# 108, Long Live the Queen

Reviewer’s Note: There are two scripts available for this review. One is marked “Final Draft” and dated May 8, 1967. The second is marked “1st Revision,” and dated July 18, 1967. Except for very minor wording changes, these scripts are identical with the exception of one scene which was in the original, but deleted from the revised version and the episode. This scene will be noted at its proper place in the text. This episode is also another example of the script trailer not being used at all, in fact, there is actually no trailer to the episode.

TEASER

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script: The scene begins with Darrin having breakfast. He turns on the radio and prepares to pay close attention to the announcer. As the characters speak their lines, the announcer may be heard in the background.
• Episode: The scene opens in the living room with Darrin having coffee and listening to the radio. In the ensuing action the announcer’s voice is barely audible except to announce that Endora is coming to visit Darrin.
  
  
• Script: Ticheba appears in the kitchen in a blast of wind, a flash of lightning, a blast of thunder, and a cloud of smoke.
• Episode: Ticheba appears in the living room.

ACT I

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: Ticheba sweeps into the living room, preceded by Endora, and followed by Samantha who keeps an eye on Darrin.
• Episode: The episode starts in the living room. There is no entry of Ticheba into the living room from the kitchen.
  
  
• Original Script:
  TICHEBA: [to Samantha] Come here, my dear [as she approaches] You’ll be happy to know that very soon you will be able to revoke that curse.
  SAMANTHA: What curse?
  TICHEBA: The one that caused you to marry him.
  SAMANTHA: Your, Majesty, it wasn’t a curse.
  TICHEBA: Then it was a hex or spell. But whatever it was, by the special powers you will now have, you will be able to neutralize it.
  SAMANTHA: But I don’t want - -What special powers?
• Revised Script: The above is cut.
• Episode: The episode follows the revised script.
  
  
• Script:
  TICHEBA: That’s hardly a problem. I’ll turn him into something suitable, like a doormat.
  SAMANTHA: No!
  TICHEBA: All right than, I’ll turn him into whatever you like.
  ENDARA: How about an artichoke?
  SAMANTHA: Mother!
• Episode: After Ticheba’s first line, the rest is cut.

Endora has the line [to Ticheba], “We try. But sometimes we fail”. Endora uses this same line to Hepzibah in # 201.

Stephens’ Living Room – Later:

• Script: [Samantha is trying to explain to Darrin how she can be both Queen and housewife, and not cause him any problems.]
  SAMANTHA: I’ve got it all worked out. [a] In the first place, being Queen of the Witches is more of an honorary job than anything else. [b] And whatever business does come up, I’m going to take care of it after midnight. [c] So it won’t affect you or the baby. [Darrin shakes his head, trying to comprehend the matter]
  DARRIN: I just don’t understand. [d] You’re the least likely Queen of the Witches I could imagine. You’re married to a mortal – you’ve got a family - -[e] why you?
  SAMANTHA: Yeah. Why me? Well it’s sort of hard to explain.
  DARRIN: Try.
  SAMANTHA: [trying] You see, certain witches are chosen at birth [selling] [f] It’s quite an honor. Well, I was one. You have no way of knowing - -and finally my number came up.
  DARRIN: What do you mean, your number came up? You make it sound as if they’ve got a big wheel of fortune in the sky and it stopped on you.
  SAMANTHA: Darrin, how did you know? [g]
  DARRIN: Sam, I’ve got just one thing to say. Forget it. [h]
  SAMANTHA: I guess I didn’t make myself clear. When I said I can’t refuse it, that’s just what I meant. [i] When you’ve been selected, you must serve! You have no choice.
  DARRIN: Then . . .it doesn’t really matter what I think? [j]
  SAMANTHA: It does to me. But not to them.
  DARRIN: And it doesn’t matter what you think.
• Episode: Lines [a] up to [b], [c], [d] up to [e], [f] up to [g], and [h] up to [i] are cut. Lines [i] up to [j] are left in. The last lines are cut.

Witches’ Glen:

• Script:
  SAMANTHA: I wish they’d start.
  ENDORA: We will as soon as Ticheba chooses to make her appearance.
  SAMANTHA: But I promised Darrin I wouldn’t be gone long. I still don’t see why he couldn’t have come.
  ENDORA: A mortal at a witches’ coronation! Are you mad!
  SAMANTHA: Oh, Mother. You’re such a snob. [Another CAMERA angle] A mother and daughter are observing. They are both quite hefty]
  DAUGHTER: She is lovely, isn’t she, Mother?
  MOTHER: Little on the skinny side, if you ask me. [A crash of thunder, a flash of lightning, and a blast of wind sends leaves flying]
  ENDORA: [looking up] What a ham. [Ticheba floats down, landing next to an elderly warlock, who kneels. The crowd noise continues, and irks Ticheba. She plucks a hammer out of the air and strikes a non-existent gong between she and the warlock.]
  TICHEBA: Ticheba, your queen has come! Silence all and cease this hum.
• Episode: All of the above lines are cut. The action is changed somewhat. When Ticheba floats down, the warlock does not kneel. He holds the gong that Ticheba strikes.
  
  
• Script: Samantha approaches the rock. She is preceded by two young witches carrying a large book on a pillow. Two more follow, carrying her train. Endora follows and takes her place behind Samantha.
• Episode: The witches carrying the book are eliminated. Endora stands beside and below Samantha.
  
  
• Script: TICHEBA: . . .And whilst I read, let all give ear. [The BookBearers step forward and hold the book before Ticheba. She peers down at the open page] [reading] [a] Do you, Samantha, take this warlock - - -[She stops and glares at the Book Bearers in disgust. They hurriedly find the right page]
• Episode: [Line [a] is cut. The BookBearers appear from the opposite side that Samantha arrived from. They hand the book to the old warlock who holds it open for Ticheba. There is no mix-up in the proper page.]

ACT II

Stephens’ Bedroom:

• Script: Samantha’s bed is empty.
• Episode: Samantha is not in her half of the double bed.

Stephens’ Entry Hall:

• Script: [Several witches and warlocks are standing about. One of them holds a small white elephant on a leash. Darrin comes down the stairs and stares at the elephant.]
  WARLOCK: [to Darrin] A present for her majesty.
  DARRIN: Swell.
• Episode: [There is no elephant present. Darrin comes down the stairs and goes to Samantha.] The lines are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script:
  BIRD: . . . .One wrong word and bingo! – you were transformed.
  SAMANTHA: I don’t think you’re being fair to Ticheba. You people must have been guilty of something.
  BIRD: Minor infractions, believe me. Would you turn somebody into a bird because he was two days late for an appointment?
  SAMANTHA: Certainly not!
  BIRD: Well, that’ll give you some idea. And I’m lucky. At least I can get around. But how far can you get if you’re a lamp or a doormat?
  SAMANTHA: How awful!
• Episode: After the Bird’s first line, the rest is cut.
  
  
• Script:
  DARRIN: . . .It better taper. And soon. [a] Incidentally are you allowed to turn down gifts?
  SAMANTHA: Of course.
  DARRIN: Good, because I think we’ve got all of the white elephants we need. I’m going to get myself a glass of milk.
• Episode: Starting with [a], the remainder is cut.

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script: [Darrin opens the refrigerator. A tiny figure in a Beefeaters costume is perched on the butter dish]
  FIGURE: Is she going to pardon us? Is she?
  DARRIN: Welcome to Disneyland.
• Episode: The above scene is cut.

Stephens’ Living Room Intercut With Darrin’s Office:

• Script:
  SAMANTHA: [on phone] Oh, hello, Darrin. How did the meeting go?
  DARRIN: [into phone] Sam, it was a piece of cake!
  SAMANTHA: You got the account?
  DARRIN: Not yet. Roebling is one of these paternalistic types. He says he wants to be sure I fit into the Roebling family. So, this afternoon he and I are playing a round of golf. And then I have a hunch he’s going to expect me to ask him over for a drink – so he can meet you.
  SAMANTHA: Oh, dear. Should I prepare some hors d’oeuvres?
  DARRIN: No, no. I don’t want him to think you had any warning. You can always throw a little something together, can’t you?
  SAMANTHA: You mean, by . . .?
  DARRIN: No, I mean the regular way. Some caviar and some pate de foie gras will do it.
  SAMANTHA: If that’s what you want me to throw together, I’d better call the delicatessen and have them throw it together first.
• Episode: The above scene is entirely cut. NOTE: The script uses “Roebling” as the client’s name. In the episode the name is changed to “Roarbach”.

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script: [Samantha has told the bird she meant after midnight]
  DARRIN: [to bird] You - - -out!
  BIRD: [to Samantha] Couldn’t you just come out and say a word to them?
  DARRIN: Did you hear me?
  SAMANTHA: [a] [to bird] I think you’d better leave. . . [eyeing Darrin] . .Before you end up in a fricassee.
  DARRIN: [to bird] Right! And get those other characters off my front. . . .[ the chair enters]
  CHAIR: [b] What’s going on?
  BIRD: [c] I told you to wait outside, didn’t I?
  DARRIN: Sam, for Pete’s sake, do something! What kind of a queen are you? Get rid of them!
  SAMANTHA: Darrin, these poor unfortunates are depending on me. They need my help. I’m their queen.
  DARRIN: I’m depending on you. I need your help. I’m your husband. [d] You should have seen the look on Roebling’s face when the bird flew in - - - -
• Episode: All but lines [a], [b], [c] and [d] are cut.

Stephens’ Entry:

• Script: [Roebling rushes to the door]
  DARRIN: Wait Mr. Roebling! I think you should give me a chance to explain something that . . .that I don’t know how to explain!
• Episode: The above is cut.

Joe’s Bar:

• Script: [Darrin and the stranger are still crying in their beer, paying no attention to each other’s complaints.]
  DARRIN: You wouldn’t believe what’s been going on in my home. Last night I found a guy sitting in my refrigerator.
  STRANGER: My mother-in-law gave us our refrigerator for a wedding present. Twelve years ago. And she’s been with us ever since.
  DARRIN: Talk about presents, last night somebody showed up with a white elephant!
  STRANGER: Everything my mother-in-law buys is a white elephant. Ever see a fur telephone cover?
• Episode: The above lines are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: Samantha has accidentally changed Darrin into a goose. She chases him around the room. ACT II ends here.
• Episode: Samantha chases Darrin around the room with a line added about him standing still so she can change him back. The Episode ends with this scene.

TRAILER

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script:
  SAMANTHA: Notice something, dear?
  DARRIN: What’s that?
  SAMANTHA: It’s after midnight and we haven’t had any visitors.
  DARRIN: Oh, yeah . . .
  SAMANTHA: And we haven’t had any for over a week. So you see, it’s really not going to be a problem.
  DARRIN: Let’s keep our fingers crossed
  SAMANTHA: Me, to. [rising] You go on up and I’ll finish in here.
  DARRIN: Okay. [He exits. There is a tapping at the door. Samantha opens it to reveal the warlock –bird.]
  WARLOCK-BIRD: Good evening, Your Majesty. [over his shoulder] It’s okay, come in. [He enters followed by an assortment of creatures and objects]
  SAMANTHA: Oh, no!
  WARLOCK-BIRD: What’s the matter? It’s after midnight, isn’t it?
  SAMANTHA: Yes, but . . .[indicating group] Where did they come from?
  WARLOCK-BIRD: They were at a monastery in Tibet. So naturally the news got to them a little late. But . . .
  DARRIN’S VOICE: Sam?
  SAMANTHA: [calling] Be right there, Darrin! [to the others] I’m afraid I’m going to have to exercise my royal perogative [script spelling] and ask you all to come back tomorrow night. I’m sorry but I’m afraid I couldn’t fit you into the schedule for tonight. [Samantha makes a gesture and they all disappear]
  DARRIN’S VOICE: Sam! . . . [She smiles, twitches the kitchen clean, and heads upstairs.
• Episode: The entire script TRAILER is deleted.

# 110, Business, Italian Style

TEASER

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script: [Samantha stands before the sink of dirty dishes when they are suddenly washed and put away].
  SAMANTHA: Mother, I’d rather do it myself. [Endora POPS in holding a large dress box. Samantha starts preparing Darrin’s breakfast, and suggests to Endora that she leave until Darrin has gone to the office. Endora ignores her, calling attention to the dress box, and asking Samantha to guess what is in the box. Samantha replies that it is a dress from Paris. Endora is elated that Samantha has not forgotten how to read her mind. Samantha replies that she can still read labels. Samantha is dubious, but agrees when Endora wants her to try it on. As Samantha starts to untie the ribbon, Endora zaps the dress onto her. Samantha giggles as she admires herself in the sequined mini dress. They hear Darrin calling. Flustered, Samantha waves her hands and the dress is back in the box, but she is wearing the box].
  ENDORA: See what happens when you get out of training. [As Darrin enters, Endora zaps the box off and Samantha is again in her housedress. Darrin complains that the presence of Endora has ruined his appetite and leaves for the office. Endora then zaps the dress onto herself, and says she will wear it].
• Episode: The entire script teaser is cut. The episode teaser is the first part of the script Act I.
  REVIEWER’S NOTE: This script teaser is not wasted. With some variations and expansion of the scene it was used as the Teaser for # 141 – Samantha’s Wedding Present.

ACT I

Larry Tate’s Office:

• Script: A meeting between Larry, Darrin, and Mr. Arcarius {who represents Chef Romani Italian foods} is concluding. Mr. Arcarius explains that Mr. Romani will make the final decision about who gets the advertising job. He adds that it would not hurt if Larry or Darrin spoke some Italian. Larry assures Mr. Arcarius that Darrin is fluent in Italian. After Mr. Arcarius leaves, Darrin objects to Larry’s claim that he speaks Italian. Larry tells him to learn Italian or be fired.
• Episode: This scene is used as the Teaser for the episode. About one third of the lines in the script are cut, but nothing that alters the basis for the scene is deleted.

Stephens’ Den:

• Script: Calls for Darrin to be seated on the couch with a pile of records beside him. Samantha sits across from him.
• Episode: Both stand by the desk where the records are piled next to a record player.
  
  
• Script: Darrin starts the first record. He is asked to say his name, and then say it in Italian. Then he is asked to say “Good Morning” [repeated three times], and “What a glorious day it is”. He is then taught how to say, ”You have a body made for love”, followed by, "Are you married?”, “Happily married?”, and, "Is your husband in the city with you?”
• Episode: The lines, “Good morning”, “What a glorious day it is”, “Are you married”, “Happily married”, and “Is your husband - - -“ are cut.

Stephens’ Den [later]:

• Script: Calls for Darrin to be lying on the bed with his eyes closed when Endora POPS in, in miniature form and sits on the record.
• Episode: Darrin sits back in a chair; Endora POPS in, full size, and sits in the air above and behind him.

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script: There is a note in the script as follows: NOTE: TO THE BRILLIANT MR. DICK YORK. The Doctor Jekyll – Mr. Hyde syndrome is going to take possession of you so that very subtly your English is going to become heavily accented.
  DARRIN: Aska me somethin’ else. How I feel or somethin’ like that!
  SAMANTHA: How do you feel?
  DARRIN: Io sto bene – mai sono stato tanto bene – Good?
• Episode: The last two lines are cut.

ACT II

Stephens’ Entry:

• Script: Larry has arrived looking for Darrin.
  SAMANTHA: Oh, he can fake that all right.
  LARRY: Well, I won’t keep him long. [He starts for the stairs. Samantha steps in front of him].
  SAMANTHA: Larry, I wish you wouldn’t.
  LARRY: Sam, Mr. Romani is coming to the office at three this afternoon and I’ve got to discuss business.
• Episode: Larry’s last line is cut.

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script: [Darrin listening at the door]
  LARRY’S VOICE: Now why won’t you let me see him?
  SAMANTHA’S VOICE: Well, it may be contagious.
  LARRY’S VOICE: A headache – contagious? [Darrin turns away from the door in frustration and trips on a stool. He goes sprawling.]
  DARRIN: Mannaccia!
• Episode: This scene is cut. Samantha and Larry, in the entry, hear Darrin trip and fall.

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script: Samantha demands that Endora appear or else she will be banned from the house. Endora appears in her bathtub.
• Episode: The scene takes place in the living room with Samantha starting out on the stair landing.
  
  
• Script: [Endora admits to giving Darrin a little private tutoring].
  ENDORA: At least he won’t embarrass us with the Countess De Grazzi.
  SAMANTHA: Why didn’t you come when I called yesterday?
  ENDORA: Because I was in Italy villa hunting for you. And I found a perfectly darling place - - -
  SAMANTHA: Mother, you made a dreadful mistake.
  ENDORA: I understand. You’re upset because I gave him a Sicilian accent.
  SAMANTHA: Mother! [then spelling it out] Mother, Darrin doesn’t speak English anymore.
  ENDORA: Anymore? He never did. I can’t bear a man that splits infinitives.
  SAMANTHA: I mean he can’t even split an infinitive. Mother, you’ve deprived Darrin of the use of the English language!
  ENDORA: I have? [then shrugs] So I made a boo boo.
  SAMANTHA: Your “boo boo” can cost him his job.
  ENDORA: If you’re going to shout, I will ask you to leave my bathroom.
  SAMANTHA: And I will ask you to leave this house forever unless you unspell Darrin.
  ENDORA: Nag, nag, nag.
• Episode: Most of the above lines are cut. Endora’s, “So I made a boo boo” is changed to, “So I over-did it”.

Larry Tate’s Office:

• Script:
  ENDORA: [imitating Darrin] I’m a do the best I can. It has to take time. [Endora makes a gesture. They unfreeze].
  ROMANI: You a lie, Mr. Stephens, or whatever is you real name. No Americano spikka with accent like a that. No! You Italiano! Italiano! Why you ashamed? Columbus not ashamed! Da Vinci no ashamed! Joe di Maggio not ashamed! Why you ashamed?
• Episode: Samantha does the unfreezing. Romani’s lines are cut.

TRAILER:

Stephens’ Dining Room:

• Script: After Samantha tells Romani how much Romani products Endora brought back, she has the lines, “I’ve become addicted! I simply couldn’t exist without your marvelous pasta. It has the touch of the Italian sunshine in every bite."
• Episode: These lines are cut.
  
  
• Script: Romani has a line, “Hisa campaign maka Chef Romani as American as ham and eggs."
• Episode: “Ham and eggs” is changed to “Apple pie”.
  

# 111, Double, Double, Toil and Trouble

NOTE: The title page of the script uses "Double Trouble" as the episode name. "Double, Double..." is not used until the heading on page four of the script. The full title is never used in the script.

TEASER

Stephens' Bedroom:

• Script:  Calls for close-up of the clock on the bed to read 3:00 AM. Camera pulls back to show Darrin sleeping, and back further to show Samantha's empty bed. We hear a guitar. Darrin wakes up, looks at the clock, gets out of bed, grabs his robe and goes to the door
• Episode: Begins with Darrin waking to guitar music. He gets up, puts on his robe and goes to the door. There is only one bed.

Upstairs Hallway:

• Script: Minstrel [Ferdy] sings: "Off we go, into the wild black yonder, Witches all, all in a row. Up in the sky, midst lightning and thunder, with nary a care, our spells we sow."
• Episode: Song ends at: "Up in the sky."

Stephens' Living Room:

• Script: After Endora tells Darrin that Ferdy is a seventeenth century minstrel, she adds that he served Queen Elizabeth the First.
• Episode: The reference to Queen Elizabeth is dropped.
  
  
• Script: As Darrin and Samantha cross to the entry hall, Ferdy is seen coming down the steps.
• Episode: Ferdy is not shown coming down the steps, but is shown standing next to the throne.

Entry Hall:

• Script: Between Samantha's: "Darrin, that's not fair", and Darrin's "Now are you going to tell them...", several lines of conversation/argument take place.
• Episode: These lines of conversation/argument are cut.

Stephens' Living Room:

• Script: After Samantha dissolves the court, there are several lines of complaint from the Witches/Warlocks about "High handed", "I've waited..., etc." Endora has lines about not being able to discourage Darrin, that she suddenly has a brilliant evil idea, and that Samantha will be out of the house all day tomorrow.
• Episode: Everything is cut except the lines about the evil idea.

END TEASER

ACT I

Stephens' Kitchen:

• Script: Endora goes into the broom closet and calls Serena. Serena steps out of the shadows.
• Episode: Serena pops in.
  
  
• Script: Endora has the line: "Uh... just one little detail, do you mind?" Endora then makes Serena a blond. With a second wave she changes Serena's dress to be like the one Samantha is wearing.
• Episode: The line is changed to: "Just a few small details". The hair and dress change are both done at the same time.

Stephens' Living Room:

• Script: Serena enters the living room as Darrin comes in from the patio. After Serena's line about going back tomorrow, the scene shifts to the Kravitz living room.
• Episode: The scene in the Kravitz living room is moved ahead of Serena and Darrin's scene.

Stephens' Kitchen:

• Script: Serena enters and asks Endora where Samantha keeps the sugar. Endora zaps the cup full.
• Episode: This bit is cut. Serena is shown with a full cup.

Stephens' Living Room:

• Script: After Gladys leaves, Darrin has lines beginning with: "Sam, what is it?...". He continues with: "Why am I asking, when I know the answer? It's that stupid crown! Give an inch and take a mile!" After Serena's line: "I'm tired of jumping every time you bark", Darrin has the line: "I bark?". This is followed by Serena saying: "Yes! And what have I gotten in return for everything I've given up? A job! A plain, stupid old mortal housewife job that never ends!"
• Episode: The above lines are cut.
  
  
• Script: As Serena continues her tirade, after the line: "And furthermore - -", the script calls for Endora to pop in and freeze Darrin.
• Episode: After the line, Serena realizes that Darrin is frozen. Then Endora pops in.

Stephens' Den:

• Script: Darrin ushers Larry into the den. Following Larry's line: "Having a little problem with Samantha?", the script continues as follows:
  DARRIN: How did you know?
  LARRY: Intuition. What's wrong?
  DARRIN: She's been acting very strangely.
  LARRY: In what way?
  DARRIN: Well, she... she [a beat], I really can't talk about it.
  LARRY: You called me over here to tell me something you can't talk about?
  DARRIN: Well, for one thing, she's not as affectionate as usual.
  LARRY: Oh, well, that's no problem. You probably forgot some occasion, like her birthday?
  DARRIN: No.
  LARRY: Anniversary?
  DARRIN: No.
  LARRY: Christmas?
  DARRIN: Larry, it's the middle of summer.
  LARRY: Okay, lets move on to some basic matters. How long've you been married?
• Episode: Most of these lines are cut.

Stephens' Entry:

• Script: At Larry's line: "Well not too much. I mean we talked a little", the scene ends.
• Episode: The following lines are added:
  DARRIN: Did you get anything out of her?
  LARRY: Yes, but she didn't tell me anything.
  DARRIN: What did she say?
  LARRY: Darrin, I think you've got a little problem on your hands.

ACT II

Stephens' Living Room:

• Script: Calls for a troop of Witches and Warlocks to come through the wall and approach Serena and Darrin. Serena then pops into her royal robes.
• Episode: Serena changes to the royal costume before the Witches and Warlocks enter.
  REVIEWER'S NOTE: At this point, on page 26 of the script, three pages of confusion begin. One third of Page 26 is blank at the bottom, and the script covers the lines from Serena's: "What does it look like?", through Darrin's line: "Well, it's been nice knowing you, too!". These lines agree with the episode. The next page, unnumbered, begins with the same line as page 26 does. However, after Darrin's "It's been nice knowing you" line, it continues with directions that Darrin storms out, the group forms a ring around Serena and sings: "He's gone, he's gone, let's hope he's gone for good! Hurrah, hurrah, we did the best we could...". Endora pops in in a puff of smoke with the lines about: "We still have work to do". The third page, also unnumbered, begins where Darrin storms out. It follows, with two exceptions, the episode through Endora's line about having work to do. The exceptions are: Ferdy's song is cut short in the episode and Endora appears slowly from the ceiling, rather than popping in in a puff of smoke. The script then continues with page 27. The first unnumbered page duplicates page 26 and the second unnumbered page, but with a different slant to the scene.

Church Basement:

• Script: Samantha is on the phone asking Louise Tate to come down to the church to help. Louise has the excuse that she had agreed to take the baby over to her mother's. Larry enters. Louise thinks that maybe Larry can take the baby. Larry wants to know if they are talking about the problem Samantha and Darrin are having. Louise is surprised at hearing that there is a problem between Samantha and Darrin. Larry assures her that there is trouble, and maybe Samantha will come to their house and talk about it. Louise invites Samantha over. Samantha is confused, since she asked Louise to come to the church to work, but Louise wants her to come to her house and talk.
• Episode: This scene is cut entirely.
  
  
• Script: Calls for Samantha to look puzzled, start to leave the basement, then go back to the phone booth and begin dialing.
• Episode: This bit is cut.

Tate's Living Room:

• Script: Calls for a short conversation between Larry and Louise about Samantha and Darrin's problem.
• Episode: This scene is cut.

Stephens' Kitchen:

• Script: The phone rings. Serena starts to answer it, but Endora grabs it away from her. It is Samantha calling. Samantha asks how everything is going, and what is Endora doing there? Endora says she just came to see Tabitha. Samantha wants to know if Darrin is there. Endora says he went for a walk, and that everything is perfect at home.
• Episode: This scene is cut entirely.

Outside the Stephens' House:

• Script: After the conversation between Darrin and Abner ends the scene shifts to the Stephens' Kitchen where Serena and Endora congratulate each other, and then we hear Darrin calling for Samantha.
• Episode: ACT 2 ends after the conversation between Darrin and Abner. The episode TRAILER begins with the kitchen scene.

Stephens' Living Room:

• Script: Calls for the pie to be cherry whipped cream.
• Episode: The pie is lemon meringue.
  
  
• Script: Endora pops in to get the pie in the face.
• Episode: Endora comes through the kitchen door and gets the pie.
  
  
• Script: Samantha says: "Now - -just get some forks".
• Episode: Samantha says: "Now - -just get some spoons". The following lines are added:
  SAMANTHA: How do you like that, Serena?
  SERENA: Not bad. [Darrin licks some off Samantha's nose].
  DARRIN: She's right. It is tasty.

END of EPISODE

SCRIPT TRAILER

The script reads as follows:

Interior Stephens' Garage:

[Darrin is working on the car as Larry hovers nearby waving a card at Darrin]
Larry: But this marriage counselor is terrific. He saved my marriage from going on the rocks.
DARRIN: I've been trying to tell you, Larry. I don't need a marriage counselor.
LARRY: Darrin, it won't help to pretend the problem isn't there.
DARRIN: Look, the whole thing has cleared up. Everything's fine between us.
LARRY: Oh. [giving him the card] Well, keep this for future reference. [Darrin takes the card] Did you ever find out what was bugging Samantha?
DARRIN: [at a loss] Why... uh... it seems she took the wrong pills by mistake and it... sort of affected her metabolism.
LARRY: And that was why she was behaving the way she did?
DARRIN: Apparently.
LARRY: You... you don't happen to know what kind of pills they were?
DARRIN: No.
[Samantha comes into the garage]
SAMANTHA: Hi, Larry. Will you have some breakfast?
LARRY: No, thanks, I've got to run. [He starts off, then stops] Bless you both. [He exits]
SAMANTHA: Did he buy it?
DARRIN: [with a grin] I think he's going to try to. Now about your mother...
SAMANTHA: Dear, she went on trial last night, just as I promised, and she's already serving out her punishment.
DARRIN: What is it? [Samantha points to the sky where some skywriting is beginning to form that reads: "I promise never to..."]
SAMANTHA: She has to write it a hundred times.
DARRIN: Good! [They look back up.] The phrase is now complete: "...bother What's-his-name-again".
SAMANTHA: Leave it to Mother. She's got to have the last word.

END of SCRIPT TEASER

# 112, Cheap, Cheap

TEASER

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: SAMANTHA: I’ll get it! [She waits for Darrin to go back to the kitchen, but he doesn’t move] Dear, Why don’t you go back and finish your breakfast? [The doorbell rings again]
• Episode: Samantha has the line added: “I said I’d get it”, a couple of beats after her first, “I’ll get it”, and before the, “Dear, why don’t…” line. [The doorbell does not ring again].
  
  
• Script: Samantha says the coat was marked down to $150.00
• Episode: The $150.00 is replaced with $160.00.
  
  
• Script: After Darrin says finding the bargain was gratifying:
  SAMANTHA: Thank you, dear. [taking coat] You’re always saying it’s important to economize. And I saved over a hundred dollars on this!
  DARRIN: Sam, that’s not what I meant by economizing.
• Episode: These lines are cut.
  
  
• Script:
  ENDORA: That’s right. He’s a careful cheapskate.
  SAMANTHA: He has to think of the future, too.
  ENDORA: Oh, really? I didn’t know he had one. [As Sam bristles] Samantha, don’t fall into that mortal trap. What’s the future but the past brought up to date?
  SAMANTHA: That’s very good. Didn’t Plato say that?
  ENDORA: Only after I mentioned it to him.
  SAMANTHA: Well, Mother, I really have a lot of work to do. And I don’t think you’ll ever understand mortals.
  ENDORA: Oh, don’t I. I know that they’re experts at hiding behind words. To avoid telling the truth, they invent tact. To conceal their fear of each other, they invent courtesy. And thrift is what they call their innate cheapness.
• Episode: After the first line, the rest is cut.

Darrin’s Office:

• Script: A sonic boom is heard and Endora POPS in, perched on a swaying chandelier [or whatever].
• Episode: There is no sonic boom. Endora is perched in mid-air.

Outer Office:

• Script: Darrin enters and hands a letter to Miss Schaeffer, his secretary. [The script always uses “Miss Schaeffer”.]
• Episode: The secretary is referred to as Betty, the name usually used for Darrin’s secretary, throughout the episode. {The episode always uses “Betty”].
  
  
• Script: [Darrin stoops and pulls a pencil stub out of the wastebasket].
  DARRIN: Why did you throw this away?
  MISS SCHAEFFER: Well, sir, it’s so small and . . .
  DARRIN: Yes, but there’s a lot of life left in it.
  MISS SCHAEFFER: [stoutly] Mr. Stephens, I can’t take 75 words a minute with a pencil that size.
  DARRIN: Well, no one expects you to! Take 65 if you have to. Take 55. The important thing is to save, save, save, no matter what it costs!
  MISS SCHAEFFER: Pardon?
• Episode: The above scene is cut.

Larry’s Office:

• Script: Larry, Darrin and Mr. Bigelow discuss the cheap cigars Mr. Bigelow smokes. Darrin wants to buy some since they are so cheap.
• Episode: About half of the lines in this scene are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: As soon as Darrin turns off the first lamp, he sits on the sofa.
• Episode: He does not take a seat until he is ready to examine the lamp by the sofa.
  
  
• Script: DARRIN: I hit it off with the client right away. We just seemed to have a lot in common. As a matter of fact, I was thinking I’d like to have Mr. Bigelow and his wife to dinner, soon.
• Episode: Between the second and third sentences in the above, Samantha has the line added, “Well, sweetheart, I just can’t tell you how thrilled I am”.
  
  
• Script: After Darrin asks what’s for dinner:
  SAMANTHA: [rising] Steak. And I’d better take a look at it.
• Episode: Samantha’s line is changed to, “Steak and asparagus with Hollandaise sauce. And I’d better take a look at the sauce.”

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script: Darrin looks down at the steak on the broiler rack.
  DARRIN: It’s burned.
  SAMANTHA: That makes two of us. [She picks up the steak with a fork and looks at it with a disgusted air.] I’ll have to throw it away.
  DARRIN: You kidding? Charcoal’s very good for the system.
• Episode: Darrin looks at the saucepan:
  DARRIN: It’s curdled
  SAMANTHA: That makes two of us. [She picks up the saucepan and regards it with a disgusted air]. I’ll have to throw it away.
  DARRIN: You kidding? I love curdles.
  
  
• Script: After Samantha tells Darrin that Endora has turned him into a cheapskate:
  DARRIN: [grossly offended] I beg your pardon? In what way have I been cheap?
  SAMANTHA: If you’ll run out and get some Chinese food, I’ll have a list for you when you get back,
  DARRIN: Don’t be silly, we’ll be hungry an hour later and I’ll have to pay for two meals. Listen, do you think tomorrow night is too soon to ask Mr. Bigelow and his wife for dinner?
• Episode: All but Darrin’s last line about asking Bigelow to dinner are cut.

ACT II

Darrin’s Office:

• Script: Darrin has just completed inviting Bigelow to dinner when Larry enters:
  DARRIN Oh, Larry, I just spoke to Bigelow and he accepted, so will you tell Louise?
  LARRY: Okay, Darrin. What did you say to Miss Schaeffer yesterday? She didn’t sleep a wink and she came to see me the first thing this morning and the poor girl was in tears.
  DARRIN: Nothing. I just pointed out a few ways she could save the firm some money.
  LARRY: By using the backs of calendar pads and the stumps of pencils?
  DARRIN: Every little bit helps. Money doesn’t grow on trees, you know.
  LARRY: And neither do good secretaries. She just quit!
  DARRIN: [triumphantly] Good! There’s another saving for the company.
  [Larry glares at him and Darrin reacts guiltily]. The “she quit” line is crossed out, and “she threatened to quit” is penciled in.
• Episode: The entire scene is deleted

Stephens’ Living Room and Entry:

• Script: Samantha casts a spell to try to get Darrin out of being a cheapskate:

“This has never worked, I know,
Just the same, this spell I’ll throw,
Spell out, spell in,
When I wave, let the spell begin!”

The script suggests a white ball be used to trace the route of the spell as it ricochets off Darrin and hits Bigelow.

• Episode: The spell is changed to:

“Creepy cheapie,
Take a chance,
On a triple dose
Of extravagance.”

A ball is not used. Only the recoil reactions of Darrin and Bigelow show where the spell has hit.

• Script: As Samantha winces over the “accident”:
  DARRIN: Oh, … [She enters toward the group]
• Episode: Added are the following lines:
  MRS. BIGELOW: We should move to the country, dear.
  BIGELOW: The commuting gets pretty expensive, doesn’t it, Stephens?
  DARRIN: I’ve been thinking of starting a car pool.
  BIGELOW: Good idea.

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: It is after dinner. Bigelow has decided he wants to sponsor the “Andy Douglas” show, no matter what the cost. Darrin pushes for the much cheaper “ Name the Place” game show.
  BIGELOW: You’ve got to spend money to make money.
  DARRIN: But a penny saved is a penny earned! And time is money! And you’ve got to put something away for a rainy day!
  BIGELOW: For your information, young man, the Bigelow tire company has never had a rainy day in thirty years!
• Episode: The above lines are cut.
  
  
• Script: Endora POPS in accompanied by a shriek of wind and freezes everybody.
  SAMANTHA: At last!
  ENDORA: [looking around] I guess things got a little out of hand, didn’t they?
  SAMANTHA: Where’ve you been? I’ve been calling for the past twenty-four hours!
  ENDORA: Sorry, Samantha. I was at the camel races at Aboujinad and I couldn’t answer.
  SAMANTHA: Why not?
  ENDORA: I was riding the favorite. And my dear, I won!
• Episode: After Endora’s “things got out of hand” line, the rest is cut.
  
  
• Script: Endora uses the following spell to free Darrin:

“Weebus wallabus
Teetle film,
The time has come to alter him.
Rumbus rebus,
Apple pan soak,
The spell I wove I now revoke.”

Endora waves and unfreezes the group.

• Episode: The Spell is:

“Weebus wallabus,
Teetle bell,
The time has come to alter the spell.
Rumbus rebus,
Apple pan soak,
The spell I wove I now revoke."

Samantha returns to her seat and Endora unfreezes the group.

TRAILER

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script: Samantha and Darrin are doing the dishes.
• Episode: Samantha is making coffee.
  
  
• Script: Darrin opens the cupboard door to put away a dish he has dried.
• Episode: Samantha asks Darrin to get cups from the cupboard.
  
  
• Script: A miniature Endora sits in a cup on the shelf.
  ENDORA: You’ll what?
  SAMANTHA: Mother, what are you doing in there?
  ENDORA: Resting. Camel racing really takes it out of you.
• Episode: The above lines are replaced with:
  ENDORA: You’ll what?
  DARRIN If you are trying to show me how small you feel because of what you did to me . . .
  SAMANTHA: Mother. What are you doing in there?
  ENDORA: Resting!
  SAMANTHA: Darrin, don’t let her size fool you. There’s nothing small about her powers.
  
  
• Script: Calls for Darrin to exit and return with a box. He sits down and opens it. She takes a coat out of the box. It is identical to the coat she returned.
• Episode: Darrin exits and returns with the coat, unwrapped.
  
  
• Script: SAMANTHA: Are you ready to say “uncle” Mother?
• Episode: Added is Samantha closing the door on Endora and giving Darrin a kiss.

# 113, No Zip in My Zap

TEASER

Stephens’ Bedroom:

• Script: Calls for Darrin to wake Samantha with breakfast at 5:30 am.
• Episode: The time is 6:30 am.
  
  
• Script:
  SAMANTHA: What are you doing up so early? And come to think of it, why did you get home so late? I tried to wait up - - -
  DARRIN: I saw the pot of coffee.
  SAMANTHA: That was my second pot. And that doesn’t answer my question.
• Episode: After, “What are you doing up so early?”, the rest of the lines are cut.
  
  
• Script: [Darrin exits, a pause and Tabatha enters.]
  TABATHA: Daddy?
  SAMANTHA: He just left for work, sweetheart.
• Episode: [Darrin exits, a pause and Tabatha enters].
  TABATHA: Morning, Mommy.
  SAMANTHA: Morning sweetheart.
  TABATHA: Daddy go?
  SAMANTHA: He just left for work, sweetheart.
  
  
• Script: Samantha sees Darrin’s briefcase. She lifts the tray out of her way on the bed and gets up calling down the stairs as she does. Seeing she has missed him, she goes to the window. She turns to see Tabatha pulling on the tray. She TWITCHES at the tray and Tabatha and reacts as the tray goes off the bed with a loud crash. She TWITCHES at the mess on the floor and nothing happens. She then tries the spell:

Crickery crockery heed my wishes
Reassemble into dishes!

• Episode: Samantha takes the tray from the bed and puts it on the dresser before she calls down the stairs and goes to the window. She sees Tabatha pull on the tray, but she does not TWITCH. She looks at the mess on the floor and TWITCHES. Nothing happens. She reacts, and TWITCHES again. Still nothing. She tries the spell given in the script, and still nothing happens.

ACT I

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: [Endora has appeared]
  SAMANTHA: Mother, I’ve lost my powers.
  ENDORA: What’s Durwood done to you?
  SAMANTHA: Darrin had nothing to do with it.
  ENDORA: Don’t be naïve - - They’re always saying, “I’m only human” - -“a mere mortal”. It’s probably contagious!
  SAMANTHA: Mother, this is serious. Watch!
• Episode: All except the first and last lines are cut.
  
  
• Script: [Dr. Bombay has appeared in a Roman toga. He had been at a concert.]
  ENDORA: In that get-up?
  DR. BOMBAY: Quite appropriate I assure you. Nero was fiddling and - -[He gestures and a fire extinguisher appears in his hand]. Rome was burning. It was a smasheroo, a re-enactment, of course.
  ENDORA: Of course and, I’m sorry but this is an emergency. You know my daughter Samantha . . .[Dr. Bombay nods politely]
• Episode: Rather than a fire extinguisher, a red bucket labeled “FIRE” appears. The line where Endora introduces Samantha to Dr. Bombay is deleted.
  
  
• Script: SAMANTHA: Rome didn’t have to take care of her child - -and clean her house. [Endora waves airily and exits, leaving Samantha to fold her arms in midair].
• Episode: Before Endora exits, she has the line added, “Grand ma ma will take care of little Tabatha. As for the house, you can take care of it yourself - - when you feel better.

Stephens’ Living Room – later:

• Script: [Endora and Tabatha are on the floor playing with Tabatha’s dollhouse. Camera pans up to include Samantha stretched out in mid air nearby]
  SAMANTHA: Please put me down, Mother. I’ve got so much to do. [Tabatha points to the levitated Samantha and laughs]
  TABATHA: Funny Mommy.
  ENDORA: See what happens, sweetheart, when you don’t practice your Witchcraft...
  SAMANTHA: Mother!!
  ENDORA: I’m only trying to do what’s best for my grandchild. You don’t seem to realize how serious being earthbound is. A witch never loses her power - -but when it gets dammed up the way yours is, it can cause a lot of trouble.
  SAMANTHA: Oh, that’s just an old witch’s tale.
  ENDORA: I remember your grandmother telling me about an aunt of hers - - -they figured she hadn’t practiced witchcraft in about three years when it happened.
  SAMANTHA: What happened?
  ENDORA: Well, it appeared as if she had lost her powers, but they were just dammed up. One day she thought that it might be nice if she were to dig herself a pretty little rose garden - - -just thought, mind you, and suddenly . . .
  SAMANTHA: Yes?
  ENDORA: Grand Canyon.
• Episode: The above scene is cut.

Hotel Corridor:

• Script: DARRIN: [to Larry] You don’t know Mary Jane - -she put in the yearbook she’d pay me back - - under her ambition.
• Episode: The script lines are replaced with, “So long Larry. You don’t know Mary Jane. You should see what she put in the yearbook: Roses are red, violets are blue, it may take a while, but I’ll get you”.
  
  
• Script: Larry refers to a college prom.
• Episode: ”College” is changed to “high school”.

ACT II

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: SAMANTHA: Mother, you work at trying not to understand. It would be a shame if Darrin’s deal fell through. I’ve never seen so excited before. This morning he was all lit up like a Christmas tree.
  ENDORA: The way he comes to a point at the top, it must be a charming effect.
• Episode: The last half of Samantha’s lines are cut. Endora’s lines are cut.

Hotel Suite:

• Script:
  DARRIN: Before you sign Miss Nilesmunster, there’s something I think you should know . . .
  LARRY: [quickly] Darrin, Miss Nilesmunster is a busy woman. Let’s not delay her any longer than we have to. [during Larry’s line M. J. starts to sign the contract and suddenly Darrin bursts into song.
  DARRIN: [sings] Down the field for Morris High, boys . . Onward to the goal . . .Wave your banners high, boys. [slowly, Mary Jane looks up at Darrin as if he is out of his mind. Larry’s expression is one of utter shock. Feeling the impact of Larry and Mary Jane’s gaze, Darrin slowly dries up. Then he launches one more attempt] Do or die - - -for Morris High - - -The old school song . . . remember . . .[He dwindles down again under the stares of M. J. and Larry. M. J. smiles and then quickly affixes her signature to the contract, hands the paper back to Darrin. She rises]
  M. J.: Thank you very much, gentlemen. [she exits]
• Episode: To Darrin’s first line is added, “You’re being dealt with unfairly”. Darrin does not sing anything, or refer to Morris High. The bit where M. J. and Larry both stare at Darrin is cut.

Elevator:

• Script:
  LARRY: Even Cary Grant has changed a little.
  DARRIN: Well, I’m not Cary Grant.
  WISE GUY: No kiddin’?? - -you coulda’ fooled me.
• Episode: The elevator scene is cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script:
  SAMANTHA: I’ve lost my powers, they’re all dammed up and if I don’t take care of myself, the dam bursts . . .I won’t be able to control myself - -it’s sort of like getting the hiccoughs when they won’t go away . . .
  DARRIN: [sits thoughtfully] She didn’t recognize me.
  SAMANTHA: [sits next to him] I don’t know what you’re talking about. But I had nothing to do with it.
  DARRIN: [gets up thoughtfully] Then how could she not have - -
• Episode: The last part of Samantha’s first lines are cut. The rest of the scene is cut.

Hotel Suite – Living Room:

• Script: [Darrin has awakened M. J. The effects of his drinking have worn off.]
  DARRIN: So I’m sorry that I woke you up, but I had to clear the air. For reasons that I can’t explain you didn’t recognize me this afternoon - -but I thought by now it . . .whatever it was . . .might have worn off. Darrin Stephens - -Morris High School, Missouri - -
• Episode: The above lines are cut.
  
  
• Script: M. J.: The last time I saw you I was very upset . . .I’d rather not remember that hysterical, vengeful girl.
  DARRIN: Oh, brother!
  M. J.: I was hoping you’d get the message, but when you started singing the old school song, I decided the quicker I got out of there the better.
• Episode: Darrin’s line and M. J.’s last lines are cut.

TRAILER

Stephens’ Bedroom:

• Script: Calls for the camera to move back early in the scene to show Samantha is floating above the bed, not in it.
• Episode: The camera does not move to reveal that Samantha is above the bed until near the end of the scene.

# 114, Birdies, Bogeys, and Baxter

TEASER

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script: DARRIN: It’ll just be a couple more days until Larry and I play with Joe Baxter. We want his account, and it seems to be Standard Operating Procedure with him to play golf with prospective business associates.
• Episode: Beginning with, “We want his account - - - -“, the remaining is cut.
  
  
• Script: [Endora has POPPED in and invited Samantha to go to the elephant races with her. Endora makes a gesture and Samantha is clothed in a beautiful sari].
  ENDORA: Don’t you look lovely! Now let’s truck Dum Dumm back into bed and we’ll be off.
  SAMANTHA: Mother - - We’re going nowhere. [Samantha makes a gesture and the sari is replaced with her normal clothes.
• Episode: The line and bit about the sari is cut.
  
  
• Script:
  SAMANTHA: Darrin was a very good golfer, and he just wants to get his old game back.
  ENDORA: [impatiently] Well, give it to him for heaven’s sake!
  SAMANTHA: [angrily] Mother, you work very hard at not understanding! You know Darrin doesn’t like me to use witchcraft. He wants to do it by himself. Then he’ll be happy.
  ENDORA: [shaking her head] You silly little witch. Don’t you know how it is with a mortal and his games. They’re never satisfied - -They never know when to stop.
• Episode: Endora’s line about, “Give it to him”, as well as Samantha’s reply is cut. Added to Endora’s, “They never know when to stop” is: “They get a little better, then they want to get a lot better. Then they get a lot better and they want to play all of the time. Soon he’ll be living at the golf course. Which, I guess, is better than living here”.

Stephens’ Hall:

• Script: Endora POPS in to the entry hall. She whispers an incantation to give Darrin back his game and makes a gesture.
• Episode: Endora sits in a tree on the patio to do the incantation.

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script: Samantha is shaking Darrin trying to awaken him. We see the golf clubs glow throbbingly behind her back.
• Episode: The golf clubs do not glow.

Stephens’ Hall:

• Script: ENDORA: [looking toward kitchen] Okay, Darwood - - -that’ll give you something to play around with [she POPS out].
• Episode: [Endora is on the patio] This bit is cut.

ACT I

Driving Range:

• Script: [Darrin takes his driver out of the bag and gets set to drive. Some off stage birds are singing loudly. Darrin looks toward the birds and waves his club at them.]
  DARRIN: Knock it off, will you! I’m in no mood for cheerfulness. [The birds stop singing, apparently scared off. Then JEFF, the attendant in his sixties comes up with a bucket of balls.]
  JESS: You never give up, do you, Mr. Stephens?
  DARRIN: I may give up today, Jess - - -[as Darrin tees up his ball, the club head glows a little].
  JESS: [intoning] Bend the knees - -head down - -eye on the ball - -left arm straight - -back slow - -
  DARRIN: [same rhythm to Jess] Step back - -shut mouth - -get lost!
  JESS: [offended] Okay, if that’s the way you feel [pause]. Go ahead. [pause] I could use a good laugh.
  DARRIN: Cut it out, Jess!
  JESS: The only reason I stay on this crummy job is that it keeps me laughing all day . . .Go on, Mr. Stephens. I dare you.
  DARRIN: [the eye roll] Oh, boy . . .![ Darrin swings and the ball goes sailing. They both stare watching the o. s. flight of the ball.] [whispering] Did you see that? [he tees up another ball quickly].
  JESS: [pleading] Don’t do it Mr. Stephens. It was an accident. Go home before you break your heart.
  DARRIN: No, that’s the way I used to hit the ball. Get out of the way! [Darrin hits another ball. It hits the 250 yard marker] I’ve got it back! I’ve got it! [yells] I’ve got it! Hey, what’s all the quiet? Let’s hear it from the birds. [the birds start to sing] That’s more like it! [then exited] Let me try my one-iron! If I can hit with that, I can hit with anything!
  He takes his one-iron, quickly takes a stance and swings. The club head glows and the ball takes off] Like a bullet! Beautiful! [happily, frantic] Nine-iron! Where’s my nine-iron? [He takes the nine iron, the club head glows and another beautiful shot takes off].
• Episode: The above scene is entirely cut.

Tate’s Office:

• Script: Joe cannot be seen. He is behind the desk doing push-ups.
• Episode: Joe is doing loosening exercises.
  
  
• Script:
  DARRIN: I intend to give you a god run for your money, Joe. [Joe smiles patronizingly]
  JOE: I like to hear that kind of spirit. Maybe you can make me stretch myself a little.
  DARRIN: I was captain of the golf team at Missouri a long time - - uh- not so long ago. I just might take you. [Joe doesn’t like the sound of this - -he likes competition, but he doesn’t like to even think of losing to anybody]
• Episode: All except Darrin’s first line are cut.
  
  
• Script: [As Joe leaves, Larry turns back and catches Darrin in a tremendous yawn].
  LARRY: Darrin, do me a favor - -Go home and take a nap this afternoon, will you.
  DARRIN: A nap? Who needs it?! I am going out and play another brilliant nine holes.
• Episode: This bit is cut.

ACT II

Club Dining Room:

• Script:
  LARRY: [overdoing it] Gee, Joe - -what happened? Go on! What did you do?
  MARGARET: [picking it up] Well, fellas, I started scrambling - -I made my way toward the middle of the field - -.
  JOE: All right, Margaret . . .
  LARRY: Come on Joe, what did you do?
• Episode: [They are at a table poolside] All but Larry’s first line are cut.

Golf Course:

• Script: Darrin, Larry, and Joe walk up to the tee for the fourth hole.
• Episode: “Fourth” is changed to “eleventh”.
  
  
• Script:
  DARRIN: [happily] How about that! Joe, I never thought I’d take a single hole from you, and here I am only three down.
  LARRY: Don’t give him anymore tips, Joe. He’s taking advantage of your kindness.
  JOE: I don’t mind. Anybody can put together three good shots occasionally and get a birdie . . .It’s your honor Stephens’.. . . .[Behind them we see Darrin’s clubs glow for a moment.
• Episode: After Darrin’s lines, the rest is cut including the glow from the clubs.
  
  
• Script:
  JOE: I like that one. [Larry looks over to Joe with a big smile]
  LARRY: I’d welcome any suggestions, Joe.
  JOE: Just swing a little easier, Larry.
  LARRY: Thanks, Joe!
  DARRIN: And one thing I’ve found out - - -you’ve got to keep your heels planted firmly.
  LARRY: Yes, yes.
• Episode: After Darrin’s first lines, the rest is cut.
  
  
• Script: [The three men start off] Margaret turns to Samantha]
  MARGARET: Samantha, I have a feeling something is going to happen!
  SAMANTHA: [private smile] I wouldn’t be surprised.
  MARGARET: [pointing dramatically] Follow those men!
• Episode: This bit is cut.
  
  
• Script:
  MARGARET: What a beautiful funeral!
  JOE: Knock it off Margaret.
  MARGARET: [to Samantha] Joe always says he can tell a lot about people by the way they accept defeat. [Joe glares at Margaret]
  DARRIN: How about that shot, Sam? Didn’t I tell you I was playing great? [to Joe] You know the reason I’m so happy about this is that I doubt if I’ve played twenty times in the last ten years. Do you get out much, Joe?
  MARGARET: [smiles] All the time!
• Episode: After Joe’s line, the rest of the lines are cut.
  
  
• Script: [Darrin hits the ball and it slices to the right]
  JOE: [happily] I’m afraid you’re slicing yourself right into trouble. [Samantha blows softly through her lips, the treetops bend as if a sudden gust of wind had hit them, and the ball begins a wide arc toward the fairway. The ball rolls to a stop then starts up and rolls further down the fairway.
  DARRIN: How about that! It straightened itself right out. [to Samantha] I played some “top” on the ball and look at the great roll it took
  SAMANTHA: That’s some roll all right. [Joe goes to tee up].
  DARRIN: I’m playing even better now than in my college days. Do you suppose it’s because I’m more mature?
  LARRY: Or do you suppose it’s because you’re shot in the pants with luck?
  JOE: [irked] Do you mind?
  DARRIN: Forgive me Joe, but one last thing. I noticed on that last shot you were over-swinging. [Joe glares at him, then hits an apparently good drive]. Great! Great! You see - -I was right!
  JOE: [furious] Thank you!
  DARRIN: Any time Joe, any time.
• Episode: The ball slices to the right. Samantha TWITCHES and the ball turns back to the fairway more like it bounced off a tree limb. The part about the ball rolling further on is cut. Darrin’s line about playing better than his college days is cut. After Joe’s, “Do you mind”. The rest of the scene is cut.
  
  
• Script: [Larry has dropped Darrin’s ball into a can]
  JOE: You’ll play it right where it lies.
  DARRIN: I can’t see the flag from here. Would you go up and give me a line? LARRY: Just hit it!
  JOE: [savagely] I’ll hold the flag.
  LARRY: [calls after Joe] I’ll see that he doesn’t kick it out of the can, Joe.
  DARRIN: What club do you use for a tin can shot? [shrugs] My putter. Why not?
  JOE: [yelling] Come on, come on! Hit it!
• Episode: After Joe’s first line, the rest of the bit is cut.
  
  
• Script:
  JOE: [to Darrin] It’s in the cup. That makes us even, doesn’t it.
  DARRIN: [apologetic] Dead even.
  LARRY: [aside] Or just plain dead.
  JOE: [nods] You don’t play a lot of golf?
  DARRIN: A couple of times a year [adds] I’m sorry, Joe, but I did put in a little practice for this game.
  JOE: [burning] No need to apologize! Let’s get to the next tee!
• Episode: After Joe’s first line, the rest of the scene is cut and replaced with:
  LARRY: Look, Joe, under these extraordinary circumstances I think the only fair thing to do is play the hole over.
  JOE: Tate, the only thing I resent more than his dumb luck is your patronizing attitude.
  
  
• Script: After Joe misses his last shot on the 18th hole, he picks up his bag of clubs and throws them into a water hazard.
• Episode: Joe carries his golf bag to the clubhouse and throws it into the swimming pool.
  
  
• Script:
  LARRY:  . . .Your smart attitude with a man who is a fine sportsman.
  DARRIN: Now just a minute Larry . . .
• Episode: Added is Larry handing Joe his putter, which Joe also throws into the swimming pool. One of the golf club workers takes the 18th green flag from Larry with, “Do you mind?”
  
  
• Script: JOE: I’ve always said you can learn a lot about a man from the way he accepts defeat. But I never figured I’d be learning a lot about me . . .Lets go back to the clubhouse and celebrate my losing a game, and winning some fine business associates.
• Episode: Beginning with, “Let’s go back . . .” the rest is cut and replaced with, “Winner buys at the 19th hole”. Added is Joe and Darrin discussing how to play a can trick shot as they head to the clubhouse.

TRAILER

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: SAMANTHA: And a Darrin Stephens hat . . .size ten and a half! [as he turns, puzzled] I have to tell you, you didn’t get your game back. My mother gave it to you.
• Episode: “I have to tell you------“ is cut.
  
  
• Script: Darrin says the ball was in a can of noodlesoup.
• Episode: “Noodlesoup” is changed to “Peanut Brittle”.
  
  
• Script: Samantha TWITCHES and her coat flies over and settles around her shoulders. They both laugh at the FADE OUT.
• Episode: The laughing is omitted and replaced with:
  DARRIN: Sam!
  SAMANTHA: So sue me! It was worth it. [They embrace into the FADEOUT].

# 115, The Safe and Sane Halloween

REVIEWER’S NOTE: The original script is both way too long [47 pages as opposed to the average 38] and overly complicated. It features two main themes and a sub-theme. One theme is built around Tabatha, her supernatural friends and her trick-or-treating. The second theme is about Mr. Symington of the Symington Soap Company, his “sudsy” soap, and Larry’s efforts to get his account. The Sub theme is Endora’s efforts to get Samantha to come with her to a coven. The episode is considerably simplified and shortened by dropping Mr. Symington, his wife Helen, and Endora from the cast. This reduces the episode to only the Tabatha theme.

TEASER

Tabatha’s Nursery:

• Script: Samantha reads Tabatha a Hallowe’en story about a ghost, a goblin, and a Jack O’Lantern. The spelling of Hallowe’en is unusual, but is consistent throughout the script.
• Episode: Throughout the episode the term “ghost” is replaced with “gremlin” and the character is a gremlin.

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script:
  DARRIN [sitting with Samantha] It will be her first time.
  SAMANTHA: [smiles] Mine too. [holds up costume] I can’t wait to see how she looks.
  DARRIN: After trick-or-treating, Mommy and Daddy are going to spend a quiet evening at home . . .just the two of us. [suspicious] Aren’t we? Or are we?
  SAMANTHA: [kisses him on the cheek] Do you want me to put it in writing?
  DARRIN: What?
  SAMANTHA: That for the first time in their married life, Samantha Stephens, party of the first part, and Darrin Stephens, party of the second part, are going to spend a normal, mortal Hallowe’en at home, and that the party of the first party is looking forward to it.
• Episode: After Samantha’s, “I can’t wait to see how she looks”, the rest of the scene is cut.
  
  
• Script:
  DARRIN: What about your mother?
  SAMANTHA: I told her I wasn’t going to the coven and that was that.
  DARRIN: Beautiful. [cocks his head upstairs] Did you hear something?
  SAMANTHA: Where?
  DARRIN: [pointing upstairs] From the party of the third part.
  SAMANTHA: [resumes sewing] Uh uh. She’s fast asleep. You saw. [The scene shifts to Tabatha’s Nursery where Tabatha stands in her crib with the three spooks, all child size, from the book standing around her.
• Episode: [The above scene is cut and replaced with:]
  DARRIN: What about your mother? Where is she?
  SAMANTHA: She’s hiding out in the south of France until this Hallowe’en thing blows over
  DARRIN: That makes it official. A normal, mortal Hallowe’en. [The scene shifts to Tabatha’s Nursery where she stands on her dresser and leads the spooks in ring-around-the-rosy. This is the first time the spooks appear in the script. In the episode a scene is added earlier, before Darrin and Samantha can get downstairs, where Tabatha picks the spooks out of the book].

ACT I

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script: [Samantha and Endora are in the kitchen. Samantha is counting out candies to go into trick-or-treat bags. Endora prates on about what is going to go on at the coven and what she will wear. Samantha ignores her. Finally Endora ZAPS herself into a very chic Balenciaga afternoon suit]
  ENDORA: Like it?
  SAMANTHA: It’s lovely, Mother. Did you copy it yourself?
  ENDORA: I never copy. This is the original. [laughs] Some scrawny model is probably standing in front of a Paris audience at this very moment in nothing but a slip. [As the scene continues, Endora reminds Samantha that as Queen she is presenting the witch-of-the-year award. Samantha answers that she is exercising her divine right of royalty with, “We do not wish to attend”. Samantha then tells Endora that she is taking Tabatha trick-or-treating. Endora is horrified. The scene shifts to Tabatha’s Nursery where she and the spooks are again playing ring-around-the-rosy. Back in the kitchen, Endora is still trying. She ZAPS a beautiful gown onto Samantha. With Samantha’s absolute NO!, Endora expresses her displeasure and POPS out. The scene again shifts to the nursery where Tabatha and the spooks are seated on the floor and Tabatha is passing out toys. Tabatha hears Samantha coming up the steps, hustles the spooks into the closet and gets back into bed, pretending to be asleep.
• Episode: This entire scene [3 ½ pages of script] is completely cut.

Larry’s Office:

• Script: [Present are Larry, Darrin, and Mr. Symington, president of Symington Soap company, manufacturers of “Sudsy Soap”. Mr. Symington is described as a small, dour, rather dyspeptic looking man. This is their first meeting. Symington quickly points out that he takes his soap seriously. He also asks Darrin what day it is, and is upset when Darrin says, “Tuesday”, rather than, “Hallowe’en”. Symington has no use for Hallowe’en, and doesn’t mind telling everyone in sight about his feelings toward the holiday. Darrin says that he and Samantha are going to spend a quiet evening at home. Larry jumps on this, inviting Symington and his wife to join he and Louise at the Stephens’ house. Larry will not let Darrin get a word in edgewise that he was planning on going trick-or-treating with Tabatha, before spending the rest of the evening quietly.
• Episode: This entire scene [3 pages of script] is cut.

Kravitz Living Room:

• Script:
  TOMMY: I’m not sweetness, and I wanna go out and play.
  GLADYS: Abner, did you hear what I said?
• Episode: [Between Tommy and Gladys’ lines are added:]
  ABNER: Gladys, get away from that window.
  GLADYS: Why?
  ABNER: Maybe somebody will throw a rock at you.
  GLADYS: Who?
  ABNER: Me, if you don’t get away from that window.
  
  
• Script:
  GLADYS: [delighted] Oh, Abner, he’s got my intuition.
  ABNER: Gladys, for once in your life, couldn’t you resist the urge to snoop?
• Episode: [Abner’s line is changed:]
  ABNER: I hope not because one crazy person in the house is enough.

Stephens’ Entry Hall:

• Script: [Samantha has put the grocery bags on the hall table. Gladys, with Tommy, is peeking into them. Samantha enters, moving down the stairs. Gladys jumps when Samantha speaks:]
  SAMANTHA: Hi, Mrs. Kravitz. I was just putting Tabatha down for her afternoon nap. I guess I didn’t hear you knock.
  TOMMY: She didn’t knock.
  GLADYS: [a bit non-plussed] I didn’t mean to barge in . . .the door was open…this is my nephew, Tommy. [The conversation continues around Gladys’ idea that people like Samantha shouldn’t be allowed out on Hallowe’en. Gladys finally asks if Samantha thinks Tommy’s costume is authentic. Samantha’s reply is that most of the Jack O’Lanterns she has ever seen were in the dead of night and it was hard to see them. She invites Gladys into the kitchen while she fills candy bags.
• Episode: The entire scene is cut:

Stephens’ Stairs and Landing intercut with Kitchen:

• Script: Samantha and Gladys go into the kitchen. There are three separate scenes of Tommy sneaking up the stairs to find out what is causing the noise coming from Tabatha’s room. Finally, the door opens and the gremlin or goblin sticks his head out, face to face with Tommy, who runs from the house screaming for Abner.
• Episode: These scenes are cut.
  
  
• Script: [Samantha and Gladys carry on a conversation about trick-or-treating, with Samantha saying it will be Tabatha’s first time. Gladys keeps trying to put a double meaning to everything Samantha says. Finally Gladys gets blunt about her feelings:]
  Gladys: Mrs. Stephens, I’m going to be blunt. I don’t think . . .you people . . should be out tonight.
  SAMANTHA: [bland] What do you mean, Mrs. Kravitz?
  GLADYS: You know!
  SAMANTHA: I don’t know at all. We have as much right to go trick-or-treating as anyone else.
  GLADYS: You can do it any time. Can’t you leave the rest of us alone for one night?
  SAMANTHA: Mrs. Kravitz, I don’t have the slightest idea what you are talking about.
  GLADYS: You can’t fool me, Mrs. Stephens. I’ve been on to you for a long time.
  SAMANTHA: Why, Mrs. Kravitz, whatever do [she DISAPPEARS] you mean by “I’ve been on [she REAPPEARS] to you for a long time?”
  GLADYS: [Gladys screams in stark terror] Aaaaaagh!!! [Then they both hear Tommy scream from upstairs and run to find out what the problem is. They get to the entry hall in time to see Tommy run out of the house heading for the Kravitz’s house, screaming for Abner.] Sweetness, wait. Tell Aunt Gladys, Uncle Abner won’t believe you!
  SAMANTHA: [looking after them] Well, that’s a switch. [Samantha goes up to Tabatha’s room. The spooks are hiding in the closet and Tabatha appears to be asleep]
• Episode: The above scenes are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: [Samantha and Tabatha are ready to go out. Samantha adjusts Tabatha’s witch’s cape:]
  DARRIN: Honey, I’m just sick about Symington and Larry fouling up our evening. But I couldn’t help it. Larry wants that account.
  SAMANTHA: Darling, we both know . . .business is business.
• Episode: Tabatha wears a leopard costume. Darrin’s lines are changed to,” Honey, I’m just sick about Larry fouling up our trick or treating. But I couldn’t help it.

Stephens’ Entry Hall:

• Script:
  DARRIN: And Sam . . .if they come before you get back, try to sneak Tabatha in quietly. I’d just as soon Symington didn’t know you’d been out trick- or-treating.
  SAMANTHA: He sounds like the Hallowe’en version of Scrooge.
  DARRIN: He is . . .and he takes Symington Soap very seriously. [Sam has opened the door] [to Tabatha] Bye, sweetie. Have a good time, and get lots of goodies.
• Episode: These lines are cut.

ACT II

Kravitz House:

• Script: Tommy: [in a Jack O’Lantern suit that is a dead ringer for the spook Jack O’Lantern] [pointing straight ahead] I want to go over there first.
  GLADYS: No, sweetness. We’re not going anywhere near that place tonight.
  TOMMY: Uncle Abner says the thing that scared me was a mask or something. Well, I want to go over there and scare it! [As they move down the street away from the Stephens’ house, Larry, Louise. Symington and his wife arrive and enter the house].
• Episode: Tommy’s last line is changed to, “I want to go play with them”. Gladys has the line added, “Don’t argue with Aunt Gladys”. The arrival of the Tate’s and Symington’s is cut.

Robinson House:

• Script: Tommy is running ahead of Gladys. He spots the spook who scared him earlier and runs to join him behind the bushes. He kicks one of the spooks in the shin, and in answer the two spooks pull him down into the bushes. The Jack O’Lantern spook grabs Tommy’s bag and runs out from behind the bushes and into Gladys who takes hold of him thinking it is Tommy.
• Episode: Tommy joins the spooks, but does not fight with them. Instead, he takes off his mask and has a line added about, “Don’t give me away. We’ll play a trick on Aunt Gladys”. The spook Jack O’Lantern then comes out of the bushes and joins Gladys.

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script: Samantha has POPPED herself, the two spooks and Tommy into the kitchen.
• Episode: This scene is cut.

Stephens’ Dining Room:

• Script: Darrin is giving the Symington’s a tour of the house. He sees the spooks in the kitchen and cuts off the tour, saying that Samantha wouldn’t want anyone to see her kitchen unless it was spotless. Symington asks where Samantha is, saying he wants to meet her. Darrin tells him [loud enough for Samantha to hear] that she is visiting sick friends and will be along any minute. Samantha joins the group and shortly excuses herself to check on Tabatha.
• Episode: The above scene is cut and replaced with: Samantha has POPPED the spooks into Tabatha’s room. She asks Tabatha to put them back in the book Tabatha refuses, saying she wants to play with them. Darrin calls, Samantha says she will be right down. He calls back that he is bringing Larry and Louise up to see Tabatha’s costume. Samantha tells the spooks to behave, Tommy takes off his mask and says he isn’t a spook, and he wants his Aunt Gladys. Samantha heads off a confrontation between Larry and the spooks and get Larry, Louise and Darrin [who has now found out about the spooks] back downstairs.

Kravitz House:

• Script: [The spook floats his head up and around to Gladys.
  GLADYS: Ahhhhhgh!!! Abner. Abner, come quick. Abner . . .something’s happened to Tommy. He’s . . .he’s a monster.
  ABNER: [unimpressed] Naturally, he’s from your side of the family.
• Episode:
  GLADYS: Ahhhhhhgh!!! Abner. Abner, come quick. Something’s happened to Tommy. He’s . . .he’s lost his head.
  ABNER: [Entering with a sandwich - unimpressed] Naturally, you’ve lost your mind.
  GLADYS: How can you eat at a time like this?
  ABNER: Easy, I’m hungry.

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: A child’s scream is heard. Everyone reacts. Samantha POPS directly from Tabatha’s room to the kitchen. Darrin says probably just trick-or-treaters. Symington goes off on another of his anti-Hallowe’en tirades, with his wife, Helen, trying to calm him down.
• Episode: This scene is cut.

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script: [Tommy’s mask is off. The two spooks are tormenting him. Samantha recognizes Tommy and realizes that the other Jack O’Lantern is one of the spooks. Samantha orders the two spooks to leave Tommy alone. She exits to the dining room. The two spooks immediately begin picking on Tommy again.]
• Episode: The above is cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: [Symington wants to know how Samantha got to the kitchen. She says she came down the back stairs. Symington and Samantha get into a spat over trick-or-treaters. He is very upset to find she doesn’t agree with him 100%. Gladys bursts in looking for Tommy. In explaining the mix up of the Jack O’Lanterns, Samantha lets it slip that she had the children out trick-or-treating. Symington blows his lid over this and prepares to leave. Larry tells Darrin this is going to cost them the soap account. Darrin tries to explain to Symington. Symington continues his tirade. The spooks dash in from the kitchen, begin to run around the living room. Symington tells Samantha she should be ashamed of herself. This sets Darrin off. Symington tells the spooks to get away from him and, ”go pin the tail on the donkey”. He is rewarded with a set of donkey ears, courtesy on one of the spooks. Helen reacts. Samantha TWITCHES, and the donkey ears disappear. The other spook makes Symington bray like a donkey.]
  SAMANTHA: [sotto, to Darrin] What do you think?
  DARRIN: [also low] Leave it in. It sings. {As Symington goes out the door, Samantha ZAPS a tail on him]
  LARRY: [to Darrin] Am I going batty, or did he have a tail on him?
  DARRIN: It just looked like it. Shall we go after him?
  LARRY: [a beat] Forget it. Who wants a donkey for a client.
• Episode: This scene is cut.

Stephens’ Patio:

• Script: [Samantha has the two spooks in tow. The third runs into the scene and Samantha grabs him too.
  SAMANTHA: Good we’ll get rid of all three at once. [calls] Mother! [no response] Mother!!! [Endora POPS in wearing a resplendent ball gown]
  ENDORA: Samantha . . .don’t think you can disappoint me the way you did this morning and then just expect me to pop in when you need me.
  SAMANTHA: Mother . . . .Tabatha brought these things to life from a story book. Can you get them back?
  ENDORA: Well . . .I don’t know. There’s still time for you to attend the ball, you know.
  SAMANTHA: No blackmail, Mother [She lets the spooks go and they immediately swarm Endora who yelps, and almost as a reflex POPS the spooks out.] Thank you, Mother. You can go back to the ball now. [Endora POPS out]
• Episode: This scene is cut

Stephens’ Dining Room:

• Script:
  GLADYS: Abner, she changed Tommy into a goat. Have her arrested.
  ABNER: Gladys, if you don’t stop, I’ll have you arrested, or committed.
  GLADYS: If you don’t believe me, look! [Before Abner can look, Samantha turns the goat back into Tommy.
  SAMANTHA: [enters from the patio] I sent the other children home.
  GLADYS: Abner, if you don’t believe me, this time, I promise I’ll never speak to you again. [Abner grabs her arm and Tommy’s hand and begins dragging them toward the door.]
  ABNER: You heard her. You heard what she said. This time I got Witnesses.
  GLADYS: Abner!!!
  ABNER: Ah. Ah… you promised.
• Episode: This scene is cut. [Samantha turns Tommy back to himself while he is in the kitchen. After Samantha turns Tommy back, she POPS herself and the spooks to Tabatha’s room where Tabatha puts the two spooks back in the book. When Tommy comes out of the kitchen the lines are:]
  TOMMY: I want to go home.
  GLADYS: Me, too. And I’ll take some of my medicine. [The Jack O’Lantern enters from the patio.]
  LARRY: There’s that Jack O’Lantern back again. [Samantha POPS the Jack O’Lantern out before anyone else sees it. Everyone looks at Larry. Louise asks for his drink glass saying he has had too much medicine.

TRAILER

Tabatha’s Room:

• Script: Darrin enters and looks at the sleeping Tabatha. He picks up a book that has the bear missing from the cover. He calls Samantha.
• Episode: Darrin and Samantha enter the nursery together. [Before Darrin sees the book, lines are added:]
  DARRIN: There’s nothing like a nice quiet normal, mortal Hallowe’en.
  SAMANTHA: I’m sorry. But at least Louise is happy. Larry’s on the wagon.

# 118, Allergic to Macedonian Dodo Birds

REVIEWER’S NOTE: The script’s original title was, “Allergic to Ancient Macedonian Road Runners”.

TEASER

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: [Tabatha shows a color reproduction of a Van Gogh painting]
  SAMANTHA: [maternal pride} Darling, it’s beautiful.
  TABATHA: Thank you.
• Episode: The lines are cut.
  
  
• Script:
  ENDORA: - - -such a mortal!
  SAMANTHA: Mother, [a] to coin a phrase, get rid if it.
• Episode: The line after [a] is cut.
  
  
• Script:
  ENDORA: That’s peculiar. Samantha, you try. [Samantha flicks her fingers and the painting disappears]
  TABATHA: [a] I want my Van Gogh.
  SAMANTHA: We’ll buy you a print. [b] Mother, are you all right?
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut.
  
  
• Script:
  SAMANTHA: - -Mother, you have a pooped popper. [a] Try something basic. Like lifting that ash tray.
  ENDORA: [Endora tries to lift the ash tray and fails] I can’t do it! I can’t do anything! I’ve lost my powers completely!
• Episode: The action and lines after [a] are cut.

ACT I

Stephens’ Guest Bedroom:

• Script: SAMANTHA: Darrin, that’s not funny. [She does a witch twitch and the door slams in Darrin’s face]
• Episode: Samantha uses a door slamming arm motion [as she does when mad] and the door slams.
  
  
• Script: [Darrin and Samantha enter]
  SAMANTHA: Mother, Darrin insists that you stay here overnight.
  ENDORA: [not fooled] I’ll bet.
  SAMANTHA: [brightly] All right, you bet while I get you another cold towel. [Samantha exits with towel. [a] Darrin looks Endora up and down with a smug expression]
  ENDORA: Why are you looking at me like that?
  DARRIN: Like what?
  ENDORA: Like you’re pleased I’ve lost my powers.
  DARRIN: I wouldn’t exactly say “pleased”. I’d say thrilled.
  ENDORA: Why?
  DARRIN: Because for the first time since I’ve known you . . .we are equals!
  ENDORA: How degrading!
• Episode: Everything after [a] is cut.

Kravitz’ Living Room:

• Script: [Abner is reading the paper while Gladys looks out the window.]
  GLADYS: Abner, come take a look at Mrs. Stephens’ mother! [Abner sighs, rises, and goes to the window. Cut to the Stephens’ house where Endora keeps thrusting her arms toward the ground trying to levitate the paper. Cut back to Abner and Gladys at the window]
  ABNER: Big deal. She’s doing her morning calisthenics.
• Episode: Abner does not go to the window. His lines are cut.

Stephens’ Dining Room:

• Script: DR. BOMBAY: I’d better give her a complete check-up. [He waves his whip which becomes a doctor’s satchel.]
• Episode: The whip becomes a stethoscope.

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script:
  SAMANTHA: What kind of a bird?
  Dr. BOMBAY: That’s the puzzling part. Endora has been in contact with the rare Macedonian Road Runner.
• Episode: “Road Runner” is changed to “Dodo Bird”. Throughout the remainder, the script always says “Road Runner”, the episode always says “Dodo Bird”.
  
  
• Script: Dr. BOMBAY: No, not a stranger. It would have to be a relative.
• Episode: Added to Dr. Bombay’s lines is: “Well, I must go. Let me know if something comes up.”
  
  
• Script: Aunt Clara floats in and makes a graceful landing on top of the coffee table.
• Episode: Aunt Clara arrives behind the sofa in clouds of smoke and fireworks.
  
  
• Script: Aunt Clara’s spell to turn Endora into a duck:

Adder’s tongues and lettuce . . .
Present form forget us . . .

• Episode: The spell is changed to:

Duck’s down and lettuce . . .
Present form forget us . . .

• Script: Aunt Clara’s spell to turn Endora back:

Roses are red, violets are blue,
I am me and now you’re you.

• Episode: The spell is changed to:

Roses are red, violets are blue,
I am me and you now are you.

• Script:
  AUNT CLARA: We’re having a party. I think we’ll start with the Pate de fois [script spelling] gras [a] and the truffles a la Monique. [Clara gestures and suddenly everyone is holding a glass of Champaign.]
  SAMANTHA: [to Darrin] Don’t fight it, Sweetheart. Drink it.
  AUNT CLARA: Cheers. [Clara drains her glass and throws it over her shoulder - -it disappears in mid-air. Darrin and Samantha drink up. Endora does not drink.] I don’t know where I got it, but I’m a whole new witch.
  ENDORA: [feeling very sorry for herself] I know where you got it and I’m an empty old witch.
• Episode: Everything after [a] is cut.

ACT II

Stephens’ Patio:

• Script:
  ENDORA: I’m sorry. What was it again?
  DARRIN: Darrin.
  ENDORA: Oh yes, I’ll try. [a] I want to be your friend.
  DARRIN: For how long? Until you get your powers back?
  ENDORA: No, forever and ever and ever and ever.
  DARRIN: I’m touched. Okay friend, how can I help you? [b]
  ENDORA: Straighten my pillow.
  [He rises, adjusts her pillow, sits and returns to his work.] [c] Darrell, tuck in my blanket. [He glares at her]
  DARRIN: Try, tuck in my blanket please Darrin.
  ENDORA: Tuck in my blanket please Dennis. You see I just can’t seem to . . .
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut. Also, the lines after [c]. When Darrin adjusts her pillow, she also asks him to turn it, which he does.

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script:
  AUNT CLARA: I just had lunch in Holland.
  SAMANTHA: So I see. Aunt Clara . . . . [a]
  AUNT CLARA: I had breakfast in Mexico. [She waves a hand and her costume becomes Mexican]
  SAMANTHA: Very Attractive. Aunt Clara . . .
  AUNT CLARA: I’m having dinner in Japan. [She waves, her garb becomes Japanese]
• Episode: After [a] the scene is shortened and changed:
  AUNT CLARA: [She waves and her costume becomes Mexican] I’m having dinner in Mexico. [The remainder of the lines are cut]
  
  
• Script:
  AUNT CLARA: I didn’t steal her powers. Until you [a] and Dr. Bombay told me, I had no idea where they came from.
  SAMANTHA: That’s what I wanted to ask you. Are you sure? [b]
  AUNT CLARA: I was hovering over a drive-in movie watching Rock Hudson when all of a sudden - -voom - -I’m a swinger.
  SAMANTHA You didn’t do it on purpose? You didn’t cast a spell and get it mixed up and put Endora in contact with a Macedonian Road Runner? [c]
  AUNT CLARA: Samantha, with her temper, I wouldn’t dare. [d] Besides, until yesterday I wasn’t strong enough to whip up a canary.
• Episode: At [a], “and Dr. Bombay” is deleted. The lines between [b] and [c] are cut, as is the line after [d].

TRAILER

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: ENDORA: I’m not speaking to you. Your treatment of me during my recent period of indisposition is unforgiveable [script spelling] and I might add, typical.
• Episode: After, “I’m not speaking to you”, Darrin has the line added, “That’s a step in the right direction”.
  
  
• Script: The scene ends as Darrin and Samantha kiss.
• Episode: There is no ending kiss.

# 120, Solid Gold Mother-in-Law

TEASER

Tabatha’s Room:

• Script: ENDORA: Relax, dear, relax, Dumbo is not likely to come home and see a pony stomping around.
• Episode: “Relax, dear, relax”, is deleted.
  
  
• Script: SAMANTHA: You’re joking, aren’t you? [smiles] Of course you’re joking.
• Episode: “Of course you’re joking”, is deleted. This is the end of the EPISODE TEASER. The episode scene shifts to the Master Bedroom to begin the Episode ACT I.
  
  
• Script: So I showed him what it was like to really be ridden. [a] I took a few turns around the room on him myself.
  SAMANTHA: [getting Tabatha off the pony’s back] Darling. Hurry up. Get off daddy’s back. [to Endora] Now turn him back this instant. [b]
  ENDORA: Oh very well.
  SAMANTHA: [c] [suddenly grabs Endora’s hand] NO! Don’t turn him back.
  ENDORA: Make up your mind.
  SAMANTHA: Not yet! Not yet! He’ll be furious! He’ll explode. Wait’ll I think of something to say that will have a calming effect.
  ENDORA: The solution is perfectly simple. We’ll leave him as a pony.
  TABATHA: Daddy good horsie.
  ENDORA: Don’t brag on him dear. He’s conceited enough already.
  SAMANTHA: Mother, get him in the other room. [Endora leads the pony into the adjoining bedroom while Samantha finds a doll for Tabatha.] Here, darling, play with your doll. [Samantha follows Endora into the bedroom, closes the door] Mother, does he know he’s been turned into a horse? [to pony] Darrin, darling, do you know who you are? [d] [In reply, the pony kicks at Endora.]
  ENDORA: Him and his childish tantrums.
  SAMANTHA: [soothing pony’s cheeks and wheedling] Darling, please. Don’t make mother mad. She might do something worse. The one thing to remember is that I love you. [e] Can you understand me? [She kisses the pony and his ears fly back] If mother turns you back will you try not to say something that will make matters worse? [The pony bares his teeth and whinnies at Endora] Darrin, please. Promise me. [The pony shakes his head negatively] The only important thing in the world is that we love each other. You know that don’t you?
• Episode: All lines between [a] and [b] are cut, as are the lines between [c] and [d], and all lines after [e].
  
  
• Script:
  ENDORA: Well, we’re rid of him. [a] Now let’s see that cute new dress - - -and think of places you can go to wear it.
  SAMANTHA: Mother, you’ve pushed me too far. I love Darrin. He’s the most important thing in the world to me. [b] And you heard what he said - -“OUT!”
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut.

ACT I [script]

Darrin’s office:

• Script: A picture of Endora floats through the window and settles on Darrin’s desk. He puts the picture in a drawer and slams it closed.
• Episode: Before he puts the picture in the drawer, he throws it into the trash, but the picture floats back onto his desk.
  
  
• Script: Calls for Darrin to slam the picture onto a chair. The chair breaks.
• Episode: The chair does not break.

Outer Office:

• Script: The secretary has a perfume sample. The name of the perfume is “DELIRIOUS”.
• Episode: The perfume name is “HALLUCINATION”.

Darrin’s Office:

• Script: The client is introduced to Darrin as Mr. Hudson. The name “Hudson” is used throughout the script.
• Episode: The client is Mr. Gregson. The name “Gregson” is used throughout the episode.
  
  
• Script:
  LARRY: As a matter of fact my wife and I are having dinner with the Stephens tonight. [Larry sounds so convincing that Darrin is startled]
  DARRIN: You are? [a]
  LARRY: Didn’t Sam tell you?
  DARRIN: No.
  LARRY: She invited us weeks ago. [b] [to Hudson] Perhaps you could join us.
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut.
  
  
• Script:
  LARRY: . . . .Sam absolutely insists on his coming - -and your mother-in-law is dying to meet him.
  DARRIN: But - -she isn’t. She - - [a]
  LARRY: What do you mean she isn’t. Tell her how important this is. Call her and tell her right now.
  DARRIN: I could tell her, but that doesn’t guarantee she’ll be there. She - - -
  LARRY: [Looking around the office] Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. [b] [clutches Darrin’s arm and pleads] Darrin, please reconsider. Don’t leave the company. We need you. We love you. [c]
  DARRIN: [hurries to the phone] I’ll call Sam right away.
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut, as are the lines after [c]. The lines are replaced with the scene where Larry pressures Darrin to have the dinner party. Darrin replies that he cannot guarantee that Endora will be there.

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: [Darrin bursts in the front door] Sam! Did you get her? Where is she?
  SAMANTHA: She’s here.
  DARRIN: Where? Where? [Endora POPS into the scene]
  DARRIN: [relieved] Mother.
  ENDORA: Listen Dumb-Dumb, whatever you do, don’t ever call me mother. I’m not taking the rap for that.
  SAMANTHA: I told her how desperately you wanted to apologize..
  DARRIN: I do, I do, I do.
  SAMANTHA: He’s sorry for the things he said to you when he left the house.
  ENDORA: He didn’t even speak to me when he left the house.
  SAMANTHA: He’s sorry for the things he was thinking.
  ENDORA: [to Darrin] Have the decency to get down on your knees when your wife is apologizing.
  DARRIN: [stays on his feet but is eloquent] I’ve been guilt ridden all day. And I tell you being guilt-ridden is worse than being ridden as a pony.
  ENDORA: [suspicious] Why this sudden change?
  SAMANTHA: Darrin has a very profound mind. It finally dawned on him that the world is like a mirror. You give hate and you get back hate in return. You give love and you get back love.
  DARRIN: And if I say a single rude thing at dinner you can turn me into anything you wish.
  ENDORA: Dinner?
  DARRIN: We’d love to have you, wouldn’t we Sam?
  SAMANTHA: Of course we would. And Larry and Louise are dying to see you again.
  DARRIN: And Mr. Hudson, you’ll like him too. He’s a client. [At the mention of the word “client”, Endora’s eyes narrow]
  SAMANTHA: We’ll have a lovely evening.
  ENDORA: We might at that. But of course it depends on whose idea of what is lovely.
• Episode: The beginning of Episode ACT II. The entire above scene is cut and replaced with the scene in the Living Room [Darrin, Samantha, and Endora are present] with Darrin saying, “They should be here by now”. Darrin asks Endora to POP out. She replies she is doing him a favor by meeting Mr. Gregson. Darrin wants to know why Endora thinks their marriage license is her deed to his house. Samantha wants Endora to stay, if she will apologize to Darrin and behave herself. Endora makes a sorry apology.

ACT II [script]

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: [Samantha and Darrin come down the stairs dressed for dinner]
  DARRIN: They’ll be here any minute.
  SAMANTHA: The dinner is ready. [As they reach the bottom of the stairs Endora POPS in]. Mother, where have you been?
  ENDORA: Paris. My favorite couturier.
  DARRIN: What a gorgeous dress.
  ENDORA: He designed it for Princess Irana. She’s still sitting in the dressing room waiting for it.
• Episode: The above scene is cut.

Stephens’ Dining Room:

• Script:
  DARRIN: Mother has exquisite taste.
  ENDORA: This poor old rag I’m wearing. He called it gorgeous.
  DARRIN: Mother, it isn’t what clothes do for you, it’s what you do for clothes.
  HUDSON: Ahhhh. I’m having a wonderful time tonight. It’s so harmonious and happy here.
• Episode: After Darrin’s first line, the remainder is cut.
  
  
• Script:
  LARRY: - - - In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if he picked it up from me. [a] How often have I told my mother-in-law what I think of her. [Louise gives Larry a dirty look, and then kicks him under the table] I’ve always said that when you’ve seen my mother-in-law you’ve seen everything.
  ENDORA: [to Louise] Do tell us some of his compliments to your mother. Don’t be modest. Tell us - - - [zaps her finger] - - -the truth. [Samantha reacts with alarm].
  LOUISE: The truth is he tells my mother she looks like an old bag.
  ENDORA: Oh come now. You’re joking. Tell us the truth.
  LARRY: She’s joking. See. She’s joking. [loud laugh]
  LOUISE: My mother bought only one dress in five years and he said she looked like a pregnant pelican in a pinafore. He said - - -
• Episode: This scene is cut after [a], and replaced with Larry saying that his mother-in-law is at their house frequently and that they are a close family. He then says that his mother-in-law is really something else.

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: [Larry and Louise enter]
  LOUISE: I don’t know why I blurted out the truth, but - -
  LARRY: [whispers] [a] Will you please shut up about your mother! [b]
  LOUISE: Ever since we’ve been married you’ve been telling mother to shut up. Now you’re telling me!
  LARRY: [c] [gestures for her to lower her voice] There’s a client in there who - - - [d]
  LOUISE: [has no intention of lowering her voice] Who are you living with, the client or me?
  LARRY: [whispers] If you ask me, I’m living with your mother! She thinks your marriage certificate is her deed to my house!
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b], and [c] and [d] are used. The rest are cut.

Stephens’ Dining Room:

• Script:
  HUDSON: [to Darrin] Turn the account over to you.
  DARRIN: [a] Why, I couldn’t do that, Mr. Hudson. Why Larry and I have been together for years, and - - -
  HUDSON: I could give you a big retainer. And I have accounts with other agencies. I could give those to you too. [b]
  DARRIN: I appreciate it, Mr. Hudson, but it’s out of the question. I couldn’t handle it. Larry is the genius. I’m just a routine workhorse.
  LARRY: [c] Yes, that’s all he is.
  DARRIN: Huh?
  LARRY: See Mr. Hudson? That’s the kind of smart young men I have in my organization. They know their own limitations.
  HUDSON: [hesitates] Well - - -
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b], and after [c] are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script:
  LARRY: You played up to his weakness. [a] The perfect American family.
  DARRIN: Now wait a minute. I wasn’t the one who kicked Louise under the table.
  LARRY: I wouldn’t be surprised. I wouldn’t be surprised if I kicked somebody else by mistake and you kicked her.
• Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.
  
  
• Script: [next morning]: [Darrin answers the front door. A truck driver stands there]
  DRIVER: Mr. Stephens, Mr. Tate said to deliver your office furniture here. [a] Funny thing. That picture of a lady on your desk. It don’t like to stay in the drawer. It keeps looking over my shoulder to see where we are going.
• Episode: The driver’s lines after [a] are cut. Darrin has a line added:
  DARRIN: Put it in the garage

Stephens’ Den:

• Script: Samantha’s spell to put Larry’s name on Darrin’s work:

Fiddle-dee-dee, fiddle-dee-dum,
Let magic work and let it hum.
Give all credit to Larry Tate,
As Darrin wanted before his hate.

• Episode: The spell is changed to:

Fiddle-dee-dee, and fiddle–dee-dum,
Let witchcraft work and let it hum.
Give all credit to Larry Tate
As Darrin wanted before his hate.

Hudson’s Office:

• Script:
  HUDSON: One is expected to say such things at a time like that. [a]
  DARRIN: I’m glad you like it.
  HUDSON: Last night you referred to yourself as a routine workhorse. You said you’d be lost without Tate. [b]
  DARRIN: I regard humility as a virtue.
  HUDSON: The man who can do this is the man for me.
  DARRIN: And that man is at your disposal.
  HUDSON: Good. Let’s go see him.
  DARRIN: Huh? [c]
  HUDSON: True, I didn’t like what I heard last night. But considering his brilliance, perhaps we should allow him his conservative American attitude toward his mother-in-law.
  DARRIN: [blinks] I beg your pardon?
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut as are the lines after [c].

TRAILER

Stephens’ Patio:

• Script: [Endora admits to having made the pony]
  ENDORA: The pony is on me.
  SAMANTHA: [sotto to Darrin] Who do you suppose it is? Anybody we know?
  Fade out to the end.
• Episode: Samantha’s line is cut. Added is a loud argument between Darrin and Endora about the use of witchcraft. The camera stays on Samantha who mugs through a wide variety of expressions of disgust, anger, and frustration.

# 121, My, What Big Ears You Have

TEASER

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script: The original script says the Antique show is at the Hotel National. The revised script says Berkley Hotel.
• Episode: Samantha pronounces the hotel name as if it were “Barkley”.
  
  
• Script: SAMANTHA: [Into phone to Louise] - - -you know the bentwood rocker I’ve been wanting for the baby’s room?
• Episode: “For the baby’s room” is deleted.
  
  
• Script:
  SAMANTHA: [to Darrin] A lady. She didn’t give her name.
  ENDORA: Naturally.
  DARRIN: [gaily] I tell you. They just don’t leave me alone.
• Episode: Darrin’s line is cut.

Stephens’ Den intercut with Antique show:

• Script: ALICE: [on the phone with Darrin] It was, but the woman changed her mind. [a] Or rather, her husband changed it for her.
• Episode: The line after [a] is cut.

ACT I

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script: SAMANTHA: Mother, you’re just jumping to a ridiculous conclusion!
• Episode: This first line in ACT I is cut. The scene begins with Endora’s line that begins, “Samantha, you’re a child when it comes to matters like this - - -”
  
  
• Script:
  DARRIN: It was the relief secretary at the office . . . .[A triangle bell sounds and Darrin’s ears grow a little] . . .
  ENDORA: Relief secretary, eh? [a] That’s an unfortunate phrase to say the least!
• Episode: “Relief secretary” is changed to “Substitute secretary”. Endora’s line after [a] is changed to, “Substitute for what?”. The triangle bell sound which occurs every time Darrin tells a lie is changed throughout the episode to an off-key coil sound.

Hotel Lobby:

• Script: DARRIN: Uh . . .She . . .She’s a client of Tate and McMann – the firm I work for.
• Episode: “Tate and McMann” is changed to ”McMann and Tate”.

Stephens’ Living Room intercut with Phone Booth:

• Script: [Samantha and Darrin are talking on the phone]
  SAMANTHA: [coolly] Oh. Well, I’m right in the middle of baking a cake. Was there anything else?
  DARRIN: [a] We must have a bad connection. Sam, my ears are out to here! They’d make a cauliflower turn green with envy [b]. Somebody put a spell on me!
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut.

ACT II

Stephens’ House:

• Script: [Darrin drives up still wearing the crash helmet. He gets out of the car and starts up the walk]
  GLADYS’ VOICE: Wait a minute Mr. Stephens! [Darrin stops and turns as Gladys enters the shot]. I thought that was you, but I couldn’t be sure. [indicating helmet] What’s that for?
  DARRIN: I’m thinking of buying a motorcycle. [The bell sounds and the helmet bulges. Gladys stares at it]:
  GLADYS: That hat’s growing.
  DARRIN: It’s not the hat. Mrs. Kravitz, I’m in a hurry.
  GLADYS: Oh. I just wanted to tell you that they haven’t delivered anything yet.
  DARRIN: They will later. Now if you’ll excuse me . . .[he crosses to the door, Gladys crosses with him].
  GLADYS: Mr. Stephens, I want to ask you something as a husband. What do you think of a man who buys his wife an electric table saw as a surprise? [as Darrin opens his mouth] You’re right! And do you know what I told him after I told him it was going back?
  DARRIN: Excuse me!
  GLADYS: That’s not what I said. I said - - - [the door closes]
• Episode: The entire above scene is cut.

Stephens’ Patio:

• Script: [Samantha returns to the living room on her way to make coffee. Endora POPS in and begins to snicker at the scene on the patio].
  ENDORA: That’s the funniest sight I’ve seen since the circus left town.
  SAMANTHA: Mother, I want you to take the spell off him right now!
  ENDORA: Why? He deceived you and he deserves it. And worse.
  SAMANTHA: It’s not fair! If it wasn’t for your underhanded tactics I wouldn’t even know about it!
  ENDORA: Oh, you mean what you don’t know doesn’t hurt you?
  SAMANTHA: Yes. No!. Mother, look – mortals sometimes tell lies to . . .well to protect someone. Someone they love. Or to avoid hurting another person. It’s called a white lie.
  ENDORA: I fail to see what the color issue has to do with this.
  SAMANTHA: I mean - -maybe he has a logical explanation for all this.
  ENDORA: Sure and maybe I’m Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm.
  SAMANTHA: And even if he doesn’t, it’s my problem and I ‘d like to handle it my own way.
  ENDORA: I’ll make a bargain with you. When you get a satisfactory explanation, I’ll remove the spell.
  SAMANTHA: But . . .how can I ask him for an explanation for something I have no right to know about?
  ENDORA: That’s your problem. Handle it your own way. [She POPS out].
• Episode: The entire above scene is cut.

Kravitz House:

• Script: [Gladys is stretched out on the sofa moaning]
  GLADYS: His ears . . .they were out to here . . .it was horrible! . . .oh.
  ABNER: Gladys, you’re hysterical again. And there’s no reason . . .
• Episode: Gladys’ lines are cut.

Kravitz Garage:

• Script:
  DARRIN: What happened to it?
  ABNER: They were supposed to pick up a table saw which I’ll never understand why my wife got so sore about and instead they picked up the you-know-what- you bought for Mrs. Stephens.
  SAMANTHA: [to Endora] Satisfied?
  ENDORA: I didn’t make any bet about a you-know-what.
  DARRIN: [to Abner] Tell her what was in that carton.
• Episode: All but the first and last lines by Darrin are cut.

TRAILER

Stephens’ Bedroom:

• Script: [Darrin stands behind the open closet door and removes his tie. Samantha enters and sits in the rocker]
  DARRIN: Baby asleep?
  SAMANTHA: Uh huh. After singing just one more song a zillion times. Oh, Sweetheart, this rocking chair is just a dream.
  DARRIN: To me it’s a nightmare.
  SAMANTHA: I’m sorry.
• Episode: [Darrin is in the bathroom when Samantha enters and sits in the rocker. The lines are changed to:]
  SAMANTHA: Tabatha is asleep. And it only took two choruses of three blind mice.
  
  
• Script: DARRIN’S VOICE: You don’t understand, Sam. [a] I never look at another woman because you’re everything a man could . . .[He comes out from behind the door. His ears are enormous.
• Episode: Darrin is in the bathroom and enters from there with his big ears. Darrin’s line after [a] is cut.
  
  
• Script:
  DARRIN: No? When I tried them on in the joke shop, I got a laugh. [The baby cries o. s.]
  SAMANTHA: Guess who’s going in there and sing one more song? [Darrin reacts sheepishly into the fadeout]
• Episode: The baby does not cry, and Samantha’s line is cut.

# 122, I Get Your Nanny, You Get My Goat

TEASER

Stephens’ Dining Room:

• Script: Darrin opens his hands and finds he is holding his cuff links. He starts to put them on, has trouble, gives up and extends his cuffs to Samantha.
• Episode: He makes no attempt to put on the links. As soon as he sees the links he gives them to Samantha.
  
  
• Script: SAMANTHA: Darrin, nobody travels by broom anymore. It’s obsolete! [a] And uncomfortable! The handle’s always full of splinters . .
• Episode: The lines after [a] are deleted in the episode.
  
  
• Script: SAMANTHA: [naming off possible baby sitters] Or Uncle Arthur . . .but you’re not crazy about his practical jokes, are you?
• Episode: Uncle Arthur is deleted from the list of baby sitters.
  
  
• Script:
  DARRIN: Okay. Elspeth can sit for us. But just this once. [a]
  SAMANTHA: [kisses him] Look at it this way, a neutral witch is better than no witch at all. [b] You’ll like Elspeth. [c] She’s so warm and friendly and she loves doing housework and taking care of children . . [d].She’s really just plain folks!
• Episode: All lines between [a] and [b] are cut in the episode as is the line between [c] and [d].

ACT I

Stephens’ Dining Room:

• Script:
  ELSPETH: [to Samantha, pointing to Darrin] Ow . . .and that’s the mister! How sweet and kind it looks. [a] Are you sure it doesn’t have a touch of warlock? It has that certain sparkle in the eye!
  DARRIN: [a bit steamed] No “it” doesn’t have . . .I mean I don’t have a touch of warlock. I’m just a mortal!
  ELSPETH: [reprimandingly] And don’t you be ashamed of it! Lots of great people have been mortal. Read your history, luv! [b] It wants a bit of fattening, Samantha. Near skin and bone it is! Not to worry. Now that I’ve come to stay, I’ll see that it eats hearty. [c]
  DARRIN: Now just a minute! I weigh exactly the .[d] . Come to stay?!!!!! [e] Elspeth. I think I better . . .
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b], between [c] and [d], and the line after [e] are cut.

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script:
  ENDORA: Keep quiet, you treacherous clod! [a] I’m not surprised at anything you might do, but my own daughter! Oh, Samantha, Samantha . . .how sharper than a serpent’s tooth is a child’s ingratitude!
  SAMANTHA: Very good, Mother. [b]
  ENDORA: How could you bring a stranger into the house to care for my grandchild? [c] Tabatha doesn’t need a nannie! [script spelling of nanny] She has me - -her loving and devoted Grandmere! [strikes a pose of injured dignity].
  DARRIN: Ha!
  SAMANTHA: [sternly] Mother, where were you when we needed you?
  ENDORA: I was attending the ostrich races in Kenya, but I would have been here, my dear. There was no need to call in that interloper! [d] Oh, I can see the handwriting on the wall1 I’ll become a stranger in my own daughter’s house. [e]
  DARRIN: Now there’s an idea. [Endora drops pathetic pose with a vengeance, then:]
  ENDORA: Watch it, dum-dum! [f]
  SAMANTHA: [intervening quickly] Mother, Elspeth is a nannie, but you are Tabatha’s grandmother and nothing’s going to change that! You know darn well you’re not being replaced! [Elspeth ethers the kitchen]
  ELSPETH: Ow, Tabatha and I are getting along famously. I’ve fed her [g] and now I’ll draw her little bath, tuck her in, read her a story and.[h] . .[notices Endora] Oh, Endora. How are you?
  ENDORA: [furious and triumphant] You see?! That creature is already worming her way into the child’s affections! [clutches her heart, pathos, bathos camp] [i] Oh, blow cold wind of despair.
• Episode: All lines between [a] and [b], [c] and [d], [e] and [f], [g] and [h] and after [i] are cut.
  
  
• Script:
  ELSPETH: Thanks, me Lord. [turns to Samantha] Ow, Samantha, could be you got yourself a good one dearie.
  SAMANTHA: [smiles] Yes, I know.
• Episode: Only “Thanks me Lord” is used in the epidode.
  
  
• Script:
  DARRIN: [Elspeth and Tabatha POP out] Sam, lets get ready and I don’t want to hear one word about your mother. She’s out of the picture and we’re going to celebrate. [he kisses Samantha on the nose]
  SAMANTHA: [smiles at him] You’re beautiful when you’re angry.
• Episode: The above lines are cut.

Party:

• Script: Calls for Endora to appear with Lord Montdrako on the patio with Darrin and Samantha.
• Episode: Endora and Lord Montdrako appear sitting in a tree next to the patio.
  
  
• Script:
  SAMANTHA: [sharply] Mother, I don’t know what you are brewing in your little cauldron but I want you to stop it right now!
  MONTDRAKO: [with bow to Samantha] Dear lady, I regret causing you the slightest displeasure. My dispute is with the man of the house. [sternly to Darrin] You, sir! Will you do the honorable thing and return my servant?
  DARRIN: [angry, to Samantha] Elspeth never said anything about this! Tell him, Sam.
• Episode: All except Samantha’s first lines are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script:
  DARRIN: That’s okay, honey . . .we’ll talk about it . . .tomorrow. [a]
  ELSPETH: Then it’s settled! Now that you have nothing to fear from Lord Montdrako, I can carry on! I’m so happy! [b] I’ve got a new home.
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut from the episode..

ACT II

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script:
  ELSPETH: I’m sorry sir, I don’t wish to cause hardship but . . .[pointedly to Montdrako] I do have me feelings! [a] I’m not some stick of furniture what can be moved hither and thither without so much as a by your leave! It ain’t ladylike!
  SAMANTHA: Elspeth, please! It’s ladylike! Emily Post wouldn’t hold it against you - - -just go!!!
  DARRIN: You tell her, Sam. Listen to Sam, Elspeth! Sam’s right! [b]
  MONTDRAKO: [proclaims loudly] That is enough!
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut in the episode.
  
  
• Script: ELSPETH: [near tears] Ow! The mister’s gone! Ow, it’s all my fault! Ow . . .
• Episode: Samantha has the line added: “Please, what did you do with Darrin?”

Darrin’s Office:

• Script: Larry ushers Roy in and dials Darrin’s phone number. Elspeth answers and raves about Darrin being in the mirror. Larry can’t believe what he has heard. Roy demands to be taken to the Stephen’s home so he can see Darrin.
• Episode: The scene is as in the script, except it is moved to after the scene where Samantha ZAPS up the tour guide.

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: [The script resumes from the point where Samantha has located Darrin in the mirror.]
  DARRIN: I can’t stand it! There’s nothing to do in here. It’s cold.
  SAMANTHA: Mirrors are very cold.
  DARRIN: Trapped in my own mirror! If your mother hadn’t brought Lord Montdrako . . .If Endora . . .If . . .[sags, crestfallen] It wouldn’t be so bad if I could kiss you but I can’t even do that!
  SAMANTHA: [blows him a kiss] I love you sweetheart! Now you just keep your spirits up. Mother’s hiding someplace.
  DARRIN: Upside down in a cave? [Suddenly Darrin sprouts an enormous nose] SAMANTHA: [screams] Mother!
  ENDORA’S VOICE: He’ll never learn.
  DARRIN: I’m learning. I’m learning. [ Laughter from Endora, and his nose disappears]
  SAMANTHA: Thank you, mother. Now will you help me get Darrin out of this mirror?
  ENDORA’S VOICE: Fat chance!
  SAMANTHA: I’m going to get you out of there in spite of you. [takes newspaper from table] Why don’t you read the paper, dear? Take your mind off things . . .[The newspaper files into Darrin’s hands in the mirror]
  DARRIN: Thanks, honey. Maybe I can work the crossword puzz . . .Hey! Everything’s’ backwards! All the printing! It’s . . .it’s backwards!
  SAMANTHA: Well, maybe if you hold it up to a mirror . . .Sorry!!!! But don’t you lose courage! Everything’s going to work out just perfectly.
• Episode: The entire above scene is cut.

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script: [The scene begins with Samantha talking to Elspeth who is washing dishes. They are discussing Montdrako and his lonely habits. Elspeth holds up a pan she has been polishing. The pan shimmers and the castle can be seen in the shining pan. A typical castle. Montdrako paces, his face dour, and finally exits to the side. The dialogue is OVER the scene]
  ELSPETH’S VOICE: There he is as usual! Moping about like some lost sheep.
  SAMANTHA’S VOICE: Doesn’t he have any interests or friends?
  ELSPETH’S VOICE: Not him! Every other castle around is jammed with holiday groups and tourists by the bus load but not . . .Ow, there he goes now. In to sit by the fire like a lump on a rock. [The scene shimmers, dissolves back to the pan]
• Episode: This scene is entirely cut.

Castle Montdrako:

• Script: [Samantha appears, looks about, Montdrako not in sight]
  SAMANTHA: [dusts finger on suit of armor] My, he certainly isn’t much of a house keeper! Well, let’s see if a little fresh air can make a difference!
• Episode: The above is cut.
  
  
• Script: A group of tourists enter, led by the Samantha duplicate Tour Guide. All of the lines describing the castle are given to Samantha, using a cockney accent.
• Episode: The Tour Guide, not Samantha, speaks the lines in an upper class British accent.
  
  
• Script: [After the tapestry flies around the room the tour group shouts and shrieks in happy terror]
  MONTDRAKO: [looking off] Look at them run! And giggle! [laughs happily] Oh, there’s nothing like a good scare. What fun. [a] Can you imagine how they’d sit up and take notice if . . .if I made that suit of armor do a quick toe dance? Eh? [laughs at the thought] And, oh a lantern! Lighted and slowly moving up and down the stairs slowly . . .! [He regains his composure, and to Samantha] You’ve brought these tourists into my home! I insist you make them leave.
  SAMANTHA: So you can sit by the fire for the next three or four hundred years and miss all of the fun.
  MONTDRAKO: Well, if I’m going to lure tourists to my castle, I’ll have to put flowers in the courtyard and . . .I assure you I am quite content with my life as it is. [b]
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut. Added is the Tour Guide pointing out the armor with the comment that it belonged to the first Lord if Ipswich with comments about him dancing his way into the hearts of many young ladies. Montdrako then makes the armor dance.
  
  
• Script: MONTDRAKO: Elspeth? Why should I want that wench underfoot when I have things to do? [a] This is the height of the tourist season and I’ll have to hop to it if I’m going to draw business away from Woburn Abbey! [smiles mischievously] Oh, the Duke would have a conniption if my castle did a better business than his! [b] I . . . they did say the Savoy, didn’t they?
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut from the episode.

TRAILER

• Script:
  CHAPPEL: Nobody except you, Stephens! No sir, [a] you had to show me you were going to be your own man . . .go against my grain right off! [b] I admire that fella! I admit some of the things you did were pretty wild . . .[c]
  LARRY: [laughing, leads Chappel to the door] Come on, Roy, it takes a pretty sharp idea man to think up a rose in the teeth, right? Yes. Sir! [d] You’re not going to be sorry you signed with McMann and Tate! [ushers Chappel out] Get back to your kissing, Darrin! [e] Old Roy and I’ll just take care of some contracts . . .[on exit, to Darrin] Hey! Next time let me wear the rose in the teeth! You’ll come up with something else! You wild man. You!
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b], [c] and [d], and after [e] are cut from the episode. The rest of the trailer follows the script to THE END.

REVIEWERS NOTE: There is additional dialog and action that could have been as funny as the pie throwing scene in # 111. However, according to notes in the script the following scene was not filmed!

Stephens’ Dining Room:

• Additional Script:
  ENDORA: Apologize? Why should I apologize? The situation hasn’t changed in the slightest! As long as Elspeth remains in this house, I’ll be coming by twice as often to make sure little Tabatha doesn’t forget about me!
  DARRIN: Twice as often?
  SAMANTHA: Mother, that’s ridiculous!
  ENDORA: As you said Samantha, I am Tabatha’s grandmother and I intend to protect that relationship! Very well, Elspeth: you may serve the strawberries!
  ELSPETH: Yes’m [With a deft, deliberate motion, Elspeth puts bowl on Endora’s head. Endora shrieks; Sam and Darrin react. Darrin grins hugely]. [Elspeth, with wide innocence] Ow, I’m sorry, mum! The bowl slipped.
  DARRIN: [enjoying this] Well, nobody’s perfect. [Darrin roars with laughter as Endora glowers under bowl and Sam tries to caution him]
  SAMANTHA: [as Darrin howls with glee] Darrin . . .Sweetheart . . .you’d better watch it . . .Darrin . . .
  ENDORA: You . . .you . . .[Endora waves and an identical bowl appears over Darrin’s head, drops over his head, so he matches Endora]
  DARRIN: [a beat, reacts with a shrug] Well, you can’t win them all! Sam smiles at him and takes a swipe of whipped cream from his cheek with her finger, tastes it and smiles to others]
  SAMANTHA: Mmmmmmm . . . . .good!
• Episode: This scene was not filmed.

# 125, Once in a Vial

TEASER

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script:
  SAMANTHA: I’ve learned to read labels [a] [Camera closes in on box. The label reads “JEAN LuBOIS, PARIS”]
  ENDORA: It’s for you, darling.
  SAMANTHA: Mother, you know how Darrin feels about your - -gifts.
  ENDORA: Who cares? I brought this all the way from Paris - - the least you can do is try it on.
  SAMANTHA: Well, I guess there’s no harm in taking a peek. [starts to undo ribbon] I can’t wait to open it.
  ENDORA: There’s no need to wait. [She waves her hand and ZAP! - -Samantha is wearing a sequined mini-dress. Samantha giggles as she admires herself]
  SAMANTHA: Cute - -[doing a frug twist] I don’t think Darrin would like being married to a teeny bopper.
  DARRIN’S VOICE: [o.s.] Honey!
  SAMANTHA: [flustered, she waves her hands] Back in the box! [Suddenly Samantha is wearing the box] Oh my stars!
  ENDORA: See what happens when you get out of training.
  DARRIN: [Darrin enters and reacts] Good morning, good morning. Goodbye. [Endora quickly waves her hand and Samantha is back in her house dress].
  SAMANTHA: Darling, mother just popped in from Paris to show me the latest fashions.
• Episode: Everything after [a] is cut.
  REVIEWER’S NOTE: This scene was cut from the episode, but it was not wasted. It appears almost word-for-word in the Teaser to episode # 141.
  
  
• Script: [Darrin exits]
  ENDORA: That voice of his reminds me of a rusty nail.
• Episode: Endora’s line is changed to, “Even his voice is irritating”.
  
  
• Script:
  SAMANTHA: [tight lipped] Mother, I’ve got a zillion things to do. Starting with saying good-bye to you. [a]
  ENDORA: You’re throwing your poor old mother out of the house?
  SAMANTHA: Of course not. You’re perfectly welcome to stay and help me with the household chores. [With an elaborate gesture, Endora looks at her watch].
  ENDORA: Goodness, is it that late?
  SAMANTHA: Good-bye. Mother. [kisses her] I’ve got top get busy.
• Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

ACT I

Restaurant:

• Script:
  SAMANTHA: Mother, I know what you’re cooking up, [a] and it’s not my favorite dish! [b] No reflection on you, Rollo, but . . . . . [The waiter hands a menu to Endora. Rollo is still bending over Samantha’s hand when she POPS out.]
  MAITRE D’: What . . .what happened to madam? [c]
  ROLLO: You see. I told you it wouldn’t work.
  ENDORA: Stay put. I’ll be right back. [she POPS out]
  MAITRE D’: I must be confused [turning back to the table] Now would Madam and M’sieur like to . . .[He again reacts in shock. He sinks into Endora’s vacant chair] Mon dieu!
• Episode: [All lines between [a] and [b] and all lines after [c] are cut]

Stephens’ Patio:

• Script: [Samantha POPS in on the patio, followed soon after by Endora who blocks her way].
  ENDORA: Samantha, I’m shocked and disappointed in you.
  SAMANTHA: You’re shocked?!! Of all the underhanded tricks [a] And you can tell Rollo that when I turned him down, I meant it!
• Episode: [The scene takes place in the Stephens’ Entry, not on the Patio, and Endora blocks Samantha’s way up the stairs, not her way into the house from the Patio. The rest of the scene takes place at the bottom of the stairway. The line after [a] is cut].
  
  
• Script: SAMANTHA: All right, Mother. I’ll have lunch with Rollo. [a] Why do I have the feeling I won the battle but lost the war?
• Episode: The line after [a] is cut.
  
  
• Script:
  CALLAHAN: . . . .[to Endora] Callahan’s the name. Pleasure to make your acquaintance.
  ENDORA: I wish I could say the same.
• Episode: Endora’s line is changed to, “The pleasure is dubious”. Callahan has the line added, “Well, aren’t you sweet”.
  
  
• Script:
  CALLAHAN: For you bright eyes. We just came out with it.
  ENDORA: [reading] Autumn leaves. [the script uses “leaves’ throughout].
• Episode: The Name is Autumn Flame. [The episode uses “Flame” throughout]
  
  
• Script:
  CALLAHAN: . . . . The old babes like you got a right to smell good too, right? [a] [There is a low rumble of thunder as Endora burns. Darrin throws a frantic look of appeal at Samantha]
  SAMANTHA: My, doesn’t Mr. Callahan have a unique way of putting things. So, so . . .
  ENDORA: Crude?
  SAMANTHA: Why don’t we order? Or something?
  DARRIN: Yes! The poached Salmon looks great.
  SAMANTHA: What’re you going to have, Mother?
  ENDORA: [Looking at Callahan] I may order a stuffed pig! [b]
  CALLAHAN: You know something? You’re giving me a terrific brainstorm! [c]
  SAMANTHA: [nervously] Darrin, can’t you get the waiter?
  DARRIN: I’ll try! [d]
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b], and between [c] and [d] are cut.
  
  
• Script:
  SAMANTHA: Well! You should be flattered, Mother. [a]
  ENDORA: And this man should be - - - [Samantha blocks the rest of Endora’s speech by putting a piece of celery in her mother’s mouth.
  SAMANTHA: Celery, Mother dear?
• Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.
  
  
• Script:
  CALLAHAN: Yeah. I’d like to get his thinking on this. [a]
  SAMANTHA: Mother, are you sure you don’t have to fly . . .go somewhere?
  DARRIN: Who?
  SAMANTHA: [through her teeth] Mother . . . .
• Episode: The lines after [a] are cut and replaced with Endora’s lines, “I was planning on having dinner with dear Rollo. But I’ll bring him to your place tonight”.

French Sidewalk Café:

• Script:
  ENDORA: . . . .[to Rollo] She’s having some people to dinner tonight, and we’re invited. [a]
  ROLLO: Won’t her husband be there?
  ENDORA: Of course. What kind of a challenge would it be if he weren’t? And besides, it’ll only point up the vast difference between you and that clod she’s married to! [b]
  ROLLO: Endora, it’ll never work. [c] Samantha’s a pretty strong minded girl, you know. She had to be to resist my fatal charm.
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b], and after [c] are cut.

ACT II

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: The script call for Larry and Louise to be at the dinner party. They are referred to throughout the party scenes.
• Episode: Larry and Louise are not at the party. They are replaced in the episode by Bill Walters, the art director Callahan wanted to see, and Bill’s wife Harriet. Bill is rather a heavy drinker. All of Larry and Louise’s lines are given to Bill and Harriet.
  
  
• Script:
  LOUISE: [turning back] You know it could be very lucrative, Endora. [a]
  CALLAHAN: Not only that, you can make a lot of money. So what do you say?
  ENDORA: There’s just one stumbling block
  CALLAHAN: What’s that?
  ENDORA: The one under your hair!
• Episode: After [a] the rest of the lines are cut.
  
  
• Script: The scene switches to the Kitchen where Rollo is making a pass at Samantha.
• Episode: The scene between Callahan and Endora continues. This includes Callahan’s talking about how many women have been interviewed for the job, and Endora’s reply that Callahan has a flair for language, but it isn’t English.

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script:
  SAMANTHA: For heaven’s sake, Rollo . . .stop gaping at me and go back to the living room. [a]
  ROLLO: Sorry, Sam, I can’t. I’m under orders.
  SAMANTHA: [darkly] Whose orders? Mother’s?
  ROLLO: [covering] No! I just meant I can’t tear myself away. [b] [moves to her, ardent] Samantha, I’d forgotten how lovely you are.
  SAMANTHA: Wonderful. Let’s keep it that way.
  ROLLO: Do you know, the more I see you the more I want you!
  SAMANTHA: [moving past him] No, but even if I did I couldn’t stop to sing it now. [she exits]
  ROLLO: [to himself] Okay . . .If that’s the way it’s got to be. [He reaches into his pocket, takes out the vial of clear liquid, pours it into his drink. [c] He doesn’t see that Samantha, who has exited into the dining room with the platter, has seen him through the doorway.
  SAMANTHA: As She reacts to Rollo’s actions, She shakes her head slowly, puts the platter of chicken on the table and exits to the living room.]
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut, as are all lines after [c]. Samantha does not see Rollo put the potion onto the drink

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script:
  ROLLO: [to Samantha] You’ve been running around so much, you haven’t even had a chance to have a drink. [a] [offers her the drink] Please . . .I insist. It’s my own special mix. [Endora has caught this last . . .She knows what’s in the drink. So does Sam. She accepts it graciously.]
  SAMANTHA: Why, thank you Rollo. That’s very considerate of you. Oh, would you be a dear and bring in that tray of goodies? I left it in the kitchen.
  DARRIN: I’ll get it, hon.
  SAMANTHA: No, let Rollo. He loves to help.
  ROLLO: [murmuring] And I help to love, if I’m allowed. [He exits. While Endora is distracted by the conversation, Sam puts her drink down next to Endora’s and then switches them.] [At this point in the script there is the section that is moved up to complete Endora’s conversation with Callahan] [The scene continues: Rollo enters with another drink. He watches Samantha closely, then moves closer]. Well . . . .cheers. [She drinks.] How do you feel?
  SAMANTHA: Fine.
  ROLLO: How about going out on the patio?
  SAMANTHA: If you want to go, go ahead. [Rollo stares uncomprehendingly.]
• Episode: All lines after [a] are cut. This scene is simplified. Samantha does not know the drink Rollo offers her is loaded. She sets it down on the table in front of Endora. There is no drink already in front of Endora. Frustrated by Callahan’s conversation, Endora takes a drink from the glass. Added is a line by Rollo, “Endora, I wouldn’t do that”. Endora answers, “You would if you had to listen to this”.
  
  
• Script:
  ROLLO: Samantha! You switched the drinks..
  SAMANTHA: Not intentionally. But now that it’s happened, it won’t hurt her to get a taste of her own medicine.
• Episode: The lines are changed to:
  SAMANTHA: That was my drink. You put something in it.
  ROLLO: It wasn’t my idea.

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script:
  SAMANTHA: Darrin, you’d better help [a] Larry.
  DARRIN: [b] I don’t think he needs any help, but . . . [He exits after Larry. Samantha turns to Rollo].
  SAMANTHA: Why didn’t you stop my mother?
  ROLLO: Are you joking. You think I want to spend the rest of my life as a [c] rubber plant?
  SAMANTHA: Rollo, how long does that potion last?
  ROLLO: Only an hour. [d] But you can make every minute count.
  SAMANTHA: So I see. Well, Larry and Louise can’t get into trouble. They are covered by law. But my mother and Mr. Callahan are another story.
• Episode: Changes are: Word after [a] is changed to Bill. Darrin’s line [b] is changed to, “You mean Harriet, don’t you?”, after [c] the word becomes “frog”, and the lines after [d] are cut.

Justice of the Peace:

• Script:
  CALLAHAN: Yeah, sure . . .It’s all some kind of crazy dream anyway.
  JP: Yup. You’re obviously of age . . .
• Episode: Between the above two lines is inserted a scene from later in the script. The scene takes place in the Stephens’ Kitchen and is the lines where Samantha asks Rollo how he can eat when Endora might be in trouble, Harriet’s lines about Darrin driving her home, and more of Bill chasing Harriet.

Stephens’ Patio:

• Script:
  SAMANTHA: [sigh of relief as the clock strikes 11:00] Thank heaven. [a]
  CALLAHAN: [still dazed] Are we married?
  ENDORA: Married??? To you??? [to Sam, almost roars] Samantha, what sort of grotesque prank is this?
• Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.
  
  
• Script: SAMANTHA: And now, I’d better take care of the others. [She exits to the living room]
• Episode: {Added is]:
  ROLLO: Endora, let me try and explain.
  ENDORA: Yes, I think you should.

TRAILER

Stephens’ Kitchen:

• Script:
  ENDORA: [rising] Well? [a]
  ROLLO’S VOICE: Endora? {Rollo enters] I really should be getting back to Paris. If you don’t need me anymore.
  ENDORA: Ah, but I do. I have a party to attend on the Italian Riviera and I need an Escort.
  ROLLO: But, Endora - -
  ENDORA: Hold out your arms. [She positions his arms in a “V”] You would make a lovely rubber plant.
  ROLLO: [with a sigh] I’m at your service, Madam.
  SAMANTHA: It’s none of my business, but isn’t Rollo a little young for you?
  ENDORA: I am now going to illustrate what I’ve told you repeatedly. A warlock is much handier than a mortal. [She waves and Rollo immediately ages about twenty years. He sprouts a moustache and iron grey hair.] [to Samantha] Dig? [She waves and she and Rollo POP out.]
• Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

# 126, Snob in the Grass

TEASER

This episode is most unusual in that in the Teaser, the episode follows the script almost word for word with nothing cut or added.

ACT I

Darrin's Office:

• Script: Mr. Sommers is referred to as J. P. Sommers
• Episode: Mr. Sommers is referred to as William J. Sommers

Stephens' Kitchen:

• Script: Calls for Samantha to enter, take off her shoes as she answers the phone, and put the shoes on the counter immediately. Samantha then proceeds to empty the shopping bag, putting the contents in various places, partly by witchcraft. Endora pops in and in the conversation, Samantha asks Endora to help her put the groceries away, which Endora does by witchcraft. At some time, not defined in the script, Samantha puts her shoes in the refrigerator. Endora points out to her that if she is not concerned about Darrin working late, why did she put her shoes in the refrigerator? Samantha sheepishly takes them out, puts them on, and remarks: "Mmmm, that does feel good".
• Episode: Samantha takes off her shoes but does not put them on the counter until she ends the phone call. Samantha is shown working in the bag, but where she puts things is not shown. Nothing is put away by witchcraft. Samantha's lines asking Endora to help her are cut, as is Endora's helping. At no time is Samantha shown putting her shoes in the refrigerator, and the lines and action referring to the shoes being there are cut.

Restaurant:

• Script: Calls for Sheila to pantomime a kiss to Larry.
• Episode: She looks over her shoulder to greet Larry.
  
  
• Script: Sheila and Darrin sit in a booth and have a conversation.
• Episode: The lines in the script are used as written. A bit is added where Sheila keeps moving closer to Darrin who scoots away around the booth. Sheila follows to stay close to Darrin who ends up at the edge of the seat [this also makes it easier for Endora to dump the plate on him].

Stephens' Kitchen:

• Script: Calls for Samantha to pour coffee but not put it on the table. She then puts the toast and coffee on the table at the same time. Darrin nibbles at the toast and sips the coffee.
• Episode: Samantha puts the coffee on the table as soon as she pours it. Darrin does not try either the coffee or the toast.

Stephens' Bedroom and Sheila's House:

• Script: Neither scene is used.
• Episode: Samantha is at her closet looking at different clothes to wear, and wonders about the dinner being informal. She is expecting Sheila to have lied about the dinner and there is a flashback to the first time she and Darrin went to Sheila's house [the Pilot Episode] to find the "informal" dinner is formal. The flashback ends at the point where Sheila says: "Won't you come and meet my friends". The scene shifts back to the bedroom where Samantha decides to wear a formal gown.

Sommers' Front Door:

• Script: The script calls for this segment to begin at the Sommers' front door.
• Episode: The episode continues from the scene at the Stephens' bedroom closet.

Sommers' Entry Hall:

• Script: Calls for the butler to lead Samantha and Darrin into the Living Room.
• Episode: Though the butler says; "This way, please", he exits to put up the coats, and Samantha and Darrin wait at the entrance to the living room until Sheila approaches.

Sommers' Living Room:

• Script: Calls for a large dog to be present.
• Episode: No dog.
  
  
• Script: No comment from Larry to Darrin.
• Episode: Larry has a line to Darrin: "I'm putting you in my will", added.

Sommers' Garden:

• Script: Calls for several waiters and cooks to be shown preparing the food and putting it on the buffet.
• Episode: Only one waiter is shown early, two later. The food is already on the tables with the people seated as the scene begins.
  
  
• Script: After Sheila and Samantha trade catty lines about the hairdresser, the script calls for Darrin and Larry to step in to defuse the situation. There follows a conversation between Samantha and Mr. Sommers about Samantha's child.
• Episode: This bit is cut.
  
  
• Script: Calls for the diners to leave the table and go to an area with lounge chairs.
• Episode: Adds a line by Sheila: "Shall we have our after dinner drinks over here?". Then the people move.
  
  
• Script: After Darrin and Larry meet with Sommers, there are lines that indicate that Sommers liked what he heard, and will think about it. Larry agrees.
• Episode: This bit is cut.
  
  
• Script: After Samantha creates the mud puddle, the script calls for the dog to jump on Sheila with no urging.
• Episode: Samantha sics [twitches] the dog on Sheila.
  
  
• Script : Calls for Samantha to snag a loose thread from Sheila's sweater and attach it to the dog's collar.
• Episode: Samantha is not shown snagging a thread, and the tieing is done by a twitch.
  
  
• Script: Calls for Sheila's sweater to unravel. As she covers herself, Samantha twitches her necklace off. Sheila bends to retrieve it and her tight capri pants tear. As she straightens up, her zipper breaks and her pants fall. She runs to Mr. Sommers crying: "Help! - -Somebody help me! Daddy! Daddy!". Whereupon Mr. Sommers leads her into the house
• Episode: Sheila spins as her sweater unravels. Camera switches to Larry and Darrin are added. Samantha is not shown to twitch the necklace loose but it does come off. Sheila's pants do not tear as she bends over to get the necklace, but the zipper fails before she straightens up. She runs to Mr. Sommers, but the "Help me" line is cut. The scene ends before Mr. Sommers leads her into the house.

TRAILER

Darrin's Office:

• Script: Calls for Samantha to enter and greet Darrin. Darrin has lines about being almost ready.
  
  Reviewers NOTE! The episode never fully explains why Darrin lost the Sommers account as Samantha could not be shown to have caused the trouble, and Darrin caused none. Perhaps the following verbatim section of the script which was mostly cut for the episode will help explain the problem.
  
  SAMANTHA: Good. I'm starved. Has Larry simmered down yet?
  DARRIN: I don't know. He still isn't talking to me. But I'm used to that.
  SAMANTHA: Oh, Darrin, I'm sorry about last night.
  DARRIN: Sam, Sheila had it coming to her. Even if it did mean blowing the Sommers account.
  SAMANTHA: The way she turned on you was absolutely unforgivable.
  DARRIN: I know. And where in the world did she get the idea that I was enjoying the whole thing?
  SAMANTHA: I can't imagine.
  
  
• Episode: These lines after: "Good. I'm starved" are cut.
  
  
• Script: After Darrin tells Samantha that she is Irrascible NOTE: This is not the proper spelling of "irascible, but it is the spelling used in the script.
  There is a fade out to THE END.
• Episode: After the above line, Darrin asks: "What does irrascible mean?", to which Samantha replies: I don't know".
  Fade out to THE END.

# 127, If They Never Met

TEASER

Stephens’ Bedroom:

• Script: [Samantha and Darrin are in bed. The Alarm clock rings. Samantha turns it off. Darrin sits up and gropes for his slipper with his foot. The slipper moves away from his foot. He finally finds it and gets his foot into it. When he tries the other slipper, it too, moves away from him. He finally gets the slipper on and takes a step. The dresser drawer slides out and he bumps his knee on it. He starts for the bathroom and a chair slides into his path. Darrin moves into the bathroom, opens the medicine chest and takes out toothbrush and toothpaste. When he opens the toothpaste, it squirts all over him.. He moves to the bedroom doorway].
  DARRIN: Samantha!
  SAMANTHA: What’s the matter? [sees him] Oh, no!
  DARRIN: Did you do this to me?
  SAMANTHA: Of course not.
  DARRIN: Well, somebody’s fooling around . . .and if it wasn’t you that only leaves one other . . .person, and I use the term loosely.
  SAMANTHA: Mother!
  DARRIN: [nods] Right, mother! And I know why, too! She’s still sore about last night - - because I bawled her out for spoiling Tabatha.
  SAMANTHA: Well, mother meant well. Besides Tabatha would have been the only girl on the block with a unicorn.
  DARRIN: I’ll say one thing. When it comes to common sense, your mother has been sadly deprived. [Darrin opens the can of shaving cream he now has in his hand. He pushes the button and is enveloped in a ton of the cream]
  SAMANTHA: Mother!
• Episode: The episode departs completely from the script in the first part of the Teaser. The episode scene opens in Tabatha’s room with Samantha coming in calling for Endora. Endora POPS in and immediately asks where Tabatha is. [she is outside playing] Samantha accuses Endora of putting a spell on Darrin. Endora replies that it was a harmless little touch of revenge. Samantha does not consider burying Darrin under a ton of shaving cream either harmless or a touch. Endora’s reasoning for her tricks was Darrin’s fussing at her for bringing Tabatha a unicorn for a gift. Samantha does not consider a unicorn a “little gift”. Endora is given the line that Tabatha would be the only girl on the block with a unicorn. At this point the scene shifts to the entry where Darrin is putting on his coat, and the script and episode agree for the rest of the teaser.

ACT I

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script:
  ENDORA: Now wait a minute, Samantha. Let’s not be hasty. He may be a good deal happier where he is now. [a]
  SAMANTHA: That’s ridiculous. Darrin was thoroughly happy, except for one thing - - -you!
  ENDORA: He never accepted us, Samantha.
• Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.
  
  
• Script: SAMANTHA: [pause: resolutely] All right. Let’s just do that. [a] I know you’re wrong.
• Episode: At [a] Samantha POPS into her flying suit. The script does not mention the flying suit until the flight scene in “Limbo”.

Darrin’s Office:

• Script: LARRY: . . .We just signed up Leroy Wendell.
• Episode: The client’s name is changed to Jonathan Broadhurst.
  
  
• Script:
  ENDORA: Really? She doesn’t look so old to me.
  LARRY: You’re looking as beautiful as ever, Sheila.[a]
  SHEILA: Well, any woman looks beautiful when she’s in love.
• Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.
  
  
• Script:
  ENDORA: He’s no cheat. After all, he’s not married to you, Samantha. [a]
  SAMANTHA: Oh, yes, that’s right. But - - -but - - -Mother!. Could he be married to . . .her? Would he have been? [Endora shrugs. Samantha looks terrified]
• Episode: Everything after [a] is cut.

ACT II

Darrin’s Office:

• Script:
  SHEILA: . . . .and it’s going to be a big tax write-off for him.
  DARRIN: [lightly] Daddy’s all heart, isn’t he? [a]
  SHEILA: What does it matter? The main thing is I love you and you love me and once the wedding is over we’re going to live happily ever after. [b]
  ENDORA: He’s a regular little kissing bug, isn’t he? [c]
  SHEILA: Listen, Darrin. About our honeymoon, after Lisbon, we ought to skip Majorca and go right to the Canary Islands. We could spend three or four weeks there.
  SAMANTHA: Why that . . .He only took me to Atlantic City. [d]
  DARRIN: This trip is getting to be awfully long.
  SHEILA: Long? It’s only going to be three months.
  SAMANTHA: Three months? We only took a weekend.
  DARRIN: Look, Sheila, I don’t know whether I can take that much time . . .
  SHEILA: Of course you can. Daddy’s going to fix it with McMann and Tate. And after all he’s their biggest client. Now don’t you worry about it. [e]
  DARRIN: And another thing. I hate to bring this up but how much is this trip going to cost?
  SHEILA: Now, Darrin, you promised you wouldn’t talk about money. Daddy’s taking care of everything. It’s his wedding present.
  DARRIN: I know, but I don’t feel right. . .
  ENDORA: He still doesn’t know a good thing when he sees it. [f] [Sheila puts a finger to his mouth] [g]
  SHEILA: Darrin, you promised. There’s only one thing that is important and that’s our happiness.
  DARRIN: Yeah, I guess you’re right, Sheila, as usual.[h]
  SAMANTHA: I wonder how she would look with that putter wrapped around her neck?
  ENDORA: Ah, ah, ah, Samantha. We’re just here as observers.
  SHEILA: [i] Well, darling, I’ve got to be going. Now don’t forget the party tonight. [j] Daddy’s gone to so much trouble. He’s having the hors d’ouevres flown in all the way from Paris.
  DARRIN: [lightly] Another tax write-off? [k]
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut. The line between [b] and [c] is moved to earlier in the scene. The lines between [d] and [e] are cut. The action between [f] and [g] is changed to a kiss. The lines between [g] and [h] are cut. The line between [i] and [j] are moved up to where Sheila puts a finger to his mouth. The lines between [j] and [k] are cut.

Town House Living Room:

• Script:
  MAN: You know something, Darrin? [a] Secretly I always hoped that you and Sheila would break up so I could marry her myself.[b]
  DARRIN: Really? Not a chance.
• Episode: The MAN is replaced by LARRY. The lines between [a] and [b] are changed to, “I have a very warm feeling toward you. Like a father.” Darrin’s line is cut.
  
  
• Script:
  J. P.: [toasting] A long and happy marriage. And they better have a long and happy marriage because this whole thing is costing me a fortune. [everyone laughs]
  SAMANTHA: What’s funny about that?
  J. P.: In addition to picking up the tab for the honeymoon [a]. . . . . . . .I’ve got a few more surprises for the future Mr. And Mrs. Stephens. If they are wondering where they’re going to live when they come back from their honeymoon, I want to settle it right now. Kids, this house here is yours. [the crowd reacts] And that includes the two cars in the garage.
  SHEILA: Oh, Darrin. Isn’t that marvelous?
  DARRIN: I thought we were going to take that little house on the beach.
  SHEILA: Oh, we can’t do that. He’d never understand.
  J. P. : And that’s not all friends, [b] I’m also giving the happy couple two oil wells- - - - -
• Episode: All of the lines between [a] and [b] are cut.

Bar:

• Script:
  DARRIN: . . . .Make it a double.
  AL: Sure thing. [a]
  DAVE: Well, how does it feel Darrin, embarking on the sea of domestic bliss?
  DARRIN: Oh, I guess it’s all right. Of course a guy always has doubts, y’know.
  DAVE: Well, that’s what makes the world go round. Love, marriage, family, wonderful thing.
• Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.
  
  
• Script: [Samantha enters as Darrin is starting out. They bump into one another.]
  DARRIN: It was my fault, [a] and I insist upon buying you a drink.
  SAMANTHA: [smiles] That’s not necessary.
  DARRIN: It is for me.[b]
  SAMANTHA: [smiles] All right. Thank you. [they cross to the bar].
• Episode: [The first part of this scene is completely rewritten with the lines between [a] and [b] cut, and replaced with:]
  DARRIN: It was my fault. Are you meeting someone?
  SAMANTHA: I’m not sure. I may be too late.
  DARRIN: May I buy you a drink while you wait? [They cross to the bar and Darrin orders her the martini she requests. Darrin tells her that he is sorry but he cannot stay, he has to get back, but it was nice bumping into her. He exits, but immediately comes back in saying that leaving was rude of him, not to mention stupid. The scene resumes following the script with Darrin’s line about his last chance to buy a pretty girl a drink.]
  
  
• Script:
  DARRIN: You would? Say – haven’t I seen you someplace before?
  SAMANTHA: I don’t think so.
  DARRIN: That’s funny [a] [he notices the bartender] What will you have?
  SAMANTHA: Martini, please.
  DARRIN: Martini for the lady and I’ll have another double on the rocks.
• Episode: The lines and action after [a] are moved up to early after Samantha enters. Darrin’s request for a drink is cut.
  
  
• Script:
  DARRIN: Y’know - - -this may sound crazy but just talking to you for these few seconds made me see things clearly all of a sudden!
  SAMANTHA: [innocently] That’s nice. [a]
  DARRIN: [with conviction]. You have no idea how nice. You wait right here for a few minutes. I’ll be right back. I’ve got a very important wedding to cancel. [b]
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut and replaced with Darrin asking Samantha to wait for him, he has something very important to cancel. He asks the bartender to keep an eye on her and make sure she doesn’t leave.

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script:
  DARRIN: . . . . .I still have you and Tabatha and that’s all that counts. [a]
  SAMANTHA: [mischieviously (script spelling)] And don’t forget, you’ve got Endora, too.
  DARRIN: [sighs] Well, two out of three, I guess that’s not bad. [b]
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut.

TRAILER

• Script and Episode agree.

# 129, A Prince of a Guy

REVIEWER’S NOTE: This is a non-Darrin episode.

TEASER

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: Samantha has invited Endora to stay for dinner to meet Darrin’s Cousin Helen. She asks Endora to change from her witches costume to mortal clothes.
• Episode: Samantha has lines added where she compliments Endora effusively about her choice of dress.
  
  
• Script: [Tabatha points her finger at the illustration of Prince Charming, makes a circle with her finger three times and wiggles her nose. The Prince POPS out of the illustration and appears beside Tabatha’s crib. Tabatha stands and claps her hands.]
  TABATHA: And then what happened?
  [The scene shifts to the Stephens’ Living Room]
  ENDORA: Would you mind if I went upstairs and took a peek at my little angel?
  SAMANTHA: Just be sure not to wake her.
  [The Scene shifts back to the Nursery. Tabatha takes a toy music box with a figure of a ballerina on it.]
  PRINCE: Ah . . . .A waltz [with a bow to Tabatha] May I have the honor of this dance, my lady? [He picks her up and waltzes her around the room. The door opens and Endora enters]
  ENDORA: You naughty little angel, you’re supposed to be asleep. [crosses to them] But as long as you’re up, how about introducing me to your friend?
• Episode: The end of the episode TEASER is after Tabitha’s line, “And then what happened?” The remaining scenes and lines in the script teaser are cut.

ACT I

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: Samantha wheels the liquor cart into the room.
• Episode: There is no cart. The bar in its usual place is used.
  
  
• Script: [Helen and Ralph have arrived]
  LOUISE: Won’t you sit down? [a]
  RALPH: Helen, do me a favor.
  HELEN: Of course, Ralph, dear. What would you like? A drink? A cigarette? Something to eat?
  RALPH: No, but if you’re through taking my blood pressure, I’d like to sit down.
• Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

Tabatha’s Nursery:

• Script: Samantha twitches a suit of modern clothes onto the Prince. A second twitch replaces his long hair with a modern cut.
• Episode: The entire transformation is done with one arm motion.

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: [As the scene opens, Larry has his arm around Louise and is addressing Ralph]
  LARRY: I want to tell you, I’ve spent ten of the happiest years of my life with this little lady.
  LOUISE: We’ve been married fifteen!
  LARRY: Is that a bad average? [The men laugh it up]
  LOUISE: Don’t listen to him. He’ll say anything for a laugh. Actually, we’ve had an ideal marriage in every . . . . .[she looks o.s.] In every . . .
  RALPH: In every what?
  LOUISE I don’t know. What were we talking about?
• Episode: The entire above bit is cut. The scene opens with Samantha, Endora, Helen and Cousin Charlie [Prince Charming} entering.
  REVIEWER’S NOTE: The script alternates between listing Prince Charming as “Charlie” and “Prince” using the term that best fits the situation.
  
  
• Script:
  LOUISE: [to Charlie] I can’t get over the feeling I’ve seen you before. [a]
  ENDORA: [low] What’s she talking about?
  SAMANTHA: What do you think? Their little boy has the same book!
• Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.
  
  
• Script:
  LOUISE: [continuing on the theme that she has seen Charlie before] Now where could we have met? [a] [Samantha decides to intervene, picks up a bowl of nuts crosses and sets them down in front of Helen]
  SAMANTHA: I think I know what it is, Louise. You’ve probably seen Charlie in the movies.
  HELEN: [to Endora, in awe] He’s a movie actor?
  SAMANTHA: Why . . .he’s been in a few pictures.
  HELEN: Did you hear that, Ralph? Isn’t that exciting?
  RALPH: [unenthusiastically] Terrific.
  LOUISE: Of course, that’s where I’ve seen you! What movies have you been in?
  SAMANTHA: Why . . .did you ever see Sleeping Beauty?
  LOUISE: No.
  SAMANTHA: That was his best role.
  HELEN: [adoringly] Oh, I’ll bet you were sensational as Prince Charming!
  PRINCE: No more charming than your gracious compliment, my dear.
  RALPH: [to Helen] Mind passing the nuts?
  HELEN: Tell me, are you going to make a movie over here?
  RALPH: [louder] Helen!
  Helen: [turning to him] What?
  RALPH: Nuts.
  HELEN: Really, Ralph, just because you’re not interested in movies, you don’t have to be rude!
• Episode: All of the scene and lines after [a] are cut.
  
  
• Script:
  RALPH: [to Samantha] Tell me something. Is that guy for real?
  SAMANTHA: What . . . .what do you mean?
• Episode: [Between Ralph and Samantha’s lines are inserted two lines that in the script are spoken later when the Prince and Helen are near the patio:]
  HELEN: What a marvelous dancer you are!
  PRINCE: And may I say that you, dear lady, dance as if the air were your home.

Stephens’ Patio:

• Script: [Samantha has just found that Ralph has left]. [Helen and the Prince are seated on the patio, Helen doing her best to snuggle]:
  HELEN: It’s a little chilly, but I don’t mind, do you?
  PRINCE: In the presence of warmth such as yours, one is never cold.
• Episode: These lines are cut.

Act II

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script:
  SAMANTHA: [to Endora] . . .And you haven’t done a thing about getting the Prince back into the book.
  ENDORA: I’ve worked with Tabatha, haven’t I? Gone over the spell she used time and time again? Something is wrong.
  SAMANTHA: I’ll say there is! Especially Ralph walking out on Helen. And I thought he was a fine type.
  ENDORA: Obviously Helen thought Cousin Charlie was even finer.
  SAMANTHA: Wait till she discovers finer could be nothing. And what about Larry and Louise? They were barely talking by the time they left. It’s terrible!
• Episode: The above lines are cut. The scene begins with Endora telling Samantha not to get overwrought.

Stephens’ Den:

• Script: [Larry has entered and he and Samantha have gone into the den]
  LARRY: Samantha, you don’t understand these things, but take it from me, this cousin of yours is dynamite! [a] You saw the way What’s-her-name, Darrin’s cousin, flipped over Charlie? And Louise? She was behaving like a teeny-bopper at a freak-out.
  SAMANTHA: Well, Larry, I’m awfully sorry, but . . .
  LARRY: Sorry? Are you kidding? Samantha, he’s got something Darrin and I can use!
• Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.
  
  
• Script:
  LARRY: . . .We’ve got hold of a guy who’s dynamite with women! [a]
  SAMANTHA: But. . . . but, Larry, he . . .
  LARRY: Hear me out. Visualize an intimate setting. Cozy fire, guns on the wall, Charlie in a lounge jacket, the works [he acts it out]. “Come into my living room, darling. I want to talk to you about you and your skin care. But first, won’t you join me in a glass of Champaign? [a break] Those aren’t the words, but you get the idea. Show me the woman who’ll dare to tune out that face? And the client? He’ll turn handsprings. Well?
• Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

Studio:

• Script: [A typical TV studio set]
  REVIEWER’S NOTE: The floor manager is referred to as Al. Al is played by the long time, and ever present extra, Gerald York. This is the only episode in which York is given screen credit for his appearance.
  DIRECTOR’S VOICE: [over PA] Al, will you sit in the chair while we line up? [The floor manager crosses and sits in the chair]
• Episode: This bit is cut.

Studio Control Booth:

• Script: DIRECTOR: [into mouthpiece] Camera one move to your left and give us a straight profile about bust. Camera two, you stay wide. And three, give us a nice choker head on. They want to see plenty of teeth. [clicking talkback] We’ll be ready in a couple of minutes, Mr. Tate.
• Episode: The above is cut.

Studio:

• Script: LARRY [to client] . . . this guy will put Bluebird Beauty Products in the number one spot.
• Episode: “Bluebird Beauty” is changed to “Abigail Adams” to agree with the name used earlier in the script.
  
  
• Script:
  CLIENT: Ask me, he’s some kind of a nut.
  CLIENT’S WIFE: You should be such a nut! [a] He’s absolutely the most charming man I ever met in my life! And he’s not married.
  CLIENT: [nervously] So what?
  CLIENT’S WIFE: He’ll be the perfect extra man at our parties.
  CLIENT: [not too pleased] Yeah?
• Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

TRAILER

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: Samantha enters and calls Helen. She pops up from the sofa.
• Episode: Samantha calls Helen from the living room. No answer. Samantha goes onto the patio and calls again. Helen pops up from an outdoor type sofa.

# 134, Tabatha’s Cranky Spell

REVIEWER’S NOTE: This is a non-Darrin episode.

TEASER

Tabatha’s Nursery:

• Script: [Samantha is trying to get Tabatha to go to sleep. Tabatha wiggles her nose and a lamp crashes to the floor]
  SAMANTHA: Oh! See what you’ve done! That’s very naughty!
• Episode: All but the “Oh!” is cut.
  
  
• Script: [Endora POPS in]
  ENDORA: Good evening, dear.
  SAMANTHA: Oh. Hi.[a]
  ENDORA: Is that all you have to say? Hi? Can’t you say “good evening, mother, dear?” [Samantha indicates the broken lamp]
  SAMANTHA: What’s good about it. Look at that. The doctor may call it an emotional development but I call it a broken lamp.
• Episode: All lines after [a] are cut.
  
  
• Script:
  ENDORA: ……we can take Tabatha to that witch’s nursery school in Tibet. The one where you learned to fly. [a]
  SAMANTHA: She doesn’t need any lessons in . . .
  ENDORA: [interrupting] That school is very exclusive as you well know. Whatever you do don’t mention that her father is a mortal or she won’t be enrolled.
  SAMANTHA: [impatient] Mother, we are not going to Tibet.
  ENDORA: [disgusted] My own granddaughter. Three years old. Can’t fly. Can’t disappear. Can’t even walk through a simple brick wall. Can’t change herself into a . . .
  SAMANTHA: [impatient] Mother!
  ENDORA: Well, come to think of it, you couldn’t change yourself into an ostrich until you were six. [Tabatha, listening, claps her hands with enthusiasm]
  SAMANTHA: Mother, you’re not helping me a bit by putting ideas into her head.
  ENDORA: Instead of a socially prominent witch of the world, she’s going to end up a frustrated wall-flower-mortal on some psychoanalyst’s couch. [b]
  SAMANTHA: Mother, there’s only two things I want right now - -for Tabatha to go to sleep - -and for you to blow!
  ENDORA: [icy] Blow? [Endora turns herself into a whirlwind and vanishes with a blast that nearly knocks Samantha down].
  SAMANTHA: Mother, I . . . [Tabatha wiggles her nose and a rocking horse starts to float to her. Samantha grabs it in route] [c] Tabatha! Do you want me to be the kind of mother who threatens to call the cops?
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut, as are the lines after [c]. Endora does not turn herself into a whirlwind, but she does leave in a good gust of air.

Tate’s Living Room intercut with Tabatha’s Nursery:

• Script:
  LOUISE [into phone]: . . .Larry and I have been talking about you. [a] With Darrin out of town, we know how dull things must be for you at the house.
  SAMANTHA: Oh, no. Not really. I seem to find things to do.
• Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

Tabatha’s Nursery:

• Script: [a toy paddle with ball floats out of the closet toward Tabatha. Samantha plucks it out of the air]
  TABATHA: [her eyes widen] Mommy play?
  SAMANTHA: [smiling] Mommy spank! [Tabatha wiggles her nose and all of the toys fly back into the closet] That’s a good girl. [Samantha taps the paddle] I think I’ll hang on to this in case you have relapse.
• Episode: The entire paddle scene is cut.

ACT I

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: [Samantha is dressed to go out. She calls in a sweet voice]
  SAMANTHA: Mother . . .Mother [Endora POPS in] Oh. Good evening, Mother darling.
  ENDORA: [sarcastic] Oh. Now it’s good evening.
  SAMANTHA: [Kisses her] Mother, dear, Louise Tate called a little while ago. They want me to have dinner with them.
  ENDORA: Lucky, lucky you.
  SAMANTHA: Now I know how much Tabatha adores her Grandmama, and I know how much you adore Tabatha and I thought you two might want to get together . . .
  ENDORA: Which is another way of saying you’re afraid to leave her with a mortal baby-sitter and you can’t find another witch to take the rap. Sorry, my dear, but as you so quaintly put it - - -I must “blow” - -back to the Roulette Wheel in Monte Carlo where a very handsome young man awaits. Have a pleasant evening. [She POPS out]
  SAMANTHA: Mother - - -you are a stubborn witch!!
• Episode: This entire scene is cut. ACT I opens with the arrival of Larry and Aunt Harriet.
  
  
• Script: Aunt Harriet goes back out to the car to get her ouija board. Throughout the script, frequent reference is made to, and use is made of the ouija board.
• Episode: A crystal ball is used throughout the episode in place of the ouija board. All references in the script to a ouija board become a crystal ball in the episode.
  
  
• Script:
  SAMANTHA: Next World? Look, Larry, I think I’d better stay here and . . .[a]
  LARRY: Louise would never forgive me if you backed out now. It’s the least we can do for dear old Darrin.
  SAMANTHA: Larry, let me put it this way. I appreciate your gesture, but I’d rather stay here and keep an eye on Tabatha.
• Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.
  
  
• Script:
  LARRY: Okay. Let’s go.[a]
  SAMANTHA: Well - - -I still feel I ought to stay - - -Tabatha has been a little cranky today, no nap - - -you know and - - -
  AUNT HARRIET: [interrupting] Now don’t you worry about a thing. Children love me. We’ll get along just fine.
  SAMANTHA: [stalling] Well she probably won’t be any bother . . .As I say, she’s asleep and with any luck at all she’ll sleep through the . . . [b]
  AUNT HARRIET: [interrupts] Now you go on and have a good time. I understand how it is with young mothers. Worry, worry, worry.
  SAMANTHA: [flatly] Yes. Silly isn’t it? [c]
  LARRY: Now may I get your coat Samantha?
  SAMANTHA: No thanks, Larry. I’ll get it. [goes to closet and in sotto voice] Tabatha, you be a good little witch. [she crosses to Larry] Well, I guess we’re off.
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut as are the lines after [c].

Tate’s Living Room:

• Script:
  MRS. BAKER: - - -the package should have a modern look - - -one that would appeal to today’s woman. [a]
  BAKER: People don’t eat the package. [to Larry] Didn’t waste any time getting the ladies to gang up on me, did you?
  LARRY: Me. Baker, they’re talking the fundamental principles of advertising. Women do the buying. New packaging would make it sell five times as fast. [b]
  BAKER: My Uncle Willie designed that package. [c]
  LARRY: But that was fifty years ago.[d]
  BAKER: My Uncle Willie was one of the most progressive men this country has ever had. What was good enough for Uncle Willie is good enough for me.
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut. The line between [c] and [d] is changed to “New packaging would make your product sell five times as fast”. The lines after [d] are cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: [Tabatha has sent her rocking horse outside. Now she calls for her ball that has rolled under the table where Aunt Harriet has her crystal ball. [a] After knocking on the table, the ball starts for the stairs, but Aunt Harriet is standing in the way. The ball tries to go between Aunt Harriet’s ankles. She feels it, but is too nervous to look down.]
  AUNT HARRIET: Mr. Henderson. Please. Remember you are a gentleman. [Cut to Tabatha’s Nursery, where she again gestures for the ball. Shot returns to the Living Room where the ball tries to go between Aunt Harriet’s calves. She still doesn’t have the nerve to look down.]. Mr. Henderson, I was hoping in the next world you would have changed. But apparently you’re still on the floor. [Return shot to Tabatha’s Nursery. Tabatha gives a stronger gesture]. [Return shot to Living Room. The ball gives a lurch and forces it’s way between Aunt Harriet’s calves and goes up the stairs. Aunt Harriet looks down and sees nothing]. Now that’s enough of that Mr. Henderson. We must draw the line somewhere.
• Episode: [The entire bit after [a] is cut. The episode picks up with the rocking horse floating back in through the front door.]

Tate’s Living Room:

• Script:
  MRS. BAKER: Seeing is believing! [She and Louise start to leave the room. Baker jumps up to follow. [a]
  BAKER: Agnes, you’re being ridiculous! Ghosts are only a superstition. And if there’s one thing I’m proud of it’s not being superstitious! [so saying, he raps on the coffee table] Knock on wood.
• Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

ACT II

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: [Aunt Harriet is concentrating on her crystal ball as Samantha, followed by the Bakers and Tates enter.] [a]
  SAMANTHA: Aunt Harriet, is Tabatha all right?
  AUNT HARRIET: Oh yes. Sound asleep.
  LOUISE: Aunt Harriet, are you all right? [b]
  AUNT HARRIET: Shhh! Don’t disturb the vibrations.
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut.
  
  
• Script: [a] [Samantha sees Tabatha’s ball float down the stairs. She steps in front of it to conceal it from the others but it keeps pushing her forward. [b] During this, Mrs. Baker wanders into the dining room, looking for the ghost. Baker follows her.]
  BAKER: Agnes, come back here! [c]
  [Samantha takes advantage of this distraction to put her coat over the ball and try to hold it. The ball tries to shake itself free. Larry notices Samantha jerking and shaking].
  LARRY: Sam. What’s the matter?
  SAMANTHA: Nothing. Nothing. It’s just that the thought of a ghost gives me the shakes.
  LARRY: I’d better fix you a drink.
• Episode: [The action and lines between [a] and [b] are cut as are the lines and action after [c].]
  
  
• Script:
  AUNT HARRIET: I asked Mr. Henderson to knock on the ouija board, and he did. [a]
  MRS. BAKER: Ouija board! Why didn’t I think of that before?
  BAKER: As if that dingaling with the crystal ball weren’t enough! [Mrs. Baker shrugs him off]
  AUNT HARRIET: [trying to recapture her audience] And that’s when it happened! I saw a rocking horse floating around in the air and I tried to grab it and it kicked me.[b]
  LARRY: [firmly to Baker] Only by marriage.
• Episode: In Aunt Harriet’s first line, “ouija board” is changed to “table”. The lines between [a] and [b] are cut.
  
  
• Script:
  LOUISE: She’s sound asleep. [a]
  SAMANTHA: [shakes her] Aunt Harriet. Wake up.
  AUNT HARRIET: [wakes up] Huh? What? Oh. Like I was saying I haven’t slept in years. I - - - - [Samantha does a twitch and Aunt Harriet falls asleep in mid-sentence].
• Episode: The lines after [a] are cut. Aunt Harriet stays asleep until after Mrs. Baker sees the milk drinking incident.
  
  
• Script:
  BAKER: [to Larry] . . .You can’t change me so you’re trying to change Uncle Willie - - -by rigging this whole phony bit - - - [a]
  LARRY: Mr. Baker, all this is as much a surprise to me as it is to you.
  BAKER: Tate, that you would stoop to such unethical and underhanded tactics, I can forgive.
  LARRY: Mr. Baker, I assure you . . .
  BAKER: But I can’t forgive you for thinking I’d be stupid enough to fall for them! [b]
  LARRY: But, but, but . . .
  BAKER: My apologies Mrs. Stephens, Mrs. Tate. [then to his wife] Come on Agnes. We’re going.[c]
  MRS. BAKER: [sticking to her guns] I know what’s bothering you - - -you’re afraid to learn the truth. [d]
  BAKER: You and I are going! [to Larry] And your advertising agency no longer handles my account! [He takes a firm grip on her arm and marches her out the door] [e]
  LARRY: [very calmly] Aunt Harriet, would you mind asking your ouija board where we’re going to get another five hundred thousand dollar account?
  AUNT HARRIET: [always helpful] Well, I can certainly try . . .
  LOUISE: Never mind. I think we should be going home. Never mind the ouija board. We’ll get it later. I’d rather we didn’t have it in the car while Larry’s driving. [they exit]
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut as are the lines between [c] and [d] and the lines after [e].

Stephens’ Living Room [later]:

• Script:
  SAMANTHA: . . . .And after last night we may end up without any money in our own bank
  ENDORA: [looking at ouija board] What is that silly thing?
  SAMANTHA: An ouija board [a] and it just might be the solution to my problem - -If I knew what Uncle Willie looked like.[b]
  ENDORA: [c] Ouija boards and Uncle Willies? Honestly, if you don’t get out of this absurd mortal environment . . .[d]
  SAMANTHA: If I knew what Uncle Willie looked like, I could become him and talk Mr. Baker into changing his plans. [e]
  ENDORA: [puts her hand on Samantha’s brow] You’re not running a fever, but you talk like it. [Suddenly Samantha becomes very effusive and sweet]
  SAMANTHA: Mother, I have a wonderful surprise for you. How would you like to baby sit with Tabatha tonight!!
  ENDORA: Well, I’d planned on going back to Monte Carlo and - -
  SAMANTHA: I’ve never seen a child so fond of anyone as Tabatha is of her Grandmama. You seem to have some kind of, dare I say, magical appeal, and she’s always asking when her dear grandmama is going to come and . . .
  ENDORA: [weakens-smiles] Oh, stop it. I’d rather babysit than listen to that kind of mushy mush. That glorious smile, that delicious twinkle in her eye when she does me the favor of letting me do what she wants me to do. You’d think after all these years I’d be immune to that trick.
• Episode: All references to “ouija board” are replaced with “crystal ball”. The lines between [a] and [b] are cut. The lines between [c] and [d] are cut and replaced with:
  ENDORA: You’re kidding.
  SAMANTHA: It’s a cuff link from the Jolly Green Giant.
  The lines after [e] are cut.

Baker’s Patio:

• Script: [Samantha changes herself into Uncle Willie. Suddenly the real Uncle Willie appears]
  SAMANTHA/UNCLE WILLIE: Who are you?
  UNCLE WILLIE: I’m Uncle Willie - - [a] and you’re me. [b]
  SAMANTHA/UNCLE WILLIE: Oh, sorry [she snaps her fingers and turns back into herself] [c]
  UNCLE WILLIE: A decided improvement.
  SAMANTHA: Are . . .are . . . [swallows] . . .are you a ghost?
  UNCLE WILLIE: What do I look like?
  SAMANTHA: You look like a ghost
  UNCLE WILLIE: You’ve convinced me. I’m a ghost.
• Episode: The line between [a] and [b] is cut as are all lines after [c].

Baker’s Patio [later]:

• Script:
  UNCLE WILLIE: Young lady, I could kiss you! [a]
  SAMANTHA: Uncle Willie, I could KISS you!! [Uncle Willie tries to kiss her but walks right through her. He tries in the other direction but with the same result.]
  UNCLE WILLIE: Fortunately, I don’t have this trouble with lady ghosts.
• Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

TRAILER

Stephens’ Dining Room:

• Script:
  SAMANTHA: And you got the account back? [a]
  LARRY: [nods, continuing] I was going to tell Darrin the good news myself - - -but you can tell him Sam.
  SAMANTHA: I’d love to. What happened. [b]
  LARRY: Well there are times when a man in my position has to use his power and authority - -mere tact and diplomacy is not enough. One must meet a situation head on.
  SAMANTHA: Oh? [c]
  LOUISE: When Mr. Baker telephoned last night, how did you get all those ideas across when you didn’t say anything - - -you were speechless.
  LARRY: I was not! I just used that as an excuse not to speak to him - -lest I lose my temper.
  SAMANTHA: [trying to conceal amusement] Oh? That was very considerate of you.
  LARRY: Yes. But early this morning, I called him and told him to come to my office.
  SAMANTHA: You told him?
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut as are the lines after [c].

# 139, Man of the Year

TEASER

Stephens’ Master Bedroom:

• Script: Samantha, all dressed up, is in front of the mirror when she hears a car pull up. She goes to the window and sees Darrin get out of his car with a big smile on his face. She smiles and hurries out.
• Episode: This bit is cut. The episode opens with Samantha coming down the stairs and running to the front door.
  
  
• Script:
  DARRIN: . . .I’m just one of a number of advertising Men of the Year named by the Huckster’s Club.[a]
  SAMANTHA: How many are there? [Darrin opens the champagne bottle and pours]
  DARRIN: Oh - - -ten, fifteen . . .Fifty. [as she gives him a look] About twenty. I got it for the best campaign for a new product. The Pow Super Soap account.
• Episode: After [a], the rest of the lines are cut.
  
  
• Script: [Darrin exits upstairs, Endora POPS in]
  SAMANTHA: . . . .and now that he’s been honored by his peers, you can’t stand it. [a]
  ENDORA: An award from the Hucksters Club is hardly an honor.
  SAMANTHA: It’s an important beginning!
  ENDORA: Of a larger hat size? . . .Oh, I’ve seen that monster ego lurking inside Nutsy-up-there.
  SAMANTHA: Darrin isn’t the kind to let success go to his head.
  ENDORA: He couldn’t help it. Mortals are not prepared for success. Failure, yes . . .they’re used to failing.
  SAMANTHA: That’s ridiculous.
• Episode: After [a], the rest of the lines are cut.

ACT I

Darrin’s Outer Office:

• Script: ENDORA: [Spell to make everyone agree with Darrin]

From this day on you will find
Mortals bending to your mind
You will have a glow of charm
Extending thrice your outstretched arm
Mortals who in this circle be
No matter what you say, agree [smiling]
Now we’ll see . . . .

• Episode: “Thrice” is changed to “Twice”. The last line is changed to, “Now my boy, we’ll see”.
  
  
• Script:
  MISS WILLIS: . . . but when you say good morning, it - - well, it just lights up the office [a] No - -really! There’s a peculiar warmth - -a special charm that you have - - -
  DARRIN: If you want the afternoon off, Miss Willis, just ask me.
  MISS WILLIS: I don’t want the afternoon off. I consider it a privilege to be here, working for you!
  DARRIN: Well, thank you very much, Miss Willis.
  MISS WILLIS: I almost forgot to congratulate you on your award.
  DARRIN: [demurring] Oh, it isn’t really so much . . .
  MISS WILLIS: [adoringly] Well everyone here at McMann and Tate is very proud of you Mr. Stephens.
• Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

Larry’s Office:

• Script:
  DARRIN: . . .then extend that through all of the advertising media.
  SLOCUM: Exactly! [a] [to Larry] Why haven’t you let me talk to Stephens before? Have you been saving him for the more important accounts?
  LARRY: Oh, no. Not at all!
• Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.
  
  
• Script:
  SLOCUM: What do you think of when I say “soup”? [a]
  LARRY: [trying] “We’re in the soup”?
  DARRIN: Too negative.
  SLOCUM: [to Larry] He’s right.
• Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.
  
  
• Script:
  DARRIN: . . .A group picture - - -do you follow?
  SLOCUM: [fascinated] Yes - - -yes, I do. [a]
  DARRIN: They’re ordinary guys, but they’ve got a look of pride on their faces. And underneath - -well. It’s a twist on a familiar phrase - - -are you ready? [as they nod eagerly] [b] Underneath, the caption might read, “We’re nuts about our soup”.
  SLOCUM: [testing it] “We’re nuts about our soup!” [smacks his lips] It tasted good to me. [c]
  DARRIN: I just twisted “soup to nuts” and it may not be right.
  SLOCUM: It’s got - -identity! . . . .What do you think, Larry?
  LARRY: I love it. O. J.!
  DARRIN: Well, let’s not jump at the first thing that - - -
  LARRY: [firmly] O. J. likes it, Darrin.
• Episode: The lines between [a] and [b] are cut as are the lines after [c].
  
  
• Script:
  SLOCUM: . . .I want you to take personal charge of this campaign, Stephens.[a]
  LARRY: He’ll be involved, of course. O. J., but I’ll be quarterbacking it.
  SLOCUM: I want Stephens to call the signals. I like his game plan.
  LARRY: [hurt] You’re the coach.
  SLOCUM: I’m not only the coach. I own the franchise! He turns and strides out with his briefcase as Larry sees him to the door. [b]
  DARRIN: [happily] How about that?
  LARRY: I don’t think it was such a great idea.[c]
  DARRIN: But you said - - -
  LARRY: [moving toward Darrin] If anybody who represents eight million dollars in billing likes an idea, I’m wild about it, no matter how terrible it is.[d]
  DARRIN: It’s not that bad.
  LARRY: [now close to Darrin] Wait a minute - - say it again.
  DARRIN: “We’re nuts about our soup!” [e]
  LARRY: [nodding] It’s got a ring to it!
  DARRIN: You really think so?
  LARRY: You know, it really grabs me!
• Episode: It is Darrin who sees Osborn to the door. The lines between [a] and [b] are cut as are the lines between [c] and [d], as well as the lines after [e].

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script:
  DARRIN: . . Maybe someday I’ll be President.
  SAMANTHA: Of McMann and Tate?
  DARRIN: No - - President! [a] [Samantha whirls and looks at him. Darrin keeps a straight face for a moment, then winks at Samantha]
  SAMANTHA: [relieved] Oh, brother! I was just about to call a head shrinker.
  DARRIN: [surprised] A psychiatrist?
  SAMANTHA: No. A head shrinker.
• Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

Salon of McMann’s Yacht:

• Script:
  DARRIN: That’s especially complimentary coming from you, Mr. McMann [a] We’re all very aware of your importance even though we rarely see you at the office.
  MCMANN: I assure you that’s not accidental. I like it this way. [He indicates the boat and surroundings]
• Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.
  
  
• Script:
  MCMANN: Four parts rum, one part coffee. Coffee does wonderful things to rum. [a] [drinks, then] I hired you didn’t I, Stephens?
  DARRIN: I’m happy to say you did, sir.
  MCMANN: And I know why I did. You’ve got it, Stephens. You exude great strength and confidence.
  DARRIN: [smiling] It’s that hundred and fifty-one proof rum.
• Episode: All of the lines after [a] are cut.
  
  
• Script: MCMANN: I’ve tried, but I’ve never been able to. [a] [There is a toot of a boat whistle from outside, and McMann goes over to a porthole, takes a copy of the Wall Street Journal that’s shoved through from outside.. The sound of a motorboat can be heard receding].
• Episode: The bit after [a] is cut.

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: [After her conversation with Darrin about his meeting with McMann, Samantha hangs up the phone. She thinks for a moment]
  SAMANTHA: [firmly] Mother . . .? [no answer] Mother! [a] [Endora POPS in wearing an English riding outfit, derby, riding crop, and all]
  ENDORA: I hope this won’t take long. In five minutes I’m riding to the hounds with Lord Waverly of Cedarhurst.
  SAMANTHA: Mother, what have you done to Darrin?
  ENDORA: Who?
  SAMANTHA: My husband!
  ENDORA: Oh, that thing.
  SAMANTHA: [fearsome] Mother!
  ENDORA: I’m sorry, but he’s one of the most forgettable people I ever met.
  SAMANTHA: What have you done to him?
  ENDORA: Nothing. Is he a little more so than usual?
  SAMANTHA: Well . . .he’s sort of fallen in love with himself.
  ENDORA: That’s a romance you’ll never break up.
  SAMANTHA: You put a spell on him, didn’t you?
  ENDORA: [drawing herself up] No, I didn’t.
  SAMANTHA: [stunned] You didn’t? [Endora makes the witch’s honor sign]
  ENDORA: Witch’s honor.. . . Now may I go?
  SAMANTHA: Remember, you are going to sit with Tabatha tonight. Darrin and I are going to a party in his honor.
  ENDORA: Some people give parties on the slightest pretext. [gestures with riding crop] Tallyho! [She POPS out].
• Episode: All lines after [a] are cut.

REVIEWER’S NOTE: The above scene was probably filmed and then cut to shorten the episode. In the episode, after the party for Darrin, Samantha again confronts Endora about the spell. Samantha’s lines are, “You didn’t put the spell on Darrin, you put it around him, didn’t you”. The lines to Endora make more sense if the above scene is seen, otherwise, the part about “putting the spell ON Darrin” does not fit well.

Darrin’s Office:

• Script: [Darrin is sitting at his desk as Miss Willis reads back a letter from her notes.]
  MISS WILLIS: “ . . .and you may be sure, Joe, I will give it my immediate attention. Warmest regards.”
  DARRIN: I think that does the trick.
  MISS WILLIS: Really, Mr. Stephens, you do have a marvelous ability for saying the right things so well!
  DARRIN: [humbly] I’m thankful I have a small gift. [Larry comes to the door]
  LARRY: Do you mind, Miss Willis? I’d like a word with Mr. Stephens. [Miss Willis hurries out, Larry shuts the door, leans against it]. What went with you and McMann?
  DARRIN: He congratulated me on being an up and coming member of the company.
  LARRY: Uh-huh. And what did he say about me?
  DARRIN: He mentioned a number of your fine qualities.
  LARRY: Name a few.
  DARRIN: Well, that you were hardworking . . .[as Larry waits] Conscientious . . .brilliant . . .forward looking . . .
  LARRY: How well he knows me! [moves close to Darrin] Well, I just talked to him. He wants me to give you a little more autonomy, and he had praise for you I didn’t think you deserve. [now in the zone] On the other hand, you have shown great creativity lately.
  DARRIN: Thanks.
  LARRY: [moving away] You’ve developed a glow - - a personal magnetism that I’ve found - -[now out of the zone] - -insufferable and very hard to take! [he turns and starts back] Just remember, buddy-boy - - I’m still running this shop - -[now in the zone] but I don’t know what I would have done without you yesterday! You charmed three cobras right out of their baskets, and if there’s anything you want around here, just name it.
  DARRIN: Thanks, Larry.
• Episode: The entire above scene is cut.

ACT II

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: [Endora is watching as Samantha straightens Darrin’s tie].
  DARRIN: . . .and now Larry’s on my side, too.
  SAMANTHA: That’s wonderful dear. You’re marvelous.
  DARRIN: Yeah . . .[Endora gives Samantha a smug smile and Samantha glowers back]
  SAMANTHA: But you’re not going to let all this go to your head, are you?
  DARRIN: Of course not! [Samantha gives Endora a I-told-you-so smile] But I can’t pretend I don’t have a little bit of genius when everybody knows I do. That would be hypocritical.
  ENDORA: And you do have a certain something.
  DARRIN: That’s what everybody says.
  SAMANTHA: [quickly] Come on, dear. [She propels him out the door]
• Episode: The entire above scene is cut. ACT II begins at the cocktail party.

Beginning of Episode ACT II

Tate’s Living Room – Party:

• Script:
  GILBERT: Amazing! Right off the top of his head!
  SAMANTHA: It’s a very fertile area. [a]
  DARRIN: Honestly, I can do better.
  MCMANN: Paisano - - -don’t tamper with success.
  GILBERT: It’s perfect.
  DARRIN: [carried away] Yeah, it is catchy . . .and it’s got . . .uh. . . rememberability.
  GILBERT: That’s something a person can’t forget.
  SAMANTHA: [nods, to herself] Like a bad accident.
• Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.
  
  
• Script:
  SAMANTHA: [to Mr. Angel] Doesn’t he get to think about it a little first?
  DARRIN: [eyes closed] I’m thinking about it now. [a]
  MCMANN: [to Samantha] Sometimes that intuitive spark of genius is better than hours of skullcracking
  SAMANTHA: If you say so . . .Sparkle, Darrin, sparkle!
  DARRIN: Well [then] . . .No not good enough!
  LARRY: Stick with it boy!
  MCMANN: Go, man, go!
  MR. ANGEL: He’s getting an idea!
  SAMANTHA: Or he’s falling asleep.
• Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.
  
  
• Script: [an impressive looking white haired man has trapped Darrin in a corner of the living room].
  RAMSER: But let me get to my point, Mr. Stephens. What is advertising, basically? It’s selling ideas to the public. And what is politics? It’s the same thing.
  DARRIN: A sort of communicating with the electorate.
  RAMSER: Well put. And you have a gift for communication - - an ability to project your personality larger than life!
  DARRIN: Well, Mr. Ramser, in my humble way, I - -
• Episode: The above is cut. The scene begins with Ramser saying that Darrin has a higher duty than McMann and Tate.

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script:
  DARRIN: [begrudgingly] I thought I had some pretty good ideas tonight. [a]
  SAMANTHA: Like “The good, good morning flavor that makes getting out of bed worthwhile?” [Darrin’s smile fades] And Hercules Tractor. “Let Herc give it a jerk.” [Darrin winces]. The Best Choice Cookie Company. “That’s how the cookie crumbles.”
  DARRIN: [winces] I’m a dead pigeon and so is McMann and Tate.
• Episode: The lines after [a] are cut.

Larry’s Office:

• Script: [Darrin, Larry and McMann are facing another client, Mr. Best of Best Cookies]
  BEST: I thought “That’s how the cookie crumbles” was cute!
  DARRIN: Mr. Best. That exactly what Larry and I didn’t like about it. We’ve been going around and around, and . . .tell him, Larry!
  LARRY: Mr. Best, we think you should say, “In cookies, only the Best is good enough for you.”
  BEST: Perfect!
  DARRIN: It’s a grabber, isn’t it?
  BEST: I love it! You have my blessing. Go on from here! [he smiles, shakes hands, and exits].
  DARRIN: Well, Mr. McMann, what do you think of the teams we’ve got here?
  MCMANN: All I can say is what everybody else said: Great! Marvelous! Perfect! I wouldn’t change it for the world! But I have one complaint.
  DARRIN: What’s that, sir? [McMann holds up his coffee cup].
  MCMANN: The coffee is flowing like glue around here!
• Episode: This entire closing scene of ACT II is cut.

TEASER

Stephens’ Living Room:

• Script: SAMANTHA: . . .you’re the man of the century - - but don’t let it go to your head. [he smiles and kisses her to the fade out].
• Episode: After they kiss the line by Darrin, ‘That went to my head” is added.