Samantha & Louise:
Desperate Housewives

by CosmosCotillion

Part Two

A flurry of activity engulfed the Stephens's household over the next few days as Samantha and Louise rushed around planning, shopping, and preparing various tasty morsels for the upcoming Cosmos Cotillion. Louise was delighted to be catering such a large party, and she devoted herself to the task with purpose and
enthusiasm. Encouraged by Samantha, she whipped up one batch of hors d'oeuvre after another, requiring Darrin to purchase a new deep freeze after their existing one quickly filled to bursting. Samantha was happy to see her friend smiling again, but she remained nervous and apprehensive about Serena's plan to reunite Louise and Larry. Louise seemed to accept the "magician's convention" explanation about the Cotillion, but the thought of both Louise and Larry, both mortals, socializing in the "witch realm" was another matter entirely. Darrin reluctantly accepted the news that Louise would be attending the Cotillion, and he grumbled a bit when he found out Larry would be there, too. But they were both mindful of the fact that if Louise found out, the entire plan would be placed in jeopardy. It was better to keep a few things secret until the night of the party, Samantha and Darrin decided...and if anyone was good at keeping secrets, it was definitely the Stephens!

The day of the Cotillion arrived quickly, and Samantha and Louise scurried about cooking and baking and taking care of an endless list of last minute details. Louise dashed frantically to the market for more supplies, and Samantha busied herself with carting tray after tray of food out to the new freezer in the garage, enlisting Tabitha, Adam and Jonathan to help. During one trip back to the kitchen, young Jonathan Tate entered the house first, just in time to see Endora materialize in a dazzling cloud of Technicolor smoke in the middle of the living room.

"Neato, lady!" he exclaimed, impressed by Endora's 'slight of hand.'"How'd you do that?"

"Young man!" Endora replied grandly, glancing at the tall red-headed boy with surprise. "Who, pray tell, are you?"

"I'm Jonathan Tate. Are you one of the magicians from the party tonight?"

"Grandmama!" Adam and Tabitha both exclaimed when they entered the house, running past Jonathan to Endora's outstretched arms. Endora smiled and enfolded her grandchildren in the folds of her glamorous lavender and green gown, hugging them tightly in her embrace.

"That's your Grandmother?" Jonathan asked. "You shoulda seen the cool trick she just did! It was like she materialized outta thin air!"

"Aw, that's nothing" Adam replied. "You should see her fly!"

"Adam! Shhhhh!" Tabitha cautioned. "Mustn't ~snitch~!"

Adam smiled mischievously, knowing he'd committed a cardinal 'no-no' by mentioning witchcraft in front of a mortal. Endora laughed heartily, delighted by her naughty little grandson's mistake. Just then, Samantha walked through the front door and froze in her tracks.

"Mother!" she declared with nervous surprise."Wh-wh-what are you doing here?"

"What sort of greeting is that?" Endora asked, annoyed by her daughter's apparent lack of excitement.

"Children, why don't you go up to Tabitha's room and watch TV so I can visit with Grandmama," Samantha instructed. Tabitha and Adam happily headed for the stairs, but Jonathan remained rooted to the floor, staring at Endora with wonder. "You too, along and join the others."

Jonathan started up the stairs, glancing over his shoulder at Endora as he went. "Neatest trick I ever saw!" he muttered to himself, genuinely awed by what he'd witnessed. "No one will ever believe me!"

"Well, you certainly impressed him!" Samantha giggled.

"I miscalculated and he caught me mid-pop!" Endora replied, an amused smile crossing her face. "The dear boy looked like his eyes were going to fall out of his head!"

Samantha moved to the sofa and sat down. Endora, preferring to lounge, draped herself elegantly on top of the television set.

"Well, mother, what brings you here?" Samantha asked, a nervous smile crossing her face.

"Oh, Samantha, don't act coy with me!" Endora replied scornfully. "You know perfectly well why I'm here! What's this nonsense about you joining the teaming masses of working mortal women? It's bad enough that Derwood makes you slave over a hot stove preparing his precious din-din! Now you want to toil over a toaster for a tuppence?"

"Serena told you, huh?"

"Samantha, ~what~ has gotten into you??!!!"

"I'm bored, I guess", Samantha replied. "Louise Tate is, too. We thought we'd try something different."

"Why, if your grandmother knew that a descendant of hers was cooking food for mere mortals, she'd tie herself to the stake all over again and ~beg~ to be set alight!"

Samantha winced at Endora's words, remembering the stories she'd been told about poor grandmama's unfortunate end in Merry Olde England.

"And what do you propose to call this absurd folly?" Endora asked, her eyes narrowing menacingly.

"'The Witches Cauldron...'" Samantha stated, her voice almost a whisper.

"The Witches Cauldron??!!!" Endora bellowed thunderously. "What a thoroughly vulgar name! I can't begin to imagine what inspired such a repellent profanity!"

"It was Louise's idea," Samantha explained. "I knew you wouldn't like it!"

"Well, it figures..." Endora stated flatly, her anger abating somewhat. "Only a mortal would think of something so prejudiced against witches! I suppose you'll have Darius draw you a quaint little sign with an ugly old crone stirring a pot!"

"You're close..." Samantha confessed sheepishly.

"Samantha!" Endora exclaimed with disgust, jumping to her feet and glaring at her daughter. "~What~ am I going to do with you?"

Samantha thrust out her chin and a defiantly cheeky tone entered her voice. "Gee, Mom, I don't know...what ~are~ you going to do with me? Maybe I should stand in a corner with my nose to the wall! Or, better yet, how about a spanking? That might be fun! I'll bend over and you can paddle me on my a..."

"Samantha!!!" Endora spat huffily, for once rendered speechless by Samantha's impertinence. "That will be ~quite~ enough!!!" Incandescent with fury, she threw her arms in the air with a flourish and disappeared.

"Good!" Samantha said to herself, smirking with satisfaction. "I'm too busy for chit-chat today, anyhow!" She began walking to the kitchen, where a thousand tasks awaited her attention.

"See you tonight, Samantha," Endora's voice echoed from the ethers. "Mother will be watching!" Her disembodied laughter trailed off into the distance, and Samantha scowled in response, annoyed that her mother had once again claimed the last word.


"It looks like we're all set!" Samantha said cheerily as she walked down the staircase later that night to join Darrin and Louise in the living room. "Adam's tucked in bed and Tabitha and Jonathan are playing Monopoly with Aunt Hagatha in Tabitha's room, so I guess we're all ready to go."

"Samantha!" Louise exclaimed, eyeing Samantha's electric blue beaded gown appreciatively. "You look fantastic!"

"Thank you, Louise," Samantha replied with a smile, admiring Louise's red sequined pantsuit. "You look pretty fantastic yourself!"

"Well, ~I~ feel like a fool," Darrin grumbled, wriggling in his white suit and tugging uncomfortably at the gold chains hanging around his neck. Samantha giggled and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

"I think you look adorable," she said soothingly while she straightened the lapels on his black satin shirt."You'll be the 'foxiest' hunk on the dance floor!"

"The what?!!"

"Oh, never mind," Samantha giggled. "I'll ask Serena to explain it to you later."

"How are we getting to this party, anyway?" Louise asked.

"Oh, well, uh...I've already sent the food ahead, so we don't have to worry about that," Samantha answered nervously. "And the magicians at the party said they'd send someone to pick us up. Except, they asked us to wear these until we get there." Samantha quickly twitched her nose and produced three matching
blindfolds from behind her back.

"Blindfolds?" Louise balked. "You've got to be kidding, Samantha!"

"Well, they insisted," Samantha replied, tying a blindfold over Louise's eyes before she could protest any further. "These magicians are very mysterious, you secrets, and all that. You'll probably see things tonight that will amaze and astound you! But remember: it's all just magic!"

Darrin glanced at Samantha and rolled his eyes before tying his blindfold on.

"Oh, Samantha, really!" Louise said, laughing."There's no such thing as magic!"

"My point exactly, Louise," Samantha replied, before quickly twitching her nose again, prompting the doorbell to ring.

"That must be our ride now," Samantha exclaimed, carefully guiding Darrin and Louise towards the front door. "It's time for the witching hour, everyone! Here we go!" With that, Samantha snapped her fingers and with a flash of light and a puff of smoke they instantly disappeared.


{Author's Note: The next part of the story is best if
read with an appropriate accompanying soundtrack. In
order to create the right mood, turn your lights down
low, put on your best dancing shoes, and click on
this link.

Then, click on the yellow button marked "Play", and the
music should start pumping through your speakers via
WinAmp or iTunes. Ready? Off to the party we go!}

The Cosmos Cotillion was the highlight of the witches social calendar, bringing together witches from all over the world for a yearly party in the stratosphere. Serena had gone all-out to make the 1977 Cotillion one for the record books, zapping up lavish decorations and disco-themed light displays for the guests to marvel at. Fountains filled with kickapoo joy-juice bubbled over with the frothy pink concoction, and Serena's hand-selected hunky young warlock-waiters wore shimmering silver suits with sequined lapels and matching bow ties. "I want everything and everyone to look ultra-glam!" Serena declared. "When I get up to sing my new number, I want everyone to feel like a disco superstar!" Serena's own outfit was a gleaming purple creation, floor length with a slit up the side and covered with bugle beads and rhinestones. A deep purple feather boa and massive diamond drop earrings completed her ensemble. "Ooh, you sexy thing, you!" she squealed with delight upon viewing herself in a mirror. "Serena, you are simply ~too much~!" After blowing herself a kiss, she flung her feather boa around her shoulders and elegantly pointed her index finger at the floor, instantly producing a tuxedo-clad Larry Tate in front of her. Larry stared at her with bewilderment, not quite knowing where he was or how he got there.

"Hi there, Cotton-top!" Serena purred as she sauntered towards him.

"Serena!" Larry sputtered, gazing at her with confusion. "I thought you were coming to pick me up in your car!"

"I did pick you up, Snow White and handsome!" Serena cooed as she playfully ran her fingers through Larry's hair. "Don't you remember? We just got here!"

"I've got to lay off those lunch-time cocktails," Larry muttered to himself while he gave his head a quick shake. "I can't remember a thing!"

"What's that, Sugar?" Serena asked, amused by his mortal confusion.

"Oh, nothing," Larry mumbled, dismissing the thought from his mind and happily turning his attention towards Serena. "Wow! You look like a million dollars!"

"Thanks, Cotton-top," Serena replied with a wink. "Are you ready to get funky and boogie-down?"

"If that means 'trip the light fantastic', I'm all yours, Serena!" Larry answered enthusiastically. Smiling, he grasped Serena's arm and led her out to the dance floor where the flashing lights and pounding beat awaited them.


At that very moment, Samantha, Darrin and Louise materialized in a burst of light and multi-colored smoke at the opposite end of the dance floor.

"All right, Louise, you can take your blindfold off now," Samantha instructed. "You too, Darrin...we've arrived."

"How'd we get here?" Louise asked, blinking with wonder once she could see again. "I didn't feel a thing, and it seemed to take no time at all!"

"Oh, these magicians have their ways, I'm sure," Samantha replied, smiling nervously.

"What a beautiful ballroom," Louise exclaimed delightedly, her eyes agog at the billowing puffs of smoke on the floor and the twinkling lights above."It's heavenly...almost as though we're on a cloud!"

"Amazing what they can do with a bit of crepe paper and tape these days, isn't it?" Darrin muttered dryly. Samantha frowned and quickly elbowed him in the ribs, not appreciating his Cotillion humor.

"Louise, why don't you go over there where the buffet's been set up", Samantha suggested, pointing towards a long food-laden table in the distance."We'll need to make sure the canapés have been laid out properly. I'll try to find Serena and join you in
a minute."

"Alright," Louise answered with a blithe shrug, and then wandered off in the direction of the food.

Samantha and Darrin began moving slowly through the crowd while the flashing lights and pulsating disco beat jarred their senses.

"Darrin, help me find Serena," Samantha yelled over the music.

"What did you say?" Darrin asked, unable to hear over the din.

"I said, help me find Serena!" Samantha shouted."We've got to spot Larry before Louise does, and chances are Serena's got him hidden away somewhere."

"Oh...right," Darrin yelled back, as he began to carefully scan the crowd. As his eyes searched the distance, he suddenly spotted Endora and Maurice comfortably ensconced in a booth on the sidelines with what looked like Elizabeth Taylor, Liza Minnelli, and Andy Warhol. As Samantha and Darrin passed, the cozy quartet raised their goblets of kickapoo joy-juice, smiling brightly and nodding their heads in greeting.

"Say, isn't that...?" Darrin asked, tripping over his feet as he did a double-take and pointed towards the booth.

"Yes", Samantha answered nonchalantly, glancing over and waving back. "You didn't think they were mortals, did you?"

"Aren't they usually at that place in Manhattan...Studio 54, or whatever it's called?" Darrin queried.

"Witches Club, New York Chapter," Samantha explained.
"Mother and Daddy hang out there all the time."

Darrin's eyes grew larger as he stared back at his in-laws and their jet-set pals.

"Look, why don't we split up and try to find Serena and Larry separately? You go that way and I'll look over there," Samantha suggested, pointing in opposite directions. Darrin nodded and headed towards the dance floor while Samantha walked towards the vicinity of the buffet table where she saw Louise busily arranging the food while a familiar looking woman sampled the goodies. 

"Excuse me..." the woman's voice called as Louise felt a gentle tap on her shoulder. "Did you make this delicious dip?" Turning around, Louise was confronted by an attractive blonde wearing a glittering crocheted beige cape, her dazzling blue eyes partially concealed by her long bangs.

"Why, yes", Louise replied, smiling proudly.

"It's absolutely heavenly," the woman enthused. "You simply must give me the recipe."

"Thank you, but it's sort of a family secret," Louise graciously explained. "I promised my grandmother on her death-bed that I'd never share it with a soul."

"Oh, but sharing it with me would be a ~good thing~," the woman exclaimed, undeterred by Louise's refusal. "I live in Westport, not far from Samantha...I'll be in touch!" The woman smiled enigmatically and then drifted away, disappearing mysteriously into the pink and purple Cotillion mist. Once she was gone, Samantha quickly scurried over to Louise's side.

"Was that woman talking to you?" she asked Louise, her voice tinged with concern.

"She wanted the recipe for my dip," Louise replied.

"I hope you didn't give it to her!"

"Not yet...but she was pretty persistent and she seems to know you", Louise explained. "Who is she, anyway?"

"Oh...let's just say she's an on old school mate," Samantha replied as a troubled look crossed her face.

"You don't seem too pleased to see her!" Louise chuckled.

"Well, we were sort of rivals once. I hear she's a caterer now, too, so we'd better keep our eye on her."

"She seems nice enough," Louise stated.

"Oh, she ~is~ nice", Samantha quickly explained. "But she's very competitive...and very 'crafty'. I just think we should be careful about what we share with her, that's all."

"Fine with me," Louise shrugged. "I didn't want to give her the recipe, anyway. She seems to know where you live, though."

"I'll bet she does," Samantha muttered to herself.

"Pardon?" Louise asked, leaning in closer.

"I said, we'll have to give her another recipe."

Louise nodded her head in agreement and turned her attention back to her canapés. Samantha felt a twinge of concern and again muttered to herself: "...and then hope to Hades that the 'crafty caterer' can't tell the difference!"


While hundreds of sequined and bejewelled witches boogied on the dance floor, Darrin carefully made his way around the perimeter, dodging and weaving his way through the crowd while he scanned the room for Larry and Serena. Thinking he spotted Larry's white hair amidst a group of dancers, Darrin turned quickly and abruptly bumped into a man wearing a blue fur coat and a purple fedora with a large red feather on top.

"Watch where you're goin', fella!" the man grumbled with annoyance. "You almost made me spill my drink on my spiffy new threads!" Darrin turned around and found himself face to face with Uncle Arthur.

"Oh my goodness!" Uncle Arthur exclaimed, his mood brightening instantly. "If it isn't my favorite nephew-in-law! I'm surprised Sammy was able to drag you here...I didn't think you'd be into this sort of shindig!"

In a millisecond, half of Darrin's leg was buried in sand within a large red children's beach bucket. In his hand appeared a matching yellow plastic shovel of similar exaggerated proportions. Uncle Arthur immediately burst out laughing, and all of the witches standing nearby gathered around to join in.

"'Shin-dig'...get it?" Arthur blurted out between belly laughs.

"Very funny, Uncle Arthur," Darrin replied evenly, barely concealing his annoyance. "Now will you kindly remove my foot from this bucket, so I can look for Serena."

"Kill joy," Uncle Arthur sneered, and then zapped the bucket and shovel away.

"Thank you," Darrin said, trying to maintain his dignity.

"Don't mention it," Uncle Arthur replied cheerlessly. "Say, before you go, whaddaya think of my new boots?" Arthur thrust his leg forward and modeled his purple rhinestone studded platform heels. "Serena thinks they make me look light in the loafers!" Suddenly, Uncle Arthur levitated and begin twirling six feet above the floor. "Light in the loafers...get it?" Arthur and the other witches burst into another round of hearty laughter, while Darrin shook his head and looked on disapprovingly.

"Judging by your dance moves, I don't think Baryshnikov has anything to worry about," Darrin muttered dryly and then turned and began to walk away.

"I'll bet he can't dance Swan Lake to a disco beat!" Uncle Arthur cracked mid-twirl, and then he burst out laughing again, pirouetting in mid-air like a demented ballerina.


As Darrin proceeded to weave his way through the crowd, the lights slowly began to grow dim and spinning, flashing disco balls gradually lowered from the sky in carefully orchestrated unison. A stage set up on the edge of the dance floor suddenly glowed with multi-colored beams of light, and a hush fell over the crowd as everyone turned their attention towards the stage, expectantly awaiting the commencement of a show.

"Ladies and gentlemen", a voice announced with enthusiasm . "On this most magical of nights, the Cosmos Cotillion is proud to present for your musical enjoyment, the one, the only, the incomparable...Serena!!!"

Darrin stopped and looked at the stage, watching intently as a soft purple cloud gently lowered Serena from the sky, arm in arm with a tuxedo clad gentleman. The man looked familiar, and Darrin narrowed his eyes for a better view.

"No! It couldn't be!", he gasped out loud, rubbing his eyes in dismay.

From her vantage point at the buffet table, Louise stared at the stage in horrified shock, mesmerized by what she saw. "I can't believe it!" she yelped, staggering backwards into Samantha's arms. "What in the world is ~he~ doing here? And why is he on a cloud with Serena?"

"Oh my stars!" Samantha exclaimed as Louise's composure crumbled before her eyes and she watched her dear friend dash away in tears.

"Now Serena's ruined everything!" Samantha groaned, exasperated by her cousin's poorly timed stunt. "How am I ever going to fix ~this~ mess??!!!"

Up on the stage, Serena started to shimmy her hips and her companion happily joined in.

"That's right, sugar!" Serena giggled. "Show everyone what you're made of! Get down and get funky!"

With a smile stretching from ear to ear, her companion started to shake his bottom a little bit faster. Abandoning himself to the lights and the music and Serena's sexy undulations, Larry Tate began dancing like he'd never danced before.

To be continued...


Samantha & Louise: Desperate Housewives
Part One  Part Two  Part Three


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