn’t do that.
    ENDORA: You paint your way, I’ll paint mine.
    SAMANTHA: That’s not what I’m talking about. Get up. [Endora gets up. The back of her dress is striped from the freshly painted chair. Samantha tries to repress a giggle, but can’t. Endora just glares.]
  • Episode: This scene is cut.

 

 

# 167, Daddy Does His Thing

REVIEWER’S NOTE: This is the episode in which Dick York had the back spasm that ended his tenure on BEWITCHED. At the time of his spasm event, the TEASER for the episode had been filmed, and perhaps some other scenes were finished. However, the producers chose to use only the TEASER, breaking off the last scene where Darrin is returned to normal for use at the end of ACT II. [If the viewer checks the last scene of Darrin, the birthday setup in the living room is the same as the teaser, though scenes in both ACTS I and II show the room as it usually is]. Many people feel that the original script called for Darrin to accept Maurice’s gift, and the story line to proceed as was shown in #’s 180 and 181.

TEASER

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: [Darrin opens a small package and takes out a watch]
    DARRIN: Oh, honey, this is great! Thank you, sweetheart. [a] [he starts to put the watch on, notices an inscription on the back – reads, confused] M. T. Y. L. T. T. [tries to say it] Mtyltt . . . .?
    SAMANTHA: M. T. Y. L. T. T. . . .More than yesterday, less than tomorrow.
    DARRIN: That’s beautiful.
    SAMANTHA: It’s corny.
    DARRIN: It’s not, either. It’s beautiful. And it’s the best birthday present anybody ever got . . .I think I’ll wear it with the inscription facing out.
    SAMANTHA: No you don’t. [b] Now open the champagne, I’ve one more surprise . . . .
    DARRIN: I don’t know if I can stand any more surprises. [c] A brand new set of golf clubs, polo shirts, a cardigan sweater, a fourteen karat gold toothpick? Sam, I can’t afford my birthday!
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut as are the lines after [c].

  • Script: The script calls for a large hole to appear in the fireplace wall.
  • Episode: The hole appears in the front wall.

  • Script: Maurice refers to Darrin by his right name as he prepares to give him his gift.
  • Episode: Maurice refers to Darrin as “Dolphin”.

  • Script:
    MAURICE: It’s a lighter and a perpetual calendar [a] and a daily record of the tides of the seven seas of the world. And barometric readings for all of the major cities of the world, covering the next thousand years.[b]
    DARRIN: Well . . . .how about that?
    MAURICE: Yes. [c]
    SAMANTHA: [enthusiastically] Why, I think it’s the most marvelous thing I ever heard of.
    MAURICE: It’s the most marvelous thing anyone’s ever heard of.
    DARRIN: Really, sir . . . .I mean, Maurice - - -it’s very generous of you. It does all those things?
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b], as well as those after [c] are cut.

  • Script:
    MAURICE: [icy] Sir, to you. [a]
    SAMANTHA: Daddy, I think Darrin’s trying to remind you how he feels about taking advantage of “you-know-what”.
    MAURICE: Samantha, [b] you are married to a stubborn fool . . .a stubborn jackass.
    SAMANTHA: I am not. Darrin is a wonderful human being.
    MAURICE: Not [c] any more. Samantha, I think there’s a jackass on your rug.
    SAMANTHA: [horrified][d] Daddy!!
    MAURICE: And that - -my dear - -is final.
    SAMANTHA: But Daddy - - -Why?
    MAURICE: [calmly] Just an honest difference of opinion, my child. You say he isn’t a jackass and I say he is!
    SAMANTHA: Daddy, I don’t understand how you could do such a thing to Darrin. [e] One minute you tell me how happy I look . . .about the glow in my eyes, the warmth of my smile all put there by . . .[points to mule] . . .him. What happened to that? [the mule brays] Yes, I know, sweetheart.
  • Episode: At [a] the name “Duspin” is added. At [b] the line “You picked a lemon in the garden of love” is added. At [c] the line is changed to “necessarily”. At [d] the line is changed to “Good grief”. The lines after [e] are cut.


ACT I

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: SAMANTHA: I don’t blame you for being a little upset but - - [a] I just don’t know how to bring you out of it. But, I give you my solemn word [b] You won’t be a Mule for a minute more than necessary. Once Daddy gets back - - -[the Mule kicks with his back legs] Right. And he’ll deserve it. [c] In the meantime, we’ll all just have to adjust.[d] [The Mule opens his mouth. Dub in the sound of a yawn]. Oh, you poor darling, it’s been a rotten night for you. You must be exhausted.
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut. At [c] the line is extended by “But I wouldn’t press your luck” The lines after [d] are cut.

Kravitz Kitchen:

  • Script:
    ABNER: I listen to you all the time. Except when you talk. There I draw the line. [a]
    GLADYS: A pet dog I can understand.
    ABNER: Murder. Stabbing?
    GLADYS: Or a cat.
    ABNER: Mayhem? Doesn’t fit.
    GLADYS: Or a monkey.
    ABNER: Strangulation? Doesn’t fit.
    GLADYS: But a jackass?!
    ABNER: I got it. An eight letter word for murder. Marriage! It fits.
  • Episode: Everything after [a] is cut.

Stephens’ Kitchen:

  • Script: SAMANTHA: And if you’re afraid of Tabitha having a trauma over this, don’t. She took the news like a good little sport. [a] [The Mule is reading the newspaper] Darling, you’ve got enough problems without getting yourself upset about the stock market.[b] I’m making your favorite breakfast. Eggs Benedict. [The Mule nuzzles her] You’re welcome. [c] Now don’t worry about the time. I called Larry at the office and told him you were not yourself this morning.
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are replaced with “As a matter of fact, she wants to know when you’ll take her for a ride. Well, I’m sorry, Sweetheart, but you can hardly blame her”. The lines after [c] are cut.

  • Script: I assure you that he is bathed regularly and is quite house broken [a] [Samantha sets the eggs in front of the Mule]
    GLADYS: You’re feeding eggs benedict to a Mule?
    SAMANTHA: A happy pet is a healthy pet. Samantha dips the fork in the eggs and brings it to the Mule’s mouth][b]
  • Episode: At [a] is added “Here you are, Daddy”. At [b] the Mule eats from the plate. Samantha’s line is extended by “Not so fast, Daddy”.

Kravitz Living Room:

  • Script:
    ABNER: Lucky jackass. All I’m having is lumpy oatmeal. [a]
    GLADYS: Abner, there is something unhealthy going on in that house.
    ABNER: Why should that house be any different than this house?
    GLADYS: Sure, make jokes while our property values are falling by the minute. Abner, don’t you understand, it’s against zoning regulations to keep a beast of burden in this neighborhood.
    ABNER: Well, I’m not moving.
  • Episode: Before Abner’s first line is inserted:
    GLADYS: I tell you it is a jackass and she’s feeding him eggs benedict.
    At [a], the remaining lines are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: It’s not nice at all. It’s Darrin.
    ENDORA: Of course. I’d know him anywhere.
    SAMANTHA: [a] That’s unkind, Mother. [b]
    ENDORA: Kindness is not my strong suit; especially when I’m zapped off the Italian Riviera while sipping my champagne.
    SAMANTHA: Mother, this is more important.
    ENDORA: More important than the new spring line? What has happened to your sense of values, Samantha?
    SAMANTHA: Please, Mother, spare me your wit and tell me what to do about him.
    ENDORA: I suggest you have the marriage annulled. There isn’t a judge in the country who would . . . .
    SAMANTHA: Mother!!
  • Episode: At [a], “That’s unkind” is cut. All lines after [b] are cut.

Paris Outdoor Café:

  • Script: [Samantha and Endora POP in at Maurice’s table]
    MAURICE: Oh, bonjour Mesdames.
  • Episode: Before Samantha and Endora POP in, Maurice has the line to Yvette “The countess was never the same . . .” added.

  • Script:
    MAURICE: [a] Sorry, my doctor forbids me to discuss family problems during the aperitif hour. It gives me heartburn.[b]
    ENDORA: Well that’s that. Let’s hop over to Christian Dior’s for . . .
  • Episode: The line after [a] becomes “Sorry, Dr. Bombay forbids me to discuss family problems . .” The line after [b] is cut.

  • Script:
    MAURICE: Karate. Yvette is my karate instructor. [a]
    ENDORA: Where did she take her graduate degree, at the Folies Bergere?
    MAURICE: Don’t let the milky white skin and baby blue eyes fool you. She’s a killer - -on the mat!
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

REVIEWER’S NOTE: Maurice calls Samantha a “Noodge”. The script has an insert that says a “Noodge” is a Jewish word meaning pest.

  • Script: Maurice rises, snaps his fingers, and he, Samantha and Endora vanish. The girls stare blankly at the empty air, [a] then turn to each other.
    ANGELIQUE: Yvette, did you see what I saw?
    YVETTE: Yes.
    ANGELIQUE: What did you see?
    YVETTE: Absolutely nothing.
    ANGELIQUE: Exactly what I saw. [They both down their drinks in one gulp].
  • Episode: The lines and action after [a] are cut.


ACT II

Kravitz Living Room:

  • Script:
    GLADYS: Abner, the Mule is back. [a]
    ABNER: [addressing his right hand] Careful, he’s trying to trap you.
    GLADYS: Listen to me, Abner. I’m confused. I’m guilty because I sent him to the animal shelter. And now I’m mad because she had the nerve to bring him home again. [Abner picks up the chess set and addresses his hands]
    ABNER: Let’s go fellers, she won’t dare follow us to the bathroom.
    GLADYS: Okay, Abner. But don’t holler at me when those psychiatrist’s bills start pouring in.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script:
    GLADYS: I knocked but no one heard me. [a] Mrs. Stephens, I just came to say how sorry I am for what I did.
    SAMANTHA: We’re a little busy, Mrs. Kravitz.
    GLADYS: I was just thinking of the neighborhood and forgetting the human side of the animal, [b] But now that you - - -he - - -he’s playing chess??
    MAURICE: What’s so amazing? I usually beat him two out of three. [c]
    GLADYS: Oh, I understand everything now, Mrs. Stephens. Who wouldn’t want an animal like that around the house? As far as I’m concerned, the zoning board can drop dead. [d] I can’t wait to tell Abner about this.
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut, as are the lines between [c] and [d].

  • Script: [Maurice recreates the situation when he changed Darrin into a Mule.]
    MAURICE: [a] Now It was precisely eight twenty-seven last night. At that moment I said . . . .[b] The scene from the teaser is repeated as Maurice recreates the action that occurred when Darrin was changed into a Mule.
  • Episode: The line between [a] and [b] is cut. The episode follows the changes noted earlier.


TRAILER

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script and Episode agree.

 

 

# 168, Samantha’s Good News

REVIEWER’S NOTE: This is a non-Darrin episode.

TEASER

Stephen’ Kitchen:

  • Script:
    MAURICE: Your husband. The . . .[spelling] M-O-R-T-A-L.
    SAMANTHA: Daddy, his name is Darrin, and he just went to work.
  • Episode: Samantha’s line is changed to: Daddy, his name is [spelling] D-A-R-R-I-N, and he’s at work.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: MAURICE: [calling] Abigail, on duty please.
  • Episode: The line is changed to: Miss Beecham, on duty, please.


ACT I

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script:
    ABIGALE: . . . .I’d like to meet her some day.
    SAMANTHA: No sooner said than done [calling], Mother!
  • Episode: Samantha’s line is changed to: “That can be arranged. [calling], Mother!”

  • Script: ENDORA: [to Maurice] The subject is you and Miss Abigail Beecham.
  • Episode: In this instance, and thereafter throughout the script when “Miss Beecham” is used. By Endora, she refers to Abigail as “Beech-nut” or “Beech-wood”.


Stephens’ Kitchen:

  • Script:
    ABIGAIL: And your husband is a mortal?
    SAMANTHA: Yep. [a]
    ABIGALE: [sympathetically] What happened, Ducks? …you lose an election bet? [b]
    SAMANTHA: Ducks, you couldn’t be more wrong. I married him out of love.
  • Episode: The line between [a] and [b] is changed to: “That’s one for the record. You have a lot of courage. I’d never do it”. The line after [b] is cut.


ACT II

Stephens’ Kitchen:

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: You don’t seem too worried about it. [a]
    MAURICE: I’m deeply worried. However . . .
    SAMANTHA: However what?
    MAURICE: I don’t want to stand in the way of your Mother’s happiness.
    SAMANTHA: That’s very noble of you.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

Stephens’ Bedroom:

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: You yourself don’t want an ectoplacmic interlocutory.
    ENDORA: [poutingly] Yes, I do.
    SAMANTHA: No you don’t. [a] You and Daddy have a whacky marriage, but . . .
    ENDORA: What’s whacky about it?
    SAMANTHA: Well, for one thing, you don’t see each other for months on end.
    ENDORA: Samantha, when a husband and wife have been married for two thousand years, they need separate vacations.
    SAMANTHA: That simply proves my point. You like your marriage the way it is, and you want to keep it.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: Mother, Daddy doesn’t want Abigail. Deep down inside he knows the only one for him is you. [a]
    ENDORA: He doesn’t behave that way.
    SAMANTHA: Because he takes his wife for granted. After two thousand years, that happens.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script:
    JOHN VAN MILLWOOD: “But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun!”
    MAURICE: Great heavens, those vowels. [a] That may be the most dismal reading that ever assailed my ears.
  • Episode: The line after [a] is cut.

  • Script: [John snaps his fingers and in POPS William Shakespeare]
    SHAKESPEARE: I am William Shakespeare, and in my opinion the performance of Mr. Van Millwood was vastly superior. [Maurice snaps his fingers and Shakespeare POPS out]
    MAURICE: That was not William Shakespeare; that was a hired stooge. [a] Endora, I’m shocked that you’d associate with an untalented fraudulent colonial. [b]
    JOHN: Limey!
  • Episode: The lines and action before [a] and after [b] are cut.

  • Script:
    MAURICE: . . .I am insulted to the very marrow of my bones.[a]
    JOHN: Stone the crows.
    SAMANTHA: That’s a good point. I’m not sure I understand it, but that’s a good point.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

  • Script:
    ENDORA: [to Samantha] Where are you going?
    SAMANTHA: To call my husband. I had this foolish idea that after the doctor and me, he’d be the first to know. [Samantha picks up the phone as we fade out]
  • Episode: The words “My husband” are changed to “Darrin”. Added at the end is:
    MAURICE: Grandmama.
    ENDORA: Grandpapa.


TRAILER

Stephens Living Room:

  • Script and Episode agree, with the addition of Samantha’s added last line: “Good Grief”.

 

 

# 169, Samantha’s Shopping Spree

REVIEWER’S NOTE: This is the last of the non-Darrin episodes.

TEASER

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: Samantha tries to pick up a Jack-in-the-box. From the box comes Uncle Henry’s voice.
  • Episode: The voice is that of Cousin Henry.
    Reviewer’s Note: When referring to the character, Henry, the script always says “Uncle Henry”; while in the episode it is always “Cousin Henry”.

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: Uncle Henry, you’re not being very original - -stealing Uncle Arthur’s jokes.
    UNCLE HENRY: I’ll have you know I taught my brother everything he knows. [a]As a matter of fact, he asked me to pop over and give you a laugh.
    SAMANTHA: Where is Uncle Arthur?
    UNCLE HENRY: He’s at the Cannes Film Festival - -picketing “Rosemary’s Baby”.
  • Episode: “I taught my brother everything . . .” is changed to “I taught him everything . . .”. The lines after [a] are cut.

  • Script and Episode:
    JACK-IN-THE-BOX: Boy, is she a noodge. Reviewer’s Note: There is a note in the script for # 167 that says that “noodge” is a Jewish word meaning “pest”.

  • Script: [Endora has POPPED in]
    SAMANTHA: Tabitha needs some new dresses.
    ENDORA: You don’t have to shop for them. [a] [Endora waves her arms and Tabitha is engulfed by smoke. When it clears she is wearing a princess type gown]. How do you like it?
    SAMANTHA: It’s cute - -but forget it. We’re doing it the natural way, and within my mortal budget,
    UNCLE HENRY: How square can you get?
    SAMANTHA: [indicating Tabitha] Mother . . .if you please . . .
    ENDORA: Oh, piffle. [she waves her arms and Tabitha’s clothes change back to normal]
    SAMANTHA: Thank you.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.


ACT I

Department Store:

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: Put it back. At the rate she grows, it’s too expensive. [a]
    UNCLE HENRY: If what is stopping you is money, allow me. [He flicks his fingers at the dress. The price tag now reads $3.50] Three-fifty. It’s practically a steal.
    SAMANTHA: It is a steal. Change it back.
    UNCLE HENRY: [phony surprise] Are you suggesting I used witchcraft?
    SAMANTHA: Uncle Henry, please.
    UNCLE HENRY: You’re such a fuss budget.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

  • Script: [Joseph Hinkley, Jr. has entered the scene. All of his script cues are “JOEY”]
    SAMANTHA: Five dollars. We’ll take it.
    JOEY: How about the same thing in another color?
  • Episode: Joey’s line is changed to: “May I show you something else?”

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: We’ll take this too.
    JOEY: Oh boy. My initial sale. [a]
    UNCLE HENRY: Let’s call the photographers. [b][Samantha opens her purse, removes a twenty dollar bill]
    SAMANTHA: I’ll pay cash . . .then we’ll go home.
  • Episode: At [a], to Joey’s line is added “A double header!” At [b] the lines are changed to: [Samantha removes a credit card from her purse]
    JOEY: Cash or charge?
    SAMANTHA: Charge
    JOEY: Clerk!! Would you see Mrs. Stephens to the charge window and see that these are wrapped.
    SAMANTHA: [starting to follow the clerk; to Cousin Henry] You behave.

  • Script:
    UNCLE HENRY: I need to have some fun. [a] Joey takes the money from Samantha, and with the two dresses he walks to the counter to write up the sale]
    SAMANTHA: At whose expense?
    ENDORA: Guess [b]
    SAMANTHA: Uncle Henry - - -we’re going home.
    UNCLE HENRY: You want me to make a scene right here, right now?
    SAMANTHA: [frustrated] Good Grief!
  • Episode: After [a], Joey is not shown. Samantha is not in the scene. The lines are rearranged to:
    ENDORA: At whose expense?
    UNCLE HENRY: Guess. The lines after [b] are cut.

  • Script: The script calls for Samantha and Tabitha to be present in the scene where Uncle Henry is trying on jackets.
    SAMANTHA: My uncle has a quick temper. If you try to sell him something he doesn’t want to buy, he’s liable to . . .he’s liable to . . .[a]
    ENDORA: [to Joey] He’s liable to disintegrate you.
    SAMANTHA: Not literally, of course.
    JOEY: Ladies . . .and gentleman . . .this jacket is the top of our line. It’s massed produced especially for our label.
    UNCLE HENRY: Sammy, he’s making me angry.
    SAMANTHA: Mr. Hinkley, don’t push. For your own good, don’t push.[b]
  • Episode: Samantha and Tabitha are not in the scene. Lines assigned to Samantha are given to Endora.
    ENDORA: My nephew has a quick temper . . . . [The lines between [a] and [b] are cut]. Mr. Hinkley, don’t push, for your own good don’t push. [Samantha has returned from the charge desk with Tabitha. She sits Tabitha in a chair with the package, and enters the scene].

  • Script:
    JOEY: Okay, I’ll level with you. My father doesn’t have much faith in me. If I can show him that on my first day I made sales in two departments - - -[a]
    UNCLE HENRY: Sonny, you’re trying to ram this sale down my throat . . .and I don’t like anything rammed down my throat . . .unless. of course, it’s a Ram doing the ramming.
  • Episode: At [a]:
    SAMANTHA: Cousin Henry, what are you up to?
    COUSIN HENRY: Nothing, he’s up to something. [“He’s” replaces “Sonny”]

  • Script: SNOW: [taking off his helmet] I’m Jack Snow.
  • Episode: Snow looks down at the number on his jersey before he says his name.

  • Script:
    SNOW: Where am I?
    SAMANTHA: You’re in Hinkley’s Department store in Long Island, New York.
  • Episode: “Long Island” is changed to “Patterson”.

  • Script: [Uncle Henry reaches for his own jacket. Joey blocks his path. Henry tries to get by while Joey blocks his path as if they are playing some sort of game. Tabitha watches Joey and Henry.]
    SAMANTHA: Uncle Henry’s going to do something. Mother, stop him!
    ENDORA: Why? It’s beginning to get interesting [a]
    UNCLE HENRY: [to Joey] Okay, kiddo, that’s it. [Henry waves his hands in a complicated gesture which Endora and Samantha do not see. Joey turns into a manikin]
  • Episode: Henry does not reach for his own jacket, and he and Joey do not do the “get in my way” game. Samantha’s and Endora’s lines are changed to:
    SAMANTHA: Mother, what’s going on here?
    ENDORA: I don’t know. It’s beginning to get interesting. [The lines and action after [a] are cut. Henry’s magic motions are not shown]

  • Script:
    JOEY’S VOICE: Help! Help! [[a] Samantha feels the manikin’s “flesh”]
    SAMANTHA: He’s plastic on the outside . . .but he’s crying on the inside.. [b]
    UNCLE HENRY: That sounds like a song title.
  • Episode: After [a], Samantha raps on the manikin.
    JOEY: Who’s there?
    COUSIN HENRY: Albel.
    JOEY: Albel who?
    COUSIN HENRY: Albel seeing you in all the . . . .After [b] the line is cut.

  • Script:
    ENDORA: I’ll go ask Henry to come back. He’ll undoubtedly giggle at me, but I’ll ask. [a] [Endora POPS out. A clerk approaches Samantha]
    CLERK: Weren’t there three of you?
    SAMANTHA: [innocently] All I see are just my daughter and me.
    CLERK: [a shrug] Have you been taken care of?
    SAMANTHA: Yes, we have.
  • Episode: After [a] the lines and action are changed to:
    SAMANTHA: [to Endora] First you’d better take Tabitha home [calling to Tabitha] Tabitha, Sweetheart. [beckons her to come to Endora] This isn’t the type of thing Tabitha should be “in on”. See if you can get Aunt Hagatha to sit and then go get Henry. I’ll cover here. [to Tabitha] Sweetheart, you and Grandmama are going to go home….sort of fast . . . it’s really a no-no, but sometimes no-no’s are very necessary because . . .
    ENDORA: Is this going to take long?
    SAMANTHA: I’ll explain later, Sweetheart. Bye bye. [Endora and Tabitha POP out]
    CLERK: Weren’t there three of you?
    SAMANTHA: [innocently] Were there?
    CLERK: May I help you with anything else?
    SAMANTHA: No thanks, just browsing.


ACT II

Department Store:

  • Script: [Samantha and Tabitha stand with Joey-the-manikin A shopper walks by and sees Samantha talking to a manikin].
    SAMANTHA: . . . I’m sure we’ll be able to - -[a] [Tabitha sees the shopper and tries to warn Samantha]
    TABITHA: Mommy
    SAMANTHA: Don’t interrupt, dear. [to manikin] . . [b] . ..to remedy the situation and - -[c]
    TABITHA: Mommy. [d] [Samantha looks at Tabitha who nods at the shopper. Samantha reacts]
    SAMANTHA: Researching a speech? [The shopper gives Samantha a peculiar look and walks away] [e] [to Tabitha] Thank you, dear. [f] [to manikin] I’ll be back in a minute. You wait right here, okay?
  • Episode: Tabitha is not present. The lines between [a] and [b], [c] and [d], and [e] and [f] are cut.

Men’s Fitting Room:

  • Script: Samantha and Tabitha enter the fitting room.
  • Episode: Tabitha is not with Samantha.

  • Script:
    ENDORA: Maybe he went to Switzerland for the annual Cheese Tasting Festival. {Endora POPS out]
    SAMANTHA: Tabitha, let this be a lesson to you. Never use witchcraft to hurt people. And never use it at all unless . . .
  • Episode: Samantha’s line is cut.

Men’s Department:

  • Script: [a][Samantha and Tabitha return to where they left Joey . . .and discover that he is gone]
    SAMANTHA: Oh, no.
    TABITHA: Did he run away?
    SAMANTHA: He couldn’t. Somebody took him. Wait here, Sweetheart.[b] [She crosses to the counter where the clerk is] . Sir, pardon me, but do you know what happened to that manikin that was right over there? [c]
    CLERK: They took it away.
  • Episode: At [a], only Samantha is present. The lines between [a] and [b] are cut. After [c] is added:
    CLERK: What dummy?
    SAMANTHA: The manikin that was . . .
    CLERK: Couldn’t resist that little bit of humor.

Moon:

  • Script: Uncle Henry zaps up a sulky and rides off in it. The script says if possible, into space.
  • Episode: The sulky goes out of sight but the clopping of the horse’s hoofs can be heard.

Stock Room:

  • Script:
    HARRY: That my bowling will improve. [a] [Samantha and Tabitha enter; Samantha has the package]
    SAMANTHA: Excuse us, but . . .
    FRED: Lady, this room is for employees only. [b]
    TABITHA: There he is, Mommy.
    FRED: There who is?
  • Episode: At [a] Tabitha is not with Samantha. Samantha does not have the package. The lines after [b] are changed to:
    SAMANTHA: Oh, thank goodness I found him.
    FRED: Him . . who . . .him?

  • Script: Sorry lady. We’d like to help but it’s against the rules.[a]
    SAMANTHA: [sighs] Okay, Tabitha, let’s go. [b][They exit out the back door from the stock room]
  • Episode: The line between [a] and [b] is cut. At [b], “They exit” is changed to “She exits.” At [a] Samantha has the replacement line “Oh, well. Thank you anyway”. After [b] is added:
    HARRY: You really think that’s why she wants the manikin . . .to make her husband’s suits?
    FRED: It takes all kinds, Harry.

Stock Room Alleyway:

  • Script: [Samantha and Tabitha walk into the alleyway. Samantha snaps her fingers and the manikin POPS in next to her]
    SAMANTHA: All right, Tabitha, we’re going home . . .the easy way. . .I know it’s a no-no . . .but we’re using it to help people. [Samantha waves one arm and she, Tabitha and the manikin POP out.
  • Episode: Tabitha is not present. Samantha’s line is cut, but she and the manikin are shown to POP out. The clerk comes around the corner just in time to see the POP out].
    CLERK: I’ve got to get that check-up.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: Endora makes magic gestures and the manikin topples onto the floor. The camera shifts to show Joey lying on the floor. Samantha helps him up.
  • Episode: The manikin does not topple over. Joey simply POPS in in his place.


TRAILER

Department Store:

  • Script: Packages are piled on a sofa close to Samantha.
  • Episode: The packages are on the nearest counter.

  • Script: Joey goes over to help Samantha with the packages.
  • Episode: Joey picks up some packages and promptly drops them. Samantha ends up picking up the packages as Joey fumbles with others.

 

 

# 170, Samantha and Darrin in Mexico City

 

REVIEWER’S NOTES: In the “Final Draft” of the script dated June 3, 1968, the script is titled “Samantha goes South of the Border. In a revised version of the script, also titled “Final Draft”, and dated June 20, 1968, the script title has been changed to “Samantha and Darrin at the Olympic Games”. (Click here to see a page of the script from Agnes Moorehead's archives.) The episode was filmed in September of 1968 and finally aired on April 24, 1969 under the title “Samantha and Darrin in Mexico City”.
That this script was written almost a year before the episode was aired is seen in the spelling of “Tabatha” in the script, rather than “Tabitha” that was in use at the time of the airing of the episode.

This is the last episode aired that featured Dick York as Darrin.

TEASER

Stephens’ Kitchen:

  • Script: Samantha is in the kitchen setting up refreshments which include several bottles of “Salud”, a cola like drink. She goes to the door and peeks into the living room.
  • Episode: The drinks are named “Bueno”. [Endora POPS in]
    ENDORA: You naughty little eavesdropping witch, .
    SAMANTHA: Shhh!
    ENDORA: What are you doing?
    SAMANTHA: I’m trying to find out if we’re going to Mexico City.
    ENDORA: Oh . . .this mortal life has addled your brain, Samantha.
    SAMANTHA: Darrin’s advertising campaign may introduce a new soft drink, Bueno, to the American public. It’s a multi-million dollar project.
    ENDORA: I think it’s a multi-million dollar bore.
    SAMANTHA: You would. There’s a chance you’ll be able to baby sit with Tabitha for a couple of days.
    ENDORA: A chance?
    SAMANTHA: If Senor Aragon likes Darrin’s presentation, we’re going to Mexico City.
    ENDORA: A chance? That’s practically a guarantee that you won’t be going to Mexico City.
    SAMANTHA: Just be available.
    ENDORA: Just whistle. [she POPS out]

Stephens’ Living Room intercut with Kitchen:

  • Script: [Samantha opens the door a little wider]
    SAMANTHA: Darrin, would you give me a hand in the kitchen. {Darrin comes into the kitchen].
    DARRIN: What can I do?
    SAMANTHA: Help me with the glasses, and tell me whether we’re going to Mexico City or not.
    DARRIN: Sure.
    SAMANTHA: “Sure” we’re going, or “Sure” you’ll help me? I’m dying of curiosity.
    DARRIN: Sam, there’s a lot more at stake than a trip to Mexico City and the Olympic Games. Introducing Salud to the American public is a multi-million dollar project - -TV specials, billboards, magazines - - everything.
    NOTE: The script always refers to the soft drink as “Salud”, while the episode always uses “Bueno”.
    SAMANTHA: The Olympic Games are enough for me! Now quit teasing!
    DARRIN: Well, I think both Larry and Senor Aragon liked my presentation.
    SAMANTHA: They ought to. You put a lot of thought and work into it.
    DARRIN: And I drank about two cases of Salud personally.
    SAMANTHA: Greater love hath no advertising man. Maybe that’s what’s put so much zing into you lately!
    DARRIN: Sam, the zing is from thinking about being with you in Mexico City.
    SAMANTHA: I love being married to a man who says such friendly things.
  • Episode: The entire above scene is cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: [Darrin and Samantha enter. Samantha passes the tray of refreshments].
    ARAGON: Thank you. This is a good time for a little Salud.
    SAMANTHA: Anytime is a good time for Salud.
    ARAGON: Of course! . . . .Your husband has some excellent ideas that Senor Garcia will be very pleased with. [a]
    LARRY: Yes, it’s great stuff, Darrin . . .a marvelous job - -and I’m going to be proud to present this to Senor Garcia tomorrow.
    DARRIN: You??? I thought I was going to make the presentation. [b]
    LARRY: I know, but I can’t spare you now. There’s just too much going on in the office that needs your attention. Of course, there’ll a nice bonus in it for - - -
    DARRIN: That’s not what I had in mind!
    LARRY: Senor Garcia is the president of the company. He’ll feel slighted if he doesn’t meet with a top executive of McMann and Tate.
    SAMANTHA: I have an idea. Why don’t you make it McMann, Tate and Stephens?
  • Episode: The lines before [a] and after [b] are cut.


ACT I

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: Poor darling. You teed off at ten and you’re still teed off. [a]
    DARRIN: At the end of eighteen holes, I’d beaten one golf ball completely flat!
  • Episode: The line after [a] is cut.

Stephens’ Patio:

  • Script:
    DARRIN: If this were Salud, I’d choke.
    SAMANTHA: I know, dear.[a]
    DARRIN: Sam, do you realize that prince of a fellow, Larry Tate, is in Mexico City for two glorious weeks of the Olympic games that belong to us? In fact, right at this moment - - -Mexico City time - - he’s having lunch with Raul Garcia and Carlos Aragon and pitching my presentation! [Samantha puts the paper in his lap].[b]
  • Episode: “Salud” is changed to “Bueno”. The lines between [a] and [b] are changed to:
    DARRIN: Sam, do you realize that ugly American, Larry Tate, is in Mexico City for three glorious days that belong to us? In fact, right at this moment - - -Mexico City time - -he’s having lunch with Raul Garcia and Carlos Aragon and pitching my presentation?

Stephens’ Kitchen:

  • Script: [Samantha enters, looks behind her to make sure she isn’t followed, then raises her hands]
    SAMANTHA: Forgive me, dear, but this is for us. [She snaps her fingers and she is in her flying suit. She snaps her fingers again and POPS out].
  • Episode: The above scene is cut.

Restaurant Terrace:

  • Script:
    GARCIA: And Carlos said you had another man who was very imaginative.
    ARAGON: Senor Stephens [a]
    LARRY: Yes, I’m training him but of course, he hasn’t my experience and creativeness – [b] [Samantha points a finger at Larry]- -
  • Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are changed to:
    LARRY: Yes. Bright boy. I brought him along carefully and under my guidance in a couple of years he may develop some of my judgment and creativity.

  • Script: GARCIA: Mr. Tate, we are not backward in our social graces. [a] And your country is known as the only one that ever went from barbarism to decadence without an intervening period of culture!
  • Episode: The line after [a] is cut.

Stephens’ Kitchen with Intercuts To Hotel Lobby Phone Booth:

  • Script: [Samantha POPS back in]
    DARRIN: Sam! Where are you? - - Oh! Where’ve you been? I looked all over for you!
    SAMANTHA: Did you look in Tabatha’s room?
    DARRIN: No.
    SAMANTHA: That’s where I must have been.
    DARRIN: Honey, Larry’s not going to rob us of a little vacation. We’re going to be on a plane to Jamaica in two hours!
    SAMANTHA: Oh - - - well, gee, I - - -
    DARRIN: I’m so anxious to go somewhere with you, I’m even willing to let your mother baby-sit!
    SAMANTHA: Well, I don’t really need a vacation. I’m happy right here with you.
    DARRIN: Listen! [reads from paper] “Dancing under the tropic moon . . . .steel bands. . . . warm breezes . . .romance!” How does that grab you?
    SAMANTHA: Why don’t we just put on a record and turn up the heat in the house?
    [The phone rings . .Darrin answers]
    DARRIN: Hello . . .Yes, this is he . . .Oh, put him on. [to Samantha] Larry’s calling from Mexico City. He must’ve closed the deal.
    LARRY: Darrin, it’s so good to hear your voice!
    DARRIN:[ to Samantha] He says it’s good to hear my voice. He must have blown the deal. [to Larry] How did the meeting with Garcia go?
    LARRY: Great! You know what an old smoothie I am! . . .Darrin, I think we need a little extra charm with Garcia. Why don’t you and Samantha fly down here tomorrow?
    SAMANTHA: Are we going? Are we going?
    DARRIN: We were thinking of leaving for Jamaica. What happened?
    LARRY: Never mind! There’s an eleven o’clock plane in the morning. Be on it! I’ll make a reservation for you at the Hotel Camino Real.
    DARRIN: Okay, but we want the honeymoon suite.
    LARRY: I’ll get you anything you want!
    DARRIN: [to Samantha] He really must have fumbled it!
    LARRY: Another thing - -brush up on your Spanish because I promised you’d say a few to Garcia’s associates in their own language.
    DARRIN: Larry, I don’t speak Spanish! I only took two years in high school, and flunked it both years.
    LARRY: What’s so hard about it? Millions of little kids down here speak it - - -why can’t you? We’ll meet you at the plane tomorrow. [Darrin hangs up]
    SAMANTHA: Oh. Darrin - - -I’m so excited!
    DARRIN: Not me. Larry promised I’d give Garcia’s associates a little speech in Spanish.
    SAMANTHA: You can learn it! We’ll get a book - - -and I know the language - - and in no time at all you’ll be speaking Spanish like Roberto Clemente!
  • Episode: The entire above scene is cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script:
    TABATHA: Hi, Grandmama [a]
    ENDORA: Well. What is it? What do you want?
    SAMANTHA: We’re going to Mexico City on business for a couple of weeks, and...
    ENDORA: Well, I’m glad you’re getting away from this quarter acre of crab grass, dry rot, and creeping senility!
    DARRIN: She’d make a great real estate agent, wouldn’t she? . . .Well, enough of the pleasantries. We’d better be - - -
    ENDORA: Momentito! . . . .Samantha, if you paid as much attention to witchery as you do to housewifery, you’d know the Grand Coven of Witches is meeting this week and no respectable witch would miss it. I can’t possibly baby-sit, nor can any other witch.
    SAMANTHA: Oh, that’s right!
    ENDORA: There must be a warlock available. How about Uncle Arthur?
    DARRIN: I won’t have him in this house!
    SAMANTHA: What about Daddy?
    DARRIN: Never! By the weekend he’d have Tabatha eating pickled pigs feet in a London pub.
    ENDORA: Why not Octavius? Ocky loves you and Tabatha, and even approves of the marriage which shows he’s getting a little weak in the head.
    DARRIN: Let’s forget the whole thing!
    SAMANTHA: Mother, just get Ocky. [Endora touches her temples, makes a gesture, and Ocky appears].
    OCKY: Missed him! Or her. - - -Well, hello! You caught me in full stride. I’ve been hunting butterflies in the Republic of Upper Volta.
    DARRIN: Upper Volta!
    OCKY: I saw several large flutters of them just outside the capital of Ouagadougou.
    TABATHA: Uncle Ocky! Uncle Ocky!
    OCKY: Hello, Tabatha! You remember who brings you the jelly beans, don’t you. [He holds out his hand, jelly beans appear there and he gives them to Tabatha.
    SAMANTHA: Why Uncle Ocky!
    OCKY: I know, but that’s what uncles are for . . .to spoil children a little bit.
    SAMANTHA: How would you feel about spoiling her for a couple of weeks while we’re in Mexico City? - - -Not too much, of course.
    OCKY: I’d love to! Pasaran un buen rato!
    DARRIN: What’d he say?
    SAMANTHA: He said we’ll have a good time.
    DARRIN: That’s what I thought, until I found out I have to give a little speech in Spanish, and it just panics me!
    OCKY: Have courage, my boy.
    DARRIN: None of you know what it is to have that feeling in the pit of your stomach.
    ENDORA: I do. The first time I saw you, and it keeps coming back with monotonous regularity.
    DARRIN: Mother, you make a mockery of the word “Mother”. [Samantha gives Tabatha a big hug and kiss]
    SAMANTHA: Goodbye again, darling.
    DARRIN: Daddy loves you, and he’ll be thinking about you all the time!
    ENDORA: I do hope you have a nice time.
    SAMANTHA: Thanks, Mother. Goodbye.
    OCKY: Adios.
    DARRIN: Nos veremos!
    ENDORA: Oh, that accent! If you speak Spanish like that you’re going to start another Mexican war - - -and personally, I hope this time they win.
  • Episode: [After [a] the entire scene is cut and replaced with:]
    DARRIN: Enough of the pleasantries. Let’s just say goodbye to the Old Lady of the Sea.
    SAMANTHA: Oh, Darrin!
    ENDORA: [Tells them, in Spanish, to have a good time].
    DARRIN: What did she say?
    SAMANTHA: She said she hopes we have a good time.
    DARRIN: With her baby-sitting and me having to give a speech in Spanish, I’m beginning to doubt it.
    ENDORA: Having trouble with Spanish? I’ll give you a little zap . . . .
    DARRIN: No thanks. I’ll learn it my way.
    ENDORA: I doubt that.
    SAMANTHA: [to Tabitha] Now you take good care of Grandmama.
    {The Scene shifts to the nursery where Endora puts Tabitha down for a nap. The scene then shifts to the stairs where Endora pauses]
    ENDORA: And now something for Durwood.

Higgledy, piggledy chestnut tree,
No one now will ever see,
How embarrassed you will be,
When you speak the fluent Spanish,
All your fears will merely vanish.


Airplane:

  • Script:
    DARRIN: Como le va? Mejor que ayer, gracias a Dios. Me allegro . . .You know, this Spanish is coming back to me.
    SAMANTHA: You’ll be all right.
    DARRIN: How did you learn Spanish?
    SAMANTHA: Uh . . . .you know . . .
    DARRIN: I thought so.
    SAMANTHA: The teacher would say, “Children, today the languages are - -[flicks her fingers out] Spanish! [flick] Greek! [flick] Hebrew! And now that you’ve learned them, we’ll go to Madrid, Athens, and Tel Aviv for the day and try them out.
  • Episode: This scene is cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

  • Script: [Ocky is reading a story to Tabatha]
    OCKY: So Leaping Lena, the kangaroo, put all her Olympic Gold Medals in her pouch and went jump-jingle, jump-jingle, jump-jingle all the way home. Now isn’t that a lovely story?
    TABATHA: Read it again.
    OCKY: That was the third time. Well, in a little while your mommy and daddy will be in Mexico City and . . .[he thinks] . . .Your father sounded so worried about giving that speech in Spanish. He needs a little help. Let’s see:

Higgledy-piggledy chestnut tree,
No one will ever see
How embarrassed you may be
You will speak a fluent Spanish
And your worries will all vanish.

I think that’s a goody, Tabatha.

  • Episode: This scene is completely cut.

Airplane:

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: Your Spanish was perfect! But when you spoke it, you disappeared. [a]
    DARRIN: This is one of your Mother’s delightful pranks.
    SAMANTHA: This seems out of character for mother, but you’re evidently getting help from somebody.
    DARRIN: If anybody didn’t need friends, it’s me..
  • Episode: The above scene is cut.

  • Script: The script calls for the stewardess to ask another stewardess if there is a man in the seat beside the cute blond.
  • Episode: The stewardess’ lines are moved forward to just before Darrin pops out.

  • Script:
    STEWARDESS: Maybe I accidentally switched contacts with my roommate. [Darrin reappears] [a]
    SAMANTHA: You disappeared for just about as long as it took you to say the Spanish. Now don’t worry about a thing. I’ll go back and talk to Ocky. It must be him.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are changed to:
    SAMANTHA: Mother’s up to something.
    DARRIN: When is your mother going to butt out of our lives?
    SAMANTHA: Well . . . .
    DARRIN: Never mind. I know - - -never!
    SAMANTHA: You disappeared for just about as long as it took you to say the Spanish. Now don’t worry about a thing. I’ll go back and find what’s going on. [Samantha POPS out]

Stephens’ Living Room / Kitchen / Airplane:

  • Script:
    OCKY: Here’s a story about a fat little angel who kept falling through clouds. [Samantha appears at the Kitchen door and gestures to him] I’ll get some milk for Lena. You look at the pictures.
    TABATHA: Okay, Uncle Ocky. [he takes Lena into the kitchen]
    OCKY: My perfect Spanish spell worked, didn’t it?
    SAMANTHA: Yes, but you goofed a bit. When he speaks Spanish, he disappears.
    OCKY: Good heavens! Well, I’ll straighten it up . . .[indicating kangaroo] . . .or her name isn’t Leaping Lena. [Samantha POPS back into the airplane].
    SAMANTHA: It was Ocky, but everything’s going to be okay. He’s working on it.
  • Episode: [The above is cut and replaced with:] [Samantha POPS into the living room]
    ENDORA: Oh. Hello darling. If you’re popping in because you’re concerned about Tabitha, she’s napping.
    SAMANTHA: I’m not concerned about Tabitha. I’m concerned about Darrin. Mother, what have you done to him?
    ENDORA: I . . .didn’t do anything to him . . .nature did.
    SAMANTHA: Every time he speaks Spanish he disappears.
    ENDORA: How amusing.
    SAMANTHA: Mother, it isn’t funny. What have you done?
    ENDORA: Well, the Old Lady of the Sea just tried to help the poor frightened soul. I merely cast a spell to remove his fear when he speaks Spanish. If it removed him the poor boy must be all fear. . . .Oh, it’s priceless.
    SAMANTHA: Mother, you take off that spell.
    ENDORA: You tell him that the Old Lady of the Sea will take off that spell after he has learned his lesson.
    SAMANTHA: And in the meantime?
    ENDORA: I’d advise him not to speak Spanish.
    SAMANTHA: Mother, you make a mockery of the word “Mother”.

Airplane:

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: Ocky only wanted to help you. I guess that’s one of the penalties you pay for being so loveable.
    DARRIN: Yeah, but what do I do in the meantime?
    SAMANTHA: Speak your perfect Spanish real fast or not at all!
  • Episode: [The above is cut and replaced with:]
    SAMANTHA: Now don’t be upset, Sweetheart. You don’t have to speak Spanish . . .at least not for a while.

  • Script: [Suddenly, Leaping Lena, the kangaroo, appears in Darrin’s lap]
    DARRIN: Ocky’s working on it all right.
    STEWARDESS: [over p.a.] Please put out your cigarettes and fasten your kangaroo’s.
  • Episode: The above scene is cut.


ACT II

Airport:

  • Script:
    DARRIN: Maybe we should stop at our hotel first - -check in and so forth [a].
    SAMANTHA: [indicates kangaroo] Yes, and our daughter would want us to put Leaping Lena to bed. She’s in training for the Olympic Games.
    GARCIA: So that’s the kangaroo that wins the high jump, the broad jump, the hurdles, and the cross-country! I have read the story to my little daughter.
  • Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

Muralto Restaurant:

  • Script:
    DARRIN: . . . .uh. . . your product in the States. [a]
    GARCIA: You are very persuasive, Mr. Stephens, and I am impressed. But it is more important that my associates feel the same way when you talk to them tonight. They understand English, but a few words of Spanish would be a nice touch.
    LARRY: Darrin speaks Spanish like a native.
    DARRIN: A native of Outer Mongolia.
    GARCIA: I will explain all that, but let me hear your Spanish.
    DARRIN: No, really, I . . . .
    LARRY: Let’s hear it Darrin. [Samantha nudges her handbag off the table]
    SAMANTHA: Oh! . . . . Darrin?
    DARRIN: I’ll get it. [He slides off of his chair and goes under the table]. Dispenseme, por favor. [he disappears] Ojala que no confunda los zapatos de alquien por la bolsa . . .No la veo. Pero la encontrare. Tiene que estar aqui.
    GARCIA: He speaks very well indeed. [Larry and Garcia look under the table]
    LARRY: I don’t see the handbag.
    GARCIA: I don’t even see him!
    SAMANTHA: He’s right here under the table
    LARRY: Darrin, where are you?
    DARRIN: Right here. Darrin appears under the table and comes up with the handbag]
    SAMANTHA: Sorry to be so much trouble, dear.
    DARRIN: My pleasure.
  • Episode: The entire above scene after [a] is cut.

  • Script:
    GARCIA: . . .in Spanish “Salud” means “Health” and there is a toast [a] - - -:Salud, pesetas, amor, y tiempo para gustarlos.
    SAMANTHA: “May you have health, money, love and time to enjoy them!” That’s very lovely!
  • Episode: ”Salud” is changed to “Bueno” and “Health” to “Good”.. The lines after [a] are cut.

  • Script: Samantha comes up with the name “Zing”.
  • Episode: The name “Zap” is used here and throughout the remainder of the episode.

  • Script:
    SAMANTHA: No, we’re imposing on you. And you’ll want a little time by yourself to think about Zing.[a]
    GARCIA: I can still do that, and after all, I have the car and driver . . .
    LARRY: And where could we find a more gracious and charming guide? We’d all be delighted.
  • Episode: After [a] the lines are changed to:
    GARCIA: You’re right. I even have to think over why I said I’ll think it over.
    LARRY: I’ll escort Sam and Darrin to their hotel. [He tells Garcia goodbye in Italian]

Plaza De Toros:

  • Script:
    GARCIA: . . .and as you can sense the tremendous strength of the huge bull and the sheer determination of the small man who faces him with nothing but a cape, si?
    DARRIN: [forgetting] Si! [he momentarily disappears]
  • Episode: This scene is cut.

Chapultepec Park:

  • Script: [Darrin lags behind the group and is approached by a shoe shine boy].
    BOY: Shine, Senor? Shoes very filthy.
    DARRIN: No, gracias. Mas tarde [He disappears. The boy looks around].
    BOY: Senor? [He crosses himself and runs away. Darrin reappears]
    GARCIA: Well, this is just to give you a taste of the cake. I’ll take you back to the hotel and pick you up around nine to meet my associates.
    DARRIN: Have you thought anymore about Zing?
    GARCIA: I’ve hardly stopped thinking about it for a moment.
  • Episode: The entire above scene is cut.

Hotel Suite:

  • Script: [The kangaroo has a blanket wrapped around her]
    SAMANTHA: Now isn’t that cute!
    DARRIN: Yes, but Sam - -I’m desperate!
    SAMANTHA: Yes, I know, dear. I think Leaping Lena and I had better hop back home and I’ll work with Ocky. [Samantha and the kangaroo POP out]
  • Episode: This scene is cut.

Stephens’ Living room:

  • Script: [Samantha POPS in. Ocky is lying on the couch with a cold compress on his head]
    SAMANTHA: Ocky! Are you sick?
    OCKY: Samantha, I’m exhausted! Coming up with a counter spell wasn’t easy.
    SAMANTHA: [Holding up kangaroo] Ocky, this is what arrived instead of the counter spell.
    OCKY: This just isn’t my day
    SAMANTHA: You’ve got to do something, Ocky!
    OCKY: Shhh! Tabatha’s napping. Maybe I can reverse the curse . Yes, I’ll start pitching a reverse curve at him.
    SAMANTHA: Take plenty of time warming up so you put this one right over the plate!
  • Episode: [The entire above scene is cut and replaced with scenes in the Hotel Room and the Stephens’ Kitchen]
    LARRY: [Scene in hotel room] And when you refused to speak Spanish you made me look like a fool.
    DARRIN: What’s new about that. I told you I had only a little Spanish.
    LARRY: Let’s not confuse the issue with facts.
    SAMANTHA: Come on fellows.
    LARRY: And where did this idea for Zap come from?
    SAMANTHA: Well, Larry, I hate to tell you this. . . .
    DARRIN: It was a sneeze. She couldn’t hold it back.
    LARRY: Well, okay. But you had better be good tonight. [He exits]
    DARRIN: Samantha, I’m getting desperate.
    SAMANTHA: You relax, Sweetheart. I’ll hop home and see what I can do [She POPS out. The scene shifts to the Stephens’ Kitchen].
    [Samantha POPS in] [Endora is giving orders to a chef and waiter in French]
    SAMANTHA: Mother, what is going on here?
    ENDORA: We’re just having a little dinner.
    SAMANTHA: A little dinner? With this diet Tabitha will have the gout by the time she’s five.
    ENDORA: Samantha, this child is just skin and bones.
    SAMANTHA: You get rid of all of this stuff.
    ENDORA: Oh, well. . . .[It Zaps out]
    SAMANTHA: And take the spell off Darrin right now.
    ENDORA: Oh, I forgot. I’ll go to work and reverse the spell.
    SAMANTHA: Thanks.
    ENDORA: You’re welcome.

Hotel Suite:

  • Script:
    DARRIN: Samantha! I was afraid Larry and Garcia would get here before you did.
    SAMANTHA: I’ve been working with Ocky. He’s trying to get rid of the spell by reversing the curse. He’s going to pitch it at you right now. Don’t move!
  • Episode: [The above is cut and replaced with:]
    DARRIN: Sam, Larry and Garcia will be here any moment and the spell is still on.
    SAMANTHA: She said she’d get rid of it by using a reverse the spell spell.
    DARRIN: This is ridiculous.

Special Restaurant:

  • Script: [Darrin has finished his speech. There is applause and shouts of “Si!” and “Yes!”
    SAMANTHA: Forgive me, darling?
    DARRIN: Oh, si! Un million de si’s! [a][Endora, dressed as a waitress sets a glass of water beside Darrin] Muchas gra . . . .
    SAMANTHA: Mother!
    ENDORA: You can relax, Dumbo. The spell is off.
    DARRIN: Thank you, Mother for both the glass of water and your daughter! [Endora moves away and gives him a look at the fade out].
  • Episode: [The lines after [a] are cut and replaced with:]
    SAMANTHA: Say something in English.
    DARRIN: Case loco?
    SAMANTHA: Say, “I apologize”.
    DARRIN: I apologize [he does not disappear].
    SAMANTHA: Why didn’t I think of that before. All Mother wanted was an apology.
    DARRIN: Why didn’t she say so?
    SAMANTHA: You know Mother.
    DARRIN: I know your mother. She’s every inch a mother-in-law.
    LARRY: [to Darrin] You had me worried there for a while. [Samantha and Garcia ad lib congradulations to the fade out.]


TRAILER

Olympic Stadium – Stands:

  • Script:
    DARRIN: Run! Run!
    LARRY: Go, boy! Go!
    SAMANTHA: Come on! Come on! [An American or an American team wins the race]
    DARRIN: [to Samantha] Samantha! You didn’t do that with a twitch, did you?
    SAMANTHA: Darling, if I wanted to use witchcraft, you’d be in the Olympics, and you’d win more gold medals than Leaping Lena the Kangaroo! [They both laugh into the fade out]
  • Episode: In a most unusual ending, the episode does not use a trailer. The episode ends at the end of ACT II.


Fly through the SEASONS:

1
#'s 1 - 36
2
#'s 37 - 74
3
#'s 75 - 107
4
#'s 108 - 140
5
#'s 141 - 170
6
#'s 171 - 200
7
#'s 201- 228
8
#'s 229 - 254

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